Archive for the ‘anthropomorphic’ category

Tennessee Wildman and Subterranean Reptoids!

January 26, 2015

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In S3/Ep1 of Monsters and Mysteries in America, we are introduced to a “manimal” residing in the eastern border of Tennessee that is a territorial, bipedal creature about seven to nine feet tall with large eyes and black to reddish-orange hair.  Not quite as large as Sasquatch, the beast makes up for its smaller size with attitude, and has been known to throw rocks and shake trees.  Sightings go back to at least 1878, when a doctor reportedly held an exhibition of a captured specimen. 

More recently in December of 1981 following a rash of reports of missing animals, two brothers in Rockwood noted their dog becoming agitated, investigating outside of their cabin to discover a creature holding a dog at the edge of the woods.  They shot twice at the beast, which screamed and they retreated.  In Johnson City, Tennessee in September of 1997, two cousins heard a scream and saw the Wildman in the woods, barely making it back to their car before the creature appeared and then fled.

If you prefer reptilians, Los Angeles supposedly has a sinister and scaly reptilian, reports of which date back to the 1930’s when a mining engineer went in search of them.   In Anaheim, California in November of 2008, a woman walking her dog saw a reptilian creature with fangs and red eyes below a drain gate which seemed to use telepathy.  The woman sought sanctuary in a truck and called her boyfriend as multiple creatures converged on her; he arrived with a bat and chased three off.  In Apple Valley, California a woman made multiple sandwiches for her young daughter to give to an “imaginary friend” who resided in the daughter’s closet.  Investigating, the woman caught a glimpse of something which retreated into a deep hole.

By some accounts prehistoric leftovers, the reptoids by a more sinister accounting are extraterrestrials searching for breeding partners!  A woman reports being pulled off her bed by one and sprayed with some unknown substance.  Military men were later reported to have abducted and examined the woman.  Apparently, not just Mars needs women, and we seem to be off to a wild and wooly start to the Monsters and Mysteries season…

Camels: “It’s What You Do…”

December 31, 2014

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The original Geico commercial with Caleb the Camel at the office is now kind of a classic.  Success, unfortunately, tends to breed imitation, and so it comes as no surprise in this new commercial to see humans at the zoo tormenting camels on display with “Guess what day it is” banter.  As anyone who has heard the many imitators can vouch, it gets old pretty quickly…

We are then privy to a conversation held between two camels at the zoo who are being badgered by camel wanna-bees, complete with dialogue from the original commercial.  Understandably, they are weary of it.  “It’s not even Wednesday!,” complains one camel to his companion.  “Let it go, Phil,”  advises the other.  The voice of the announcer then cuts in; “When you’re a camel, this is what you put up with all the time…it’s what you do…”

Camels…more sinned against than sinning.  Joe Camel, purveyor of tobacco products in an earlier time, never knew these burdens…and a happy and prosperous New Year to all of our readers!

 

 

 

“I Heard Something in the Attic” d-Con Commercial

December 25, 2014

 

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In another commercial for d-Con pest control, a couple goes to investigate a noise heard in their attic. Once there, they encounter two large and socially-inappropriate mice. Now these are not your cute and endearing Christmas mice, but rather human-sized anthropomorphic ones who not only take up residence in your attic, but also rifle through personal possessions and even put on your stored clothing that they find there! Clearly, a line of some sort has been crossed here…

One of the mice appears to be looking through a photo album while another is wearing some kind of frilly feminine outfit, possibly a bridal gown. We’ll hope that said mouse is female, as I prefer not to even consider the thought of cross-gender dressing rodents, much less what pleasure they may take in such acts. No creature does this better than Bugs Bunny, anyways, and he always uses the ploy to confound his adversaries. Small wonder, then, that the couple order the offending vermin out…humanoid mice need to have a better sense of decorum. As the commercial concludes, enough is enough…

d-Con’s “Mouse in the Pantry” Commercial

December 19, 2014

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In a short, arguably disgusting, but twisted commercial for d-Con pest control products, a father with two young children finds some sizable, oblong, dark-colored objects littering the kitchen floor.  “What are those?,” questions a child innocently.  Following the trail of unspeakable things to the kitchen pantry, the father jerks open the pantry door to reveal…a mouse!  A large, anthropomorphic, fursuited mouse is seated comfortably on the pantry floor while munching on some snack for humans right out of the box!  The father screams in surprise at the unwelcome furry visitor, who yells back startled at the human intruder. – – It’s a Kodak moment!  

“Get out!,” demands the father of the surprised anthro rodent.  Those were his droppings strewn on  the floor, you see.   You certainly wouldn’t want to find such a creature stirring in your house on Xmas Eve…perhaps if he were fitted with Depends, he would be less objectionable.  Darn vermin seem to get bigger every year!

 

Giants, or Big Hoax?

November 23, 2014

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There’s always been interest in giants, and we’re not referring to sports teams here! A History Channel series, Search for the Lost Giants: Unraveling the Mystery (S1/Ep01) investigates the myths and legends about giants that exist in every culture.

Leading the search are an unlikely duo, Jim and Bill Vieira, two brothers and stone masons from a Massachusetts town. The scrapbook of George Sheldon, a local historian, had clippings about the findings of “giant” remains, with about 1,400 – 1,500 reports supposedly in existence. One 1895 report spurring their investigation detailed the discovery of a skeleton supposedly 8′ tall that boasted a double row of teeth. Their investigation then went to the town of Deerfield, Massachusetts where the use of ground penetrating radar found impressions of a flat rectangle 12′ long that they felt might have been a burial site. As the site was protected, excavation of it was not possible.

In the nearby town of Goshen, Massachusetts there was, however, an underground tunnel 15′ deep that had received some prior study in 1980 with speculation made that it might have been a burial chamber for the ruler of a race of giants. The tunnel was covered by a 6,000 lb. rock sitting atop a 6″ thick rock slab, and nearby was an inscription in stone later determined to be in Latin. Removing the obstructing stone and rock slab, the team penetrated the tunnel to a distance of sixty feet beyond which further penetration was impossible due to a cave-in at that juncture.

Feeling that a concealed burial chamber resided beyond that point, the investigators brought in a core drill to penetrate beyond a “zipper” in the stone wall which suggested that such a secret chamber might exist beyond that point. The drill penetrated to a depth of 11′, bringing up sand from that depth which might have been conducive to the preservation of a burial. Beyond this, there was no hard evidence and no remains were produced.

At one point in the hour-long show, the amateur investigators consulted with a paleoanthropologist who termed it unlikely that giants existed in the absence of physical evidence. If a race of giants did exist, the question abides, where are the bones? Rather far-fetched explanations presented as possibilities included the thoughts that such remains were either deliberately concealed by scientists, or quietly repatriated in North America to native Americans. There are more unanswered than answered questions here, but it will be interesting to see in what additional directions this show goes…

 

 

Searching for Bigfoot…

November 5, 2014

 

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It’s hard not to like Georgio Tsoukalos, he of the wild hair who investigates the paranormal.  While Georgio is most interested in aliens, in S1/Ep05 of In Search of Aliens, Georgio goes Searching for Bigfoot, but of course manages to work in possible connections with extraterrestrials.  Unlike too many similar shows, Georgio actually meets with researchers and scientists, but puts his own unique spin on what he learns.  Going out with the Olympic Project Team into Washington’s Olympic Peninsula, Georgio learns of how the team has recorded vocalizations that cannot be matched with any identifiable species, heard “wood knockings,” and made molds of 16″ footprints.  He quickly goes off into wild speculations, however, on possible linkage between UFO sightings and Bigfoot appearances, further seeking to tie both in with animal mutilations in the area.  This in turn is seen to tie in with genetic manipulations by aliens, a favored theme.

After touching on Bigfoot sightings and additional speculations on whether sasquatch is possibly some kind of skinwalker or shape-shifter, Georgio wound up consulting with a biological anthropologist in San Diego, who deemed that undetected subspecies were indeed possible.  Bigfoot after all might be a surviving strain of Gigantopithecus.  Georgio would like to think that aliens manipulated primate genes to create humanity, and since Georgio seems to have tamed his hair a bit since hosting this series, I suppose all things are possible…

SubterAlien on”Monsters Underground”

October 15, 2014

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The Destination America network has become a kind of mecca for shows on cryptic creatures and the paranormal, and a series airing there called Monsters Underground follows in the shoes of such shows as Mountain Monsters.  One episode of the former series covered a creature called the SubterAlien, a reputedly intelligent, armed, and hostile being that is both a kind of alien and a hidden life form as well, providing something for the fanciers of both genres.  

The essential format of the show is familiar, and time-tested on similar series.  An investigative team under the leadership of Bill Brock in the episode mentioned went to the supposed habitat of the SubterAlien, an abandoned mine system in Calaveras County, California.  In the 1840’s, the Shadow Mine was a working gold mine which closed when 13 men perished there.  It has since been believed that the SubterAlien was responsible for a series of bizarre occurrences, including the disappearance of electronic equipment.  This burrowing alien stands upright, has huge black eyes, and likes to tinker with the electronics to make other devices of unknown purpose.  At least this guy recycles and re-purposes human technology, kind of like The Thing.  I like to see aliens keep stuff out of landfills!

Well, the exploratory team set up trail cameras, and went into the depths of the winding caverns armed with radiation detectors as the creature’s presence is said to spike radiation levels.  The team did find electronics inexplicably strewn in the tunnels, and heard strange noises.  Radiation levels appeared to be rising, and an alarm was triggered on one of their trail cameras.  Tremors in their location about 200 feet underground caused the team to fear being trapped in an unstable, collapsing mine, and they accordingly beat a hasty retreat, pausing only to recover their trail cameras.  When safely outside, the alarm-sounding camera was scrutinized, and found to contain a blurry image of something passing before the camera lens and obstructing it…a scenario we’ve again seen repeated elsewhere!

Geico’s Tasmanian Devil “Energy Drink”Commercial…

September 30, 2014

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I’ve always had a soft spot for the Tazmanian Devil character in the Warner Bros. cartoon family.  Like a whirlwind on speed, he rips through the environment as a blur of motion, an animated tornado.  Only the formidable Bugs Bunny can outwit and subsequently control this hyperkinetic force of nature.  Giving such a creature an energy drink would be like putting out a fire with gasoline, but we can only imagine the devastation that such an act would create.  

Thanks to another Geico commercial, we no longer have to imagine such mayhem.  A couple are shown reposing in bed, with one musing about how Geico insurance can save a customer 15% on their insurance.  As the partner is aware of this, the follow-up stumper question posed is whether the partner knows that some cartoon characters should never be given an energy drink…

…cut to a production studio, where against a white screen the Tazmanian Devil is chugging an energy drink! – – Uh oh, his eyes drift out of proportion to one another, and soon Taz’s body dissolves into the whirling blur of motion we know so well, crashing through the walls of an adjoining production studio where fine china collector’s plates of the fifty state birds are being touted!  Predictably, Taz decimates the plates and their display stands, leaving the studio a shambled ruins.  

I do so love seeing a master of mayhem like Taz at work, and fine china and crystal make such delightful sounds when decimated, don’t they?  Long may the Tazmanian Devil rage, and reign!

“Gotham’s” Catwoman…

September 23, 2014

I’m always glad to see portrayed the character of Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman.  In the new series Gotham airing on the Fox network, we are introduced to a young version of the character, depicted as a street urchin and thief with impressive gymnastic skills and of course, cat-like moves.  Played by 15-year-old San Diego native and dancer Camren Bicondova, the young Selina Kyle is a witness to the murder of young Bruce Wayne’s parents and kind of shadows the action during Gotham’s first episode, equally at home on a rooftop, observing undetected at the funeral of Bruce Wayne’s parents, or perched on the wall of stately Wayne Manor. Although she is not yet costumed and speaks not a word during the series premier (cat got her tongue?), we are promised that the teenage Catwoman will have plenty of dialogue during the second episode.  Her appearance is even similar to that of a young Michelle Pfeiffer, my personal favorite in the catsuit. 

Gotham itself is an impressive prequel to the Batman franchise.  Suitably dark, the series introduces us to the pre-teen Bruce Wayne, a surprisingly vital and agile Jim (later Commissioner) Gordon, and classic Batman villains in their early formative stages.  Featured in early episodes will be the Penguin, and we’re also introduced briefly to the Riddler and even Poison Ivy!  The writing appears credible and true to the franchise, and the actors likewise while playing it seriously create believable and three-dimensional characters.

Gotham gets it right, and is likely to be a hit!  Just bring Catwoman more to the foreground, please!

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The Laughing Cow, “Reinvent Snacking”

September 6, 2014

 

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If I beheld a human-sized, red-colored, talking anthropomorphic cow on my living room sofa, I’d probably be paying more attention to her than I was to my snack or whatever was airing on the tube.  Such is not the case with the humans in the Laughing Cow “Reinvent Snacking” commercial, who go about feeding their faces, apparently oblivious to the cow.

Is this perhaps a spectral cow, visible to you and I only?  I find that thought disturbing, as I do to some extent the cow herself. – -Why is she red?- – Does she share genes with Clifford, the Big Red Dog?- – And why is she wearing earrings made of her own cheeses?  Smart product placement, maybe, but rather tacky!

Bemoaning the fact that snacking has become “predictable and unsatisfying” (much like my life), the red cow then joins a woman on her porch and later at a table, where she cheerily touts the virtues of Laughing Cow cheeses while continuing to be ignored by her human hosts.  Yes, it would appear that in matters of snacking and cross-species entertaining, humans are basically…pigs!