Archive for the ‘Brilliant but twisted’ category
March 11, 2019
I have often walked past the lobster tank in my local supermarket, pitying the poor doomed creatures within and wishing that I could set them free, like some kind of crustacean messiah. In a recent Geico commercial, I can imagine one such liberated lobster enjoying his freedom, sitting in the corner of a hot tub, his claws spread wide as he enjoys the tub jets. There are also two newlywed humans in the far corner of the tub with him.
“I can’t believe it!,” says the guy as he looks at his phone. “That there’s a lobster in the tub with us?,” questions his new wife. It seems that the guy is more incredulous about how much they saved on car insurance with Geico, and how easy it was to do it. The mellow lobster, voiced by H. Michael Croner, asks if the couple is staying at the hotel, and congratulates them when he learns they’re newlyweds. Marriage is not for him, however, as he’s afraid of committment…he’s been boiled alive! The hotel chef appears at this point, looking for the lobster and causing him to duck underwater. We can understand when the lobster reappears, and proclaims that the chef is “the worst!” If you look carefully, the lobster appears to redden somewhat as the commercial progresses…
This cool crustacean can hang out in my bathtub anytime, and should the Lobster Liberation Army ever stage it’s move, I’m maintaining my innocence…
Categories: advertising, animal elements, anthropomorphic, aquatic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, fantasy, Invertebrates, television
Tags: lobster hot tub party
Comments: 3 Comments
March 4, 2019
In the increasingly bizarro-world in which we live where entertainment and merchandising blend, it is perhaps fitting that we see KFC’s iconic spokesman Colonel Sanders morph into RoboCop, who in a series of new commercials has been given the mission of protecting the franchises “secret blend” of 11 herbs and spices. Voiced by the original movie RoboCop Peter Weller, the blend of man and machine is disturbingly perfect, complete with elements of the Colonel’s trademark hair, tie, and white suit.
In one of the commercial spots, the Colonel is plied at a dinner gathering for his secret KFC recipe. “If I told you, then I’d have to kill you,” replies the cybernetic Colonel, interrupting the awkward silence which follows with a repeated weird mechanical laugh. The Colonel makes a persuasive argument for consuming the product while respecting the secrecy of the recipe that we ignore at our own peril. Consume, and do not question…or else!
Perhaps a world of corporate wars is coming, one in which Colonel Robocop takes on Ronald “Terminator” McDonald, or the Mayhem guy is in an iron cage match with Progressive’s Flo. These tales are waiting to be written… *shudders*
Categories: absurdities, advertising, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, sci fi
Tags: Colonel RoboCop
Comments: 5 Comments
February 14, 2019
The Butterfinger brand has been bought out from Nestle by Ferrero, who have amped up the brand and its slogan with an alien presence in a new commercial. The trademark admonition that “Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger” has been said by many over the years, including Bart Simpson. Last uttered in 2012, the slogan has now been updated to “Nobody lays a finger on my better Butterfinger!“
In the frenetic ad, a yellow and blue alien (Butterfinger colors) escapes from a lab, helps himself to a dusty Corvette, and goes on a thrill ride with a hitchhiker he picks up who happens to be selling alien T-shirts! The wild ride ends with the alien using his telekinetic powers to help himself to a Butterfinger bar, after which he proclaims the revised slogan.
I saw this commercial for the first time after watching a recording of a Project Bluebook episode, and then seeing LaToya Jackson revealed as the Alien character on S1/Ep7 of The Masked Singer. I think that the powers that be are trying to tell me something…
(Tip o’ the pen to Cary Comic for the idea for this post!)
Categories: absurdities, aliens, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, paranormal, sci fi, television, twisted reality
Tags: Better Butterfinger commercial, Butterfinger with alien ad
Comments: 1 Comment
February 3, 2019
I, for one, am starting to get a bit freaked out over the number of anthropomorphic organs detaching themselves from the human body and making a go of it by themselves in advertisements and public service announcements. There was a time when reporting such sightings would have landed you a diagnosis as an active psychotic, but now we have bladders, stomachs, and even colons parading around without a suspicion of recreational drug use. Perhaps it’s appropriate and to be expected for the times in which we live, but I’ll never be fully comfortable with it, and it may haunt my dreams…
One of a series, “Little Lungs in a Great Big World: Snowboard,” brings us the little lungs in question being asked by other bigger, presumably healthier lungs if they’d like to go snowboarding with the group. The little lungs respond in the affirmative, but because they had smoked as a teenager are smaller in size,and subsequently unable to draw in enough air and keep up. They wind up wiping out and getting skewered by the antlers of a moose, one eye hanging disconcertingly out of its socket.
It certainly doesn’t make me want to light one up! When I was young, we didn’t have all of these renegade organs marauding about, and were simply told that smoking would stunt your growth. To lull us into acquiring a smoking habit, we went to visit Marlboro Country where manly men did manly things like ropin’ and ridin’ with nary a hacking cough to be heard, or a tumor to be seen. – – And who was cooler than Joe Camel? – – But ahh, times have changed. Perhaps in the future, Larry Liver will warn us about the dangers of alcoholic consumption…
Categories: absurdities, advertising, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, fantasy, television
Tags: Little Lungs: Snowboarding, Real Cost of Smoking promos
Comments: 2 Comments
January 10, 2019
I was not disappointed! The Rabbit rocked the house on S1, Ep2 of The Masked Singer with a rousing rendition of Ricky Martin’s Livin’ la Vida Loca. With his glowing red eyes, straitjacket-type outfit, and head-twitching mannerisms, The Rabbit conveyed a touch of madness and menace, winning over Alien with a great stage presence and a lot of kinetic energy, together with that “fresh from the asylum” vibe that he had going on…kinda like Michael Jackson by way of The Joker. Rabbit was deeply into his character, and I respect that. Perhaps he’ll perform White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane in a future match-up…
In other match-ups, Raven easily beat Pineapple, who was voted the weakest performance of the night and voted off. The identity of Pineapple? — Tommy Chong, who is known for comedy but hardly singing and dancing. Raven’s outfit was dark and foreboding, with almost steampunk and horror elements, and she sang Rainbow by Kesha…
In the third round, 
Poodle sang a strong version of Pat Benatar’s Heartbreaker, but lost to Bee who performed Chandalier by Sia. Bee is apparently a veteran performer who has been doing her thing since the 1950’s! When the menagerie convenes in weeks to come, we’ll be seeing both of them again in someplace where your fantasies meet your nightmares. This is weird but fun stuff, and I’m in for the ride… 
Categories: anthropomorphic, avian, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry-like, television, twisted reality
Tags: The Masked Singer, The Rabbit on Masked Singer
Comments: 3 Comments
January 8, 2019
I’m not unsympathetic to the idea of Emotional Support Animals, although some people have pressed the limits of what may be considered such an animal, and where it may be appropriate to take them. As a case in point we have a Credit Karma commercial where a female passenger on an airline notices a male in the same seat row sporting a blobfish on his lap, who he introduces as Harold, an emotional support animal that he enlisted when his credit rating caused damage to his self-concept. The woman advises the man that he can gain tips on improving his credit rating from Credit Karma, a thought which so excites the man that he accidentally drops Harold on the aircraft floor. “He’ll be all right,” reassures the man. “He’s a bottom feeder!“
Now blobfish are real, a deep sea creature found in waters 2,000 to 3,900 feet deep off mainland Australia, Tasmania, and New Zealand. A few years back, they were voted “the Ugliest Animal in the World.” Blobfish are easier on the eyes if you see them in their natural habitat, since the appearance that people associate with them is caused by decompression damage as the specimens are brought to the surface. So be kind to the blobfish, as you’re not seeing them at their best. Harold could certainly not live out of water, even while he appears to move slightly during the commercial.
Sadly, no one claims blobfish as their spirit animal. These guys just can’t seem to get a break. And when it comes to emotional support animals, I’m inseparable from my inner fox…
Categories: absurdities, advertising, animal oddities, anomalies, aquatic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, creature features, furry, television, twisted reality
Tags: Blobfish, Credit Karma blobfish
Comments: 5 Comments
January 2, 2019
It’s hard to think of a less appealing figure in a commercial than Mr. Mucus. We’ve seen bodily organs with minds of their own such as the Myrbetriq bladder and the Halos stomach, but this guy is a bodily product, for crying out loud, basically animated phlegm! He’s even a revolting green color, so we think less than kindly of him, and basically want him gone, ASAP; it isn’t easy being green, as Kermit the Frog observed, and Kermit had redemptive qualities. The repulsiveness of Mr. Mucus is why we are glad to see some insult or harm come to him, and will remember any product that can further that end. You’ll never see stuffed likenesses of Mr. Mucus flying off store shelves.- – It’s snot gonna happen, ahem! (laughs maniacally)
The brief ad begins with a man asking his wife where her cough is. The woman responds that she’s fine because she took Mucinex DM, which sent the cough far away. – – How far away? We are then shown Mr. Mucus in the jungle, complete with a safari jacket and pith helmet. Coming across a gorilla, he asks the ape if he’s seen a nice woman with a cough, to which the simian responds Hulk-like by smashing Mucus-boy with a mighty fist that sends him flying swiftly out of sight. No tears are shed on Mr. Mucus…sad!
Mucinex DM, the voiceover then tells us, releases swiftly and lasts 12 hours, not 4, leaving Mr. Mucus to bungle in the jungle…”Well, that’s alright by me.” (Jethro Tull).
(“I’ll write on your tombstone, I thank you for dinner/This game that we animals play is a winner.” —Jethro Tull, Bungle In The Jungle)
Categories: absurdities, advertising, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: Mucinex "Mr. Mucus"
Comments: 2 Comments
December 11, 2018
Our internal organs are revolting…seriously! First we have the walking big-eyed bladder of the Myrbetriq commercial, and now in a Wonderful Halos commercial we have a stomach so appalled by the dietary choices of its host that it jumps out of his mid-section complete with skinny legs, and like something from John Carpenter’s The Thing scrambles off in the opposite direction! In the Halos “Good Choice, Kid: Fair” commercial, we are shown one gentleman with double deep-fried butter sticks in each hand offering one to another guy at a county fair. It’s more than his stomach can stomach, erupting from his gut and charting its own course…
It’s not that I’d be immune to the allure of a double deep-fried stick of butter. I’d probably enjoy one immensely, dying with a smile on my face even as it clogged my arteries. County fairs are notorious for providing such guilty pleasures. I just doubt that I could retain the blissful composure of the fried butter stick eater as my gastrointestinal organs visibly bailed ship and exited my body, which is the stuff of serious nightmares. The butter-eater seems to shrug it off…
“Who knew these things were bad for you?,” comments the double deep fried butter eater as his stomach runs off. “Everyone,” responds the other guy, continuing to sensibly eat his Wonderful Halos oranges. Sometimes, you see, the right dietary choice is easy, even if guilty pleasures aren’t going away any time soon…
Categories: absurdities, advertising, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, furry
Tags: Wonderful Halos: Fair
Comments: 1 Comment
November 6, 2018
I’m no stranger to Worry Monsters; we’re intimate associates, actually. It’s just that I never imagined them looking quite as they are depicted in commercials for POM Wonderful juices. Managing to look both disturbingly human and grotesquely cute at the same time, these monsters look like rejected prototypes from a Disney/Pixar movie, or perhaps toys for children that you hate. They’re covered in pastel-colored fur, have distorted or exaggerated facial features, and monster appendages like horns and pointy ears. There are scarier monsters in real life American politics, nudge-nudge, wink-wink!
The underlying notion seems to be that as you get older you worry more about your health, so you turn more to things like running in the case of the male profiled, or yoga in the case of the female. But if you drink POM Wonderful juice that boasts ingredients like pomegranate juice, you’ll worry less about your health, and your Worry Monsters won’t be either as bothersome or as potent. The blue furry monster pursuing “Jake” in our commercial is winded, not able to keep up with his running, and the only fear that he can cast to his charge is over chafing. “Julie’s” purple-hued yoga monster bewails the fact that she can’t spend quality time pouring over the Internet with her host over diseases that she might have. These are ineffective, underutilized monsters with issues, you see. Perhaps they need to see Dr. Phil; that might make for memorable viewing…
…one might fantasize about the Mountain Monsters crew plugging one of these critters during a search for Bigfoot; heck, they’d probably wear their hide as a vest to the hoots of their fellows over the pastel shades. And when it comes to inner demons, I’ve stopped fighting with mine…we’re on the same team, now! So eliminate those free radicals, people, and remember to VOTE! It’s never been more important…
Categories: absurdities, advertising, anomalies, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, creature features, furry, furry commercials
Tags: cute creatures, Worry Monsters
Comments: 7 Comments
November 1, 2018
“Hi Susan!,” greets the anthropomorphic CGI bear cheerily as he rolls back a woman’s kitchen sink window in this Robitussin commercial. The woman has been coughing, and her cough is visible as a blue spray; drat, mine never is! In her hand, the woman holds a honey container, appropriately enough one of those molded in the shape of a bear. She has been self-medicating her cough, you see, with honey, a popular home remedy for the ailment.
“Honey? I respect that,” comments this genial bear. “But that cough looks pretty bad!” He extends a helpful paw to offer a box of Robitussin. “Try this new Robitussin Honey!” This is a better bruin; articulate, affable, and helpful. We cut then to the announcer commentary…“the real honey you love, plus the powerful cough relief you need.”
Then it’s back to the woman and bear again. “Mind if I root through your trash?,” he asks the woman. It only seems a fair exchange, after all, and the bear’s been so helpful. But sadly in this brief 15 second spot, we are not told if she grants permission to this rare bear…
…in my crazed mind, I would like to see a television series that unites a number of commercial animal spokes-creatures, including this bear, Maxwell the pig, and of course the Lactaide “milk that messes with you” cow. We’ll throw in Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam, and other guest animals. It would be just the thing to heal us from the vicious political mid-term election attack ads now dunning us at every commercial interval. And this bear? – – better than your average politician, hey hey hey hey! – – I’d vote for him!
Categories: animal spokepersons, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, furry, furry commercials
Tags: Robitussin honey bear
Comments: 11 Comments
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