Archive for the ‘anthropomorphic’ category

The “Banana Splits” Murders…

February 21, 2019

 

I, for one, am not surprised that the Banana Splits gang are finally going homicidal; they always were rather surreal, shady, and oddly disturbing, and one knew that there had to be something more darkly seething under the surface than what they wanted you to see.  

For those of you who just fell off the turnip truck, the Banana Splits were an oddball creation of Sid and Marty Krofft, and were people costumed in cheap fursuits with unchanging and unmovable faces that presented themselves as being a gorilla, elephant, dog, and lion on kiddie television episodes that aired from 1968 to 1970, continuing afterwards in syndication for a decade. They were supposedly a rock band, and a typical segment might involve them running madly about before running into one another and falling down. Their theme song was extremely annoying, but an ear worm that could play inside your head, driving you to madnessIt was the ’60’s, after all, and we didn’t know any better.

Anyways, the Syfy channel is bringing back the Banana Splits for a movie in which a boy and his parents go to a taping of the old show when things take a turn for the worse, and the body count starts rising. I’ve always suspected that this moment would be coming…

“Cats,” the Movie, Coming in 2019…

February 18, 2019



Dancing feline animorphs are coming to the big screen in 2019… you have now been duly warned!  The movie version of the musical will boast some diverse and major stars as cats, including Taylor Swift, Jennifer Hudson, and Ian McKellen…that’s right, Magneto is gonna play a cat, although appropriately enough a theatrical one.  What would be really cool would be if he’d play a cat with mutant powers.  Perhaps Catwoman from the DC universe could also make an appearance, and we’d really have a blockbuster!

But I digress…the British-American cooperative venture, several years in the planning, is set to come to theaters in later December 2019… 

Autonomous, Ambulatory Robots…

February 5, 2019


Submitted for your approval is Marty, an autonomous, ambulatory robot deployed at my local supermarket to look for spills and trash. He approached me noisily from behind, beeping and flashing lights, and at first I didn’t know what was going on! Was someone pushing this thing, inside it, or remotely controlling it? — Nope, nope, and nope…but you don’t have to fear Marty.  They pasted on those ridiculous, googly eyes so as not to project a Darth Vader vibe, although that might be interesting…

Vader ‘Bot:  “I find your lack of fresh produce purchases disturbing…”

Customer:  “Alright,  just stop force-choking me,  jeez!  I’m throwing in cabbages, see?”

Vader ‘Bot:  “The General Manager will be pleased, but pray you do not require a further demonstration…”

While it will be some time before Rosie the robot from The Jetsons will be among us, the ‘bots are coming!    Marty is far from being C-3PO, but give it another ten years or so, and they could be seeking a piece of your action… 

 

Real Cost of Smoking, “Little Lungs” Snowboard

February 3, 2019

I, for one, am starting to get a bit freaked out over the number of anthropomorphic organs detaching themselves from the human body and making a go of it by themselves in advertisements and public service announcements. There was a time when reporting such sightings would have landed you a diagnosis as an active psychotic, but now we have bladders, stomachs, and even colons parading around without a suspicion of recreational drug use.  Perhaps it’s appropriate and to be expected for the times in which we live, but I’ll never be fully comfortable with it, and it may haunt my dreams…

One of a series, “Little Lungs in a Great Big World: Snowboard,” brings us the little lungs in question being asked by other bigger, presumably healthier lungs if they’d like to go snowboarding with the group.  The little lungs respond in the affirmative, but because they had smoked as a teenager are smaller in size,and subsequently unable to draw in enough air and keep up.  They wind up wiping out and getting skewered by the antlers of a moose, one eye hanging disconcertingly out of its socket.  

It certainly doesn’t make me want to light one up!  When I was young, we didn’t have all of these renegade organs marauding about, and were simply told that smoking would stunt your growth.  To lull us into acquiring a smoking habit, we went to visit Marlboro Country where manly men did manly things like ropin’ and ridin’ with nary a hacking cough to be heard, or a tumor to be seen. – – And who was cooler than Joe Camel? – – But ahh, times have changed.  Perhaps in the future, Larry Liver will warn us about the dangers of alcoholic consumption…

“Masked Singer” Mix and Masks, S1 Ep5…

February 1, 2019


Episode 5 of The Masked Singer opened with a group performance by (from left) Alien, Rabbit, Lion, and Unicorn.  The group rendition of “I’m On Top Of The World” by Imagine Dragons went well, and was followed by individual performances by each of the contestants.  The use of “background dancers” by each performer is notable, with Alien’s dancers in UFO-inspired costumes, Rabbit dancing with a bevy of bunnies, and Unicorn performing with a red-clad pair eerily reminiscent of Thing One and Thing Two from Dr. Seuss.  

Rabbit’s dancing was again a crowd-pleaser, and he demonstrated an impressive set of pipes on the R&B inspired selection of Poison. Rabbit’s strategy has been to show his range with a different genre of music each performance, but I could have done without the country selection performed in his last outing.  In this episode he was again where he worked well, and against someone like Rabbit, the other contestants appeared flat-footed. With fewest votes, Unicorn was voted off, and revealed to be…Tori Spelling, an identity correctly guessed by judge Dr. Ken Jeong.

Finalists in this competition may well be Rabbit, Peacock, Lion, and Bee, all of whom can definitely sing!  Rabbit and Peacock seem to have the greatest sense of how to work the stage and rouse an audience as well with dancing and movement…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cox Communications Future Technology Panda…

January 25, 2019

In this Cox Communications advert, two anthropomorphic pandas are playing a spirited game of ping-pong, complete with appropriate panda grunts and cries…but things are not as they appear, for a mother summons one of the “pandas” to dinner, and playtime is over. He touches a button on a device, shedding his panda avatar and revealing that he’s really a human boy. His friend is likewise human, and furthermore located at a distance away. They give each other a wave and a “later dude” through a projected screen, and return to their mundane real lives…

This is an envisioning of technology of the future, and I find it completely believable. I’d better start saving now for the mobile emitter and massive data plan that I’ll need to shed my human self at will…

Chantix “Slow Turkey” Commercial…

January 21, 2019

It’s not easy being a turkey. Apparently, if a carnivore doesn’t get you, a nicotine addiction probably will.  Is Elmer Fudd lurking in wait for our feathered friend, or a cancer specialist?  Life is full of uncertainties. In light of his questionable destiny, the turkey in our Chantix commercial is keeping active in a variety of activities, and probably maintaining a positive mental attitude as well. This bird has a fuller life than I do…he gardens, reads, mows the lawn, and finds time to float in his pool.  I envy him…I don’t have a freakin’ pool, so the wages of poultry must be pretty good. He even puts out a feeder for the birds…but wait, isn’t that what he is?!  I’m so confused…then in order to minimize the number of strikes against him, the turkey is wisely trying to kick the cigarette habit with Chantix, a program which allows him to go “slow turkey” as opposed to cold turkey.

Unanswered is the question of whether  unsuccessful quitters of his species are the source of smoked turkey; I’ve always wondered. Anyways, I’m glad that this Chantix user is no bird brain…

The Masked Singer, Episode 3…

January 20, 2019


In the bizarre singing competition of The Masked Singer, the contestant known as The Deer looked like a stag wearing a gas mask with steampunk accessories such as metallic gauntlets and a long overcoat. Dance moves were hardly the Deer’s forte, with his movements stiff and minimal, possibly due to the headgear.  With his vocals equally forgettable, The Deer was voted off during Episode 3, and was unmasked to reveal football great Terry Bradshaw.  Perhaps his outfit could be used in a remake of The Island of Dr. Moreau…

Lion gave another good performance, and Monster I thought surpassed their previous effort.  Unicorn’s was adequate but not terribly memorable.  I thought that Peacock did well again, projecting a Las Vegas presence by beginning their performance on top of a 30-foot lift before descending to the stage.  It was kind of like watching Elvis with feathers…this bird can dazzle!

 

The Masked Singer, S1, Ep2…Run, Rabbit, Run!

January 10, 2019


I was not disappointed!  The Rabbit rocked the house on S1, Ep2 of The Masked Singer with a rousing rendition of Ricky Martin’s Livin’ la Vida Loca. With his glowing red eyes, straitjacket-type outfit, and head-twitching mannerisms, The Rabbit conveyed a touch of madness and menace, winning over Alien with a great stage presence and a lot of kinetic energy, together with that “fresh from the asylum” vibe that he had going on…kinda like Michael Jackson by way of The JokerRabbit was deeply into his character, and I respect that. Perhaps he’ll perform White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane in a future match-up…

In other match-ups, Raven easily beat Pineapple, who was voted the weakest performance of the night and voted off.  The identity of Pineapple? — Tommy Chong, who is known for comedy but hardly singing and dancing.  Raven’s outfit was dark and foreboding, with almost steampunk and horror elements, and she sang Rainbow by Kesha…

In the third round, Poodle sang a strong version of Pat Benatar’s Heartbreaker, but lost to Bee who performed Chandalier  by Sia.  Bee is apparently a veteran performer who has been doing her thing since the 1950’s!  When the menagerie convenes in weeks to come, we’ll be seeing both of them again in someplace where your fantasies meet your nightmares.  This is weird but fun stuff, and I’m in for the ride…  

 

“The Masked Singer,” American Edition…

January 3, 2019

Aha, I just knew that we were going to be able to sneak some compelling furry images and characters onto mainstream television soon, and with The Masked Singer on Fox (- -how appropriate!), our time may have finally come in 2019!

 

Now for those of you not in the know, The Masked Singer is a new reality show (for the U.S., anyways) in which celebrity contestants perform and compete entirely clad in costume head-to-toe, concealing their identity. Most often those costumes are of animals, monsters, or other fantastic life forms with the contestant’s group of twelve including among others a unicorn, a deer, a hippo, a French poodle, a pineapple-man, a lion, and my personal fave, a rabbit! For the first night, six contestants competed on a paired basis, with the lesser voted contestant of each match-up relegated to the bottom three, and the weakest of that group unmasked and sent home. Victors in the matches included a Peacock winning over a Hippo, a Unicorn beating a “Monster,” and a Lion defeating a Deer. The Hippo, a real-life football athlete, ranked lowest and was sent home.

 

The show kind of blends American Idol with The Gong Show by way of a furry convention. Some of the costumes are elaborate and impressive, and dependent on their individual gifts and the bulk of their outfit some of the contestants incorporate a little choreography into their stage presentations. All of the contestants are supposedly well-known figures in music, comedy, or athletics, and the identity of each will ultimately be revealed as the weaning-out process continues. Popular in Asia and originating in South Korea, the American version of The Masked Singer is certainly different, even if it’s not for everyone…