Archive for the ‘absurdities’ category

Allstate “Mayhem” Guard Dog!

April 8, 2012

– – He’s played a raccoon, and now the Allstate “Mayhem” guy is going to the dogs, playing an utterly ineffective guard dog!   The commercial spot begins with the Mayhem guy sprawled canine-like on the floor but wearing no costume whatsoever.  “I’m your dog, holding down the fort while you’re out catching a movie,” he explains, pausing to gnaw on a hefty bone.  “Lucky for me your friends showed up with this awesome bone.- -Hey!  You guys are great!,” he declares with a mouthful to the surreal white-faced flashlight-wielding robbers ransacking the house.

Mayhem in canine guise steps outside with the departing thieves to remind us that if we got our home insurance where we purchased our cut-rate car insurance, it might not replace all this…but alas, the canine is apparently wearing one of those “invisible perimeter fence” collars, and he receives twin zapping jolts of electricity which knock him to the ground at that point!  We see Mayhem sit up and shake his head to clear it as the thieves drive off…great stuff!

Bad Eggs Cancel Egg Hunt!

April 2, 2012

— As we enter Easter week, it would seem that Peter Rottentail made an appearance at past Easter egg hunts at Bancroft Park in Colorado Springs, causing that event to be cancelled because of some parents leaping over guide ropes to blatantly grab eggs for their children!  This avarice caused other children to go eggless while some raked in the eggs,  and kinda spoiled the supposed mood of the event.  We will bypass tempting economic and political analogies represented by this occurrence to state the seemingly obvious to the offending parents and their ideological clones elsewhere:  egg hunts are for kids, to paraphrase the great Trix Rabbit, who can teach us much about the nature of desire, frustration, and deprivation. –Wise, long-suffering Trix Rabbit!   One may learn so much from him, and profit from his instruction!   But I digress…

Things seldom get as distasteful and as thoroughly messed up as when parents seek to live vicariously through their children, expressing their greed and Alpha-male dominance needs through them.   We can see this mentality represented in youth sporting events where some parents convey the notion through action and word that yes, winning is everything!   Some even curse other child competitors, or get into physical altercations with other parents.  It’s a mentality that their child is the only one in the universe, or that in a world of supposed equality, some are more equal than others, remembering George Orwell.

I shall mourn the tainting of the humble and lovely tradition of the Easter Egg hunt, which was never intended to be an ego-invested greed fest.  Perhaps it is as worldly philosopher Homer Simpson once observed that we all want the same thing:  preferential treatment!

MiO “Watering Hole” Nose Job!

March 26, 2012

– – The action continues at the Watering Hole, and in this airing it’s time for the girls to come front and center…two long-necked beauties, specifically an ostrich (–perhaps swan?) and a giraffe!  The animation is amazing, but reactions to the commercial itself appear to be divided along the lines of, “It’s creepy and disturbing,” versus “They’re hot!”  So choose your side, I guess…but I like this universe!

Females everywhere regardless of species apparently have commonalities if this commercial is to be believed, and these two ladies engage in the bar pastimes of shooting down guys who hit on them, and making “catty” comments about other females…in this case, a rhino girl who had her nose done, and a camel chick with humps that “do not exist in nature!

Whether you love this commercial series or hate it, you can entertain yourself deciding which female celebrities the four presented characters resemble!  I’ve heard Taylor Swift, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Snookie mentioned as possibilities…

Capital One’s Vikings…

March 23, 2012

– – I, for one, enjoy a good creative anachronism, and the Capital One vikings seem oddly at home in this election year, even if they do have seemingly-British rather than Danish, Scandinavian, or by default Germanic accents.  We’ve seen these highly-visible Visigoths at places like New Orleans, Vegas, New York, and Washington, D.C….here, apparently checking out some dinosaur exhibits at the Smithsonian.  They even formulate a public policy agenda of “No new axes!”  Now that’s a slogan we could live…or die by!  

Appearing at times with goats, a donkey, or hairy children, perhaps these vikings are the shape of future retro…

The Starburst “Contradictions” Dog…

March 14, 2012

– – We all know that many dogs like to ride in cars with their heads sticking out of an open window; a dog who prefers to ride with his tail end sticking out of the window would be, to put it mildly, a contradiction, or at least an unusual preference.- –Well, we meet such a dog in action in a recent Starburst commercial, the idea of which is to show how a sweet which is both juicy like a liquid and also solid is also a contradiction. 

Starburst has explored this notion of contradictions before in their commercials about “Scottish Koreans.”  This dog, as his owner contends, is not weird, but an innovator…and in any case, they’re cute!

Dueling Porkers…

February 29, 2012

– – Riding on the coattails of the popularity of Geico’s Maxwell the pig, Cici’s Pizza has unleashed near look-alike pigs seen speeding around in a blue van…and the kicker is, these pigs are advertising not insurance, but  (-gasp!) a Hog Fest promotion, which means a pizza with bacon, sausage, ham, and pepperoni!- –Oh the horror, the horror!

Things may get ugly in the Pig Wars from this point on, but you may count on Foxsylvania to give you an unflinching look at the atrocities  and keep you fully informed, for you deserve nothing less!

DirecTV’s “Grandson With A Dog Collar”

February 21, 2012

– – Some people regard this commercial as hilarious while others regard it as an ad full of stereotypes and prejudice.  It’s DirecTV’s “Don’t Have A Grandson With A Dog Collar” ad which like  others for the same company takes us through a chain of events sequence illustrating the consequences of making a bad or wrong decision.  In this one, it seems that if your cable is on the fritz, you get frustrated.  When you get frustrated, your daughter imitates.  When your daughter imitates, she gets thrown out of school.  When your daughter gets thrown out of school, she meets “undesirables” (-shown hanging out in a video game room, gasp!).  When she meets undesirables, your daughter ties the knot with undesirables.  And when your daughter ties the knot with undesirables, you get a grandson with a dog collar!  Don’t have a grandson with a dog collar, we are admonished…get rid of cable, and upgrade to DirecTV!

Now dog collars themselves are worn by a variety of different types, including actual canines as well as some goths, heavy metal fans, sado-masochists, and furries.  It’s a personal decision and a personal statement that doesn’t mean that the wearer is bound for a life of crime, or that social deviance is inherently bad.- – No, I don’t wear one, but I’m I’m fine with it if you do…and I can see how some people of alternative life styles might be offended by this commercial.

On the other hand, the expression on the face of the painfully straight grandfather as he sits at the end of the commercial  holding his dog-collar wearing grandson is priceless!  It’s a fish out of water scene that might be a scenario for a sitcom…

Dorito-Bribing Dog…

February 7, 2012

 – – As a member of a species sometimes referred to as “the feline canine,” I don’t take violence towards felines lightly, and always have divided loyalties on questions of cats and dogs.  Dog on cat violence assumed a more humorous bent, however, in the Super Bowl Doritos commercial in which a man discovers that his dog might be responsible for the disappearance of Fluffy, a missing cat.  The dog, deciding that he might be ratted out, decides to bribe his human witness with some Doritos, extending a hush note with spelling at least as good as half of that readily observable on the internet.  I’m sure it’s not the first time that bribes have bought silence…

The Doritos commercial was actually the number one rated ad for this year’s Super Bowl according to TIVo, and it featured Huff, a Great Dane hailing from Virginia Beach.  The consumer-created commercial which reportedly cost only $20 to produce won its originator a cool $1 million prize…Woof!

Subaru’s Dogs…

February 3, 2012

  – – Has the Super Bowl gone to the dogs?!- -There will be plenty of commercials during this year’s event featuring man’s best friend.  In addition to the Volkswagen Super Bowl teaser with dogs barking to Darth Vader’s theme,  Subaru of America has a series of ads featuring dogs in the driver’s seat under the slogan of “Dog Tested.” 

Airing during the annual “Puppy Bowl,” these spots feature dogs on the road doing such things as parallel parking and getting nailed by snowballs.    We see them on the beach, at a campsite, or simply tooling around on the road searching for adventure.  Dogs starring include a poodle, Collie mix, Great Dane, bulldog, and a Blue Heeler mix…

The Bark Side…

February 1, 2012

  – – Turn to the Bark Side…you know it is your destiny

A teaser for a Volkswagen Super Bowl ad, the new commercial features a number of assorted dogs barking to Darth Vader’s distinctive “Imperial March” theme from Star Wars.  The dogs play different Star Wars characters; there’s even an Ewok and a Wookie dog, and at the end a greyhound or whippet clad as an AT-AT parades across the stage!  Is it Paw Wars?–Or are these not the dogs that you’re looking for?

Apparently none of this teaser will appear in the actual upcoming Super Bowl commercial,  which is to herald the arrival of the redesigned VW Beetle…