Archive for April 2020

Of Anthropomorphic Horse Evolution…

April 30, 2020


Anthropomorphic horses have been on television for longer than one might suspect, perhaps beginning with the quirky but iconic 1960’s sitcom Mr. Ed that featured a talking palomino owned by an architect, Wilbur Post, portrayed by Alan Young. Those shows in turn were inspired by a series of children’s stories written by Walter R. Brooks.  Mr. Ed the horse was portrayed by a gelding named Bamboo Harvester, who was voiced on the series by former western actor Allan Lane.  Ed would only talk in person to Wilbur, although he would at times make phone calls, and be heard often talking to his owner by others, conversations for which Wilbur had constantly to offer false explanations.  The explanation for Ed’s origins as a sentient and articulate equine being was only touched upon once lightly and dismissively in the first episode in which Wilbur expresses his inability to understand the situation.  Ed replies to that confusion, “Don’t try.  It’s bigger than both of us!”  I can live with that, although alien genetic engineering seems to me one possible explanation.  “A horse is a horse, of course, of course…

Light years away was the adult animated Netflix series BoJack Horseman, which ran for six seasons and 77 episodes from 2014 to 2020.  BoJack was essentially an animal-person, equine from the neck up, but with human features below that point.  This presents as a rather disturbing combination at first glance, but it grows on you rather quickly, especially since BoJack is but one of a number of animal-persons of different species coexisting with mundane humans on the series.  BoJack is a middle-aged male whose heyday occurred in the 1990’s with a sitcom called Horsin’ Around.  That show abruptly cancelled, BoJack now seeks to restore his celebrity status in a dark series which satirizes Hollywood but touches on depression, addiction, self-destructive behavior, sexuality, and many other aspects of the human condition.

 

Mr. Ed was essentially a horse who acted like a human, whereas BoJack Horseman was a human who acted like a horse.  As to whether BoJack was Mr. Ed, the former once tweeted, “NO I AM NOT MR ED OPEN YOUR EYES.”  That seems pretty definitive to me…

 

Livin’ Off The Plastic…

April 25, 2020



The other day I went to a drive-up window to buy a lousy $4 ice cream, since in the year of the plague, walk-in much less full restaurant service are but memories.  Reaching the front of the line, I discovered to my chagrin that the establishment wasn’t accepting cash, but only credit or debit cards.  Cash, it would seem, is now considered a “contact point” for the Coronavirus, which can live merrily on a variety of surfaces for hours.

As I fumbled awkwardly for my debit card out of my wallet, the thought surfaced in my mind that these must be terrible times to be Scrooge McDuck.  I mean, that bird would literally go swimming through his cash vaults!  He had, by a Forbes estimate, a net cash worth of over 44 billion dollars. Swimming and burrowing through his money brought this duck pleasure!  He was, by the standards of many, one lucky duck…

Now in these plague years, could Scrooge be considered to have a fatal attraction to money, considering his physicality with it?  With money being considered filthy lucre, does Scrooge McDuck have a death wish, or is he just severely conflicted now about his practices?  Is an intervention needed to save this duck from himself?!  These thoughts eat away at me, terribly.  We may never know the answer to these timely questions, but press on nonetheless.  It is our calling, our mission here… 🐺

 

Retro Virtual Dance Party Time!

April 14, 2020

Uh-oh! Maybe it was too much social distancing and face masks, but we’ve gone stir crazy here, and are bringing you our first ever Foxsylvania virtual 1960’s dance party from the 1965-66 series Hullabaloo, and we’ll even throw in a young Jerry Lewis as a guest star!

So just grab your Beatle boots, mini-skirts, and Go-Go girls in cages, and get set to wow the world with your hot moves and fashions!- -Wouldn’t that be groovy🦊

The Chantix Turkey at the Fair…

April 10, 2020

In the strange world of evolution gone awry inhabited by the Chantix Turkey, we are gradually being introduced to other individuals there, and familiarized with their social activities.  A recent episode takes us to their town fair, a rather folksy event at which our hero is apparently functioning as a worker.  Nice guy or bird that he is, the turkey takes the plunge in a dunk tank before donning an apron, working thereafter at a ring toss game booth (above), a ticket booth, and even a cotton candy stand.  This turkey does it all…

There are some subtle and cute touches in this ad, such as when the titular turkey walks past a fun house mirror, and we get to see his slenderized reflection in the mirror.  It’s a delight to see the turkey’s distinctive walk here, as well as his trademark heel click out of exuberance at kicking the smoking habit.

The turkeys don’t seem to be socially distancing, so they’ve apparently avoided the Coronavirus.  In their friendly and serene world, however, one wonders if the turkeys might someday have to deal with some variant of the avian flu, or perhaps just a hostile invasion by Elmer Fudd wanna-bes…oh the horror, the  horror! 

Oh, and by the way…a Happy Easter, y’all!

“The General Skunk” Commercial

April 3, 2020

                  

      When a woman in a commercial for The General insurance appears about ready to drive a newly-purchased vehicle off a car lot, she is met by the unlikely duo of Shaquille O’Neal and The General, the latter a cartoon pipsqueak in military attire sporting an enormous white moustache.  

        You’re not ready to drive without insurance,” cautions Shaquille.  “That’s as crazy as starting a skunk farm in your backyard!”  The admonition seems to trigger a traumatic memory in the woman. We flash back to an image of her apparently in her yard being advanced upon by over half a dozen skunks.  The woman extends her palms at the advancing skunks in an effort to keep them at bay.  “Easy, Petunia!,” she cries to one, “Back up!,” she beseeches…but her efforts are in vain, as we are shown a fleeting image of the skunks raising their tails, about to spray the woman.

        Flashing back to the present, the woman is now happily engaged in procuring insurance from The General.  “Smell you later,” she says to those bad memories as she departs…