FOXSYLVANIA

– – I’d  really like to have a costumed arch-nemesis; no plain-clothes nemesis for me, thank you very much…those with a costumed arch-nemesis tend to be memorable, like Batman.  People remember the Joker or the Riddler, but almost certainly wouldn’t remember the Freemason or the Certified Public Accountant. An arch-nemesis has a history with you, in many cases arching you for years; it’s a love/hate thing, really.  A arch-nemesis should be colorful but not competent; you don’t want them to actually do you in (for further exploration of the complex relationship one may have with a costumed arch-nemesis, catch the Venture Brothers on Adult Swim, the Cartoon Network).

What about henchmen?–If you have henchmen, they’ll have to go through them to get to you, and maybe your enemy will wear themselves out.  Henchmen give you extra time to get away, bargain, plea, or just work up to a good cry.  Plus if you have henchmen, you’re giving others work in this depressed economy.

Could I possibly get a sidekick?–Batman, Aquaman, and the Green Arrow have one.  I don’t think Marvel superheroes have sidekicks as much; Wolverine would probably kill his. – – Cancel the sidekick; I’d probably be arrested, especially if it was some teenaged guy in tights.   Maybe the sidekick would write a tell-all book, and we’d split the profits and get rich.  Money isn’t everything, but it’s way ahead of whatever’s in second place.

I’d also like to have minions, followers who hang on your every word and do your bidding.  No one’s done my bidding to this point in my life, so I figure I’m overdue.  In this category, I’d like to have a cat’s-paw, which should not be confused with a rabbit’s foot; some of my best friends are cats, and I’m not into the amputation of bodily parts.  A cat’s-paw is kinda like a chief minion or tool that acts in your behalf.–Wouldn’t that be cool?

…and why don’t we have manservants anymore?–If you want something, a manservant is there to get it for you, and wait on you hand and foot.  I’d like to have someone wait on my feet, and a manservant sounds classy; kind of like a gentleman’s gentleman.  You’ve gotta love the redundancy of that!

So I’m gonna ask Santa for these things; I’d be satisfied to get any of them.  If that doesn’t work, maybe I could get some of that federal stimulus money, ’cause these things would be stimulatin’ to me, woo!    😉