The Phantom Forever!

Posted January 10, 2015 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal elements, comics, fantasy

Tags: ,

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I’ve always had a soft spot for the Phantom, also known as “The Ghost Who Walks,” and “The Man Who Cannot Die ”  A lesser known rather retro comic hero who was kind of a Batman of the jungle, the Phantom (alias Kit Walker) usually fought crime and evil in the company of his white horse, Hero, and his trained wolf, Devil…all while wearing a skin-tight purple suit rather well!  Not that many guys can wear purple and pull it off without looking like Prince, especially in the jungle where Tarzan was probably better attired for the climate. The Phantom was the first comic hero to wear such an outfit, however, as well as the mask which fails to reveal the underlying pupils.

Now the sea may have belonged to Aquaman, but the Phantom ruled the jungle rather well, which was admittedly strange for a white guy wearing purple. The Phantom pulled it off, however, having a cool heritage with an ancestry going back several centuries to 1536 when pirates caused the shipwreck of the original Phantom. The current-day Phantom was then actually the latest in a long succession (21) of dudes in purple, the previous generations of which were all tidily buried in the Skull Cave, kind of the Wayne Manor of the franchise.  The Phantom line kind of traded on the reputation of their supposed immortality, wearing a skull ring without being Goth about it; said ring left a skull imprint upon those slugged by it. The Phantom otherwise has no superpowers, but is simply a superb athlete, marksman, and martial artist who can get along with the pygmy poison people…

Now the Phantom legend and lore is far more extensive than this, but suffice it to say that it managed to be both cornball and cool at the same time, a strange mix of yet oddly appealing elements that not surprisingly has never translated terribly well to either film or the small screen. Originally created by Lee Falk in 1936, efforts to re-make the character have been less than successful but will continue in 2015.  I hope that the “Guardian of the Eastern Dark” continues to be “rough on roughnecks” (old jungle saying)…

 

Camels: “It’s What You Do…”

Posted December 31, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, animal spokepersons, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, television

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The original Geico commercial with Caleb the Camel at the office is now kind of a classic.  Success, unfortunately, tends to breed imitation, and so it comes as no surprise in this new commercial to see humans at the zoo tormenting camels on display with “Guess what day it is” banter.  As anyone who has heard the many imitators can vouch, it gets old pretty quickly…

We are then privy to a conversation held between two camels at the zoo who are being badgered by camel wanna-bees, complete with dialogue from the original commercial.  Understandably, they are weary of it.  “It’s not even Wednesday!,” complains one camel to his companion.  “Let it go, Phil,”  advises the other.  The voice of the announcer then cuts in; “When you’re a camel, this is what you put up with all the time…it’s what you do…”

Camels…more sinned against than sinning.  Joe Camel, purveyor of tobacco products in an earlier time, never knew these burdens…and a happy and prosperous New Year to all of our readers!

 

 

 

“I Heard Something in the Attic” d-Con Commercial

Posted December 25, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, strange, television

Tags: , ,

 

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In another commercial for d-Con pest control, a couple goes to investigate a noise heard in their attic. Once there, they encounter two large and socially-inappropriate mice. Now these are not your cute and endearing Christmas mice, but rather human-sized anthropomorphic ones who not only take up residence in your attic, but also rifle through personal possessions and even put on your stored clothing that they find there! Clearly, a line of some sort has been crossed here…

One of the mice appears to be looking through a photo album while another is wearing some kind of frilly feminine outfit, possibly a bridal gown. We’ll hope that said mouse is female, as I prefer not to even consider the thought of cross-gender dressing rodents, much less what pleasure they may take in such acts. No creature does this better than Bugs Bunny, anyways, and he always uses the ploy to confound his adversaries. Small wonder, then, that the couple order the offending vermin out…humanoid mice need to have a better sense of decorum. As the commercial concludes, enough is enough…

d-Con’s “Mouse in the Pantry” Commercial

Posted December 19, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, television

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In a short, arguably disgusting, but twisted commercial for d-Con pest control products, a father with two young children finds some sizable, oblong, dark-colored objects littering the kitchen floor.  “What are those?,” questions a child innocently.  Following the trail of unspeakable things to the kitchen pantry, the father jerks open the pantry door to reveal…a mouse!  A large, anthropomorphic, fursuited mouse is seated comfortably on the pantry floor while munching on some snack for humans right out of the box!  The father screams in surprise at the unwelcome furry visitor, who yells back startled at the human intruder. – – It’s a Kodak moment!  

“Get out!,” demands the father of the surprised anthro rodent.  Those were his droppings strewn on  the floor, you see.   You certainly wouldn’t want to find such a creature stirring in your house on Xmas Eve…perhaps if he were fitted with Depends, he would be less objectionable.  Darn vermin seem to get bigger every year!

 

Progressive’ s “Flo’s Family”

Posted December 6, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, Brilliant but twisted, Off-topic, television

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Many of us suffer through the holiday gatherings of our dysfunctional families.  It can then be strangely comforting to view the mouth-fighting, absurdities, and friction crackling through the air at meal gatherings of Flo’s Family, she of Progressive Insurance fame.  While Flo is strangely disquieting and surreal, the viewer emerges from such commercials with a better understanding of the family dynamics which produced her, and indeed may feel oddly sympathetic.  Flo has actually done remarkably well for herself, considering her background.  This is the family from hell, and perhaps we may see a bit of our own in it.

Actress Stephanie Courtney plays six roles in a number of spots, including Flo, Janice, Todd, Diane, Dad, and Grandpa.  Most of the commercials are a mere half minute long, but in some such as Creative Thanksgiving, the ads expand to about two minutes, providing a kind of mini sitcom.  Flo’s relentlessly cheerful mother Diane announces that the family is having a “creative” Thanksgiving, which amounts to a euphemism for crazy.  Instead of a traditional turkey, Mom has made turkey balls, turkey burgers, turkey rolls, turkey sliders, and so on.  Eyeing a turkey ball with toothpick on his plate, Grandpa complains, “What is this? The Great Depression?!,” crying out to Flo as “Nurse!”  She does look like one, as Flo dresses in her white Progressive uniform every day.  Sister Janice proclaims that this constant attire is an insult to her creativity.  “Well, they were all out of tube tops at the gas station,” retorts Flo.  Dad ventures that he gets creative in where he leaves his socks.  “What’s a man gotta do to get a hot plate around here?!,” complains Grandpa.  Crazy stuff…err, I mean creative!

And so it goes…funny thing is, this would be a better sitcom than half of those currently on television!  

When Turkeys Attack!

Posted November 27, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal behavior, animal rights, animals, avian, feathered friends, strange happenings, television

Tags: ,

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The Destination America channel treated us to some strange, tongue-in-cheek fare the evening before Thanksgiving with a special styled somewhat like numerous others airing on that network, and called “When Turkeys Attack!”  The show used home video footage depicting wild turkeys chasing children, grandmothers, and grown men; one chased and kept up with a bicyclist for a short distance, while others attacked mail delivery vehicles in a territorial frenzy.

Now wild turkeys should be distinguished from domesticated turkeys genetically engineered to be walking hunks of meat; these are the descendants of theropods, a carnivorous dinosaur.  A wild tom turkey can stand about waist high on a human, and can drop kick you in the head.  This could be a bad encounter as the males have razor sharp spurs on the back of their legs that are 1-1/2″ – 2″ long.  They can flog you with their wings.  Turkeys will try to strike at your head, have acute hearing, and can read subtle behavior rather well.

How then does one defend against a wild turkey attack?  It was suggested that you don’t run and flee from them, but rather try to put a physical object between yourself and the offending turkey.  Don’t try to fend one off with a flipped jacket, which they may interpret as an invitation to attack. Cover your head, and try to kick at them.  In the words of one expert, “Some turkeys are territorial, some defend their women, some are just crazy!”  

Giants, or Big Hoax?

Posted November 23, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: anomalies, anthropomorphic, mysteries, television, unexplained

Tags: ,

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There’s always been interest in giants, and we’re not referring to sports teams here! A History Channel series, Search for the Lost Giants: Unraveling the Mystery (S1/Ep01) investigates the myths and legends about giants that exist in every culture.

Leading the search are an unlikely duo, Jim and Bill Vieira, two brothers and stone masons from a Massachusetts town. The scrapbook of George Sheldon, a local historian, had clippings about the findings of “giant” remains, with about 1,400 – 1,500 reports supposedly in existence. One 1895 report spurring their investigation detailed the discovery of a skeleton supposedly 8′ tall that boasted a double row of teeth. Their investigation then went to the town of Deerfield, Massachusetts where the use of ground penetrating radar found impressions of a flat rectangle 12′ long that they felt might have been a burial site. As the site was protected, excavation of it was not possible.

In the nearby town of Goshen, Massachusetts there was, however, an underground tunnel 15′ deep that had received some prior study in 1980 with speculation made that it might have been a burial chamber for the ruler of a race of giants. The tunnel was covered by a 6,000 lb. rock sitting atop a 6″ thick rock slab, and nearby was an inscription in stone later determined to be in Latin. Removing the obstructing stone and rock slab, the team penetrated the tunnel to a distance of sixty feet beyond which further penetration was impossible due to a cave-in at that juncture.

Feeling that a concealed burial chamber resided beyond that point, the investigators brought in a core drill to penetrate beyond a “zipper” in the stone wall which suggested that such a secret chamber might exist beyond that point. The drill penetrated to a depth of 11′, bringing up sand from that depth which might have been conducive to the preservation of a burial. Beyond this, there was no hard evidence and no remains were produced.

At one point in the hour-long show, the amateur investigators consulted with a paleoanthropologist who termed it unlikely that giants existed in the absence of physical evidence. If a race of giants did exist, the question abides, where are the bones? Rather far-fetched explanations presented as possibilities included the thoughts that such remains were either deliberately concealed by scientists, or quietly repatriated in North America to native Americans. There are more unanswered than answered questions here, but it will be interesting to see in what additional directions this show goes…

 

 

Gumby & Pokey “Honda Days” Commercial…

Posted November 18, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, furry, furry commercials, television

Tags: ,

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Gumby and his equine sidekick, Pokey, are again going through a renaissance of sorts, with revivals planned in some child television venues by the end of the year, and a Honda commercial currently airing the duo, who are shown rappeling down the dashboard of a Civic and marveling at its features.  The little green clay guy has held up well over the years, and is as agile and chipper as always. Despite having hooves, Pokey can descend a rope surprisingly well.

Other “Honda Days” spots feature additional classic characters from days gone by, including “Skeletor” from the “Masters of the Universe” series, complete with attitude…

Gecko’ s “Really Literal” Genie…

Posted November 9, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, animal presence, animals, Brilliant but twisted, television

Tags: , ,

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Two women begin this Geico commercial eating outside with the usual conversation about how spending 15 minutes with Geico can save you 15% on your car insurance.  “Everyone knows that!,” dismisses one woman.  “Well, did you know that some genies can be really literal?,” retorts the other.

Cut to a mock-sitcom called, “Genie and Me,” complete with laugh track.  A man is unpacking boxes, and comes upon a brass lamp, which he polishes. — Poof!  A genie appears, who has a wonderfully disaffected, almost bored expression.  His master is granted a wish, and greedily if predictably wishes for a million bucks.  The genie gestures, and the house and grounds are suddenly populated with a million bucks…the four-legged, antlered variety!  Be careful what you wish for, as it is said…

…there are other “Genie and Me” episodes available for viewing, all in the style of a 1950’s – 1960’s sitcom, complete with hokey humor.  In one, the mother of the genie’ s master mistakes the magical lamp for a gravy boat.  “Good gravy!,” comments the genie, who is wonderful to watch.  It’s fake television, but still better tongue-in-cheek viewing than much of the drek actually airing on the tube…Ray, Genie! 

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Searching for Bigfoot…

Posted November 5, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: aliens, anomalies, anthropomorphic, controversial, cryptozoology, speculation, television, unidentified

Tags: ,

 

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It’s hard not to like Georgio Tsoukalos, he of the wild hair who investigates the paranormal.  While Georgio is most interested in aliens, in S1/Ep05 of In Search of Aliens, Georgio goes Searching for Bigfoot, but of course manages to work in possible connections with extraterrestrials.  Unlike too many similar shows, Georgio actually meets with researchers and scientists, but puts his own unique spin on what he learns.  Going out with the Olympic Project Team into Washington’s Olympic Peninsula, Georgio learns of how the team has recorded vocalizations that cannot be matched with any identifiable species, heard “wood knockings,” and made molds of 16″ footprints.  He quickly goes off into wild speculations, however, on possible linkage between UFO sightings and Bigfoot appearances, further seeking to tie both in with animal mutilations in the area.  This in turn is seen to tie in with genetic manipulations by aliens, a favored theme.

After touching on Bigfoot sightings and additional speculations on whether sasquatch is possibly some kind of skinwalker or shape-shifter, Georgio wound up consulting with a biological anthropologist in San Diego, who deemed that undetected subspecies were indeed possible.  Bigfoot after all might be a surviving strain of Gigantopithecus.  Georgio would like to think that aliens manipulated primate genes to create humanity, and since Georgio seems to have tamed his hair a bit since hosting this series, I suppose all things are possible…