The Gecko Meets Rocky and Bullwinkle…

Posted June 16, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal spokepersons, anthropomorphic, cartoons, furry, furry commercials, television

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Rocky and Bullwinkle have had a cult following since the 1960’s, falling into lean times until a big-screen movie treatment brought a modest revival of sorts.  Geico has occasionally honored classic ‘toon heroes in their commercials, including the great Wile E. Coyote.  While neither Rocky nor Bullwinkle can aspire to the lofty title of genius rightfully bestowed on the Coyote, it’s still good to see them occasionally getting out and about in public. This was the case in a recent Geico commercial where we first see the omnipresent Gecko in the Rocky Mountains, reflecting on the enduring qualities of both the Rockies and his insurance company employer.

Enter the irrepressible Bullwinkle Moose, long a fountain of misinformation.  Now the Moose and Squirrel have been the embodiment of randomness long before it became mainstream, and when the Gecko speculates about whom the Rockies were named after, Bullwinkle J. Moose appears out of nowhere, and unasked ventures that they were named after his friend and constant companion, Rocky the Flying Squirrel. Rocky himself then flies in, balancing endearingly on the Moose’s palm.  Rocky tries to correct Bullwinkle, who then shifts to an explanation that the Rockies were named after “First President George Rockington.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” correctly observes the Gecko at this point, referring to Bullwinkle as, “Mr. Winkle.”  Apparently recognizing that logic is wasted on Bullwinkle, Rocky executes multiple dramatic flying loops around his friend, and flies off.  The whole commercial doesn’t make a lot of sense, but such was the general nature of the sixties show about the best-known residents of Frostbite Falls

The Tums Meatball Commercial…

Posted June 11, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, anthropomorphic, strange, television

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I, for one, find the thought of a combative meatball oddly disturbing, especially when it’s of near-human size. Now the Tums people have in commercials brought us some rather bizarre sights before, including a chicken wing that whips its consumer across the face, an attacking taco, and worse still, a giant headless chicken carcass ready to use its martial arts skills at a barbecue.  Still, we are reassured by Tums that such things may yet be resolved, so that the chicken corpse may amicably play volleyball with us in the end; one can under some circumstances play with their food.

In this vein, we are shown the scene of an apparently pleasant Italian dinner into which a bellicose meatball drops sauce on a diner, then parachutes down, and immediately picks an argument with him. “Ya want heartburn?  I got yer heartburn right here!,” challenges the meatball.  Surrealistically, this meatball has bare human arms and legs. I will not venture a guess about the meatball’s sex, as I prefer not to go there. Suffice it to say, however, that had Hitler deployed meatball paratroopers in sufficient numbers, the course of World War II might have run quite differently, or at least been more entertaining…plus the troops would have eaten well.

While they’re annoying, it turns out to be fairly easy to hold a giant meatball at bay, being that they’re rotund, and will just swing their short little arms at you if you hold them at arm’s length.  Then with Tums, the spicy meatball becomes quite personable, joining you at your table for an after-dinner coffee.  Probably they also know some funny stories…and it adds a new dimension to calling someone a meathead

 

Death Cat of Cherokee County…

Posted June 9, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anomalies, cryptozoology, furry, mysteries, scavengers and predators, television, Uncategorized, unexplained

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It was another case of a ferocious feline on a recent episode of Mountain Monsters (S2/Ep10, 2014).  The Death Cat in question weighs in at 500 pounds, measures 6′ long without his tail, and has a shaggy coat.  He was first spotted in the early 1800’s in Cherokee County, North Carolina so that was the location to which the AIMS team made haste.  An interesting wrinkle was the fact that this cat was not your ordinary Death Cat, having mythical qualities.  His initial appearances clocked in at about the time of the infamous “Trail of Tears” death march on which Native Americans were sent in the early 19th century, and this feline is supposedly kind of a payback for that injustice.  Supposedly, if you see the Death Cat, you will die…this is the kinda cat that not only gets your tongue, but the rest of you as well!

First interviewed was a beef cattle farmer by the name of “Herbal,” whose cattle were being killed in the classic big cat style, namely bitten by the throat and suffocated.  A 10″ paw print was found in the area.  During their first night’s investigation, the team found claw marks on a downed tree, and saw a thermal image in the brush.  Team rookie “Buck” got a bit carried away at that point, rushing ahead to pursue the beast but only catching a glimpse.  

The next day, a trip-string drop trap was constructed out of locust wood.  Interviewed was “Boone,” a farmer whose horse had been attacked, mutilated, and partially eaten.  He had a trail camera image supposedly showing part of the beast as seen from the side.  “David,” another farmer interviewed, had lost sheep killed in his barn, and also had a trail camera image taken in his tool shed.  This suggested that the creature had lost its fear of man, and was becoming bolder in invading human habitations.  

The trap was baited with a mixture of goat, pork, and urine provided by team member “Buck.”  Team leader “Trapper” was not informed of the urine component nor its origin, and low comedy hilarity ensued as Trapper put out the bait bare-handed and then stroked his beard as he was prone to do.  On their final night’s hunt, the team sought to flush the Death Cat from high country to farm country in a pincher movement executed by the split team moving towards their trap.  They found another large print, and entered an old barn where a goat leg was found.  Thinking that they had interrupted the cat in his meal, the team advanced closer to the barn loft where it was assumed that the beast had fled.  Blood dripped from above onto “Buck” at that point, soon to be followed by a goat carcass crashing to the floor.  The creature was fleetingly seen by team members running out of the barn door, and was pursued to another farm building from which he again escaped, returning to the previous building to claim his goat and make off with it…

This cat was slick!- – Although flushed towards the trap pursued by multiple armed men, he knew better than to enter the trap, avoiding it and making good his getaway.  The team did capture a number of images from a trail camera that they had posted near the site, one of which showed what appeared to be a large predacious-type feline captured in side view.  The Mountain Monsters team seemed to be awfully pleased with themselves for getting that, and considered their work well-done…and long may the Death Cat continue to confound its pursuers!

The Russian Yeti…

Posted June 7, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anomalies, anthropomorphic, cryptozoology, furry, mysteries, speculation, television, unexplained

Tags: , ,

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The Discovery Channel recently presented a two hour investigation on the mysterious deaths of nine Russian students who perished horribly while hiking in the Ural Mountains in January of 1959…the Dyatlov Pass Incident. The deaths were horrendous, involving injuries so severe that Russian investigators later ruled that they could only have been inflicted by something more powerful than a human; there were skull fractures, ribs broken, and damages to internal organs.  Injuries were compared to those which might be suffered in automobile accidents. Bodily mutilations  were also seen; one victim had their eyes gouged out, and their tongue and lips missing. The show inferred that the students were viciously slaughtered by a Yeti, investigating the history and other reported sightings of the creature in that area, and speculating on the last days of the ill-fated hiking party.  It made for compelling if disturbing viewing…

Now reports of the Yeti are numerous in the Northern Ural Mountains of Siberia, with over 5,000 eyewitness testimonies on record.  Yeti/Bigfoot creatures go by many different names dependent on the area, with those in the area of the incident often calling the cryptid the Menk or more simply, the Russian Yeti.  The creature is described as being about 8-1/2 feet high, to have little in the way of a neck, to be hairy, and walk in a bipedal fashion with somewhat of a hunched posture.  They are also reported to make whistling-type sounds that carry and reverberate.  Yeti attacks while rare are alleged to have occurred in 1925, 1945, and 1953, possibly when the Yeti feel cornered or threatened.

Anyways, none of the students returned from what was supposed to have been a two-week hiking trip. Perceiving themselves to being followed several days into the journey, tensions and concerns heightened until on their final night alive, something so frightened the hikers that they abandoned their tent, fleeing only partly dressed into the frigid night to a point almost a mile away where they split into smaller groups, all the individuals in which met with violent ends; some may have been trying to climb a tree to escape, others were found lying face down as if fleeing a pursuit from behind, and still others were found in a group intertwined together as if in hiding.  Their frozen bodies were discovered some time later, and in their abandoned and ruined camp a short note was found bearing the haunting message, “Now we know the snowman exists.”  

Film was also recovered from the doomed expedition, one image of which showed a blurry image of a large, hulking creature (see picture) that was perhaps taken on the run.  The last photo showed distorted bright lights in the sky, which it was speculated may have been some kind of secret Soviet munitions test; this was a remote location in Siberia, after all.  Thinking that this may have scared the Yeti into an attack, the investigative duo and their camera team fired off flares seeking to provoke any Yeti in the area; only one armed hunter had accompanied the group for protection.  An eerie sound was heard from the forest, with the solitary armed man suggesting that they needed to leave at that point, and wisely they did.  The team left with no hard evidence of the Yeti, but a general belief that something unknown was out there, and may well have decimated the Russian hikers in 1959.

The Soviets had closed their investigation of the incident after only several weeks, officially maintaining that overwhelming natural forces such as an avalanche had killed the hikers or caused them to freeze to death.  A surviving member of the Russian investigative team was interviewed, however, saying that a military boot cover was found at the site of the abandoned camp, suggesting that the Soviet military had been there prior to their arrival and orchestrated a cover-up.  UFO theorists also offer the explanation that perhaps the hikers were offed by aliens, with the lights in the skies that fateful evening coming from extraterrestrial craft.  High levels of radioactivity were reported to have been detected in the area, with the skin of the victims reported by one who attended their funerals to have been deeply tanned, perhaps radiation burned.  

Whatever we may choose to believe, the Dyatlov Pass Incident continues to horrify and fascinate over half a century since the event, with many unanswered questions posed that may never find resolution…

 

Godzilla Fiat Commercial…

Posted June 3, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anomalies, creature features, furry commercials, movies, television

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Godzilla Fiat

“He’s back…and it looks like he’s craving Italian!” – –  Well, who could blame him, right?!

Movie tie-in commercials are usually terrible, but for this one, we’ll make an exception!  A city street is shown devastated, as if a war is going on…well, one is, but with the King of Monsters!  Godzilla, whose fortunes are on the rise with the new re-boot of his franchise, is clearly in control, buildings crumbling around him and hardly bothering with the pesky small-arms fire being directed against him ( foolish humans, when will they ever learn?).  Attacking a city does make a guy hungry, however, and the big guy is tossing small cars down his gullet.  Along then comes a bright yellow Fiat packed with people, and it too is thrown down Godzilla’s gargantuan hatch like a Cheeto…

…but wait!  Is it too much to swallow?!  The big guy vomits the Fiat back up, completely undamaged, and it hits the ground running flawlessly, spinning away. – –  Is it because Fiats taste terrible? – – No, it’s just because they’re surprisingly big, you see!  I guess that size does matter, after all…and next time, Godzilla, chew each bite before swallowing!

Wild Bill’s “Bear Beast”

Posted June 1, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anomalies, cryptozoology, furry, predators, television, Uncategorized, unexplained, unidentified

Tags: ,

 

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The Bear Beast is a large, aggressive creature with a canine head and teeth and the body of a grizzly bear devastating the black bear population in Raleigh County, West Virginia.  Weighing up to 1,500 lbs.,the first sightings of the beast go back to 1887.  In an episode of the Mountain Monsters show (S2/Ep09), elimination of the bear beast is of particular interest to “Wild Bill” of the AIMS team, apparently because he desires the pleasure of hunting black bears himself.  Wild Bill is an “expert tracker” and former gung-ho marine member of the team whose speech is sometimes shown in captions due to its marginal intelligibility. 

Three eyewitnesses of the bear beast were interviewed by the names of “Badger,” “Pee-Wee,” and more commonly, “Joe.”  The trio had come upon torn-up black bears, the presumed victims of the bear beast.  On their first night’s investigation, the team found a trail path through the woods apparently used by the bear beast, heard sounds, and saw thermal images ahead.  “Wild Bill” charged ahead alone at that point, apparently not knowing the difference between an investigation and a hunt.  The sought beast was apparently run off by this charge.

The next day, team leader “Trapper” rebuked “Wild Bill” for his actions, and relegated him to bringing up the rear. A heavy trap was constructed out of a metal cylinder, later to be baited with putrid bear parts.  A hunter, “Jake,” was interviewed who had come across mutilated bear carcasses. He had a trail cam picture of something large shown in partial side view.  A deer hunter, “Mac,” was also interviewed who had a short video of the creature taken advancing at some distance from the side. A large paw print picture was also presented alongside which a human foot was dwarfed.

On their final night’s hunt, the team found digging marks and the remains of a cub.  An image was seen on their thermal camera, and in pursuit of it team members Jeff and Willy fell into a large den filled with animal carcasses.  Team members tried to cross a deep stream in pursuit of the creature’s perceived path, but member Willy lost his footing in the swift current, and required recovery. 

Returning to their trap, the team found it empty but heard growling and unloaded firearms in that direction, perceiving afterwards that they had struck the creature from “lung blood” (blood with air bubbles in it) found as they tracked the creature.  The bear beast was presumed to have returned to the stream and to have died there, although no body was found…

Lizard Demon of Wood County…

Posted May 29, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anomalies, aquatic, cryptozoology, scalies, television, Uncategorized, unexplained, unidentified

Tags: ,

 

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The lizard demon in question is a reptile-human hybrid featured in S1/Ep06 of Mountain Monsters who is bipedal, water-based, has gills, three toes, and a triple eyelid.  Yet another cryptid indigenous to West Virginia, he has also been seen in Kentucky, with sightings reported going back to the early 1900’s.  Standing about seven feet tall and weighing in at 300 to 400 pounds, the lizard demon travels up the Ohio River using it to move closer to farm ponds, eats cows and similar livestock, and has even been reported to chase cars!  Similar “lizard men” have been profiled on other paranormal shows.

The AIMS crew first interviewed an eyewitness called “JayBob” who reported seeing something about 7′ tall of dark green coloration that moved quickly.  He produced a trail camera photo that showed a side image of something that appeared scaly.  In their first night’s investigation, the West Virginian investigators saw a track made by something large and heavy.  Part of the team while investigating a cave saw movement above the cave which caused rock to become dislodged and fall.

A large snap door trap was then built by the next day, and baited with chicken.  A second eyewitness, a farmer named Mark, reported seeing a large scaly humanoid, later finding a triangular print.  A third eyewitness, an auctioneer called Bob, reported seeing an upright green creature with a lizard-type head.  He also saw a dead cow in the river with a chunk taken out of it, and movement was discerned although the creature disappeared in seconds.

On the second night and time of the final hunt, the team tried to flush the creature towards their trap by both land and water, finding a track almost a foot long on the land and the rib cage of some consumed animal in the water.  They supposedly spotted red eyes ahead in the water, shortly after seeing thermal images by a farmer’s barn.  A nest of sorts was found in the upper loft of that barn, and thermal imagery taken from the barn then showed something going into the creek.  Pursuing that amid the usual confusion and bad camera angles, noise was heard in the vicinity of the trap, which caused the team to pursue there and fire numerous rounds at something they felt they had heard in the water; so much for capturing it alive.  Predictably, nothing was hit…

…neither had their trap been sprung.  Trying to put a positive spin on things, the investigators claimed that they had scared the Lizard Demon off; macho posturing rules!  One can imagine the creature shaking in his green scaled boots over his narrow escape…

 

Devil Dog of Logan County…

Posted May 24, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: anomalies, cryptozoology, furry, television, unexplained, unidentified

Tags: ,

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With Mountain Monsters showing rehashed episodes under their “Uncaged” title, we’re going to take to reviewing older episodes of the series not covered here previously but still being shown when multiple episodes are aired. Again, it is stated that covering these episodes does not constitute endorsement of the existence of the creatures covered; the summaries are presented for informational and entertainment purposes only.

Canines Gone Wild might be considered a subtitle for certain episodes of the Mountain Monsters series, what with segments now on both Hellhounds and in this outing, Devil Dogs. Not to be confused with the snack cake, these Devil Dogs you don’t eat, although conceivably they might eat you. They are feral and ferocious nocturnal beasties that are five feet long, and have massive shoulders, red eyes, white fur, and weigh in at about 200 pounds. In Logan County, West Virginia the beasties are slaughtering coyotes big time, leaving their victims drained of blood and at times, minus their livers. It’s speculated that some kind of turf war is going on with the coyotes, who are basically getting their tails kicked. I can almost imagine West Side Story being remade with coyotes and Devil Dogs here, complete with dancing before a rumble…

…but I digress. Anyways, the long-haired, mostly bearded Mountain Monsters crew began their investigation by interviewing another memorable eyewitness, an outdoorsman and hermit called, “Shoeless Terry.” True to his name, the barefooted man reported seeing dead coyotes and a pack of the Devil Dogs, who interestingly enough were led by a white-furred Alpha female..During their first night’s investigation, the Mountain Monsters crew found two heat images on their thermal camera, suggesting that they were indeed dealing with more than one animal. The images disappeared quickly, however, and could not be pursued.

Other daytime interviews followed with “Richard,” who presented a blurry distant video, and “Seth,” a snare trapper who also reported finding dead coyotes and who had an inconclusive image from a trail camera. A drop door trap was then constructed long enough to accommodate the several animals who might be lured into it. Memorably in a low comedy sequence, the trap was baited with “Hillbilly Caviar,” a foul concoction of coyote blood and squirrel aged to rancid perfection in a large jar. Be forewarned that this is not a show during which one wants to snack, as the gross-out factor is high.

During their final night’s hunt, the team followed its usual tactic of dividing into two groups for the purpose of flushing the desired creature from its established hunting grounds into their prepared trap. A coyote call was used as a lure to which a vocal response was received. A bit later disturbing cries and yelps were heard as presumably the Devil Dog pack was doing its little dance of death on some coyotes; the investigators pursued, and sure enough came upon five dead coyotes, one of which had been separated from his liver. There was surprisingly little blood, and 7″ tracks were found. Amidst the usual waving of guns, five heat signatures were seen on the thermal camera. Pursuit followed then to the trap which had actually been sprung and for once, contained something!  But alas, upon carefully eyeballing the unhappy occupants of the trap, it was found that they had snared…three wild dogs.

The dogs were assumed to have been members of the Devil Dogs pack, the Alpha female leader of which had eluded capture…clever girl!

 

Mountain Monsters: “Uncaged”…

Posted May 17, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anomalies, cryptozoology, furry, television, Uncategorized, unexplained, unidentified

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Those who tuned in to Destination America’s “Mountain Monsters: Uncaged” show expecting a new episode instead got a repackaged and reheated old episode with so-called “bonus footage,” “insider facts,” “Behind the Scenes Secrets,” producer interviews with cast members, and on-screen written commentary as old footage rolled. The episode so rehashed was the “Kentucky Hellhound of Pike County” installment that we’ve commentated previously on in April, and reference is made to that posting should the reader desire information on it.

We’ve seen this kind of trick pulled before where old material is paired with some augmentation and commentary, and pushed back on viewers as a “special edition” or something similar.  In “Behind the Hunt” conversations, the show’s executive producer interviewed cast members, who were seated as a group in a cozy-looking hunting lodge setting that was complete with a bearskin rug on the floor. These conversations yielded such gems as team leader Trapper saying in reference to the Hellhound, “We kinda put fear in that creature’s heart.”  

To me, what was touted as an “enhanced episode” showed little actual enhancement, except for perhaps die-hard fans.  It was perhaps appropriate to refer to the show as “Uncaged,” however, since these guys haven’t been able to cage and maintain captivity of anything unknown so far…

 

The Wampus Beast…

Posted May 14, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anomalies, cryptozoology, furry, mysteries, television, Uncategorized, unexplained, unidentified

Tags: , ,

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The Wampus Beast sounds almost made-up; if memory serves, there was even an early video game called, “Hunt the Wampus.”  The Wampus Beast in question, however, is a massive feline about five to six feet long that weighs in at five to six hundred pounds. The big cat is muscular, has eyes that are fiery in appearance, and has excellent night vision.  The pursuit of said beast became personal for the Mountain Monsters crew because their trap builder, Willy, had suffered the loss of pigs to the creature in Pleasants County, West Virginia.  Willy had also reportedly seen the Wampus Cat at the age of nine, the memory lingering with him since. 

On their first night’s hunt, the AIMS crew found scratch marks and urine high on a tree.  Team member Willy left the hunt convinced that his pigs were in danger, and sure enough three young pigs were taken and later found slaughtered.  In kind of a neighborhood interview, Nettie, a bus driver, described having a huge black beast jump in front of her vehicle on the road.  Fred, a handyman, described feeling a sensation of being watched.  A dark video supposedly showing the big cat was submitted by a cattle farmer, Nolan, who had reportedly lost cattle to the creature.

It then became “Hunt the Wampus” time! 

On their final hunt, the team found skeletal carcasses and clawed trees.  They used an animal distress call in an effort to lure the beast, and heard a growl in response.  Cows on Nolan’s farm were spooked.  A snare trap had earlier been constructed, and returning to it the team found that it had been sprung and shredded.  Large tracks were found in the immediate area.  Team leader Trapper, his group again defeated, commented of the Wampus that “I underestimated his strength.”  I guess it’s hard to keep a good big cat down…so until all this is sorted out, keep your pigs safe, hold them close, and tell them what they mean to you! Tomorrow, it may be too late…