Archive for the ‘absurdities’ category

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Strange Bedfellows?

July 14, 2011

 – – Foxes and Donald Trump make strange bedfellows, but vulpine Americans were again dragged into the commentary at a White House Correspondents’ Dinner.  In what amounted to a roast of the Donald, Seth Meyers commented that “Donald Trump often appears on Fox, which is ironic because a fox often appears on Donald Trump’s head,” a reference to Mr. Trump’s signature hair style.  It’s certainly no one that I know, and I would not volunteer for the assignment myself unless I were paid most handsomely…

Mr. Trump did not appear amused during the proceedings,  and later referred to the jokes about himself as “inappropriate in certain respects…”

Categories: absurdities, strange
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The State Farm Falcon Commercial…

July 6, 2011

– – Insurance companies seem to be competing these days over who can produce the most off-the-wall commercials, and State Farm is in the running with an ad featuring a couple walking down a surreal street populated by a number of people, many of whom are carrying strange objects such as a gumball machine or a stuffed moose head.- -Well, it seems our man on the street has been saved sufficient money that he’s invested it in a falcon, which we see perched on his gloved arm.  Others beholding the falcon are envious, and make comments to the effect, “Aww, I could have got a falcon!”  The couple call their State Farm agent and thank him for buying them a falcon, but he denies having done that, maintaining that he simply saves people money, and that what they do with it is their concern.

Despite the fact that the peregrine falcon is magnificent, it should be pointed out that they are classified as raptors, the possession of which generally requires state and federal permits that can take years to acquire as well as specialized knowledge about their care and handling.  You can’t just go out and buy one at Walmart, no matter how much money you’ve saved! 

Categories: absurdities, animals, feathered friends, furry commercials, strange, television
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“Gladiator” Fights Lion; Not Worth Lion’s Time…

July 1, 2011

 – – With the World Animal Bothering Belt on the line, a self-proclaimed Egyptian “gladiator” stepped into a steel cage set in a wheat field in Mansoura, Egypt with a reportedly 660-lb. (?) lion in order to attract foreign visitors to Egypt and lift his country out of its post-revolution downturn. 

As the “gladiator” glared and bared his teeth, the lion, which had been fed an entire donkey before the event, is reported to have looked bored.   The event lasted 17 minutes, with spectators said to have been disappointed and to have regarded the feat as a publicity stunt.

One can only imagine what thoughts were running through the lion’s head about the human warrior, who carried a “shield” made of an old satellite dish (“You are so lame, pink skin!”).  The Egyptian Tourism Minister commendably blasted the spectacle as an inhumane act against animals…

For his next exhibition, perhaps the warrior will take on a narcoleptic camel, an agoraphobic scorpion, or even a rather large jellyfish in a bucket of water!–Hey, reality TV should be this good!

Categories: absurdities, animals, deplorable practices, just plain stupid, strange happenings, weird
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The Chicken or The Egg?

June 29, 2011

– – Worldly philosophers have debated this one for eons:  Which came first, the chicken, or the egg?   In this short commercial for DirecTV, we see a chicken voiced by John Goodman answer his door to behold…an egg distinguishable only by eyeglassses!   Well, the egg (voiced by Steve Buscemi) winds up on the chicken’s couch in a homey-looking room where they debate the chicken vs. egg issue while promoting DirecTV.  The chicken gets the last word in…

Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry commercials, television
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– -These Rats ROCK!!!

June 15, 2011

 – – Remember the giant talking ants in earlier Orkin commercials?- -Well, no rat finks these, the latest Orkin commercial features a duo of really rad anthropoid rats playing hot licks on guitars in the living room of a nice suburban home that the family of four in residence comes home to unexpectedly.–Alright, the rats are a bit on the scruffy side and they’ve made a little mess on the floor, but damn, these rodents ROCK!!!- -Think Stephen King meets Jimi Henrix!

The one rat looks positively evil when he chides the family for coming home early, but hey, did you want Justin Bieber?- -These rats have got what it takes, and they know how to use it!  They even offer the boy in the family a gig playing drums for them!- –Take it, you fools, don’t you know a gift when you see it?! – –I’ll play drums for them if the kid doesn’t want it, we’d RULE!!!  (I can see it now…Foxy and the Vermin, Live In Concert!)

When the rats are driven out by the Orkin man (imagines voice of Stewie from Family Guy, “Damn you, Orkin man!”), they even split in a totally cool rat rod!  Don’t drive these rats out, suburban white bread family!- – Sign them to a contract…FAST!!!- –These boys have a future! 


Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, television
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Furry Friendly: The Stanley Steemer Man

June 8, 2011

 – – Alright, he’s not the Green Lantern, but the Stanley Steemer technician is quietly awesome, a man who goes beyond dedication to outright fanaticism.  He is absolutely passionate about his job, in one spot throwing himself upon a trashed carpet by the curb and bewailing its fate.  “Why, WHY?!,” he moans with anguished soul.  “I could have saved this one!- -I could have SAVED this one!,” he sobs as if in a Shakespearean tragedy. 

In another spot, the dedicated cleaner asks an associate if he’s ever cleaned up after an alpaca.  “It was awesome!,” he enthuses.  Evidently the carpet-cleaning needs of a home with multiple preschoolers, free-range chickens, and an alpaca are all in a day’s work for this unsung hero.

More recently, the Stanley Steemer man is regarding a carpet stain, and mentions that no mammal in the household will accept ownership of it.  “But now is not the time for blame,” he philosophizes, “now is the time for action!” 

He’s probably deranged, but I’m so glad that the Stanley Steemer man is on our side!

Categories: absurdities, Brilliant but twisted, television
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Bears – “That’s Amazing” Geico Commercial!

June 2, 2011

 – – Worldly philosophers have long pondered the question, “Do bears (defecate) in the woods?”

Well, this one shown by Geico does…respectably, using a privy, of course!  And this bear is also equipped with a newspaper tucked under his arm and reading glasses!  Realizing that others may be waiting to use the facility, he leaves when his business is done.- -What more can the observing biker say other than, “That’s amazing!”

While perhaps not as brilliant but twisted as the gecko, caveman, or question guy commercials, this “amazing” furry commercial bears a look!– -With Geico, you never know what’s bruin…

Categories: absurdities, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, cool things, furry commercials, humor, television
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Doritos “Mouse Attack” Commercial!

May 29, 2011

 – – This commercial was actually crafted for initial display at the Super Bowl, and has been around a while but seems to be enjoying a renaissance, so we can benefit, too!  An apparently wealthy man enters his mansion-like home, wearing an immaculate suit and slicked-down hair.  As the opera “Carmen” plays in the background, this man of means baits a mousetrap with Doritos, places it before a classic mouse-hole, and then positions himself in a chair before the baited trap, presumably to enjoy the gruesome spectacle to follow.

The joke’s on Richie Rich, however.  As he stuffs his face with Doritos,  a human-sized mouse in a cheesy fursuit erupts from the wall and is briefly glimpsed bowling into the man, and knocking him and his chair completely over!  We then see the gargantuan mouse astride the prone man, pummeling him with both paws and landing some solid punches!- -Well done, oh mouse that roars!- –Furry Pride! 

 

Categories: absurdities, animals, Brilliant but twisted, cool things, furry, furry commercials, television
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– -The Fiendish Plot of Chuck E. Cheese?

May 19, 2011

 – – from our ridiculous furry lawsuits dept:   I’ve always found there to be something vaguely disquieting about Chuck E. Cheese; maybe it’s in the eyes or the teeth, or maybe it’s just the idea of a giant rodent…is he allowed in the food preparation areas?  I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that… anyways, according to one mother suing the restaurant chain for a cool five million, Chuck E. has a darker agenda; promoting gambling addiction!

Yes, according to a San Diego mother of two, many of the games at Chuck E. Cheese locations are actually illegal gambling devices because they take 25 cent tokens which dependent on the score dispense tickets that can be redeemed for prizes.  The higher the score, the greater the number of tickets dispensed, and the better the prize.  The games often take only a few seconds to play, and some of them feature a roulette-type wheel.   Pretty soon, you’ve got a serious habit, and are betting away the lunch money…it’s a slippery slope, right?

Chuck E. Cheese attorneys are moving for a dismissal of the lawsuit on the basis that the games are legal and that the California legislature never intended to make operating a children’s arcade game a criminal act…and at least one gambling expert sees a difference between a game that awards tickets and one that pays out in cold hard cash.  

Categories: absurdities, furry, strange
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Comments: 4 Comments

Geico’s Stopping Buck…

May 12, 2011

 – – It’s short, sweet, and effective:  Geico’s Buck commercial.  Asking whether switching to Geico can save us 15% or more on auto insurance, our announcer poses whether the buck stops here…then out on cue advances a magnificent buck, who stops precisely on the plain, unadorned stage; the buck turns his fully-racked head towards us, and the announcer, who expected nothing less, shrugs slightly.  There’s not a lot of special effects artistry here as in some of its others, but with its play on the familiar expression, Geico again makes it work…

Categories: absurdities, furry commercials, television
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Comments: 2 Comments

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