Archive for the ‘absurdities’ category

Batmanning…

September 14, 2011

 – – People with entirely too much time on their hands have always found something to do, often by inventing fads or trends, for example cow-tipping or planking.  One of the latest ones is simply called Batmanning, and it basically involves hanging upside down by one’s feet from a door, bar, gate, ledge, or whatever.  It may be done by individuals alone, or in a group of any size as illustrated here. 

To hang like a bat requires a fair degree of athletic and acrobatic skill to say nothing of lower-body strength.  We do not recommend that you try this, or you may experience Emergency Rooming

Gumby Goes Hardcore…

September 9, 2011

 – – I, for one, hate it when Claymation figures go bad…and so it was when a person dressed as Gumby walked into a 7-Eleven store in Southern California over Labor Day dressed as Gumby, claimed to have a gun, and demanded money!  I swear I am not making this up…I couldn’t write stuff this good!

Since Gumby tends to be slightly less than intimidating (while the Eddie Murphy version is clearly not to be trifled with), the store clerk treated the surreal customer as a lame joke, and essentially ignored him, telling Gumby that she didn’t have time to waste (No one really has time for Gumby these days, which might be at the root of the problem)! Disrespect from a convenience store clerk seemed to drive Gumby to extremes, causing him to counter, “You don’t think this is a robbery?  I have a gun!”  At that point the clay avenger fumbled inside his costume as if looking for a weapon, but alas his green gloves seemed to get in the way.  Instead of pulling out a gun, Gumby only dropped 27 cents on the floor, which won’t buy you much of anything these days.  Gumby’s apparent sidekick who had entered with the green dude then left the store, reappearing with a minivan which retrieved Gumby and departed…

…the clerk was unfamiliar with the Claymation icon, describing him to her boss as a “green SpongeBob SquarePants.”  Clearly, a major re-education program is necessary so that our young people can distinguish Gumby from SpongeBob.- -Pokey the horse would have been so mortified on all counts!  The police line-up for this one should be very interesting, and a $1,000 reward is being offered for the apprehension of the suspect!


And what lies ahead for our benighted society?- -Drive-by shootings by the Banana Splits characters?- -The Trix Rabbit going postal?  Some things are better left unconsidered…


Kia Hamsters “Party Rock!”

September 7, 2011

 – – You think that you’re watching a commercial for a Halo-esque video game that you wanna play, and it’s got everything — the robotic warriors are engaged in a ferocious battle in a post-apocalyptic world complete with death lasers and Terminator-type hunter-killer aircraft when up pulls a green Kia Soul out of which emerge three human-size hamsters who compose themselves and then dazzle the combatants with their moves to Electro Hop group LMFAO’s hit Party Rock Anthem.  It’s utterly irresistible, and soon there’s a cease fire in favor of some world-class shufflin’!  We’re even shown a sparking robotic lower body that still has some killer moves in it!

Once again, furries have restored peace and harmony, and a dance fight triumphs over a firefight!  It’s all good, but I missed seeing the golden robot that graces LMFAO’s performances…he is awesome, and likely to be a fave this Halloween! 

The Big Yellow Rabbit…

August 30, 2011

  – – Someday, we may awaken to find our streets taken over by gigantic plushies, such as this 13-meter-high yellow bunny crafted by Dutch artist Florintijn Hofman in Orebro, Sweden.  Although he looks like he’s had a less than favorable encounter with the Cloverfield monster, the Big Yellow Bunny is part of the openART festival in Orebro, where the art is in town, and you can walk around it!  “Open Art” may not sit well as a concept with those who regard art as something to be possessed and hung on the wall…

…the Big Yellow Bunny questions the purpose of the public space, and changes the perspective of the monuments within.  One can also imagine the even more enormous child owner of the bunny coming to claim it in a Twilight Zone type scenario!   The work will be for sale, should you want a 13-meter yellow rabbit.- -Perhaps we could set up a steel cage wrasslin’ match for the BYB with Clifford, the Big Red Dog, or the 16-foot high pink and white wrecking ball bunny featured in an H & R Block commercial in the past; it’s all good…

Hah! – – And to think that they said art was dead!

Geico’s Animal Eighties Artists…

August 28, 2011

 – – Eighties music played by a dog and a bird?- -Sure, why not!  Mr. Butters the dog seems to know his way around the keyboard, but the cockatoo seems a little pitchy on the vocals.  It’s just a Geico commercial, and it’s unlikely that this version of  “Take On Me” will win on American Idol

DirecTV’s Giant Panda

August 22, 2011

 – – DirecTV has a new commercial featuring Vietnamese comedian Dat Phan, who plays a character called “Whale,” so named because he’s a “big boy in the casino.”  Everything that Whale does is “crazy big,” so he hangs out with tall caucasian models and a huge panda called Coco, who eats a bamboo stick while Whale watches Rango on television!

…the commercial, however, has been found offensive by some in the Asian American community due to its playing off Asian stereotypes such as Dat Phan’s forced accent and short stature, a giant Koi fish, and the enormous panda who eats bamboo.  DirecTV had earlier reaped ire for a commercial which played off black stereotypes…

…as for me, I’d love to sit with a gigantic panda and watch animation!


The Cat Rules!

August 8, 2011

 – – I freely confess that I’ve always been a big fan of Dr. Seuss and his creations, having the stuff read to me and then reading it as a child, and later reading it aloud to younger family members as they were growing up.  Dr. Seuss was light years ahead of his time, coming up with marvelously surreal creatures and plots in painfully strait-laced times.  I credit Dr. Seuss and his works with strongly influencing my generally twisted take on life.

My fave Seuss character not surprisingly is the Cat in the Hat.  The Cat is kind of the kingpin of the Seuss empire, it’s heart and soul, a spirit of gleeful anarchy in a Republican world…yes, the Cat is all that!  The Cat could create joyful mayhem, but not to worry, he always made it right at the end!  And who didn’t envy the Cat’s vehicle, the Thinga-ma-jigger, a device which could sprout disturbing arm appendages, wings, pontoons, rocket boosters, and even change size!  Alright, the styling was bizarre, but I wanted this kind of chariot more than I wanted a Jetson flying car!  Thing One and Thing Two could be called on to execute the heavy-duty devastation, and then there was that marvelous anthropomorphic fish in a bowl, the lone voice of reason and caution in this mad world!  There wasn’t a fish of this caliber until Klaus Heissler the goldfish in American Dad.  Like Klaus, the Seuss fish seems alright breathing air so long as at least one small part of his body is in water.

 

Like the Cat, many Seuss characters were anthropomorphic furries that kind of led clueless humans around by the nose…and I’m glad that the Cat has a PBS series on called, The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That!  The Cat is voiced by Martin Short, and continues to be utterly awesome…and yes, I’ve been known to steal a look at the show!

Exit the Tiger…

July 28, 2011

 – – I’ve seen far better tiger fursuits, but when Oregon democratic representative David Wu was photographed in a tiger suit, it raised concerns about erratic behavior and the congressman’s mental health!   The photo was apparently an attachment to an e-mail sent to a female staffer, and it apparently convinced a number of his staffers that Wu was batshit crazy, causing a number of them to resign and others to plan mental health interventions for him.  Wu said that the photo was taken while he was “joshing around” with his children late at night in October just before Halloween.

Sending the photo may have been poor judgement, but there are far worse photos that might be sent to female staffers, such as the shirtless and flexing  photos sent by one ousted New York congressman to a random woman met on Craigslist.  Later allegations of sexual improprieties would  force Wu to resign, but I will miss this nerdy congressman with limited social skills who in one speech famously said of the Bush administration, “Don’t let faux Klingons send real Americans to war!

Amazing Sea Monkeys!

July 26, 2011

– -If you grew up on comic books as I did, you may remember reading cheesy ads on the back pages and cover for things like, well, X-ray eyeglasses and Sea Monkeys!  The ad presented the sea monkeys as being intelligent mer-people who would serve you as their king, “clown around,” and even “learn tricks for your amusement!”- – What child doesn’t nurture a God-fantasy where a kingdom of adoring and obedient subjects would shout “Hail!,” and appeal for attention and approval whenever they enter their bedroom?  Twilight Zone episodes have been built around this kind of thing, and a locker full of a tiny kingdom was also glimpsed in one of the Men In Black movies.- -Works for me!

This would have been a neat trick indeed, because the “sea monkeys” were in reality not primates but… brine shrimp!  Gullible and naive fool that I was, I actually ordered sea monkeys…twice!  The first time, the tiny crustaceans failed to even hatchThe second time they did hatch, but had an extremely short life span, never living up to my expectations, showing personalities, or considering me royalty…caveat emptor!

A Public Service Announcement!

July 18, 2011

 – -Here at Foxsylvania, we value each and every one of our readers.  So if you go to the beach this season, we urge you to be careful!  If invited to a crab bake, first make sure that you are not on the menu.  And as always, the admonition to never attempt to eat anything larger than your refrigerator remains sound advice…