Doritos Breakroom Ostrich…

Posted February 4, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, avian, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, television

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doritos ostrich

The 2014 Superbowl was not especially memorable for either football or commercials, but the Doritos ad featuring an ostrich was cute.  The  short spot began with an office boss dressing down two employees for eating all of the Doritos in the breakroom, plus making an awful mess.  One of the two employees just so happens to be be a full-sized ostrich…

…the crime scene itself is then recreated, as we are shown the balding male employee scarfing down every Dorito in sight, and indeed making quite a mess in the process; he would seem from the wrappers to prefer the nacho flavor variety.  The ostrich appears in the doorway and observes the spectacle, casting a disapproving gaze and then backing out; the man says nothing.  When the boss is then confronting the duo and telling them that the offense has been narrowed down to one of them, the human shamelessly says that the ostrich is “obviously” the culprit, at which point the ostrich does a memorable and wide-mouthed gasp!  Obviously, some humans are capable of anything

…and darned if I don’t have an incredible desire to eat some Doritos right now, although I prefer the ranch flavor…ranch, Mmm!

Ohio Grassman, Green-Clawed Beast, and Big Muddy Monster…

Posted January 27, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: cryptozoology, mysteries, speculation, strange happenings, television, unexplained, unidentified

Tags: , , ,

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– – The latest edition of Monsters and Mysteries in America presented another trio of unexplained beasties, at least one of which, the Ohio Grassman, has appeared on earlier, similar shows.

First on the agenda was the Green-Clawed Beast, an aquatic creature reported in Evansville, Indiana. In August of 1955, Naomi Johnson was repeatedly pulled underwater in the Ohio River by a lizard-like thing similar in some ways to the “Creature from the Black Lagoon” of film. The woman escaped her ordeal with bruised and clawed legs, and peculiar mud on them analyzed and reported usually from the depths, as in caves. Interestingly enough, an Air Force colonel reportedly came to the woman’s house later investigating the incident, took copious notes, and left admonishing the lady to never repeat her story…someone call Fox Mulder, please…

…then in the vicinity of the Big Muddy River near Murphysboro in June of 1973, a couple in a car near the river heard a scream and saw a creature emerge from the water reported to be about 7′ tall weighing about 400 lbs. with glowing eyes and an unpleasant stench. They reported the incident to the police, who investigated and found foot-long footprints and heard screams. In 1988, a salvage yard worker and his boss saw the creature and retreated to a building against which impacts were then made. The Big Muddy Monster is thought to be a variety of Bigfoot who uses the river for migrating.

Lastly in Salt Fork Park in Eastern Ohio, Grassman legends go back to at least the mid-1800’s. In 1869, an assault on a man with his daughter reportedly occurred, with the plucky lass beaning the Grassman with a large rock while it was grappling with her father. Described as Bigfoot’s stockier, shorter, and angrier cousin, the Grassman is further distinguished by throwing rocks and building nests. A review of the Eddy family’s experience on Morgan’s Trail was detailed where three children saw the creature and the reunited family later heard multiple strikes on trees before wisely retreating. A Hawk Spearman also reported seeing a 6-1/2 to 7 foot tall creature with massive arms who lobbed a rock at him, later stalking and then attacking the trailer where Spearman and his companion were in residence. Gashes were left on the trailer at a height of about 8′ off of the ground…

Skunk Ape, Pascagoula Aliens, and Lizard Man…

Posted January 20, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anomalies, cryptozoology, mysteries, scalies, strange happenings, unexplained, unidentified

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— We’ve heard accounts of the Skunk Ape and the Lizard Man before, but Monsters and Mysteries in America recently bundled these two cryptids together with a tale of the Pascagoula Aliens to give us an hour’s entertainment. Unlike other series to have presented these topics before, Monsters & Mysteries tends not to present many scientific theories or opinions, or to send out an investigative team in search of the truth; reported occurrences and events together with eyewitness accounts are utilized.

Central Florida is the second most common site for hairy hominids in America, rated only after the Pacific Northwest. Rumors of the Skunk Ape came alive in the 1960’s, with the foul-smelling creature’s odor likened to road kill. Three reported sightings were reported, including one by an advanced scout on Gilcrest Island in 1961. In Niyakka State Park, a “large, thick, hairy creature” was also caught on video walking through tall grass. Something ape-like is indeed discernible on the video, although it is so distant that precise identification is impossible.

Then in Pascagoula, Mississippi in 1973, two workers fishing after work claimed to have been abducted by aliens. Hickson (age 42) and Parker (age 19) reported hearing a buzzing noise that was followed by a blue light and a glowing sphere; the duo were paralyzed, and were levitated by three aliens into a spacecraft where they were suspended in air, and examined by some kind of scanner that resembled an eye. They regained awareness back on the ground, and reported the incident to a sheriff, who secretly tape recorded their interrogation. The sheriff was impressed by the sincerity of the two men, who held to the same story for forty years. Another sighting by a different party also took place that same night.

In Bishopville, South Carolina in Scape Ore Swamp in July of 1988, an attack occurred on Chris Davis, a 17-year-old male who when changing a tire perceived a large humanoid approaching his car. Escaping in his car, the young man reported that the Lizard Man jumped on the roof of his car, riding along with the moving vehicle while pounding at the windshield with three-fingered, clawed hands. He was able to throw the creature off the vehicle, but it continued to run after the car for a time at speeds of up to 35 mph. The offending Lizard Man was green, stood about 7′ tall, and had red eyes. Damage to vehicles has also been credited to the creature, with more than a dozen sightings reported…believe it, or not!

 

Evil Gnomes, Bigfoot Wars, Hell Hounds…

Posted January 13, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anomalies, anthropomorphic, cryptozoology, furry, mysteries, strange happenings, unexplained, unidentified

Tags: , ,

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– – On Monsters and Mysteries in America as recently aired on the Destination America channel, we were treated to a full banquet consisting of segments on Bigfoot Wars, Evil Gnomes, and Hell Hounds. Much of this good stuff was reported in the vicinity of the Sierra Mountains in California, where according to legends, Bigfoot guards certain areas and defends them as his own. It seems that in prehistoric times, Native Americans and Bigfoot creatures came to blows when Bigfoot invaded Native American settlements, stealing and reportedly eating a child. In the culture clash wars which ensued, Native American spear and arrow technology was apparently sufficient to cause negotiation of a peace between the two groups, and the establishment of separate territories, boundaries of which are respected and enforced to this day.

In 2011, an expedition ventured into a Sierra Mountains canyon, where howling and screams were heard at night and audio was recorded of the same. The next day, one of two trucks used by the expedition became mired in the mud, and the expedition party departed in their one usable vehicle. When they returned for their second truck days later, the access road was barricaded in four locations, with the last obstructions so massive as to barely be movable; it was speculated that these barricades were warnings to the expedition members that their presence wasn’t wanted in that territory. Finally making their way back to the abandoned truck, the investigators found a large smudge on the vehicle’s windshield of a beast’s face. DNA was later extracted from the slobber, but showed human contamination. Might this finding possibly reflect a possible partial human heritage to Bigfoot as some have speculated?

A second segment reflected events in Porterville, California where a family was supposedly plagued by an “evil gnome.” No, I am not making this up! Reports of gnome-like creatures come from diverse locations around the world. The Thomas family in 1999 heard running noises and cackling laughter around their home prior to a face-to-face encounter returning home one night from a shopping trip; on that occasion, the panicked mother ran into her house. Later, the gnome reportedly came up to a window, cheeky devil! Two nights later, the gnome trashed the family garden, and repeated vandalisms occurred thereafter. Eventually the family moved, but later contacted a former resident at the property who had experienced similar problems. The gnome was thought to have lived in a shed on the property which was later demolished. He was probably distraught over that; there’s no place like gnome…

Finally in Palm Springs, California there are reports of hell hounds, which are described as being black with glowing eyes and razor fangs. In 2013 a retired guy reports having seen a pack of them, saying that they looked like dogs with the head of a wolf, and larger in size than these species. A neighboring man had his car cover and bumper ripped up pretty impressively, presumably by these beasties…

Tums TV Spot, “Chicken…”

Posted January 12, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry commercials, humor, strange, television

Tags:

chicken

– – It’s grotesque, absurd, and surreal, and like something out of a vegetarian’s worst nightmare…the plucked, decapitated, and man-sized chicken in a commercial for Tums Ultra Strength antacids.  Standing upright at an upscale outdoor barbecue presumably where it was consumed, this most foul fowl and the man who is now tormented by it become aware of one another’s presence at the same time.  The chicken carcass utters what I suppose martial arts challenges would sound like if vocalized by a chicken, and begins to swing its sizable plucked wings at the hapless human, landing at least one good slap.  Although caught off-guard, the man responds by dodging and directing a punch at the giant plucked bird…thankfully, we are spared the full  fury of the combat.

…the announcer then interjects, “When that chicken you had at the barbecue starts fighting with heartburn,  fight back with Tums!”  Antacids apparently succeed where fisticuffs do not, for in the final scene, the man and the great carcass are playing nicely with one another at a friendly game of volleyball.  Sports is often seen as an outlet for male aggression and a substitute for war, after all…and I do so like to see conflict resolved amicably, especially when it involves the barbecued dead…

Wendigo, Dogman, and Wolfman…

Posted January 6, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: anthropomorphic, furry, strange happenings, television, unexplained, unidentified, weird

Tags: , ,

– – Things went to the dogs or at least the canids on a recent episode of Monsters and Mysteries in America. For those partial to werewolves, the first segment presented the Beast of Bray Road, a wolf-like creature seen more than 100 times in Wisconsin since the 1940’s. Incidents involving the beast seemed to peak in the 1980’s, when a Lori Endrizzi encountered an upright creature consuming road kill along a road that she was traveling home; it appeared to be developing interest in the woman as a second course before she managed to get her stalled car started and escape. A later encounter was also profiled that occurred in 2006 when a Steve Krueger was picking up deer carcasses when something rocked his truck and helped itself to both a deer carcass and an ATV ramp in the bed of his pickup! He gunned his truck and also escaped, although the missing ramp later couldn’t be located.

A second segment profiled the Dogman, more of a spirit-based creature seen near Holly, Michigan with more than 100 sightings of similar cryptids across the world. A 2005 incident was presented where a repo man was driven off by a man-dog type hybrid which drove him off the property he had entered to reposess a Cadillac.

Lastly and perhaps most terrifying were the accounts of the Wendigo, a rather nasty entity with a taste for human flesh rooted in North American legends and said to frequent the North Woods of the Great Lakes region. The Wendigo takes over people like an infection, possessing them with a cannibalistic hunger so intense that the creature is said to chew off its own lips and gnaw on its fingers. A case was presented where a Cree Indian in the 1870’s had killed and eaten his own family, claiming at his own hanging that he was no longer a man but rather possessed by a Wendigo. In a modern case from 2008, a border on a Greyhound bus attacked a fellow traveler, decapitated him, paraded around the bus with his victim’s head like a trophy, and supposedly ate pieces of flesh from his victim…again supposedly possessed by the Wendigo, which in its true form appears as a frozen, cadaverous monster…truly scary stuff!

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Momo, Shadow People, and the Van Meter Monster

Posted December 30, 2013 by vulpesffb
Categories: anomalies, anthropomorphic, controversial, cryptozoology, television, unexplained, unidentified, urban legends

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– – Monsters and Mysteries in America recently provided us with three nightmares after Xmas in a new episode, just the right antidote for the holiday season! Momo it would appear is a Missouri version of Bigfoot, described by those who have seen if not loved him as a long-haired beast covered in fur and emanating a stench! In 1972, “Missouri Momo” generated quite a commotion in the confusingly-named town of Louisiana, Missouri for several months. He was spotted by two boys and their mother, and is blamed for the disappearance of several dogs, which the creature apparently has an appetite for. The only physical evidence of Momo, however, is a plaster cast of a footprint showing a deep heel imprint and unusual toes…

Shadow people are reported to haunt Maryville, Missouri, with some claiming to have seen full-figure apparitions. These tall, dark creatures are sometimes reported with glowing red eyes, and one subtype apparently is seen wearing a brimmed hat. One person reports repeated, long-term encounters with a shadow person he calls, “the Cowboy.” So persistent and brazen was this entity that he knocked on the window of the haunted man’s car! Shadow people can sometimes be seen straight on, and in such encounters their appearance is especially ghastly, for they can appear bloodied, burnt, and mutilated. In some encounters, shadow people have verbally communicated dark desires to the persons visited that they abandon or harm family members…

Lastly, the Van Meter Monster was an unwelcome visitor to a town of the same name in Iowa in 1903 who ushered forth from a coal mine located across the town. The creature is said to resemble a large, somewhat humanized bat with featherless wings and the rather convenient feature of a light which emanates from a horn on the beast’s forehead; in my opinion, sketches make it look rather prehistoric, like a pterodactyl.  Townspeople of that day were alerted to the presence of the creature by the appearance of light at night, often projected from a height at a time prior to electrification of the town.  The monster was reportedly shot at by a number of individuals and not harmed by the experience, in one encounter casting a foul odor at the shooter. After several nights of such experiences, manly men of that day gathered firearms and dynamited the mouth of the mine which apparently served as a portal for the creature. The mine has remained closed since that time, with the bat-man unavailable for comment, evidently sealed within…what a great tale!

Pukwudgie, Aliens, and the Dover Demon…

Posted December 23, 2013 by vulpesffb
Categories: aliens, anomalies, cryptozoology, speculation, strange happenings, television, unexplained, weird

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– – It’s not easy to come up with an hour’s worth of strangeness to feed an audience every week, but Monsters & Mysteries in America tries its best to give us a steady diet of it. Three segments of a recent episode occurred in or near the Bridgewater Triangle in Massachusetts, where apparently trolls don’t just frequent the internet, but may also be found trying to lure people into the forest. The Pukwudgie is described as being a three to four foot high creature capable of speech who can’t attack intended victims directly, but tries to entice them to follow to some foul and unimaginable fate. Cases presented involving the Pukwudgie included a 1995 encounter when a man and his dog heard a creature supposedly say “We want you,” and a 2008 event when a video camera is said to have captured an image of one at the edge of the forest.

A second segment “Alien Brood” centered on twin sisters who reported being repeatedly abducted by aliens as children with successive abductions occurring into their adulthood. When children, the sisters contended that they were visited by aliens at night who paralyzed and levitated them and took them into a spacecraft, with injuries found by the sisters on their bodies the next day. As adults, the sisters reportedly were subjected to alien “reproductive procedures” and turned into “breeders” for the production of alien “gray”-human hybrids. One 2007 encounter was termed especially violent, and one sister reported meeting a hybrid child during a later abduction.

The third segment involved three sightings of the “Dover Demon” over two nights by teenagers in April of 1977 in the Massachusetts town of Dover. The creature is said to have a huge head almost the size of his body with no visible mouth and large, glowing eyes. Described as neither human nor animal, the unidentified cryptid resembles the Gollum in the Lord of the Rings saga…

“Goat Man, Goat Sucker, and Zombie Soldiers”

Posted December 17, 2013 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anomalies, anthropomorphic, cryptozoology, furry, strange happenings, unexplained, unidentified

Tags: , , ,

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– – A recent episode of Monsters &  Mysteries in America as viewed on the Destination America channel lured viewers in with the assorted collection of paranormal and unexplained curiosities listed in our post title, unified only by their Texas location.  The segments were entertaining with content mostly seen elsewhere but mounted differently here, and healthy scientific skepticism is encouraged due to the speculative nature of the topics.  Their appearance in this blog does not mean personal endorsement of the viewpoints or explanations given by such programs.

The Goat Man segment concerned reported appearances of a large, hair-covered cryptic creature six to seven feet tall estimated to weigh 300 to 400 pounds in the Lake Worth area of Fort Worth, Texas.   In some accounts, the beast is reported to have scales on its face and horns on its head about six to eight inches long.  Also known as the Mud Man, appearances of the creature were multiple in the summer of 1969, after which time it seemed to go into hiding until being seen again in summer of 1990.   In one encounter portrayed, the Goat Man came out of trees to land on top of a car parked in a lover’s lane in the Lake Worth area, trying to grab the arm of the woman within.

A second segment of the hour episode concerned the chupacabra sightings in the Cuero, Texas area.  Some reported footage of an unidentified beast with a massive head and ears was presented that was filmed from a pursuing sheriff’s car in 2008; canid-like, this creature escaped further pursuit and identification by running off the road.  A nutritionist, Dr. Phylis Canion, was then portrayed whose ranch had experienced chicken slaughter incidents.  A deceased specimen of the beast was found on a nearby road, and actually maintained by the woman in a home freezer before being sent out for testing; DNA results did not match the creature with known animals such as dogs or coyotes, with the conclusion made that it was an unknown species.  Some have concluded that the Cuero chupacabra is a hybrid creature, possibly with a skin condition such as mange.  The segment differentiated the Cuero sightings from those associated with chupacabra sightings and encounters in Puerto Rico, where the creature is more alien in appearance and apparently capable of at least some degree of bipedalism.

Lastly and perhaps with least credibility was a report of “zombie soldiers” in the Brownsville area of southern Texas, with the suggestion made that such appearances are associated with fighting in the area which occurred in the Mexican-American or Civil War.  The shorter segment detailed an incident in summer of 1985 when a young couple in a truck pulled off on a side road at night to pursue some sleep.  A knock came at the truck door with the couple exiting the truck cab to investigate, following a light seen ahead, and subsequently being encircled by zombie-like individuals attired in similar fashion, as in “Walking Dead”episodes.  The couple managed to make their way back to the safety of their truck, and gunning the vehicle escaped in it back to the main road.  Handprints were later discovered all over the truck’s exterior. A bloody battle of the American Civil War had supposedly taken place on the grounds of their encampment in 1865.

Hinging just on the account of the couple involved, the third segment had the flavor of an urban myth, although the area involved has a history supportive of ghostly encounter tales…pleasant screams!

The Lake Murray Monster…

Posted December 12, 2013 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, aquatic, cryptozoology, scalies, television, unexplained, unidentified

Tags: , ,

Lake Murray

– – A recent episode of Haunted Highway on the Syfy channel sent the two-person investigative team of Devin and Jael to Lake Murray in South Carolina in the U.S. This large lake, ranging in depths of over 200 feet, has had accounts dating back to the 1930’s of a large, unidentified aquatic creature about 40 to 60 feet long with a snake-like body and scales the size of a hand. Many reported appearances of the beast have been with accompanying acts of aggression towards the observers, including boats being struck. It is considered a kind of cousin to the Loch Ness monster, and is nicknamed “Messie.”

Taking a boat out into the lake, the investigative team saw a large shadow in the water which disappeared. They then went to Dreher Island in the lake, where something struck the boat hard enough to shake it. The team then went for a night dive off Dreher Island, although the murkiness of the lake limited visibility to several feet under water. A “Deep Trekker” camera was later sent underwater, loosing its video feed at one point, but later resuming it to capture a blurry image of something large moving through the water. An expert later consulted by the team regarded the image captured to be that of a large sturgeon.

Some eyewitnesses reported having seen the Lake Murray beast over the years, with those who maintain having seen it in an incident about two years ago describing it as definitely not looking like an eel or a sturgeon…so as with so many similar cases, the Lake Murray Monster remains elusive, and the current investigation report was inconclusive…