Archive for the ‘anthropomorphic’ category

Sheepsquatch, Batsquatch, Sasquatch…

February 22, 2014

Batsquatch– – Monsters & Mysteries in America is again providing us with some new episodes, which happily gives us something to write about.  In one episode first aired in 2014, a bizarre hybrid beast called Sheepsquatch was profiled, described colorfully as being “a cross between mutton and man.”  This might be a great description for an offbeat underdog wrestler, but refers to a creature sighted in the Appalachian mountains of Kentucky.  One encounter detailed occurred in July of 2004 by friends Dakota Cheeks and Ricky Joyce, who while staying in a hunting cabin awoke to find their 150-pound dog with his neck broken.  They later stayed in a camper, and became aware of something pressing against it.  Therafter, they encountered a 9′ tall creature with long, taloned arms that emitted an “ungodly, gut-wrenching growl” at them.  The beast charged, and while they fired at it, the duo apparently failed to hit anything.  Retreating, the friends came back later and found drag marks, while it was uncertain whether the creature was wounded and dragged itself away, or had dragged prey away.– Quite the ambiguous, open-ended account, yes?

Then we have Batsquatch (not in any way associated with Batman), who haunts the Rio Grande Valley of Texas.  In January of 1976, ten different witnesses including police officers and fisherman reported seeing the creature within a two week time frame.  Batsquatch stands eight to ten feet tall, and has a bat-like wing span.  In January of 1976, brothers David and John Daut were traveling in a small car when the creature appeared on the road in front of them.  As it refused to yield and forced them to stop, they were in the process of backing up when the beast took three or four steps towards their car before flying over it, making loud flapping noises in the process.  Batsquatch has a head like a dog or wolf, and intense red eyes.  A second account presented the case of a man who stepped outdoors and was grabbed from above by Batsquatch; while he managed to beat the creature off, the back of the jacket that he was wearing bore rips as if from talons.  In Hidalgo County near Houston, a father and son team were hunting deer and in a tree stand when the father reported being snatched by an avian humanoid; the son shot at the offending beast, which released the father, who suffered broken ribs and related injuries.  It was speculated on the show that Batsquatch may be a surviving type of pterodactyl…very cool if so, and certainly the very stuff of which Syfy Channel movies are made!

Lastly and most familiar to us, the show presented a segment on Sasquatch of the American Pacific northwest.  In a rather current and fascinating encounter from 2010, hunter Justin Smeja and a friend while in the Sierra Mountains saw a Bigfoot standing about 6-1/2 to 7 feet tall.  They fired at the unfortunate beast, apparently hitting him.  The wounded creature staggered away, and was met by two juveniles, engaging in what the hunters described as “deaf chatter” with them.  The creatures then split up with the hunters in pursuit; Smeja reports encountering and shooting one of the poor juveniles thereafter.  As he watched the creature expire, Smeja was taken by its humanoid characteristics and stricken by remorse, as a result of which he and his friend buried the Sasquatch rather than retaining its body.  Reports of the incident caused Bigfoot hunter Derek Randles to encourage Smeja to find and return with the body.  This Smeja attempted to do, but could recover only a patch of hair with attached hide and flesh.  This tissue was taken to a lab, where analysis reportedly found the tissue to be that of a genetic relative of humans, with Bigfoot speculated to be the result of breeding between a male primate and a human female in the distant past…I’m glad I wasn’t a chaperon  on that date!

As for Derek Randles the Bigfoot hunter, he had his own encounter in August of 1985 when he and a hiking friend went off-trail in Washington state.  A large rock was thrown at the duo to be followed by a second, each cast intentionally and landing about ten feet away.  The hiking partners wisely exited stage left at that point, with Randles looking behind himself at one point, and spying Bigfoot.  It was Randles belief that Bigfoot did not intend to harm him but only scare him off, and that perhaps in going off-trail he and his companion had ventured too close to a family group of Bigfoot or their habitat.  Out of this encounter was born the Olympic Project, which seeks to obtain crystal-clear images of Bigfoot in a natural environment.  The automatic motion-sensor type cameras deployed in this project have so far managed to take mostly images of well-known wild animals, together with some partial images of body parts that just might be connected to a Bigfoot…or not!  

Again, I could die happy if we’d have conclusive, verifiable scientific proof of the existence of any of these cryptids or others in my lifetime.  An alien would be awfully nice, too… *sighs*

The Bear is Boarding!- -The Labatt Blue “Undomesticated” Commercial

February 19, 2014

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– – One of the coolest anthropomorphic bears that I’ve seen in a long time appears in the Labatt Blue Big Game XLVIII commercial, “Undomesticated.”  We are shown breathtaking, pristine mountain scenery clothed in winter white down which erupts a snowboarding bear!  Truly a master of the snowboard, this bear makes it look easy as he travels down the slopes to the pulsating percussive electronic stylings of Dillon Francis’ Masta Blasta  (the Rebirth).  His impressive run ends with a leap at a ski lodge where fellow fanciers of winter sports cheer and toast his stellar performance over bottles of Labatt Blue…

…and yes, the bear  even gets the girls at the end, flanked on either side of a hot tub by scantily-clad lovelies!  We are told to get up, get out, and get Undomesticated!   I’ll never be fully domesticated, but I love my creature comforts…

Mr.Peabody & Sherman…

February 8, 2014

Peabody– – I suppose that I shouldn’t be surprised that a movie is being made of Mr. Peabody & Sherman, since movies and sequels have been made of The Smurfs and The Chipmunks.  If there’s a chance that parents are familiar with the original subject, a movie treatment serves to introduce children to the character, and film makers hope that a profitable franchise is born.  

Now The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show was a gem in the 1960’s, and has already been subjected to a movie treatment.  Besides introducing us to Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle Moose, the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show had other unrelated ‘toon features that included Dudley Do-Right and Peabody’s Improbable History segments.  Mr. Peabody was a talking, bespectacled, intellectual white dog who in a role reversal had an adopted boy, Sherman.  Through use of a time machine, Peabody and Sherman would travel back in time in episodes to encounter memorable historical figures, teaching Sherman of their significance and at times benevolently influencing the turn of events.  

Based on these memorable offbeat characters, Mr. Peabody & Sherman is an American 3D computer-animated adventure-comedy produced by DreamWorks Animation, and involves Sherman’s misuse of the WABAC time machine with subsequent efforts by Peabody and Sherman to put things back on track before the space-time continuum is destroyed, a problem common in science fiction.  As with the original shorts, the film is described as sweet-natured and amusing, with enough witty touches to keep adults entertained as well.  In theaters March 7th…

Doritos Breakroom Ostrich…

February 4, 2014

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The 2014 Superbowl was not especially memorable for either football or commercials, but the Doritos ad featuring an ostrich was cute.  The  short spot began with an office boss dressing down two employees for eating all of the Doritos in the breakroom, plus making an awful mess.  One of the two employees just so happens to be be a full-sized ostrich…

…the crime scene itself is then recreated, as we are shown the balding male employee scarfing down every Dorito in sight, and indeed making quite a mess in the process; he would seem from the wrappers to prefer the nacho flavor variety.  The ostrich appears in the doorway and observes the spectacle, casting a disapproving gaze and then backing out; the man says nothing.  When the boss is then confronting the duo and telling them that the offense has been narrowed down to one of them, the human shamelessly says that the ostrich is “obviously” the culprit, at which point the ostrich does a memorable and wide-mouthed gasp!  Obviously, some humans are capable of anything

…and darned if I don’t have an incredible desire to eat some Doritos right now, although I prefer the ranch flavor…ranch, Mmm!

Evil Gnomes, Bigfoot Wars, Hell Hounds…

January 13, 2014

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– – On Monsters and Mysteries in America as recently aired on the Destination America channel, we were treated to a full banquet consisting of segments on Bigfoot Wars, Evil Gnomes, and Hell Hounds. Much of this good stuff was reported in the vicinity of the Sierra Mountains in California, where according to legends, Bigfoot guards certain areas and defends them as his own. It seems that in prehistoric times, Native Americans and Bigfoot creatures came to blows when Bigfoot invaded Native American settlements, stealing and reportedly eating a child. In the culture clash wars which ensued, Native American spear and arrow technology was apparently sufficient to cause negotiation of a peace between the two groups, and the establishment of separate territories, boundaries of which are respected and enforced to this day.

In 2011, an expedition ventured into a Sierra Mountains canyon, where howling and screams were heard at night and audio was recorded of the same. The next day, one of two trucks used by the expedition became mired in the mud, and the expedition party departed in their one usable vehicle. When they returned for their second truck days later, the access road was barricaded in four locations, with the last obstructions so massive as to barely be movable; it was speculated that these barricades were warnings to the expedition members that their presence wasn’t wanted in that territory. Finally making their way back to the abandoned truck, the investigators found a large smudge on the vehicle’s windshield of a beast’s face. DNA was later extracted from the slobber, but showed human contamination. Might this finding possibly reflect a possible partial human heritage to Bigfoot as some have speculated?

A second segment reflected events in Porterville, California where a family was supposedly plagued by an “evil gnome.” No, I am not making this up! Reports of gnome-like creatures come from diverse locations around the world. The Thomas family in 1999 heard running noises and cackling laughter around their home prior to a face-to-face encounter returning home one night from a shopping trip; on that occasion, the panicked mother ran into her house. Later, the gnome reportedly came up to a window, cheeky devil! Two nights later, the gnome trashed the family garden, and repeated vandalisms occurred thereafter. Eventually the family moved, but later contacted a former resident at the property who had experienced similar problems. The gnome was thought to have lived in a shed on the property which was later demolished. He was probably distraught over that; there’s no place like gnome…

Finally in Palm Springs, California there are reports of hell hounds, which are described as being black with glowing eyes and razor fangs. In 2013 a retired guy reports having seen a pack of them, saying that they looked like dogs with the head of a wolf, and larger in size than these species. A neighboring man had his car cover and bumper ripped up pretty impressively, presumably by these beasties…

Tums TV Spot, “Chicken…”

January 12, 2014

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– – It’s grotesque, absurd, and surreal, and like something out of a vegetarian’s worst nightmare…the plucked, decapitated, and man-sized chicken in a commercial for Tums Ultra Strength antacids.  Standing upright at an upscale outdoor barbecue presumably where it was consumed, this most foul fowl and the man who is now tormented by it become aware of one another’s presence at the same time.  The chicken carcass utters what I suppose martial arts challenges would sound like if vocalized by a chicken, and begins to swing its sizable plucked wings at the hapless human, landing at least one good slap.  Although caught off-guard, the man responds by dodging and directing a punch at the giant plucked bird…thankfully, we are spared the full  fury of the combat.

…the announcer then interjects, “When that chicken you had at the barbecue starts fighting with heartburn,  fight back with Tums!”  Antacids apparently succeed where fisticuffs do not, for in the final scene, the man and the great carcass are playing nicely with one another at a friendly game of volleyball.  Sports is often seen as an outlet for male aggression and a substitute for war, after all…and I do so like to see conflict resolved amicably, especially when it involves the barbecued dead…

Wendigo, Dogman, and Wolfman…

January 6, 2014

– – Things went to the dogs or at least the canids on a recent episode of Monsters and Mysteries in America. For those partial to werewolves, the first segment presented the Beast of Bray Road, a wolf-like creature seen more than 100 times in Wisconsin since the 1940’s. Incidents involving the beast seemed to peak in the 1980’s, when a Lori Endrizzi encountered an upright creature consuming road kill along a road that she was traveling home; it appeared to be developing interest in the woman as a second course before she managed to get her stalled car started and escape. A later encounter was also profiled that occurred in 2006 when a Steve Krueger was picking up deer carcasses when something rocked his truck and helped itself to both a deer carcass and an ATV ramp in the bed of his pickup! He gunned his truck and also escaped, although the missing ramp later couldn’t be located.

A second segment profiled the Dogman, more of a spirit-based creature seen near Holly, Michigan with more than 100 sightings of similar cryptids across the world. A 2005 incident was presented where a repo man was driven off by a man-dog type hybrid which drove him off the property he had entered to reposess a Cadillac.

Lastly and perhaps most terrifying were the accounts of the Wendigo, a rather nasty entity with a taste for human flesh rooted in North American legends and said to frequent the North Woods of the Great Lakes region. The Wendigo takes over people like an infection, possessing them with a cannibalistic hunger so intense that the creature is said to chew off its own lips and gnaw on its fingers. A case was presented where a Cree Indian in the 1870’s had killed and eaten his own family, claiming at his own hanging that he was no longer a man but rather possessed by a Wendigo. In a modern case from 2008, a border on a Greyhound bus attacked a fellow traveler, decapitated him, paraded around the bus with his victim’s head like a trophy, and supposedly ate pieces of flesh from his victim…again supposedly possessed by the Wendigo, which in its true form appears as a frozen, cadaverous monster…truly scary stuff!

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Momo, Shadow People, and the Van Meter Monster

December 30, 2013

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– – Monsters and Mysteries in America recently provided us with three nightmares after Xmas in a new episode, just the right antidote for the holiday season! Momo it would appear is a Missouri version of Bigfoot, described by those who have seen if not loved him as a long-haired beast covered in fur and emanating a stench! In 1972, “Missouri Momo” generated quite a commotion in the confusingly-named town of Louisiana, Missouri for several months. He was spotted by two boys and their mother, and is blamed for the disappearance of several dogs, which the creature apparently has an appetite for. The only physical evidence of Momo, however, is a plaster cast of a footprint showing a deep heel imprint and unusual toes…

Shadow people are reported to haunt Maryville, Missouri, with some claiming to have seen full-figure apparitions. These tall, dark creatures are sometimes reported with glowing red eyes, and one subtype apparently is seen wearing a brimmed hat. One person reports repeated, long-term encounters with a shadow person he calls, “the Cowboy.” So persistent and brazen was this entity that he knocked on the window of the haunted man’s car! Shadow people can sometimes be seen straight on, and in such encounters their appearance is especially ghastly, for they can appear bloodied, burnt, and mutilated. In some encounters, shadow people have verbally communicated dark desires to the persons visited that they abandon or harm family members…

Lastly, the Van Meter Monster was an unwelcome visitor to a town of the same name in Iowa in 1903 who ushered forth from a coal mine located across the town. The creature is said to resemble a large, somewhat humanized bat with featherless wings and the rather convenient feature of a light which emanates from a horn on the beast’s forehead; in my opinion, sketches make it look rather prehistoric, like a pterodactyl.  Townspeople of that day were alerted to the presence of the creature by the appearance of light at night, often projected from a height at a time prior to electrification of the town.  The monster was reportedly shot at by a number of individuals and not harmed by the experience, in one encounter casting a foul odor at the shooter. After several nights of such experiences, manly men of that day gathered firearms and dynamited the mouth of the mine which apparently served as a portal for the creature. The mine has remained closed since that time, with the bat-man unavailable for comment, evidently sealed within…what a great tale!

“Goat Man, Goat Sucker, and Zombie Soldiers”

December 17, 2013

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– – A recent episode of Monsters &  Mysteries in America as viewed on the Destination America channel lured viewers in with the assorted collection of paranormal and unexplained curiosities listed in our post title, unified only by their Texas location.  The segments were entertaining with content mostly seen elsewhere but mounted differently here, and healthy scientific skepticism is encouraged due to the speculative nature of the topics.  Their appearance in this blog does not mean personal endorsement of the viewpoints or explanations given by such programs.

The Goat Man segment concerned reported appearances of a large, hair-covered cryptic creature six to seven feet tall estimated to weigh 300 to 400 pounds in the Lake Worth area of Fort Worth, Texas.   In some accounts, the beast is reported to have scales on its face and horns on its head about six to eight inches long.  Also known as the Mud Man, appearances of the creature were multiple in the summer of 1969, after which time it seemed to go into hiding until being seen again in summer of 1990.   In one encounter portrayed, the Goat Man came out of trees to land on top of a car parked in a lover’s lane in the Lake Worth area, trying to grab the arm of the woman within.

A second segment of the hour episode concerned the chupacabra sightings in the Cuero, Texas area.  Some reported footage of an unidentified beast with a massive head and ears was presented that was filmed from a pursuing sheriff’s car in 2008; canid-like, this creature escaped further pursuit and identification by running off the road.  A nutritionist, Dr. Phylis Canion, was then portrayed whose ranch had experienced chicken slaughter incidents.  A deceased specimen of the beast was found on a nearby road, and actually maintained by the woman in a home freezer before being sent out for testing; DNA results did not match the creature with known animals such as dogs or coyotes, with the conclusion made that it was an unknown species.  Some have concluded that the Cuero chupacabra is a hybrid creature, possibly with a skin condition such as mange.  The segment differentiated the Cuero sightings from those associated with chupacabra sightings and encounters in Puerto Rico, where the creature is more alien in appearance and apparently capable of at least some degree of bipedalism.

Lastly and perhaps with least credibility was a report of “zombie soldiers” in the Brownsville area of southern Texas, with the suggestion made that such appearances are associated with fighting in the area which occurred in the Mexican-American or Civil War.  The shorter segment detailed an incident in summer of 1985 when a young couple in a truck pulled off on a side road at night to pursue some sleep.  A knock came at the truck door with the couple exiting the truck cab to investigate, following a light seen ahead, and subsequently being encircled by zombie-like individuals attired in similar fashion, as in “Walking Dead”episodes.  The couple managed to make their way back to the safety of their truck, and gunning the vehicle escaped in it back to the main road.  Handprints were later discovered all over the truck’s exterior. A bloody battle of the American Civil War had supposedly taken place on the grounds of their encampment in 1865.

Hinging just on the account of the couple involved, the third segment had the flavor of an urban myth, although the area involved has a history supportive of ghostly encounter tales…pleasant screams!

Bear at a Bar!

December 9, 2013

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– – I’m always sad to see an animal turn to strong drink, although lord knows bears have good reason to; they’re hunted, exploited, and subjected to Yogi Bear type portrayals.  Still, the bear portrayed in the brief Jim Beam honey bourbon whiskey commercial seems to be holding it together pretty well, even if he is monopolizing the stock of Jim Beam Honey at a bar where a customer asks the barkeep if there’s any left of it; you know how bears are reputed to be with honey and all, they’ve got that Winnie-the-Pooh thing going on…

…well, the bartender slides a glass down to the unnamed bruin, who apparently is a well-known customer at the establishment.  He obviously knows his way around the bar, and also the stringed instrument that he is shown strumming at the end of the commercial. – – Remember, bears, know your limits, and drink responsibly!