FOXSYLVANIA

I would be remiss if I failed to wish you a Happy Festivus this December 23rd! Festivus…for the Rest of Us, is to remember all of us who feel disconnected from the joy of the holiday season. Perhaps you are tired of Xmas promotions since October, are flat broke from spending money you don’t really have to prove that you care about certain people, dread the thought of spending time with relatives you hate, or simply can’t stand to hear Holly Jolly Xmas one more time. Come to Festivus, all ye who are Xmas weary and heavy laden before it even begins! Festivus has a big tent!

Now Festivus has a rich if artificial tradition, and is highly therapeutic, all without the prohibitive expenses of psychotherapy. Beginning with the Airing of Grievances, Festivus allows you to tell other people near you exactly how they’ve disappointed you, and what problems you have with them! Talk about clearing the air…

And Festivus, first presented in a 1997 Seinfeld episode, is all about simplicity. No need for an elaborate natural tree with decorations…you simply need to put up an aluminum pole that can be stored in a crawl space, and used year after year. Talk about eco-friendly!

As Festivus rolls on, you progress to the Feats of Strength, much like wrestling where a designated person grapples with the head of the family…and remember, Festivus isn’t over until you pin them! Yow, that one must have hurt!

So if all of this talk about the traditions of Festivus “scratches you where you itch,” it’s not a coincidence…it’s a Festivus miracle! I feel strangely purged and better already! 🦊

And Merry Xmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanza, and Happy Festivus to all from Foxsylvania!

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This entry was posted on December 23, 2022 at 8:23 am and is filed under absurdities, alternative realities, holidays, television. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments.

Tags: Festivus, Xmas alternatives, Xmas Blues

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