Archive for the ‘television’ category

Billy the Exterminator!

March 13, 2010

– – You may not want to watch this show while eating, especially when he’s grappling with cockroaches, but otherwise Billy the Exterminator on the A & E network is a hoot!

Now Louisiana has lots of critters needing removal, and Billy together with his brother, Ricky, and other members of his family run a small but effective operation that’s shared with you.   Billy himself looks like an over-aged punk rocker or goth, complete with spiked hair, black clothes,  spiked armband, and  an aura of cheerful insanity; such apparently helps in that business.   He seems like a really nice guy and knows his stuff, even if you wouldn’t want him to marry your sister…anyhow, ladies, he’s taken!   As far as exterminators go, Billy’s also refreshingly humane, and tends to be into relocation of most of the life forms he removes, except for the insects.- –Catch and Release, three words to live by!

Watch a few episodes, and you’ll see Billy remove poisonous snakes, raccoons, bats, beavers, and a variety of other mammals and invertebrates from sites where they’re not wanted.  In a recent surreal episode, the intrepid exterminator was called upon to remove a nasty, p.o.’d rattlesnake from the cremation area of a funeral parlor.  It’s not all the glory stuff, however…in an another episode, you crawl along with Billy as he goes underneath a building to remove the festering and rancid corpse of a bloated, decomposing cat that’s stinking to high heaven.–“Fluffy’s not so fluffy anymore,” jokes Billy, noting that bugs are crawling in and out of the late cat’s head.- -Sure am glad that I wasn’t snacking during that one!

So give Billy the Exterminator a look…he’s got an interesting if offbeat life, and you might find a new role model!


The Flatwoods Monster!

March 11, 2010

– – You can call him the Flatwoods Monster, or you can call him the Braxton County Monster, or you can call him the Phantom of Flatwoods…just don’t call him early in the morning or late for dinner, ’cause this nine or ten foot tall reptilian monster gets cranky, and just might emit some noxious fumes in your direction that could act like mustard gas, burn your respiratory tract, and ruin your whole day!

In a golden oldie incident going way back to September 12th of 1952, the Flatwoods Monster event was still cool, representing as it did a Close Encounter of the Third Kind! Back even before Elvis made it big, a large, pulsating ball of red light hovered above or rested on the ground in the town of Flatwoods in Braxton County, West Virginia.  The apparent pilot of this craft was described as being about ten feet tall but reptilian in aspect, with bulging red non-human eyes, a red face that glowed from within, and a green body clad with green, pleated skirt-like apparel that may have been a booster.   Some accounts describe the creature as having no visible arms, while others attribute short stubby arms ending in two claw-like fingers that protruded from the front of the body.  Clearly, this alien would have had a hard time finding a date on Saturday night, even in West Virginia.

When startled, the creature is reported to have emitted a series of sharp hisses and a thumping sound that emanated from within its body, ejecting for good measure a thick mist of noxious substance that irritated the eyes and noses of witnesses.   An oily residue of this substance was reportedly found on the faces of two of the witnesses after the encounter, another reportedly getting it on clothing.

Now MonsterQuest reports that other sightings of the Flatwoods Monster have occurred since ’52 and in other regions, although Flatwoods remains the epicenter.  Most recently, three such humanoid creatures were seen by a lone deer hunter who was understandably freaked out by the whole experience.  In their investigation of the sighting area, MonsterQuest investigators questioned whether a release of gases from the underground may have caused hallucinations and the reported  fireball associated with the appearance of the monster.  Their investigation found no sign of radiation or gas leaks.   Chemical investigations of a black plastic-like substance found indicated that it was a natural, organic material like wood.

In a tangent, the episode questioned whether the creature seen might have been a human-alien hybrid, and dragged out the Starchild skull, a freaky 800-some-year-old artifact that we’ve previously considered in an earlier post here.  The expert working with the Starchild skull found it to be that of a human child with modifications that were intentionally inflicted, very possibly as part of a cultural practice like cradle-boarding.

So what in the final analysis do we have?–As usual, not much of anything, but it was a fun trip, and it was good to have seen physicist Stanton Friedman again, who made a brief appearance on the episode!  It was also concluded that witnesses from the original and later sightings of the Flatwoods Monster were most likely seeing the same thing…and I’d rather meet with the grays than reptilian extraterrestrials, wouldn’t you?


Fishies of Fury!

March 4, 2010

– – I, for one, do not worry excessively about piranha, although Frankie the Fish does tend to annoy me because his McDonald’s jingle sticks inside my head.  (–“Gimme back that Fillet-O-Fish!”)

Anyways, MonsterQuest warned in their current episode that reports of piranha sightings have been growing around the country!–Yes, a Piranha Invasion! Even though these suckers are native to South American countries like Brazil, piranha have reportedly been caught every year for the past three years in the Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri.

So MonsterQuest sent their team to this very location where a baited underwater surveying system was submerged, using what they termed a “dead chicken”  as bait.  While the deceased chicken was shredded up a bit, cameras showed that native fish did it rather than piranha.  The science team additionally ran experiments to see if red-bellied piranha could survive in cold water as would be encountered in the Ozark lake in winter.  They found that the piranha huddled together in temperatures from 55 to 50 degrees, and below that point, they lost their equilibrium and would presumably croak.   Parts of the Ozark lake in question are fed by underwater streams that stay warmer,  possibly in the mid-to upper 50’s range in winter so piranha could survive.

The historical perspectives of the show were to me the most interesting, with reference made to a mega-piranha four times the size of the current model which became extinct ten million years ago.  None less than Teddy Roosevelt gave an account of Amazonian piranha back in 1914 which cemented their reputation as ferocious.  An old grainy black and white photo of about that vintage was also shown depicting a human body stripped to the skeleton supposedly by piranha.  Today, there are dozens of documented piranha attacks in South America, with many of the victims having lost pieces of fingers and toes.

With over 40 different species of piranha, some like the red bellied variety may be better able to survive cold water, and there may be a handful of piranha in the Ozark lake, although probably not a lively breeding population.   Nothing to lose sleep over…

…and maybe next week’s episode on a “Lizard Man” may be more interesting!

Frankie the Fish!

February 22, 2010

– – Not to be confused with the Big Mouth Billy Bass fish, a horrendous novelty gift of almost ten years ago, Frankie the Fish is a similar but distinctive item who memorably hawks McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish sandwich.

“Gimme back that Filet-O-Fish/Gimme that fish,” sings Frankie in his own distinctive fashion in a commercial that tends to run through your head over and over again until you’re ready to filet yourself.   Notable is the fact that the two human actors in the ad don’t talk at all, one shrugging off the singing  fish on a plaque and the other displaying surprise.  The sandwich is made from cod and pollock, and originally a taxidermist created a pollock fish with a remote control device to operate his head and tail.  That creation was considered too scary, so the fish was made more toy-like to be less creepy.

McDonald’s sells about 300 million Filet-O-Fish sandwiches annually, 25% of them during the 40 days of Lent.  Frankie himself is quite the spokesfish, with the ad viewed on You Tube more than a million times…


“Scooter’s” Salvation!

February 18, 2010

– – This Minute Maid commercial is priceless!  “Mr. Hill, there’s something wrong with Scooter!,” cry elementary school students in alarm to their teacher.  At first, he’s drowsy and really doesn’t care, only reassuring the kids that he’s kept the store receipt for the unresponsive rabbit.- –Somebody forgot to boost!

Then in an alternate scenario, the teach when alerted slams down some Minute Maid Enhanced Strawberry Kiwi juice, spies floating helium balloons tethered nearby, rubs the balloons on his hair, and then applies the balloons to the bunny in distress, the static electricity acting like a cardiac defibrillator! Scooter is saved, jolted back to life and awakening with his static-charged fur standing on end while the class cheers!

Now you see why science education must never be neglected, to say nothing of enhanced fruit juices…

“Mothman” on MonsterQuest…

February 12, 2010

– – We’ve posted here before on Mothman, but that was before the MonsterQuest edition.  After all of the humdrum episodes on rats, feral dogs, snakes, and killer bees The Quest has again found a cryptid subject worthy of their consideration!   One wonders why they took this long to get to Mothman…

This cryptid has been drawing attention for decades, and is described as appearing somewhat like a man-bat, standing about 7 feet tall, weighing around 250 pounds, and boasting an impressive 10-15 foot wingspan.  He has prominent red eyes, emits a high-pitched shriek, and can reach incredible speeds in flight, readily keeping up with a speeding car!   I love the re-creations of cryptid encounters that they do on The Quest! One idiot, after drag-racing Mothie in his car, was shown pulling over and chucking rocks at the cryptid!    Impressive was another re-creation that depicted Mothman perched gargoyle-like atop a tall bridge; really great stuff! – -This image alone made the episode for me, but I digress…

Anyhow, reports of the winged creature were previously best associated with sightings in Point Pleasant, West Virginia beginning in 1966 when over 100 encounters were recorded.  In 1967, the Silver Bridge buckled and collapsed in that town, causing 40 deaths and leading to the reputation of Mothman as a “dark angel” of some sort who shows up before local tragedies.   More recently,  Mothman is reputed to have branched out, showing up as far away from his original stomping grounds as Wisconsin.  Other supposed sightings were said to have taken place in New York City prior to the 9-11-01 terrorist attacks; even more recent was a 2009 sighting in Sacramento, California.

Now MonsterQuest tested the theory that Mothman is a known animal, most specifically a barn owl.  Their experiment showed that size estimates of Mothman cut-outs placed in locations varied widely, and were generally over-estimated.  In spite of this, a psychological expert testified that people will have high confidence in a distorted memory image, an image which can be fleeting and further distorted by the fear response.   “Psychological contagion” is also known to cause people to see things once they are reported.   MonsterQuest further demonstrated that the eyes of many animals will glow red as they reflect light at night, including barn owls.

Be this as it may, one is hard pressed to believe that misidentified barn owls account for all of the Mothman sightings.  In the absence of hard evidence, however, the truth as often happens is still out there…

…long live this “dark angel!”


“Giant Killer Bees” on MonsterQuest…

February 5, 2010

– – Whenever I hear of killer bees, I think of that wonderful old Saturday Night Live sketch with the original cast and their tacky but hilarious get-ups…bobbing antennae and all!

I’m less fond of the more mundane MonsterQuest episodes featuring such things as feral dogs, underground rats, and yes, killer bees.  It strikes me that the series is stretching for material on such episodes, expanding and sensationalizing what they have.  Killer bees are a rather old saw at this point, and only the beekeeping forums were buzzing about this one.

Don’t get me wrong; bees are awesome insects, kinda nature’s Borg collective.  Like the pythons featured in the previous episode, they’re expanding their range, and can adapt to colder northern environments by doing things like “clustering,” grouping together in the central core of their hives to conserve and share heat.

The episode just lacked the shock and awe factor of the cryptid episodes, and is more like something I’d expect on National Geographic than The Quest

Giant Pythons in America!

January 31, 2010

– – Ah me…as if Florida didn’t have enough to worry about, now it appears that the population of foreign snakes is increasing there!  The burmese python has been  found in Florida, and its an adaptable species that could range much further northward, at least as far to the north as Washington, D.C.

Reptiles in Washington!– -Well, we’ve heard that for some time!  Anyhow, such snakes can survive in temperatures as low as 40 degrees by wintering underground, and environmental conditions could support them northward.  MonsterQuest in their “python” episode found food for snakes in Central Park,  NYC, and a nine foot boa constrictor has been found in Central Park, presumably a pet that was released.   Snakes have come to the edge of population centers by the Florida Everglades, and elsewhere an African green mamba bit a cable TV installer !- -Watch out, Larry the Cable Guy!

King cobras  are also potentially loose in southern Florida.  Where it gets really freaky is over such snakes interbreeding, and producing a monster hybrid with all kinds of interesting capabilities; sounds like a bad Syfy Channel original movie!

MonsterQuest’s conclusion was that exotic snakes in northern areas are going to increase…snake phobics, be advised!


Sears Optical Raccoon…

January 27, 2010

– – The lady inviting the “Kitty” into her house to snuggle with her in bed needs her eyes checked badly, ’cause what she’s really inviting in is a rather large raccoon, who roams right in, and makes himself at home!   The commercial ends with the raccoon blissfully reclining on the woman’s bed.

The woman in this hilarious and brilliant Sears Optical commercial needs to be more careful, ’cause raccoons don’t have the best of reputations…  😉

The Hillbilly Beast!

January 22, 2010

– – Not to be confused with Squidbillies or The Beverly Hillbillies, the Hillbilly Beast hangs out in rural Kentucky, with stories circulated about him for decades or longer.  In  fact, good ole Daniel Boone is reported to have killed a ten foot tall hairy beast that he called a “Yahoo,” not to be confused with the popular website portal and search engine!   In a worthy episode, MonsterQuest went in search of this cryptid.

Also known as “the hairy beast of the forest,” the Hillbilly Beast is reputed to stand eight to ten feet tall, and is a powerful, flesh-eating beastly creature who is covered with matted brown hair and makes strange howling cries at night. Recent eyewitness reports have matched legends, and many encounters with the beast have taken place near water.

Led by a professional animal tracker, the MonsterQuest team went to Henderson, Kentucky where they attempted to capture the beast’s vocalizations using “call-blasting,” projecting pre-recorded sounds out.  A high frequency response was provoked which set off coyote vocalizations.   Analysis of the recording yielded 15 or 16 known vocalizations but 20 to 30 unknown ones!   An unusual tooth was also discovered which could not be directly analyzed as its owner kept it as a “sacred object.”  An analysis of a picture of the tooth noted unusual flutings to it, but little more could be determined in the absence of the actual artifact.

A blurry September of 2009 camera trap image thought to possibly be the hillbilly beast was upon analysis determined to be a bird landing!

Most interestingly, a rock was chucked at team audio expert Joe Fox from across a river during the investigation!

While the Hillbilly Beast is felt by some to be a misidentified black bear, it may also be argued that the sheer number of hunters and locals reporting sightings make it unlikely that such is the case.  The MonsterQuest conclusion was that the study “calls for more investigations like this.”–What could be safer?