Geico Water Hazard Monster!

Posted September 3, 2015 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, anomalies, Brilliant but twisted, cryptozoology, paranormal, strange, television
Tags: ,

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Golf tends not to be especially thrilling as a spectator sport, but it could be enlivened considerably by making the water hazards truly hazardous, say by putting a Kraken into the water!  Golfer Bill in a recent Geico commercial is having a truly bad round when an enormous tentacle whips out of the water and ensnares him, the golfer flailing helplessly against its iron grip.

The sportscasters in the face of this spectacle are unflappable, commenting in whispered tones about how the golfer’s five iron may not be enough club to handle this situation; he’s gonna lose a stroke on this one!  More of the Kraken then becomes  visible for inspection, and it is truly a beast of Lovecraftian proportions; now this is a sporting event!  Still nonplussed, the sportscasters continue to comment in whispered tones; it’s what they do…

I’d pull up a chair and pay to see golf matches like this!  With quicksand, scorpions, and rattlesnakes, perhaps we could also lend new meaning to tired old golf course “sand traps.”- – Now that’s entertainment!

Comments: 3 Comments

Whooping Cough Wolf!

Posted August 24, 2015 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: , ,

 

 

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“Aww, doesn’t the baby look sweet…and tender?”

So you might think that the wolf was thinking in an edgy current public service health commercial about the dangers of whooping cough exposure for infants.  In the Big Bad Cough spot, a couple is taking their infant child to visit a grandmother, who transforms from human to lupine right before our eyes!  This is supposed to represent the hidden danger posed by whooping cough, carried by the unwary grandmother.  Pertussis is a spreadable disease especially dangerous to young children, and the commercial draws upon the classic Red Riding Hood tale.

Now wolves tend to generally get a bad press, representing nothing positive.  The Red Riding Hood story has been reworked and re-told a variety of ways, but I’ve always felt somewhat sympathetic towards wolves, and the notion of a wolf in bed wearing a grandmother’s clothing is not without its comic elements, at least in my twisted mind. Perhaps the wolf rather enjoyed the cross-dressing…at any rate, he deserved better than being axed to death by a woodman!  In one revisionist kiddie literature version, the story is re-told from the wolf’s perspective…now that’s entertainment!

Comments: 3 Comments

Shaun the Sheep!

Posted August 6, 2015 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anthropomorphic, furry, movies
Tags: ,

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Although a smaller sheep, Shaun the Sheep has leadership written all over him, and would probably be a better presidential candidate than most of the Republican field.  A break-out character from the third Wallace & Gromit short, ‘A Close Shave,’ Shaun is a resident of the Mossy Bottom Farm who needs some time off from the farm, eventually winding up with the flock in the Big City (London).  The farmer who pursues them winds up hospitalized with amnesia, and it falls to Shaun to free the farmer, return home, and restore the normal order of things.

Remarkably, this can be done without dialogue save for the odd sound effect and musical score.  Visual humor is key, with references made to The Shawshank Redemption, The Silence of the Lambs, and even The Wolverine.  We also learn that sheep, long under-rated creatures, can sing harmony.

Other films from Aardman Animations include Wallace & Gromit and Chicken Run.  The resourceful Shaun also has his own television show in the United Kingdom…

Comments: 5 Comments

Cecil’s Legacy…

Posted August 1, 2015 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal abuse, animals, controversial, events involving animals, furry, furry causes
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It’s heartening to realize that occasionally at least public outrage may be triggered by senseless acts of cruelty and violence against animals, and the illegal slaughter of well-known and beloved animal preserve lion Cecil by an American dentist in Africa has triggered spirited protests and heightened public awareness of both the problems of illegal poaching and the practice of trophy hunting.

The office of the Minnesota dentist involved has been the location of impromptu shrines, angry posters, and picketing, with Dr. Palmer himself in hiding, possibly to face extradition to Africa; over 100,000 signatures presently exist on an on-line petition urging such at this point.  Palmer’ s guides may face prison terms of up to ten years.   Trophy hunting is a nasty practice in which about 600 lions are killed annually, 2/3 of which make their way to America as an ornament for someone’s den or wall, a tribute to human arrogance, ego, and vanity. 

Many Americans simply don’t know that such things are going on, but due to the flap over Cecil’ s illegal hunting death even legal “big game” hunting businesses are starting to feel the pinch, some of which offer excursions to kill not only lions but also elephants and rhinos, for sufficient funds. Perhaps public shaming of participants in such ventures may make them less common…

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Comments: 3 Comments

Cecil the Lion Slaughtered…

Posted July 29, 2015 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal rights, animals, deplorable practices, furry
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I will always remember the occasion when I was taken as a boy of about ten to the den of a wealthy neighbor who was a “big game” hunter.  I was supposed to admire the heads of lions, antelope, and other exotic wild animals that stared at me from the walls, but instead I was filled with a sense of horror and revulsion; this was to me a charnel house, a mortuary. This “mighty hunter” had not done in my sight anything commendable to be worthy of praise or emulation.

The actions of my former neighbor, while I found them personally deplorable, were at least legal. Not so was the hunt of American dentist Walter Palmer of Eden Prairie, Minnesota, who paid at least fifty thousand to track and kill Cecil, a beloved and protected lion at the Hwange National Park in Zimbabwe who was readily identifiable, the object of research, and wore a collar.  Cecil was lured off the National Park and then shot with bow and arrow. Wounded and suffering, Cecil lived and was tracked for forty hours before being cornered and fatally shot by the “mighty hunter.” Cecil’s ultimate fate was then to be skinned and beheaded, and his cubs will likely be killed by the next lion in the hierarchy to spread their bloodline.  

Since this despicable and stomach-churning act, the dentist will at least be charged with poaching and has begun to receive some well-deserved drilling himself. The Yelp page for Palmer’ s dental facility has been overrun with negative comments. “Wouldn’t it be clever to see how you would face Cecil without your tricks and tools?,” ran one comment.  That’s a fantasy I could well entertain.  Rest in peace, Cecil…you deserved so much better than you received.

Comments: 1 Comment

The Beasts of “Thrones”

Posted July 26, 2015 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, extinct species, fantasy, television
Tags: ,

 

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There are many reasons to watch HBO’s Game of  Thrones, including the superb acting, the complex plotting and character development, and the rich medieval settings inspired by European history.  Animal life as depicted in the series includes both present day and extinct species as well as fantasy creatures, some of which serve the human characters.  We are shown both dire wolves and dragons, for example, in continuing episodes.   An obedient dire wolf like Ghost can keep you safe from just about any hazard you might encounter in the wilderness, and an army with dragons in service is capable of laying waste to a castle.

Beyond such creature features we are introduced to the concept of a warg or skin-shifter, who is a person capable of slipping mentally into the mind of an animal and dominating that beast, making it do their bidding and seeing through its eyes.  Think mental dominance, kind of like Andy McGee’s character in Firestarter or the Jedi knights of Star Wars, but with an added remote viewing component.  It’s handy, for example, to slip into the mind of a bird for aerial surveys of the enemy’s location, and causing wolves to attack foes is also a useful skill.  Being a warg might be a nice power to have if you can’t actually shapeshift.

All in all, getting into Game of Thrones is a journey worthy of your time if you have any taste for medieval fantasy epics, and you can access past seasons on the “on demand” feature of cable services or pay per episode through Amazon.  I’d recommend starting the series at the beginning and working your way sequentially through to avoid feeling hopelessly confused should you jump in mid-stream.  Author George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire upon which the series is based is also quite a read…

Comments: 3 Comments

Not Bad for a Beach Ape!

Posted July 21, 2015 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal behavior, animals, aquatic
Tags:

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Dang, these Aussie guys are tough!  When a cheeky bull shark tried to blindside Australian surfing champ Mick Fanning during a live televised competition, the blighter got a bit more than he bargained for.  Spectators thought that they were about to see someone eaten alive before their eyes, but despite being caught off guard and lacking the formidable choppers of his impromptu opponent, Mick slugged the shark in the back and retreated with all of his body parts intact!

I think we’ve found a worthy successor to  Paul Hogan as Crocodile Dundee!  (Film producers, take note!)  Pretty soon sharks will be watching Human Week on the tube to see if we’re as tough as they’ve heard…

Comments: 2 Comments

James Patterson’s “Zoo” is Coming!

Posted June 26, 2015 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal behavior, animal presence, animals, furry, television
Tags:

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When the revolution comes, mammalian furries of different species will work together, communicate over distances, and intelligently coordinate devastating attacks upon humans that will utterly overwhelm and decimate them!

So is the general premise of Zoo, a popular 2012 novel co-authored by James Patterson and Michael Ledwidge. That novel is soon to become a television series on CBS, beginning this upcoming Tuesday evening.  Thirteen episodes are assured, with perhaps additional ones to follow should the series catch on.  Zoo will be set in a variety of different locations around the world rather than in a single unchanging site.  Lion attacks in Los Angeles, California will apparently be featured early on, but we will also see domestic cat attacks.

A renegade zoologist called Jackson Oz is a featured character, with such lines as “Animal behavior is changing!”  Will the humans listen in time? – – Don’t bet on it!  The novel was generally well-received by most, despite some junk science in it. While thus far I’ve only been able to view previews and trailers, you can bet that I’ll be glued to the tube this upcoming week to cheer for the home team!

 

Comments: 12 Comments

Things in the Refrigerator…

Posted June 15, 2015 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, anthropomorphic, strange, television
Tags: ,

I,
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I, for one, find the notion of articulate beings addressing me from within the confines of an egg crate disquieting.  As someone who has taken a college-level embryology course, it’s hard enough for me to eat an egg, and I certainly don’t want to converse with one, much less some kind of medieval tiny humanoid thing clad in armor emerging from the crate.  This is clearly abnormal and wrong on so many different levels…

Introduced in 2012, Sir Can-A-Lot is on a crusade to “rescue the world from routine meals.” This Is far preferable, I suppose, to joining ISIS, and the diminutive knight is polite if annoyingly enthusiastic about the SPAM product that he endorses as “glorious SPAM!”  And I thought that I needed a life!

Now in my dark little mind, I would like to see this scene rewritten to resemble a memorable one in the Gremlins films where a housewife becomes a kitchen samurai when confronted by invading gremlins, using household appliances against the invaders to deadly effect .– Let’s have the lady of the house grab the little knight, throw him in the microwave, and see if he sparks! Consider also throwing him in the sink garbage disposal to see how protective that tiny suit of armor really is! With a kitchen array of food processors, blenders, and cutting knives the possibilities for home defense are both varied and entertaining.

My mind is a strange and frightening place to be, really…

Comments: 4 Comments

Cows in a Class!

Posted June 5, 2015 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, furry, furry commercials, television

 

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In a recent Dairy Pure milk commercial, an enthusiastic teacher is drilling her bovine charges on the “Five Point Promise” of the product.  Each “student” is dressed distinctly, with such accessories as eyeglasses and hair.

Apparently, chewing one’s cud is allowed in class…they’re cows, for crying out loud, what else could they do?!

When the teacher asks her students to enumerate what they know about the milk, one blond-haired cow responds, “It comes from udders,” and the rest of the cow-kids titter in repressed laughter.  Kids are the same everywhere…udders, heh, she said udders!

What I want to know is, how did this lucky teacher come to have only four students in class?  You can bet that they’re motivated, too…after all, what self-respecting young cow would want to be a milk dud, or an udder failure?  (Yes, we have no shame here…)

Comments: 4 Comments

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