Archive for November 2022

“Break Free” VW Tiguan Commercial…

November 22, 2022

As the movie Lamb showed us, sheep have been, well, shorn of proper respect and attention in the animal kingdom. They have untapped potential as pets and child-surrogates. This is brought to our attention in a recent commercial for Volkswagen’s Tiguan.

So what happens when you allow a wayward sheep into your VW Tiguan, and take him home with you? Well, he or she becomes much like a dog, hanging out the vehicle’s window, and making themselves at home in your home, demanding walks, drinking from the toilet, making a mess when you’re away, and adorably taking a bath while bleating.—Ahh, the many joys of pet-parenting!

Life gets bigger, you see, when you break from the herd. So “make your own kind of music.” Who am I to judge? Just don’t call your new ovine pet Lambchop. They might get the wrong idea…🐑

And a Happy Thanksgiving, y’all! 🦊





“The Great Wolves Have Arrived” Commercial…

November 18, 2022

The Great Wolf Lodge commercials can be somewhat disconcerting. They are enormous wolves, you see, of a size that makes even dire wolves look wimpy. Fortunately they are friendly, and you ride them like oversized horses to the Great Wolves Lodge resorts…

A mother leaves work to find a Great Wolf waiting for her, and so rides him to pick up her son at school, even though the son would be barely a morsel for the wolf should he turn predacious. But not to worry! These wolves are just the iconic mascots for the family indoor water parks, which started in Wisconsin in 1997, and now have 19 locations…

Nothing brings the pack together like a trip to one of their indoor water resorts, so the commercial’s tagline is to “strengthen the pack!” We may all be grateful that these fantasy wolves are both imaginary and quite docile… 🦊

https://fb.watch/gT8kNjTyYx/


RIP, Gallagher…

November 15, 2022

There’s something in the American character that delights in smashing things for fun, which is why I suppose we have demolition derbies. Tapping into the lust for therapeutic wanton destruction was the late iconoclastic comedian Gallagher, whose brilliant if unconventional performance art wrapped observational and prop comedy in a keen sense of the absurd, delivered by a large wooden mallet, the Sledge-O-Matic…

As Steve Martin aptly observed, “Comedy isn’t pretty,” so it was prudent to attend a Gallagher performance wrapped in a plastic rain poncho or at least covered by plastic sheeting if you were sitting in the first several rows of the audience to protect you from the side spray of the mallet mayhem. All kinds of fluid-containing smashable foods (but especially fruit) came under the hammer…

Now what is it about watermelon, anyways, that makes people want to be mean to them? Well, fruit in general tends to be funny, as we can tell from the frequency of banana jokes and the supposed hilarity of slipping on banana peels. Watermelon is just a really big fruit, and it almost begs to be abused, being green and striped and all. Gallagher aside, you can find videos of people seeing how many rubber bands it takes to stretch over a watermelon before it simply explodes. Watermelon rights activists, of course, might take issue with this…

Gallagher showed us how to deal with annoying fruit and other such nuisances. His last performance was in 2014, and he took a lot of fruit with him. His shows could be oddly purgative and therapeutic, kinda like primal scream therapy for comedy. He will forever be memorable, and may he rest In peace… 🍉.

The Curse of the Collector…

November 10, 2022

Many people collect stuff, certain stuff, that is. It can be as common as baseball cards, a bit further out like comic books (just of a certain type, of course!), or highly specialized, like those collectors of figurines of pigs, cows, frogs, unicorns, clowns, Santa, or whatever. Some people collect pens, paperweights, matchbook covers, post cards, even electrical insulators. My mother collected antique bottles, much like those pictured above. The bottles in turn collected dust, although they did look pretty on window shelves with light passing through them.

Now collecting things can be considered a hobby, but if it gets out of hand can become an obsession, an addiction, or a form of obsessive-compulsive behavior. At the very least, you can soon wind up with storage problems for your “collection.” If uncontrolled, some collections can take over rooms, or even entire houses…

Now collections represent pet interests that largely are not shared with the general population. Others may regard your collection as “over-the-top” or weird. A collection is more a labor of love than a real financial investment, and their value is a niche market restricted to other collectors of the same thing. Few are those who have financed a college education with their “Beanie Baby” collection…

So if your plushie collection is getting out of hand, it may be time for your “higher self” to ask the collector in you, “Why are you doing this?!,” and break out of the collection cycle. But I’m keeping my foxes, anyways. Maybe I’m just trying to reproduce, I dunno… 🦊

“The Warriors;” “Can…You…Dig It?!”

November 2, 2022

In my twisted little mind, I got Halloween, current sporting events, and the 1979 cult movie “The Warriors” all mixed up, and began thinking, wouldn’t it be interesting if The World Series was played by teams like the film’s The Baseball Furies? The game would never go nine innings, however, as the teams would just pound each other senseless with baseball bats. It wouldn’t last long, but you’d get your afternoon or evening back…

Now why, you might ask, are we posting about a movie that’s over 40 years old? Simply because the movie remains a kick after all those years, and there’s nothing else quite like it. Besides, it’s fun, and the characters depicted in the movie are too cartoonish to be menacing. Even Ronald Reagan was reputed to have enjoyed this film!

Originally criticized as promoting gang violence, the gangs depicted are too cartoonish to be taken seriously, each with a distinctive look that essentially includes a gang uniform. Have you ever seen a roller-skating gang that wears bib overalls? Well, they’re in here, haunting the subways as “The Punks.”

While there was never a sequel to The Warriors, the film did inspire some video games and comics. So the Warriors did come out to “play-yay.”

So many iconic scenes in The Warriors epic battles to traverse the distance between The Bronx and Coney Island! But it’s probably good that a sequel wasn’t made. The original cast in recreating their subway ride had all grown rather long in the tooth, and I thank them for putting on shirts under their vests now. But I also thank them for this “guilty pleasure”movie fave of mine. So yes, “I…can…DIG IT!” And I’m still digging The Warriors… 🦊


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