Archive for the ‘animals’ category

When Turkeys Attack!

November 27, 2014

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The Destination America channel treated us to some strange, tongue-in-cheek fare the evening before Thanksgiving with a special styled somewhat like numerous others airing on that network, and called “When Turkeys Attack!”  The show used home video footage depicting wild turkeys chasing children, grandmothers, and grown men; one chased and kept up with a bicyclist for a short distance, while others attacked mail delivery vehicles in a territorial frenzy.

Now wild turkeys should be distinguished from domesticated turkeys genetically engineered to be walking hunks of meat; these are the descendants of theropods, a carnivorous dinosaur.  A wild tom turkey can stand about waist high on a human, and can drop kick you in the head.  This could be a bad encounter as the males have razor sharp spurs on the back of their legs that are 1-1/2″ – 2″ long.  They can flog you with their wings.  Turkeys will try to strike at your head, have acute hearing, and can read subtle behavior rather well.

How then does one defend against a wild turkey attack?  It was suggested that you don’t run and flee from them, but rather try to put a physical object between yourself and the offending turkey.  Don’t try to fend one off with a flipped jacket, which they may interpret as an invitation to attack. Cover your head, and try to kick at them.  In the words of one expert, “Some turkeys are territorial, some defend their women, some are just crazy!”  

Gumby & Pokey “Honda Days” Commercial…

November 18, 2014

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Gumby and his equine sidekick, Pokey, are again going through a renaissance of sorts, with revivals planned in some child television venues by the end of the year, and a Honda commercial currently airing the duo, who are shown rappeling down the dashboard of a Civic and marveling at its features.  The little green clay guy has held up well over the years, and is as agile and chipper as always. Despite having hooves, Pokey can descend a rope surprisingly well.

Other “Honda Days” spots feature additional classic characters from days gone by, including “Skeletor” from the “Masters of the Universe” series, complete with attitude…

Gecko’ s “Really Literal” Genie…

November 9, 2014

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Two women begin this Geico commercial eating outside with the usual conversation about how spending 15 minutes with Geico can save you 15% on your car insurance.  “Everyone knows that!,” dismisses one woman.  “Well, did you know that some genies can be really literal?,” retorts the other.

Cut to a mock-sitcom called, “Genie and Me,” complete with laugh track.  A man is unpacking boxes, and comes upon a brass lamp, which he polishes. — Poof!  A genie appears, who has a wonderfully disaffected, almost bored expression.  His master is granted a wish, and greedily if predictably wishes for a million bucks.  The genie gestures, and the house and grounds are suddenly populated with a million bucks…the four-legged, antlered variety!  Be careful what you wish for, as it is said…

…there are other “Genie and Me” episodes available for viewing, all in the style of a 1950’s – 1960’s sitcom, complete with hokey humor.  In one, the mother of the genie’ s master mistakes the magical lamp for a gravy boat.  “Good gravy!,” comments the genie, who is wonderful to watch.  It’s fake television, but still better tongue-in-cheek viewing than much of the drek actually airing on the tube…Ray, Genie! 

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Geico’s Tasmanian Devil “Energy Drink”Commercial…

September 30, 2014

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I’ve always had a soft spot for the Tazmanian Devil character in the Warner Bros. cartoon family.  Like a whirlwind on speed, he rips through the environment as a blur of motion, an animated tornado.  Only the formidable Bugs Bunny can outwit and subsequently control this hyperkinetic force of nature.  Giving such a creature an energy drink would be like putting out a fire with gasoline, but we can only imagine the devastation that such an act would create.  

Thanks to another Geico commercial, we no longer have to imagine such mayhem.  A couple are shown reposing in bed, with one musing about how Geico insurance can save a customer 15% on their insurance.  As the partner is aware of this, the follow-up stumper question posed is whether the partner knows that some cartoon characters should never be given an energy drink…

…cut to a production studio, where against a white screen the Tazmanian Devil is chugging an energy drink! – – Uh oh, his eyes drift out of proportion to one another, and soon Taz’s body dissolves into the whirling blur of motion we know so well, crashing through the walls of an adjoining production studio where fine china collector’s plates of the fifty state birds are being touted!  Predictably, Taz decimates the plates and their display stands, leaving the studio a shambled ruins.  

I do so love seeing a master of mayhem like Taz at work, and fine china and crystal make such delightful sounds when decimated, don’t they?  Long may the Tazmanian Devil rage, and reign!

The Laughing Cow, “Reinvent Snacking”

September 6, 2014

 

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If I beheld a human-sized, red-colored, talking anthropomorphic cow on my living room sofa, I’d probably be paying more attention to her than I was to my snack or whatever was airing on the tube.  Such is not the case with the humans in the Laughing Cow “Reinvent Snacking” commercial, who go about feeding their faces, apparently oblivious to the cow.

Is this perhaps a spectral cow, visible to you and I only?  I find that thought disturbing, as I do to some extent the cow herself. – -Why is she red?- – Does she share genes with Clifford, the Big Red Dog?- – And why is she wearing earrings made of her own cheeses?  Smart product placement, maybe, but rather tacky!

Bemoaning the fact that snacking has become “predictable and unsatisfying” (much like my life), the red cow then joins a woman on her porch and later at a table, where she cheerily touts the virtues of Laughing Cow cheeses while continuing to be ignored by her human hosts.  Yes, it would appear that in matters of snacking and cross-species entertaining, humans are basically…pigs!

Little Caesar’s “Wag” Commercial

September 4, 2014

 

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In this commercial spot for Little Caesar’s pizza, a father and his faithful canine companion are comfortably chilling in their living room when the lady of the house enters the dwelling.  The dog wags his tail in happy greeting.  “You got dinner already?,” asks the disbelieving Dad.  “Yeah, I swung by Little Caesar’s,” answers the woman.  “You don’t have to call in or wait.”

The guy grins happily, and momentarily his pony tail is wagging, synchronous with the dog’s tail.  I rather wish that I had a real tail, don’t you?- – I protest, I was shortchanged! 

Life Imitates Art…Again!

August 25, 2014


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In a memorable 2009 commercial for Sears Optical that we’ve posted about much earlier , a woman in dire need of an eye exam invites a raccoon inside her house, thinking that the raccoon was her cat.  In that commercial, the raccoon happily complies with the woman’s invitation to ‘snuggle with Momma,’ and pads into the house.

Real life encounters with a raccoon inside human habitations have not been so harmonious, however.  In February of 2014, a woman in Hingham, Massachusetts was attacked by a raccoon that entered her house through a door flap that her cat used to get inside the dwelling, biting and cutting the 73-year-old resident .   More recently in Hamden, Connecticut an 88-year-old woman was attacked August 24th by a raccoon she accidentally let into her house and then tried to pet, thinking that the animal was her cat.  The raccoon had followed the woman’s cat into the house, making scratching sounds outside a sliding glass door that the woman had thought emanated from the cat.  Thinking little of the woman’s affections, it bit her on the elbow, hand, forearm, lip, and chin.

The encounter didn’t go well for the raccoon, either. When police were summoned to the residence, it gamely charged two officers, who caught and euthanized the animal.  The outcome could have been vastly different with Rocket Raccoon, however, who could have taken those guys out without breaking a sweat, demonstrating his profound mastery of weaponry in the process! – – Oh, yeah!

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Verizon’s “More Birds” Commercial…

August 17, 2014

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People who seek to lure birds can sometimes get too much of a good thing…or so seems to be the underlying message of a recent Verizon commercial, More Birds.  “There’s good more, and there’s not so good more,” intones the announcer.  Hubby is outside while the wife is inside, plinking away on a computer tablet and happy that she’s accumulating  Verizon bonus rewards points.  

“Honey, look!  I got one to light on me!,” babbles the guy to his largely-oblivious wife as a small bird lands on his extended arm.  “Uh huh,” notes the wife.  “You’ve got a buddy!,” says the guy as a second bird lands on his other extended arm.  While the woman continues to be completely involved with her Verizon bonus rewards points, birds continue to land on the man’s extended arms.  “I’m like a statue!,” he intones, not wishing to scare them away. Trouble is, the birds continue to come, including an owl; things are getting out of hand.  The last bird to come appears to be a large bird of prey, and it grabs the guy from behind, literally carrying him away with his work.  The woman either doesn’t notice, or perhaps doesn’t care.  Familiarity breeds contempt, after all.

Perhaps Alfred Hitchcock was onto something in his classic thriller, The Birds.  Then in mythology we also have tales of the giant Roc, said to be large enough to carry cattle and even elephants away.  At the very least, birds can poop on you and your newly-washed car, which is horrible enough…

 

Jack Links “Feed Your Wild Side” Animals…

August 13, 2014

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Things that erupt from one’s chest cavity are extremely cool, especially if their doing so doesn’t prove fatal to the host, as occurred in the Aliens movies.  The Jack Links “Hangry Moments” (hungry + angry) beasties include a puma, an eagle, and a wolf.  The wolf appears at a dull business meeting, with the host’s boss complaining that the appearance was the second time that week!  Once the ferocious, snarling wolf head is fed some Jack Links jerky, however, it becomes quite docile, nuzzling the man’s face and then retreating back into his shirt, which miraculously isn’t even torn!  In the other spots, an eagle comes from a woman’s chest on an airline, while the puma appears from the chest of a student taking an exam.  

I’d do almost anything to be able to have a fox head erupt from my chest cavity as kind of a co-joined twin!  The uses and applications would be endless, and I could be my own best friend, revealing my inner self almost at will…(sighs longingly)…

Revenge of the Grassman!

July 28, 2014

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In the two-hour season finale of Mountain Monsters, our heroes (?) battle a pack of Grassmen and nearly run afoul of trigger-happy moonshiners in Perry County, Ohio. Buck gets taken out of action by his quarry, and Wild Bill manages to set his pants on fire! Yes, it’s heart-stopping action and low comedy in S2/Ep14 of this “guilty pleasure” type show…one you may watch, but hate yourself for afterwards!

Anyways, the Ohio Grassman is the biggest of the Bigfoot-clones, standing 8′ to 10′ tall, and weighing in at about 1,000 lbs. He has shaggy reddish-brown hair, and appears to be expanding his habitat, bugging the heck out of area farmers by messing with their stuff and in some cases, causing them to live in fear.

First interviewed by the team was “Legman,” a mechanic who heard loud noises close to his house and captured an audio recording, which in team leader Trapper’s opinion sounded like a dying raccoon’s screams. The first night’s hunt took place near “Moonshine Hollow,” where a Grassman heel print and scat were found. The AIMS team did not call it scat, having colorful terms for many things that are not repeatable in polite company. The team then entered a ruined “shine house” used by area moonshiners to concoct their brew. A suspected abandoned Grassman nest was found in the house, but the moonshiners did not take the intrusion kindly, firing off a warning shot and driving the AIMS team out.

Meanwhile, Willy and “Wild Bill” sought to gather materials for trap construction from the salvage yard of “Wild Bill’s” Uncle LeRoy, who was not at home, his nephew speculating that said uncle may have had to go see his parole officer! The absence did not stop Willy and Wild Bill from claiming a junk van, and fabricating it as a trap by modifications such as putting plate steel over the van windows.

Trapper and the rest of the team interviewed “Bernie and Linda,” who had taken and shared a video of something with considerable height going past their window. Also interviewed was “Patrick,” a land owner who saw a huge, hairy being, and produced a video of the same near their cabin. On the final night’s hunt, the team received a call from a nearby farmer, who claimed that the Grassman was in his hay barn. The team hurried there, and while in the upper barn loft saw a hole in the floor. Willy poked around in that hole with his shotgun barrel, and had the weapon ripped from his hands by something in the lower barn. The team then bumbled around the unfamiliar farm complex, separating at times to better survey things. During this time, team member “Buck” got bowled over and battered by a door violently propelled inward, presumably by the Grassman. You might say that Buck got smoked by the Grassman, who seemed to be on a roll at that point. Buck was evacuated with shoulder injuries and apparent superficial bleeding. Returning to their van trap, the remaining team members found that it had been ripped apart, with all bait removed. – – You go, Grassman! Things had apparently gotten personal for most of the team members at this point, who decided to persevere despite getting their collective backsides kicked.

Falling back and seeking to gain more information, the team the next day interviewed “Erik,” a hunter, who had heard and recorded a sound that the team felt was that of the Yahoo from West Virginia. Most of the team then took the risk of going to see the moonshiners again, who met them with guns but agreed to send the team to a clandestine meeting with one of their number who, talking out of a truck, claimed that there were a pack of Grassmen, and that one was their leader. The moonshiners had apparently placated the Grassmen for some time with fermented corn left out for them, but such tributes were no longer working as the Grassmen were beginning to tear up stills and otherwise intrude on moonshiner territory. The moonshiners agreed to let the AIMS team continue their pursuit of the Grassman so as to be rid of him, but also issued thinly-veiled threats to the team if they overstepped their boundaries; these guys play for keeps, and have itchy trigger fingers.

Back at their camp at night, the team was under siege by Grassmen, and sought to chase them from the area in one of their ATV’s when the vehicle was nearly tipped over by a large rock thrown at it! They beat a hasty but awkward exit from the disabled vehicle, finding themselves encircled by multiple Grassmen, who threw multiple rocks and limbs at them, one of which hit team leader “Trapper” in the head and knocked him to the ground! Warning shots were fired which drove the attacking creatures off.

The next day, Willy and “Wild Bill” set up a “mine field” of leg hold traps buried in the ground, with the field baited by fermented corn left unannounced by the moonshiners. They also had been left a crude note of advice guiding them to a “North Point” where something existed that the Grassmen supposedly didn’t want seen. Going to a barn in that location, something pulled at Trapper’s leg, causing him to loose his balance and fall. Numerous footprints were seen outside in the snow, and Grassman “nests” were seen in the barn. Impacts were heard against the barn walls, and a “mash stash” was found in the barn where the Grassmen had stored it. The AIMS team confiscated the fermented corn, thinking that this would drive the Grassmen in search of it into their leg traps. Driving back to their camps, something thrown again impacted with the ATV, forcing the team into a defensive posture with Willy and Wild Bill going back on foot to the camp to fetch the other vehicle and finding the camp trashed. The team returned in the other ATV to go to the trap area when something yet again impacted with the ATV, that object turning out to be one of the leg hold traps that had been ripped from the ground!

Now this was pretty slick, indicating that the Grassmen had both figured out where and what the concealed traps were, and demonstrating their considerable strength in tearing them from the ground. Repeatedly under attack and thwarted at every turn and with their camp trashed, the AIMS team abandoned their pursuit at that point, but resolved to be back in the future. This looked like an end-of-season “cliffhanger” to me, intended to draw viewers back for yet another season and a potential grudge match with the Grassmen…