FOXSYLVANIA

– – How, you may ask, do you thwart a polar bear attack?–After all, it is well-known that the readers of Foxsylvania want to be prepared for every possible contingency, including a zombie apocalypse.   It is best not to tase the polar bear, or to tempt him with a picnic basket…so what do you do when the bear is standing on your gun?!

When you absolutely, positively must do something and prefer not to become bear kibble, consider making a loud, threatening noise and punching the offending bear in the nose.  This tactic apparently worked rather well for a 67-year-old wilderness guide in the far Canadian north.  Polar bears, you see, have a very sensitive nose.  This was advice passed on to the wilderness guide by an Inuit elder, and it did work in this specific instance.

Failing in that, the wilderness guide might have had to resort to bad Terrance and Phillip impersonations, being that it was in Canada and all…