Archive for July 2013

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The Orangina “Cat…”

July 26, 2013

Orangina

— In France and elsewhere, a soft drink is sold called Orangina.  A memorable commercial was made for the product in 2010 which featured a CGI-generated anthropomorphic male cougar who liked the product so much that the big cat applied it to his face following shaving like lotion to soften his skin.  As the viewer is wondering why a cougar shaves or why a soft drink has skin applications, a bare-chested human male enters the scene who approaches the cougar, and shares, shall we say, a tender moment with him…

…yes, cross-species same-sex attraction! — Ah. those French are such sly dogs, are they not…or perhaps I should say, cats? — Meow!

Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, furry, furry commercials, strange, television
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“Sharknado;” Awesome Silliness!

July 19, 2013

sharknado

– – Being eaten by an airborne shark can ruin your whole day!  It’s not that the SyFy Channel hasn’t made and aired breath-taking bad movies before; it’s just that Sharknado is one of those rare hilariously bad movies that has taken on a life of its own, and taken Twitter by storm.  For the time that Sharknado aired, there was the feeling that a global ephemeral community had formed, and that thousands, perhaps millions of bad movie connoisseurs were united in groaning and laughing over the premise and execution of this marvelously bad flick.

Originally airing on the SyFy Channel on July 11th and repeated on air July 18th, Sharknado was a kind of monster meets disaster movie production in which a freak hurricane hits Los Angeles, causing man-eating sharks to be scooped up in tornadoes, which then flooded the city with shark-infested waters.  There is something dark inside many of us that delights in seeing someone eaten by a shark, especially a throw-away character that deserves it.  Unlike similar movies in which there’s only five or ten minutes of actual gory action, Sharknado didn’t skimp on the shock and sharks; there were sharks peppered throughout the film, on land, sea, and air!  They consumed fleeing motorists, and even made their way into flooded houses. – – That’s gotta lower property values!

If you left your brains at the door, Sharknado was great fun!  Sample dialogue:  “We’re gonna fight.  You can’t just stand around and wait for sharks to rain down on us.”  Fight the protagonists did, with shotguns, baseball bats, and even chainsaws…they got up in helicopters, and used home-made propane bombs to neutralize tornadoes!   You haven’t lived until you’ve seen someone use a chainsaw to rescue a woman after being consumed and inside the shark!  Contracted by the SyFy Channel and directed for film studio The Asylum by Anthony C. Ferrante,  Sharknado will have a sequel set in New York City, with fans suggesting titles on Twitter…

Categories: absurdities, animals, aquatic, Brilliant but twisted, television
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Creative Taxidermy…

July 17, 2013

20130717-134207.jpg— As an episode of the Weird or What series hosted by William Shatner would remind us (Aliens Walk Among Us), some candidates for new and unknown species have been nothing more than the products of creative taxidermy, fueled by the simple public desire to believe. The desire to believe is an incredibly powerful thing, intoxicating and seductive. If we are not careful, that desire can cause us to suspend reason and logic.

I would like to believe in monsters. They are intriguing, can be romantic, and give me a warm fuzzy feeling inside! Existentially, we all ask, “Is that all there is?” Assuming the existence of monsters can give many of us the intangible thing that we seek, the hope that there is something more beyond the evidence of our senses. Feeding the public desire and demand for monsters has been a lucrative occupation for centuries, leading in the era of P.T. Barnum to the manufacture of the Fiji Mermaid, a sewn-together linkage of a monkey’s upper body with the lower body of a large fish.  In far more recent times, the Metepec Creature served a similar function, with the skinned and otherwise altered remains of a spider monkey or similar primate masquerading as an unknown species or alien.

To show the relative ease of creating an otherworldly-appearing corpse, a taxidermist on the Weird or What Show took a skinned squirrel and paired it to the skull of a small primate which had been additionally modified to make it appear even more human-like. The results were both stomach-churning and disquieting, looking as convincing as many specimens submitted as “proof”of unknown life or aliens.  Dare to believe, but never forsake science and credibility.  Occam’s Razor is a good litmus test; the simplest explanation is usually the correct one…

 

Categories: bizarre, controversial, cryptozoology, fantasy, furry, mysteries, strange, weird
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The Charmin Bears…

July 12, 2013

20130712-063411.jpg

— I, for one, have always found the Charmin Bear family rather dysfunctional and somewhat disturbing. Now, we all know that bears defecate in the woods, but I just don’t think that it’s normal or healthy for there to be so much preoccupation over the matter of toilet paper. I mean, the episode where Leonard, the father bear, is basically alone stroking the toilet paper by himself while almost in a trance-like state as he mutters “so soft!” strikes me as being rather creepy, or reflecting an unhealthy and unnatural obsession. Then there are control issues reflected, as when one or another of the bears (usually the males) are told (by Momma Bear Molly) how much toilet paper to use, and that they can be using less. — I mean, this is ‘merica, right, and I can be using as much dang toilet paper as I want to!  The tag line is even “less is more;” what are these bears, Republicans?!  Also we have the episode where one boy bear has little bits of TP all over his bear behind, and is called to task for it by Momma Bear, Molly…this seems to violate his body space, dignity, and personal privacy rights! There are also unresolved issues that beg to be addressed in this psychodrama, such as the apparent use of toilet paper (“bathroom tissue,” excuse me) without toilets or even bathrooms…and what of the minimally-rendered forest in which these bears reside?  Where is this unreal estate located, the Twilight Zone?

All in all, we haven’t seen this much obsession over toilet paper since the days of store owner Mr. Whipple, who chastised customers for squeezing the Charmin while secretly engaging in the same behavior himself, a paragon of hypocrisy.  The Mr. Whipple character was retired, by the way, when the actor portraying him died, death being the ultimate form of retirement…

Categories: animal spokepersons, animals, anthropomorphic, furry, furry commercials, humor, television
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Of the Wisdom of Owls…

July 9, 2013

geico owls

– – The latest Geico commercial is a hoot!  Now everyone knows that 15 minutes with Geico can save you 15% or more on car insurance, but “did you know that some owls aren’t that wise?,” asks one woman on the road to her male car companion. 

The scene then shifts to the woods at night, where a female owl is reminding her mate that she’s having brunch with Megan tomorrow.  “Who?,” responds the male owl.   “Megan, my co-worker,” clarifies the female owl.   “Who?,” again calls the male owl.  “Seriously, you’ve met her like three times!,” adds the female owl.  “Who?,” replies the male once again.  At that point, it’s time for an exasperated sigh from the female owl as her head turns away…I’m sure that many of us guys have experienced this kind of thing, but honestly, we’re not all clueless!

Categories: animal spokepersons, animals, anthropomorphic, avian, feathered friends, furry commercials, television
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Maxwell “Bestiality” Backlash…

July 6, 2013

20130706-080812.jpg – – Although I never cease to be amazed at the things which offend some people and cause them to go on the warpath, cute, cuddly Geico spokesman Maxwell the pig seems an unlikely target. He’s sweet, innocent, resourceful, and just trying to make his way in the world like the rest of us.

Nonetheless, this unlikely target has at least in some of his commercials drawn the ire of certain far right groups, including the conservative group One Million Moms, which reports having received numerous complaints over such ads as the one depicting Maxwell parked in a car on a date with a girl. The female in question appears, shall we say, to wish to advance their relationship to the next level. Maxwell, the hip but at times clueless innocent, occupies himself instead with a phone app game of “Fruit Ninja.” Not amused, the One Million Moms group sees the commercial as promoting bestiality, termed it repulsive and unnecessary, and wished to see it pulled from airing immediately.

Puh-leeze! While there’s some innuendo going on in the commercial, it’s light-hearted, and so ridiculous as to be more absurd than shocking.  Humor when devoid of any satirical content fast becomes bland and meaningless.  One might also argue that Maxwell in unintentionally or otherwise blocking his date’s advances has substituted a more “wholesome” activity, yet we do not see conservative watchdog groups marketing Maxwell chastity rings. The group in question also objected on similar grounds to a Skittles commercial featuring a girl and a walrus.

To paraphrase an old popular song, all we are saying…is give pigs a chance! And some people need to find better things to occupy their time as well…

 

Categories: animal spokepersons, animals, anthropomorphic, controversial, famous furries, furry, furry commercials, television
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The Flathead Lake Monster

July 4, 2013

Flathead– – The Monsters and Mysteries in America series on the Destination America channel has proven to be a substitute for those of us who miss such shows as MonsterQuest, and featured a segment on the Flathead Lake Monster, a cryptic creature reported to be living deep within Flathead Lake in the state of Montana in the United States.  The life form is said to resemble the Loch Ness Monster, with reported sightings dating back to at least 1889.  At that time, a steamboat operating on the lake spotted a “log” which later turned out to be a “whale-like” creature as they approached it.  With a mentality common then as now, a passenger fired at the creature which wisely disappeared.

There have been 97 sightings of the creature reported since the late 1800’s, with eyewitnesses including reliable and reputable people such as doctors and lawyers.  Many report seeing a dark, eel-like creature with black eyes that some equate to the Loch Ness Monster and others describe as resembling a giant sturgeon.  At 27.3 miles long and 15.5 miles wide, Flathead Lake is actually a remnant of a massive inland sea which covered much of the  region during the last interglacial, some 13,000 years ago…

Categories: animals, aquatic, cryptozoology, television, unexplained, unidentified
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