Archive for December 2022

Festivus, now more than ever!

December 23, 2022

I would be remiss if I failed to wish you a Happy Festivus this December 23rd! Festivus…for the Rest of Us, is to remember all of us who feel disconnected from the joy of the holiday season. Perhaps you are tired of Xmas promotions since October, are flat broke from spending money you don’t really have to prove that you care about certain people, dread the thought of spending time with relatives you hate, or simply can’t stand to hear Holly Jolly Xmas one more time. Come to Festivus, all ye who are Xmas weary and heavy laden before it even begins! Festivus has a big tent!

Now Festivus has a rich if artificial tradition, and is highly therapeutic, all without the prohibitive expenses of psychotherapy. Beginning with the Airing of Grievances, Festivus allows you to tell other people near you exactly how they’ve disappointed you, and what problems you have with them! Talk about clearing the air…

And Festivus, first presented in a 1997 Seinfeld episode, is all about simplicity. No need for an elaborate natural tree with decorations…you simply need to put up an aluminum pole that can be stored in a crawl space, and used year after year. Talk about eco-friendly!

As Festivus rolls on, you progress to the Feats of Strength, much like wrestling where a designated person grapples with the head of the family…and remember, Festivus isn’t over until you pin them! Yow, that one must have hurt!

So if all of this talk about the traditions of Festivus “scratches you where you itch,” it’s not a coincidence…it’s a Festivus miracle! I feel strangely purged and better already! 🦊

And Merry Xmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanza, and Happy Festivus to all from Foxsylvania!

Peter Pan: Neverland Nightmare

December 12, 2022

I’ve always felt that there’s been something a bit “off” about the character of Peter Pan. I mean, an ageless boy with elvish ears who can fly without wings, hangs out with “The Lost Boys” on an island called Neverland, and consorts with a fairy called Tinker Bell? Should we call the authorities now, or later?!

Well, the venerable 1911 children’s story by J.M. Barrie has now fallen into the public domain, and is going to get the same creative, horror-styled remake that Winnie the Pooh and Bambi have or will have coming to them. Peter Pan was always somewhat dark and sketchy, even in the original story. I mean, he practically kidnapped Wendy, and had broken into her house on a previous occasion in search of his shadow! Is that trippy, or what?! He almost killed the Darling children by forgetting to give them the pixie dust that conferred the powers of flight…

And don’t get me started on Tinker Bell! Sure, she looks innocent and cherubic, but she got jealous of the attention that Peter Pan was giving to Wendy, so much so that she might have done something. I think that Tink could be a real Prima Donna…

The Lost Boys are kinda interesting too, and very arguably furry. I mean, they are often depicted as in the image below, wearing fursuits, animal costumes to the uninitiated. Not great ones, to be sure, but fursuits nonetheless. According to the source material, the Lost Boys fell out of their prams while their Nannies were looking the other way in English places like Kensington Gardens. If unclaimed for a week, they were spirited off to Neverland to be with Peter Pan. There, they would fight with Peter Pan against pirates like Captain Hook. It was a good life, really, and you got to wear a fursuit. Pirates and a fursuit would have worked for me. Color me envious… *sighs* 🦊

So what can we expect out of the Neverland Nightmare as directed by Rhys Frake-Waterfield? It will be a very dark tale, like the Winnie the Pooh and upcoming Bambi adaptations. You know good ole Captain Hook, who supposedly lost a hand to a crocodile? Well, perhaps Peter Pan just might have cut that appendage off! I do so love “bedtime stories for children you hate… 🙀

So while this Neverland Nightmare might give us Peter Pan as a mini-psychopath, things could get really interesting in 2024, when the character of Mickey Mouse will supposedly fall into the public domain. We do live in interesting times, ‘ya know…. and now, I’m wondering if Peter Pan Peanut Butter contains pixie dust. Should we call the FDA? Eating peanut butter has always been a natural high for me, as well as a guilty pleasure. Perhaps unintentionally consuming pixie dust is why I write this blog. And does pixie dust contain actual pixies?- – Urg, gagg! 🦊

“Bambi: The Reckoning“ Is Coming!

December 7, 2022

I have to admit that I am not a great fan of hunting. Perhaps that’s because hunters consider those of my kind varmints, and perhaps it’s because I abhor seeing the spectacle of lifeless deer strapped to cars during hunting season in my state. We all know what hunters did to Bambi’s mother. And I say that payback time is hell…

I have a personal history with the Disney movie, Bambi. It was the first movie that my mother took me to. Think of it, I was five years old, and my own mother takes me to see a stag flick! Is it any wonder that I would grow up to be a furry? But enough of my childhood trauma. With a number of beloved childhood classics now falling into the public domain, they are now subject to revisionist treatment, and what’s coming out is either darkly hilarious or simply horrific, depending on your perspectives.

And so from the folks who brought you Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey, we have upcoming Bambi: The Reckoning! Let the hooves fall where they may, I guess…

Forget the 1942 Disney film with its tale of loss, life, and love..this is an extremely dark retelling of the original 1928 story, with Bambi retooled as a vicious killing machine on rabies. Yes, I…CAN…DIG IT!!!

Now the source material of the Bambi character is a 1928 novel by Felix Salten innocently named Bambi, A Life in the Woods. The original story passed into the public domain in 2022, and so is fair game for a horror movie treatment. The 1942 Disney version is not. Film maker Scott Jeffrey will not be allowed to use any of Disney’s character design for Bambi, but is rather drawing inspiration from a Netflix production called, The Ritual. In it, we will see Bambi’s transformation into a revenge-driven nightmare following the slaughter of his mother by hunters. One can hardly blame the guy…

Production begins in January of 2023, so no trailers are currently available, and all we have is a hint of the new character design. I, for one, will cheer on the exploits of this Rambuck. So bust ‘em up, Bambi! Let the games begin… 🦊

One can hardly do better, however, than this SNL visitation of the same theme. Enjoy!

“The Mean One” Grinch Horror Parody…

December 2, 2022

If you’re tired of annually getting Xmas drummed into you from late October through New Year’s, you just might be in the right mood to appreciate The Mean One, a parody of Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Xmas. Tag line: “First he stole Xmas…now he’s back for BLOOD!”

Forget the Grinch being redeemed, this is the Dark Grinch, or as Stephen King might say it, “Full dark, no stars.” This is Krampus as opposed to St. Nicholas, the Grinch as horror movie Xmas slasher.

Forget Scrooge, who got all soft and wimped out on us. This Grinch means business. It seems that he killed little Cindy Lou-Hoo’s mother during the daughter’s encounter with him, and now twenty years later, she’s back like Sarah Conner after the Terminator with an accompanying skill set..

The Grinch always did seem to have horror star potential, but hey, as Kermit the Frog famously noted, “It isn’t easy being green.” There are leavening notes of dark humor in the premise and available trailer footage, because after all this is a parody and satirical in nature. Memorable lines by Cindy Lou-Hoo; “It’s time to roast this beast!,” and “You’re a dead one, Mr. Grinch!”

Just color me green with envy for this dark Grinch, with battle scenes against Santa figures reminiscent of Shapeshifters Anonymous! Cindy’s weaponry includes an illuminated Walking Dead “Negan-esque” bat, and some kind of wonderful candy cane shotgun. So let’s all go on a slay-ride, everyone! 🦊

%d bloggers like this: