Archive for the ‘Brilliant but twisted’ category

Liberty Mutual’s “Zoltar”

July 24, 2019

Some of you may remember those creepy but cool, coin-operated fortune-telling booths from years ago that featured a glass booth enclosing most often a stereotypic gypsy, witch, mystic, or psychic seer. You simply dropped a quarter into the booth’s coin slot, and the costumed character’s crystal ball lit up, he or she made a few robotic movements, and the booth spit out a slip of paper with your supposed fortune on it, usually something general enough that it would apply to almost anyone.

Well, in this Liberty Mutual commercial, we are shown such a fortune-telling booth in an unusual outdoor location overlooking the Statue of Liberty, undoubtedly symbolic of Liberty Mutual. Such booths were usually housed indoors in arcades. When a lady drops a coin into this fortune teller, the robotic seer, Zoltar, intones that great fortune will find the woman when she allows Liberty Mutual to customize her insurance, permitting her to pay for only what she needs. Grateful for this info, the woman asks Zoltar how she could ever thank him. Eerily, the mechanical seer swivels his head towards her, and mentions that maybe she could “Free Zoltar.”  Well, there’s a convenient button for this purpose on the front of the booth which the woman depresses.  Instantly the walls of the booth drop, revealing our seer clad in colorful shorts and seated atop a unicycle!  He cries “Thanks lady!” and pedals away, a bag held in each hand, and calls for a taxi…

I love happy endings!  Perhaps someday someone will free the fortune-telling Elvis that I’ve seen awaiting business out of a booth…

 

“Cats;” Two Paws Up…

July 21, 2019


  

“Cats,” the movie version based on the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical upcoming in December of 2019, promises to be one of those things that you will either love, or passionately hate.  Previously the studio had released little information about the film other than that it was coming out in December.  A trailer is now available of the film, and reactions run to polarizing extremes with either praise or excoriation .

“This is not a cat,” huffs one, “this is an abomination!”  Other descriptions have included the terms horrifying and terrifying.  Why, you may ask, do some people freak out so badly over the early images from Cats?  The answer might lie in the fact that they are not comfortable with the idea of anthropomorphic animals, which in this case involves a blend of live action and CGI animation.  The cats in Cats have human mouths, teeth, and lips blended in with their furry faces along with human hands, and this seems to creep some people out to no end.  Some of the cats wear clothing and others do not, with the female felines who do not showing breast swellings.  The cats also have tails that move and sway, which seems to have phallic connotations for some viewers.  Anthropomorphic representations of the animal characters also seemed to disturb viewers of the Sonic (the Hedgehog) movie.

Those things being said, the cats of Cats move with ballet-like feline grace and are quite engaging once disbelief and initial astonishment is suspended; they show distinct personalities and a variety of moods.  The cats are shrunk down to their appropriate proportional size in their environments, and are not human-sized even if bearing some human features.  The cast is stellar, and includes Taylor Swift, Jennifer Hudson, Idris Elba, and even Ian McKellan…yes, the actor who played Magneto is playing a cat!  When Jennifer Hudson opens up with her powerhouse voice to sing Memories, time seems to stand still.

I’m hardly objective about all of this, being a furry myself.  I could fit easily into this world, but I can understand the discomfort of those who cannot.  This is entertainment, after all…consider it as something different, not as an affront to reality; you may like it, and it might even grow on you.  Cats the movie is likely to be a big hit for the holidays, with viewers likely to love it, hate it, or simply shrug and say, “that was weird.” Such was the reaction to the original musical, which ultimately became wildly popular.  A tale based upon anthropomorphic cats who sit about introducing themselves until one of them dies is weird by nature, and likely to provoke fur-vor on both sides…

Colonel Chester…

July 10, 2019

The iconic KFC founder and spokesman Colonel Sanders has enjoyed a lively if bizarre post-mortem career, melding into Robocop, being portrayed by Reba McEntire, and even tripping the light fantastic with Mrs.Butterworth.  Now the Colonel has morphed once again to be portrayed by Chester Cheetah, retaining the original’s trademark white suit, beard, and tie.  Frankly, this spokes-cat wears the garb well!

And so it comes to pass that Cheetos mascot Chester Cheetah becomes Colonel Chester to mark the launch of a new Cheetos Sandwich, even skateboarding in his commercial outing.  The popular anthropomorphic mascot is but the latest in a kind of rotating spokesperson concept for the franchise.  Time will tell if he continues to be “dangerously cheesy…

  

 

 

 

Progressive’s “Motaur” Commercial

July 4, 2019

This is truly bizarre; cool and creepy at the same time, like some fiendish device created by Skynet to work towards the extermination of the human race.  We’ve all heard of Centaurs, those fusions of man and horse, and we know about Minotaurs, those hybrids of bull and man. Cyborgs are a fusion of man and machine, and apparently if we make the inorganic components those of a motorcycle, we’ve got ourselves a Motaur…word play intentional.

The Progressive commercial plays off of the close linkage between a biker and their machine, and the Motaur (played by Terrence Terrell) is literally fused to his, although in conversation with bikers he reveals that he sometimes wishes for legs with his machine components on top.  “For those who love to ride, there’s Progressive,” we are told by the announcer, leaving us to wonder if an ailing Motaur sees a physician or a mechanic…and how many miles per gallon does he get?!

The Slowskys in, “Snail Mail”

June 1, 2019



It’s good to see The Slowskys again, especially with Bill Jr. growing up so fast!  Parents Bill and Karolyn continue to live life in the slow lane, loving drip coffee, lay-overs, and being put on hold; heck, they even get snail mail, delivered by an authentic snail!  With today’s posting comes the message that they’ve been invited to a Y2K party, to which Bill Jr. quips, “Wasn’t that like 20 years ago?”

“Oh look, Karolyn, we’ve got a mathematician on our hands,” grouses the father turtle in the Xfinity commercial.- – Ahh, the impetuousness of youth!  Young Bill Jr. is a modern, with-it kinda reptile, however, sporting his headphones and backwards-turned ball cap and tapping away on his Xfinity powered cell phone.  This is a turtle of today’s generation who’s on the move, and headed to the future…

On the Cleanliness of Bears…

May 29, 2019

I, for one, have received entirely too much information about the condition of the youngest Charmin bear’s “heinie.”  The bespectacled youngest brother bear whose name is Dylan, gleefully picks up his underwear from the floor in a commercial, dancing around with it unafraid because “(his) heinie’s clean.”  While I’m sure we can all sleep better with this knowledge, it bears remembering that none of the ursines visibly wear any underwear in their commercials, or for that matter, clothing of any kind whatsoever.  Yes, they are bear naked!  That which is not worn remains pristine regardless of defecation, so Dylan’s boast is pointless…  

So there, bear, with your underwear!  Keep it there, and get out of my hair!

The Geico “Walrus Goalie” Commercial…

May 14, 2019


Things get stranger and stranger in the world of advertising, where weird means memorable which can equate to name recognition and subsequently business. Duncan the walrus is an unlikely representative of Geico insurance, but he certainly gets the job done, just as he completely fills the hockey goal, making it impossible for the opposing team to score in a recent Geico ad.  Geico makes it easy to get help when you need it, you see, by having licensed agents available 24/7, and it’s not just Geico easy, it’s “having a walrus in the goal easy…”

Duncan is decked out in protective hockey gear, even though it’s ludicrously too small for him.  We see in the commercial spot a hockey puck bounce off his shin guard, while a frustrated opposing team skater grouses that the walrus is “ridiculous.”  The team coach  off on the sidelines doesn’t think so, shouting “Way to go, Duncan!” as he throws the walrus a fish from a bucket that Duncan catches on the fly.  The sidelined coach  and team members then further show their appreciation of the goalie by making walrus sounds.  Having had his fish and excitement, the walrus must then be admonished not to fall asleep on the ice.  “Duncan, stay up!  No sleepies!,” cries the coach in the closing.

One wonders if Duncan in his off hours doesn’t reflect upon the lyrics from the 1967 Beatles Magical Mystery Tour album, for he is the walrus…“goo goo j’goob.”

 

 

Sierra Trading Post Squirrels, “Exciting Life”

May 3, 2019


In this short advert, the Sierra Trading Post squirrel couple are up in a forest tree, mocking the “silly humans” camping below with their Sierra cooler.  The male exuberantly brags that he buries his food “all over the place” for the excitement of never knowing whether he’s going to find it again, or starve to death. There’s something to be said, I suppose, for living life on the edge…

These squirrels exist somewhere in the nexus of where funny meets cool meets creepy.  There’s something about their paws that I find disquieting, although the squirrels seem to be living life with gusto, whether it’s discussing being run over or starvation.  There’s probably a lesson in here for us…

(…tip o’the pen to CaryComic!)

 

The Chantix Turkey Goes Camping…

April 22, 2019

Watching a commercial of the Chantix turkey camping, I wonder if the vest that he’s wearing is goose down filled, and if so whether the wearing of it isn’t some kind of crime against birds in general. Don’t get me wrong, he does look good in it, kind of like an avian Eddie Bauer.  One almost expects to see Elmer Fudd emerge from those woods in the background in his ludicrous hunting outfit, toting a long gun and announcing, “I’m hunting wabbit…but you’ll do!”  Then in my crossover fantasy, previous Chantix spokesman Ray Liotta emerges from those same woods, engaging Elmer in a firefight since one corporate spokesman might reasonably be expected to defend another.  Ray would easily win the fight, having played tough guys in Mafia-inspired films.  Elmer is hardly known as being a marksman…

Other questions lurk, too…since the Chantix turkey represents the slow turkey approach to smoking cessation, might we someday expect to see his cousin, cold turkey?  That bird might be imagined as being cold to the point of chattering, and to have really jittery nerves.  As we view the Chantix turkey hiking in the woods, we’re sorry that he’s mute.  Perhaps in the future he could be given a voice, even singing the Happy Wanderer song as he hikes.  With just a little refinement, this turkey could really take off.  He even cooks over a campfire, and I’d toast marshmallows with him..we’re all forest friends here!

  

Arm and Hammer Litter “In Control” Commercial

April 12, 2019

Human-sized anthropomorphic cats can be a wonderful fantasy or a chilling nightmare, depending on the individual’s perspective.  Arm and Hammer Cloud Control cat litter brings us one such feline family in a brief recent commercial, with Mama cat relating how in her house things would get out of control fast, especially in the litter room.  So she uses Arm and Hammer Cloud Control litter to be in control of the “cloud of nasties” that otherwise might be a problem around a cat litter box.  No one wants their bathroom to stink, after all…

The dressed, human-sized cats are both whimsical and surreal, and would probably be an improvement over some neighbors that I’ve had…