DirecTV’s Giant Panda

Posted August 22, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, furry, television
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 – – DirecTV has a new commercial featuring Vietnamese comedian Dat Phan, who plays a character called “Whale,” so named because he’s a “big boy in the casino.”  Everything that Whale does is “crazy big,” so he hangs out with tall caucasian models and a huge panda called Coco, who eats a bamboo stick while Whale watches Rango on television!

…the commercial, however, has been found offensive by some in the Asian American community due to its playing off Asian stereotypes such as Dat Phan’s forced accent and short stature, a giant Koi fish, and the enormous panda who eats bamboo.  DirecTV had earlier reaped ire for a commercial which played off black stereotypes…

…as for me, I’d love to sit with a gigantic panda and watch animation!


Comments: 2 Comments

Allstate’s “Raccoon Mayhem” Rocks!

Posted August 19, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, television
Tags: ,

 – – The Allstate “Mayhem” guy (Dean Winters) in this commercial is representing a raccoon, and every expense has been spared in his raccoon impersonation;  he’s clearly human, he’s wearing a suit, and the only nod to his status as a raccoon are dark circles around his eyes!  You could make yourself look more like a raccoon with a little construction paper…

The acting, however, is another matter; the Mayhem man says, “I’m a raccoon, and this time in your attic has been the best week of my raccoon life!”  He then proceeds to jubilantly demonstrate the things that raccoons can do in an attic, like playing havoc with the electrical wiring, throwing around the insulation, scratching the rafters,  and chewing a hole in the roof, through which we are shown Winters as ‘coon protruding.  “I’m the smartest raccoon I know!,” brags Winters in character, adding that he’s already had “like four babies.”  When Winters walks away from the house at the end of the commercial, he looks like Heath Ledger’s Joker in The Dark Knight walking away from the hospital before it blows…this should further solidify the raccoon rep as bad boys of the furry community!

The dark humor of Raccoon Mayhem is little less than brilliant!

Comments: 3 Comments

Fugitive Cow…

Posted August 17, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal rights, animals, furry, furry causes, furry heroes, strange happenings
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 – – I’ve always felt empathy for fugitive cows, those bovines that feel the bloodline of the aurochs stir in them, and so do not go quietly to the slaughter… 

…and so to Yvonne, the six-year-old German cow, I say, You go, girl!  No milk dud, Yvonne escaped in May from a farm in Muehldorf, Germany where she was being prepared for the slaughter.  She made a new home for herself in the Bavarian woods, gaining the notice of authorities when Yvonne jumped in front of German police cars.  Deemed a traffic threat, hunters were then authorized to shoot the cow, which outraged animal rights activists.  An Austrian animal protection group then either offered or has already bought Yvonne from her original farm for 700 euros. 

While receiving much attention, Yvonne remained on the lam, prompting efforts to lure her in by sending bovine family members and friends into the wild.  A bull was even brought in by animal rights activists in an effort to romance the cow, but the bull turned out to be castrated, and Yvonne wasn’t fooled by this flimsy deception.  Things got weirder still when an animal psychic was consulted by the animal rights activists.  The psychic reported having contacted the cow by telepathy, saying that Yvonne was fine but didn’t feel ready to come out of hiding, fearing that the humans would lock her up and that she’d lose her freedom!

Meanwhile, the Hindu community recently issued a statement calling for German authorities to withdraw permission for hunters to shoot Yvonne, saying that the decision was ill-advised.  A German newspaper has also created a Facebook page, and offered a reward of over $14,000 to anyone who can capture Yvonne…

…my sympathies are on the side of the cow on the run, who has probably connected with the underground and awaits the furry revolution…long life and good fortune to you, counter-culture bovine!- -Fight the power, Yvonne!

Comments: 3 Comments

Real Roadrunners…

Posted August 14, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal behavior, animals, feathered friends
Tags: ,

 – – I love the Warner Bros. Roadrunner cartoons as much as anyone, although I venerate the coyote and like the roadrunner, and if involved would probably negotiate, and try to find Wile E. something else to eat that he might be happy with, maybe order him up a pizza and share a slice with him, canine-to-canine.   In reality, however, roadrunners are not tall, skinny birds that can travel in a blur of motion, make “meep-meep” sounds, and defeat Acme-supplied coyote geniuses. 

They are, however, tough and resourceful birds who are more likely to be doing the murdering than running from would-be murderers.  They are almost exclusively carnivorous, and will eat rattlesnakes, sinking their beaks into the snake and repeatedly smashing it into the ground until the snake is both dead and tenderized in a technique aptly named, the Centrifugal Slam; the snake is then swallowed whole, bit by bit!   Roadrunners will also eat tarantula hawks (an insect), horned lizards, and other birds…all in all, a bird who would rather fight than flee!

Just a reminder that cartoons are rarely accurate sources for aspiring ornithologists or zoologists, and an animal’s lethality should not be judged by its appearance!

Comments: 3 Comments

Waiter, There’s a Fly…

Posted August 12, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: insects, strange happenings, unexplained, weird
Tags: ,

 – – People are forever finding flies and other repulsive foreign objects in their food, in some cases putting such objects in the food item themselves in the hopes of pursuing profitable litigation or at least getting a free meal.  I’ve found hair in restaurant food on numerous occasions.  Well, along these lines a woman in China recently bought some yogurt, ate half of it in the morning, and put the remainder in her refrigerator, returning that afternoon to consume the rest of it.  When the afternoon’s yogurt tasted funny, the woman spat it out to find…a dead fly!

 

We hope you weren’t eating, gentle readers.  Anyways, when the woman complained to the yogurt manufacturer, Bright Dairy & Food Co., company officials didn’t apologize or offer the customer a refund.  Rather, they asked her to autopsy the fly to make sure that it had gotten into the yogurt before she had opened it.  This rather put an end to the matter, as there aren’t many medical examiners offering fly autopsies.

Instances of food adulteration like this have given rise to use of the term mealbreaker to refer to a nasty, non-edible surprise found in food while it is being eaten.   Examples might include the bloody bandage reportedly found baked into a pizza, and of course the overalls found in Mrs. Murphy’s chowder…


Comments: 2 Comments

Liberating Lobsters…

Posted August 10, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal rights, animals, aquatic, philosophy
Tags: ,

 – – In Gloucester, Mass. on August 3rd (Wheel Turning Day),  a group of thirty Tibetan Buddhists bought 534 live lobsters from a seafood wholesaler, clipped the bands binding their claws, and then released them back into the Atlantic from a whale-watching vessel, saving them at least temporarily from the boiling pot.   Among those setting the lobsters free was a chef who no longer cooks live shellfish.  The Buddhists typically liberate masses of the expensive seafood a couple of times each year.

While the Buddhists recognize that the lobsters may be re-captured, it is felt that by the action, the lobsters have had a longer life, even if only by an hour.  Lobsters to the Buddhist are viewed equally with other life forms, with their happiness and suffering  just as important to them as it would be to higher life forms. 

And for the fishermen paid for their labors, it’s a win-win proposition…I dunno what the lobsters think about being captured and then released, but they may perceive it as a near-death experience…

Comments: 3 Comments

The Cat Rules!

Posted August 8, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, cartoons, furry, television
Tags: ,

 – – I freely confess that I’ve always been a big fan of Dr. Seuss and his creations, having the stuff read to me and then reading it as a child, and later reading it aloud to younger family members as they were growing up.  Dr. Seuss was light years ahead of his time, coming up with marvelously surreal creatures and plots in painfully strait-laced times.  I credit Dr. Seuss and his works with strongly influencing my generally twisted take on life.

My fave Seuss character not surprisingly is the Cat in the Hat.  The Cat is kind of the kingpin of the Seuss empire, it’s heart and soul, a spirit of gleeful anarchy in a Republican world…yes, the Cat is all that!  The Cat could create joyful mayhem, but not to worry, he always made it right at the end!  And who didn’t envy the Cat’s vehicle, the Thinga-ma-jigger, a device which could sprout disturbing arm appendages, wings, pontoons, rocket boosters, and even change size!  Alright, the styling was bizarre, but I wanted this kind of chariot more than I wanted a Jetson flying car!  Thing One and Thing Two could be called on to execute the heavy-duty devastation, and then there was that marvelous anthropomorphic fish in a bowl, the lone voice of reason and caution in this mad world!  There wasn’t a fish of this caliber until Klaus Heissler the goldfish in American Dad.  Like Klaus, the Seuss fish seems alright breathing air so long as at least one small part of his body is in water.

 

Like the Cat, many Seuss characters were anthropomorphic furries that kind of led clueless humans around by the nose…and I’m glad that the Cat has a PBS series on called, The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That!  The Cat is voiced by Martin Short, and continues to be utterly awesome…and yes, I’ve been known to steal a look at the show!

Comments: 2 Comments

Foxxy Love

Posted August 6, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: furry-like, television
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 – – Foxxy Love is not really a furry; rather, she is a parody of Valerie Brown from Josie and the Pussycats, her outfit likely inspired by the Pussycats’ cat costumes. Foxxy’s name is derived from the names of two famous “blaxploitation” characters, Foxy Brown and Christie Love.   A character in the animated series Drawn Together, Foxxy is a mystery-solving musician who is sassy, promiscuous, and tactless.  She wears a scanty fox girl costume that has fox ears and a fox tail; the series has produced a number of contradictions about whether the tail is real or fake.  In a handful of episodes the tail appears to be real although Foxxy is seen without the tail on numerous other occasions.  The Foxxy is bisexual and, err, very kinky!  It’s hard to dislike anyone whose former band was called, The Foxxy Five!

Comments: 2 Comments

Wash and Wear Kitty…

Posted August 4, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal behavior, animals, strange happenings
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 – – Sometimes even being cute isn’t enough to save you from being put through the ringer, or at least the washer.  Maybe it was one royal wedding too many, but something drove Princess, an eight-week-old kitten in the UK city of Aberdeen, into a washing machine where undetected, she survived a one hour washing cycle. 

The kitten was found after the wash cycle concluded, clinging for dear life to a pair of jeans. Rushed to a vet following her ordeal, the kitten was shaken, shivering,  and had  a nose bleed and sore eyes but suffered from no lasting damage.  Cats like to hide in small, dark, and sometimes warm places such as washers and dryers, and such appliances should accordingly be checked by feline owners for occupants prior to use …

Comments: 1 Comment

Unsinkable “Battleship?”

Posted August 1, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: aliens, aquatic, movies
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 – – More bad aliens are on the horizon, guys.  While sitting in the theater waiting to see Cowboys and Aliens and wondering why I was being subjected to a Buick commercial as minutes ticked by,  previews also aired,  including one for a movie not to reach the big screen until May of 2012.  The movie is called Battleship, and is loosely based on…the board game of the same name, with alien invaders thrown in as the antagonists.  Said aliens, “The Regents,” have come to Earth to build a power source in the ocean.  During their visit, the aliens encounter a navy fleet, and a very intense and dynamic battle ensues.  The teaser trailer shows a humongous USO emerging from the sea; “Prepare to fire!,” orders the commanding officer.  “Sir, which weapons?,” questions the subordinate.  “All of them,” responds the commander.

Now movies have been made about board and video games before, for example Clue and Mortal Combat.  Battleship will be one of the most expensive movies that Hollywood has ever made with an estimated budget of 200 million, and it carries the distinction of already having been cited by James Cameron (Aliens) as an example of the lack of creativity and viable story lines in Hollywood. 

 

I’m not worried about the outcome of this conflict, however.  We can always turn Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford or the SEALs loose on the aliens…

Comments: 1 Comment

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