Archive for March 2013
March 29, 2013
– – Many of us like to hug kittens, but would you like to wear them?- -Not as skins, heaven forbid, but as living, moving creatures? It would be unnatural, and possibly a bit surreal if not creepy. Then you’d probably pick up a lot of cat hair, and what if one of them had to pee or poop? Many would be the problems of a kitten shirt, not to be confused with a hair shirt, worn in the Middle Ages to mortify the flesh, which is not an idea much in vogue in contemporary society…
…well, hair shirts were worn intentionally to be uncomfortable, and the idea of this commercial for Hanes ComfortBlend T-shirts and underwear is that they’re as soft or next best to being covered with luxurious kitten fur. To drive home that point, we are shown a man wearing a digitally-enhanced shirt of many kittens, and they don’t seem to be overly-distressed by being worn, moving slightly and mewing independently. The kitten-shirt wearing man doesn’t seem to be getting much support on his attire from his friends, so he taps Hanes spokesman Michael Jordan for his opinion. Michael doesn’t seem to think much of kitten shirts either, and you can bet that PETA would be of the same frame of mind.
While cat-friendly, I doubt I’d like a kitten shirt, as well. Now if you’d care to cover me with Catwoman, however, that’s another matter entirely…
Categories: absurdities, animals, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: Hanes cat commercial, kitten undershirt
Comments: 2 Comments
March 27, 2013
– – He understands marketing completely, wears an electronic speech translation device around his neck, and occasionally eats his staff members…that’s Mr. Wolfdog, the marketing director brought in by Old Spice to promote their Wild Collection fragrance line. Wolfie knows his way around an office, and his is complete with devices like calculators, business awards, and desk toys like a Newton’s Cradle. Wolfdog is also a busy rascal, having made a series of banner ads, a number of videos posted on YouTube, animated GIFs, and even an album of inspirational business music called Night Business, with cover art featuring Wolfie in shades and a cool casual suit! His credentials include being Alpha Male for Deciduous Forest Pack #13588 in Woods, Montana.
It’s all parody, but with videos such as How to Give Constructive Criticism (“Use a compliment kabob!,” “Wear a criticism sweater!”), Wolfdog is a more authentic, creative, and benign supervisor than some I’ve had.- -I could work for this guy! He’d be a great improvement, actually…
Categories: absurdities, animal spokepersons, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: Director Wolfdog, Old Spice's Wolfdog
Comments: 3 Comments
March 23, 2013
– – The commercial for Old Spice’s Hawkridge runs like a demented out-take for Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds. It’s a high-stakes poker game, and two male players are squaring off over the card hands that they hold while on-lookers gawk. One card player with glasses, a receding hairline, and a handful of costly rings is contending against a handsome guy who has, interestingly enough, a hawk on his arm. Although he holds a royal flush, the dominant player is sweating. We are privy to his thoughts; “I couldn’t get a read on him. Is he bluffing?,” thinks the man. Looking up, the royal flush holder sees that his opponent now has two hawks. Scree, screech the hawks. A moment later, the hawks have multiplied to four; scree, they cry. Briefly later, the hawks have multiplied yet again. The shrill cries are now a chorus, with hawks descending from above and one even roosting on the handsome guy’s head.- -Holy Hitchcock!
When yet another hawk rolls out from under the table between the bespectacled guy’s legs, he obviously has even more to sweat about, and so decides to fold despite holding an unbeatable hand. This is known as winning by intimidation. A victory for the hawkmaster, who has also by now acquired his opponent’s girlfriend! The message is that this scent doesn’t just attract women, but vanquishes competition! Talk about giving someone the bird…
Categories: animal presence, animal spokepersons, animals, Brilliant but twisted, feathered friends, furry commercials, television
Tags: Hawkridge commercial
Comments: 2 Comments
March 21, 2013
– – It’s wild, and perhaps a bit crazy…like a fox! Also like a wolf and a hawk. Meet the Old Spice Wild Collection, which introduces men’s scents called Wolfthorn, Foxcrest (- -yay!), and Hawkridge. Now unfortunately (or fortunately), these scents smell nothing like the wild animals that they’re using as mascots, but at least you won’t wind up smelling like stale beer or Axe. All three scents are available as antiperspirants/deodorants, body washes, body sprays, after shave lotions, and cologne sprays.
Now these scents stay with you, so the commercial for Wolfthorn is narrated by a woman who’s at a high society function when she meets a man who literally comes in with a snarling wolf hanging on each of his shoulders. “I was afraid, then seduced, then intigued, then in a car,” she relates. “I never had a chance!,” she concludes as the whistled classic Old Spice theme plays. The wolf-wearer bears his wolves with him at every step, drives his car with the babe and beasts right through the fancy glass side doors of the society affair, and barrels off into the night with them.- -I do so love a happy ending!
This certainly beats an earlier Old Spice commercial where a sea captain was shown fighting with a squid-like creature on his shoulder…and did I buy Foxcrest? – – Well, what do you think?!
Categories: animal presence, animal spokepersons, animals, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: Old Spice Wild Collection, Wolfthorn commercial
Comments: 2 Comments
March 19, 2013
– – It’s cheesy, and proud of it…Wolfman Mac’s Chiller Drive-In, that is! Many of us when young grew up with regional variations of the “Chiller Theater” concept, a show usually on Saturday night which presented horror or science fiction films from the 1950’s or 1960’s, such “The Crawling Eye” or “Attack of the 50-Foot Woman.” Armed with a freshly-made batch of Jiffy Pop popcorn, I’d settle down before the tube for two hours of kiddie bliss. Horror and sci fi films of that era weren’t terribly graphic and the special effects were laughable by today’s standards, but they were great stuff to a ten-year-old! Some of those shows included hosts, such as Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.
Wolfman Mac is cut from the same cloth as such hosts, but he’s lower budget still. He’s a werewolf who runs a dilapidated drive-in located in the fictional town of Hauntington Heights that shows B-grade horror movies you’ll marvel were ever made. The Wolfman’s sidekick is an wisecracking, extremely fake-looking plastic skeleton called Boney Bob. There are over a dozen cast members that include TORG the robot, a guy in a cardboard box costume; and the nutty Professor M. Balmer. During breaks from the movie, they perform skits that mirror or parody the action from the flick. It’s not Shakespeare, but is great late-night fun!
Wolfman Mac is in real life Mac Kelly, who as a kid loved old horror films, werewolves, and all things Halloween. Originally a local show, it’s now carried nationally by the Retro Television Network, but has retained all of its high camp charm…
Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, television
Tags: Wolfman Mac
Comments: 2 Comments
March 16, 2013
– – The aptly-named reality show Odd Folks Home is a spin-off of the Science Channel show, Oddities. It tends to feature the most eccentric clients of the Obscura Antiques and Oddities store showcased in the parent show, and viewers are taken into the homes of these people to see their private collections and practices. Many of these individuals would be at home residing with the Addams Family; there are sword swallowers and fire eaters, and artists who work in such mediums as skulls, animal parts, and human blood. These people would be fun dates, and indeed one lady screens her men by taking them home to see how they handle such tasks as articulating a cat skeleton.
The show has the perfect host in Edgar Oliver (pictured), a real-life playwright and actor who takes creepiness to an art form. On the Oddities show, we see him in a state of near ecstasy over the discovery of a straightjacket. “Are you sitting…comfortably?,” inquires Edgar of the listening audience on some episodes of Odd Folks, with the perfect facial expressions and hand gestures.- -This guy is a treasure!
You can learn much about the morbid and macabre from this show, and for that reason it’s probably not suitable for young children or the squeamish. As for me, however, I’m right at home in the Odd Folks Home…
Categories: anomalies, Brilliant but twisted, strange, television
Tags: Edgar Oliver, Odd Folks Home
Comments: 3 Comments
March 14, 2013
– – Litter Genie is a cat litter disposal system, not to be confused with Little Genie, the Elton John song. Anyways, Litter Genie features a spokes-cat named Walter, who is a bit of a singing sensation himself. Walter has actually cut some music videos, one of which is called I Haz a Pie Row Tek Nik, performing as Walter and the Awful Pawfuls. My favorite Walter video, however, is a flashback to the psychedelic sixties, with the fab feline performing I Haz a Catnip in Mah Head with Walter and the Wizards. This is from an album called, Litter Trippin’.
Yet another of Walter’s music videos is called, Me Luvz Mahself, with Walter performing with the Lap Cats and featuring rhythm and blues styling with cats wearing gold chains and gem-studded collars. As it was sung in The Aristocats, “Everybody Wants to be a Cat”…meow!
Categories: absurdities, animal spokepersons, anthropomorphic, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: the Litter Genie cat, Walter
Comments: 5 Comments
March 10, 2013
– – To me, they looked more demonic than simian, but that was perhaps the point. The Flying Monkeys on the Syfy movie of the same name which aired on March 9th were evil, shape-shifting monsters, pets by day and killers by night. Unrelated but with a number of shameless nods to the Oz saga (the movie’s even set in Gale, Kansas), these are nasty, flying beasties that swoop down to shred and tear…something to “get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!” – -Shameless but captivating low-budget entertainment, and as much fun as a barrel of flying monkeys! Just click your heels together while repeating, “There’s no place like the Syfy Channel!
Categories: animals, anomalies, fantasy, furry, imaginary animals, television
Tags: Flying Monkeys on Syfy
Comments: 3 Comments
March 8, 2013
– – Just when you thought that it was safe to get back into the water again, tens of thousands of blacktip and spinner sharks are migrating north up the eastern coast of the U.S., shutting down beaches in Florida!
Now shark sightings are not uncommon for South Florida beaches, and their migration is an annual occurrence. What’s uncommon, however, is that the migration usually starts and ends sooner, well ahead of spring break season. Blacktip sharks only account for 20% of unprovoked shark attacks in Florida, but with 15,000 sharks counted by researchers and some less than 200 yards from shore, lifeguards aren’t taking chances…
Categories: animal behavior, animal presence, animals, aquatic
Tags: shark migration, sharks off beaches
Comments: 2 Comments
March 5, 2013
– – Somewhere in life, we’ve all seen some variation of the old horse costume gag…you know, a costume where one guy poses as the front end of a horse, and his hapless partner literally brings up the rear! Well, a recent Little Caesar’s commercial takes us to a costume party where we see two dudes in that classic horse costume get-up with their component pieces separated, and a girl in a princess costume brings it to their attention that Little Caesar’s is offering pepperoni pizza for a mere five bucks!
Galvanized into action, our two heroes then dash out the door where we cut to a scene of a magnificent stallion galloping hard across the desert to suitable rousing music! The scene then changes again to the interior of a Little Caesar’s restaurant where we see the front end of the horse bent over and gasping for breath, poor guy. The guy in the rear end arrives just slightly later, sweated but able to voice their pizza order.- -It’s a great revival of the classic horse costume gag, and the noble equine tradition!
Categories: absurdities, animals, Brilliant but twisted, furry commercials, television
Tags: Little Caesar's horse costume
Comments: 3 Comments
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