Archive for September 2015

Yelp’s “Deer in Headlights” Commercial…

September 27, 2015

image

In rural parts of Pennsylvania, hitting a deer on the road is a very real possibility at this time of year.  They’re in rut, you see, and the herds are stirred up as the big guys try to get lucky.  Poor Charlie and his wife have just had such an encounter, and they need to find a good body shop fast!  We are shown their car ramped up on the rear of the deer-driven vehicle, an antlered buck behind the wheel.

“”You just came out of nowhere!,” contests the woman driving to the buck. The deer makes agitated noises and flails around. “Calm down!,” urges the woman. “No one shot your mother,” she presents in a Bambi reference. The deer vocalizes and thrashes around some more, apparently saying something uncomplimentary about the human driver and raising the ire of her husband, who is ready to take on the buck and is becoming verbally abusive himself.

Fortunately, a Yelp representative is there to recommend a five star body shop, and it’s suggested that the deer and humans all go in there together. They are then shown standing in front of said establishment, although the buck remains mouthy and the human male combative.  – – Why can’t we all just get along?!

image

Follow Your Instincts!

September 20, 2015

image

It’s so hard to find a tasty and healthy snack on the African savanna!  Two lionesses in a Fiber One commercial would kill for something sweet, and are considering the available offerings. – – Flamingos? – – Nah, they’d have to eat about thirty of them.  One offers to split a hippopotamus with the other; too fat, also unacceptable.  The hippo appears to harrumph in surprise or indignation.

Fortunately, we humans don’t have to face such quandaries, with Fiber One providing sweet and healthy snacks at only 90 calories.  You don’t have to hunt and kill ’em, either…

 

wpid-wp-1442789714495.jpeg

 

Starbucks “Workhorse” Commercial…

September 15, 2015

 

wpid-wp-1442349315710.jpeg

Poor Elliot!  Although he’s in harness at work, it’s his co-worker Ned who gets noticed by their female boss, and called “a real workhorse.” When  Elliot spins around, neighs, and shakes his magnificent mane, his unappreciative boss only orders him back to work.  Typical office favoritism and partiality; sounds like this boss is a real nag!

It looks like Starbucks in this commercial is telling us that even an actual workhorse is no match for someone with a double shot coffee or such down the hatch.  Living on excessively high doses of caffeine, however, is no horse laugh, even if they do work you like one…been there, done that!

Tums Hot Dog Campsite Attack!

September 7, 2015

 

wpid-wp-1441639092383.jpeg

They bay at the moon, and attack your campsite in a pack, like wolves…the creepy, four-limbed, human sized hot dogs in a recent Tums commercial, that is! Brandishing a burning stick in one hand and his Tums package like a cross before a vampire, our intrepid camper is able to drive the marauding processed meats off.  Such is life in the Twilight Zone of the food chain…(shudders)

Be afraid, be very afraid…Tums has lately alarmed us with tales of assaultive meat foods that have included chicken wings, a nightmarish headless barbecued chicken, sky-diving meatballs, and what appeared to be a very angry corned beef sandwich.  It’s enough to make me want to add additional countermeasures to my existing zombie defense network…

Geico Water Hazard Monster!

September 3, 2015

wpid-wp-1441320658484.jpeg

Golf tends not to be especially thrilling as a spectator sport, but it could be enlivened considerably by making the water hazards truly hazardous, say by putting a Kraken into the water!  Golfer Bill in a recent Geico commercial is having a truly bad round when an enormous tentacle whips out of the water and ensnares him, the golfer flailing helplessly against its iron grip.

The sportscasters in the face of this spectacle are unflappable, commenting in whispered tones about how the golfer’s five iron may not be enough club to handle this situation; he’s gonna lose a stroke on this one!  More of the Kraken then becomes  visible for inspection, and it is truly a beast of Lovecraftian proportions; now this is a sporting event!  Still nonplussed, the sportscasters continue to comment in whispered tones; it’s what they do

I’d pull up a chair and pay to see golf matches like this!  With quicksand, scorpions, and rattlesnakes, perhaps we could also lend new meaning to tired old golf course “sand traps.”- – Now that’s entertainment!