Anthropomorphic cows so seldom appear in commercials that I’m glad to see one make an appearance, especially when they are a bit crazed. In a recent Lactaid commercial, we are treated to an all too brief appearance from the Lactaid Cow’s deviant sister, Lactose Cow.
Now the Lactaid Cow is a beautiful blue and white creature, and as sweet as pie; she’s lovely, and I have nothing against her. Her “annoying milk” alter ego, as pictured above, is black and white and quite hyper, full of energy and questions that she fires off in rapid fashion at her human company. These are questions such as, “Why do people have eyebrows? And why do they put milk on their cereal? Are you reading about why people put milk on their cereal right now? And why does your stomach go, ‘rumbly, rumbly, rumbly?’” Unfortunately at that moment, this marvelous creature is lassoed and hauled off by the Lactaid Cow, who takes her place and won’t give the lactose-intolerant anything but serenity and dietary support; she won’t “mess with you.”
Well and good, but where others see annoyance, I see opportunity. This so-called annoying milk cow would fit in with Warner Bros. creations, and could make a wonderfully demented childrens’ show host, kind of like Pee-Wee Herman in cowhide. She just needs the proper vehicle to propel her to stardom, and they don’t need to change a thing about her! Heck, give her a sitcom, called something like “My Neighbor the Cow” or “The Cow that Came To Dinner”( wait, scratch that second one)! Anyways, I’d pull up a chair to watch this bovine comedian. I hope we haven’t seen the last of her, ’cause this cow’s no milk dud…the Lactaid Cow may have your back, but her twisted sister’s got my funnybone…
FOXSYLVANIA 
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