Archive for February 2016

“Scariest Moments” on Mountain Monsters

February 24, 2016

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I, for one, am generally not keen on “Greatest Hits” episodes of any series as they are usually thinly veiled efforts to repackage old material and stretch out a season.  The “Scariest Moments” installment of Mountain Monsters (S4/Ep05) was no different, being essentially a brief synopsis of six different and unrelated previous episodes.  I’m not going to comment on the episodes as I have previously posted on many of them.  For the sake of reference, however, the episodes covered were on the Hellhound, the Cherokee Death Cat, the Cave Creature, the Bear Beast, the Shadow Creature, and Hogzilla.

The summaries provided by these episodes may be helpful to viewers trying to get a brief feeling for the creature involved, or a general sense of what the show itself is about.  It can be striking how similar the episodes really are, both in terms of the methods involved, the flow of the action, and the outcomes.  In only one of the six episodes profiled was the creature being pursued actually captured, that one, Hogzilla, turning out to be a rather large but perfectly ordinary pig.  

The scariest incident I can remember in the time period covered involved team leader Trapper using self-dentistry to extract an aching tooth using pliers!  The series will return to new episodes this upcoming weekend with one called, the Great Fire Ape.  It will probably be at best a mediocre ape, but one that makes a monkey of them all…

…and by the way, the theme song for this show is called Mountain Man Town  by the Last American Cowboys…  

Puppy Monkey Baby…

February 21, 2016

Some things nature never intended, and even the mad Dr. Moreau created by H.G. Wells would have shied away from.  The PuppyMonkeyBaby created by Mountain Dew and first airing on Super Bowl 50 is one such thing…

…a CGI mishmash creation, the bizarre/disturbing/hilarious creature melds the head of a pug dog with the body and tail of a monkey and the lower extremities of a human infant.  In the commercial, it enters with the advertised product, dances into the presence of three guys watching television, licks the face of one of them, and dances off again, all the while repeating its own name.  This is to promote Mountain Dew’s Jumpstart, a mix of the drink, juice, and caffeine.

People tend to either love or hate PuppyMonkeyBaby, which may cross the line between cute and horrifying. Perhaps it could be worked into an episode of the X-Files or Mountain Monsters (they probably couldn’t catch it). In the current American presidential election year, the strange and the outrageous have become rather commonplace,however…

Lightning Man on “Mountain Monsters,” Part II

February 16, 2016

 

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As the second part of the Lightning Man episode commenced on Mountain Monsters (S4, Ep04), acting team leader Buck tried to talk with the grandson of the man who owned the barn that the artifact was buried in, but was rebuffed.  The team then talked with “Shannon,” a Bigfoot expert, who pronounced the stone object that they had unearthed in the barn to be a “Thunder Blade.”  The “Thunder Ax,” when assembled, was the only thing that could harm the Lightning Man.  Its possession was therefore both a blessing and a curse.

The mythology held that the “Thunder Ax” was given in the early 1900’s to the Sutter family by Native Americans.  A spellbound object, the ax kept the Lightning Man under control while buried, but the spell was broken when the ax head was dug up.  The Lightning Man and Thunder Brothers wanted possession of the ax as then they wouldn’t be controlled by it, and could run rampant.  If the Lightning Man touched the ax without retaining possession of it, however, it would again become spellbound and the Bigfoot controlled.  There were two other components to the ax besides the blade, namely the ax handle and the lashings which bound the head to the handle.  

Following clues in a poetic riddle, the team then went in search of these components.  A large oil drum was found in the woods which contained a pipe within which was the ax handle.  A crazed redneck called “Skunky Tom” then pegged a round at the team, causing them to beat a hasty retreat with the discovered pipe.  Again following clues, a pond was found with a dock beneath which was a box containing part of the ax handle lashings; apparently, not just any would do.  Inconveniently, the lashings had been separated into two groupings, with the second piece put in a cabin.  Following the poetic riddle (“You shall find if you seek/in the cabin by the creek“), the team located a cabin with a stove within which was a hollowed-out log containing a pipe within which was the second part of the lashing. Unfortunately the team had lit a fire within the stove, with said fire including the log in question as fuel.  Not to worry, however, Huckleberry urinated on the log to extinguish the fire. – – Hey, this isn’t Masterpiece Theater, folks!

Well, the AIMS team finally assembled the Thunder Ax, which was put into a security box devised by Willy which allowed the Lightning Man to touch the object while triggering a device to snatch it away into the safety of the original trap.  Taking up their posts, the team heard thunder after which lightning struck a tree, causing Jeff to be knocked down, loosing both a boot and control of his bladder in the process.  The security box or safe worked, however, and the Thunder Man presumably touched the ax, which was saved from him.  The rejoicing team members were going to again dismantle the ax and re-bury it, leaving their own riddles strewn with the component parts to provide location clues should any future generations need to reassemble the ax.  I’m sure that those riddles will someday become classics of English literature, and as with most myths, we never saw the actual object of them…

Bigfoot of Blair County: Lightning Man

February 13, 2016

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In a two-part saga, the AIMS team of the Mountain Monsters series went to Blair County, Pennsylvania in search of a Bigfoot variant called the Lightning Man.  This Bigfoot stands about 8′ tall, weighs about 500 lbs., has black fur, and travels in the company of seven other Bigfoot called, the Thunder Brothers, which would be a great name for a wrestling team or perhaps a band!

With team leader Trapper still on the mend, the remaining group members first met with “Robert,” a farmer who described hearing thunder sounds coming from the ground on an otherwise clear night.  Investigating with a flashlight he perceived something to pass by outside, although the flashlight ceased to function in the presence of whatever it was.  During their first night’s investigation, the team heard noise, saw movement, and came upon a number of tracks that indicated to them the presence of multiple creatures.  

The following day as Willy and Wild Bill constructed a steel octagon trap, the remainder of the team followed a creek where the footprints had been found, and thought that they had flushed a Bigfoot from a tree, coming upon a hollow tree which produced thunder-like sounds when beaten on with rocks.  They named this a thunder tree, and thought this or something similar was used by the Thunder Brothers to produce their characteristic sounds.  A second eyewitness, an electrician called “John” described hearing noises by an old barn, and produced a picture of a Native American lightning symbol found within that barn.  When the electrician had rigged the barn with motion sensor lights, the lights failed to operate when the suspected Bigfoot passed by, but worked in the presence of other moving wildlife.

During an unprecedented second night’s hunt, the team explored the electrician’s barn, and found a buried wooden eagle figure. The lights then went out, and there was felt to be movement in the barn. The team heard thundering sounds, and thinking that the Thunder Brothers were at it again, exited the barn to charge after them. Acting team leader Buck, however, thought this a diversionary tactic, and by himself doubled back to the barn where he unearthed what appeared to be a primitive stone ax head. An arm supposedly then reached through the barn boards trying to get at Buck, who beat a hasty retreat and was rejoined by the rest of the team. They resolved to share their exploits with Trapper, and research the significance of the discovered stone object. The upcoming episode of Mountain Monsters will presumably wrap things up, probably with more unanswered questions…

“Zootopia” is coming!

February 10, 2016

 

 

 

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Imagine a world in which “humans never happened,” and you have the central premise of Disney’s upcoming 3D computer animated feature, Zootopia.  Now the mammals which dominate are anthropomorphic, which to the uninitiated means they are human-like intelligent bipedal creatures who use language, wear clothing, and employ technology in a civilized society.  This is a familiar realm to a card-carrying furry like myself; my world, and welcome to it!

Now two of the central characters include Judy Hopps, a rookie police officer rabbit and a red fox called Nick Wilde (played by Jason Bateman), described as being a small-time con artist (while I prefer to consider him as sly). Together the two form an unlikely alliance to solve the case of a missing otter.

The result is a buddy comedy/adventure with a large cast of animal characters that include a gazelle pop star and a noble lion mayor. Opening in early March, you’ve never seen anything like Zootopia be-fur…

Bigfoot of Central Kentucky: Squalling Savage

February 3, 2016

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At the end of the previous episode of Mountain Monsters, the youngest member of the AIMS team, Buck, had relayed during the credits that something was wrong with team leader Trapper, who had been taken to the hospital for an unspecified but serious ailment.  At the beginning of this episode, the five remaining team members visited Trapper at home, where it was disclosed that he had suffered a blood clot in his leg, and underwent emergency surgery.  We actually got to see Trapper for the first time without his hat, revealing his balding head.  Trapper also revealed that at their previous Kentucky encampment in pursuit of the Midnight Whistler (not to be confused with the Midnight Rambler, a great Rolling Stones song) , he had taken a sample of reddish hair and procured a large footprint impression too large to have belonged to that smaller Bigfoot type.  

The Bigfoot variant who was the subject of S4/Ep02 was called the Squalling Savage (- -poetry, eh?), and was felt to stand about 8-1/2 feet tall, weigh 600 – 800 lbs., and be capable of climbing trees.  His type was first sighted in the 1600’s by Native Americans.  The Midnight Whistler and Squalling Savage Bigfoot subtypes were essentially felt to occupy the same environment of central Kentucky, competing for dominance there.  While in pursuit of the Midnight Whistler in an earlier episode, team members had heard the growling of the Savage, which was atypical for the Whistler.  

Prior to their first night’s hunt, the five team members met with Steve, a trail guide contracted by Trapper to guide the men close to the site of their previous encounter.  While the guide was reluctant to go fully to the exact location, by his directions the team was able to proceed, and found that first night a previously-seen nest of the Midnight Whister in addition to hearing the growls of the newly sought Squalling Savage.  The next day, team members Willy and “Wild Bill” built an elevated tree trap into which they planned to lure the Savage by mimicking the sounds of his rival, the Whistler.  A second meeting with their somewhat reluctant trail guide Steve brought his admission that he and a friend had a previous encounter with the Savage while hunting, and a cell phone video was produced revealing an intrusion by some kind of large growling thing, with a whistle having been used to lure it that proved unexpectedly effective.

On their final night’s hunt, Buck in an off-road vehicle was to initially flush the Squalling Savage out, passing him then into a relay where other members further along the route would further lure the Bigfoot with whistles, finding sanctuary in “spider hole” covered excavations while the Bigfoot passed safely by them. – – Well, the best laid plans of mice and men, as Bobby Burns would say, can come to naught.  A tree was thrown at Buck’s vehicle, a second tree later blocked his path, and Huckleberry’s spider hole cover was rudely torn off by the crafty cryptid, causing said monster hunter to beat a hasty retreat.  Willy abandoned his post at the trap to support his companion, and it was pretty much of a route by then.  As usual, no Bigfoot was trapped…but Huckleberry did relate that the Bigfoot he briefly sighted was of yet a third type from either the Whistler or Savage varieties.  

That’s right, three apparent Bigfoot species for the price of one, all in central Kentucky!  The five AIMS members who had worked this outing conceded that they had been a little rusty without their leader, but resolved to get back on the case, and hunt another one…hunting and actually catching one being entirely different things!