Archive for the ‘animals’ category

A Horse, of Course!

June 1, 2010

– -I had earlier mentioned in this blog how I played a rooster in a second grade class play, wearing a woman’s nylon stocking over my head and face to which were attached a construction paper rendition of a rooster’s comb and beak.– Well, bigger and better animal impersonations lay ahead for me, specifically in college when I played Don Quixote’s horse, Rocinante, in an adaptation of  the musical, Man of La Mancha. It could have been far worse…the only other furry cast member was Sancho Panza’s donkey!  I considered myself to have had the glory role…and yes, that’s me in the image!

I really got into this, wearing a large black paper mache horse’s head crafted by the Arts Department. My equine body was black cloth with an underlying skeleton of two by fours artfully made with hinges to allow compression of the body in scenes that called for me to be lying down.  Unfortunately I was not anthropomorphic, and had no speaking lines.  Perhaps they’ll someday revise the play, and allow his horse to advise Don Quixote!

It was not until years later that I realized I was actually a fox…but hey, foxes are sly, and perhaps playing a horse was just a form of camouflage for me at the time!


Research Lab Animal Victims

May 31, 2010

– – This Sunday, May 30th was proclaimed “A National Day of Mourning for Animals in Laboratories,” specifically those animals that have died of human negligence.  Research laboratories were targeted in Nevada, Oregon, California, Kansas, Georgia, Florida, New Hampshire, Washington, and Washington, D.C.  where animals have died through dehydration, starvation, infection, being boiled alive, hyperthermia, and botched surgeries.  The labs cited were associated with both major U.S. universities and private corporations, and activist complaints have in some cases resulted in USDA citations.  Similar memorials have been held earlier in New York and Illinois.

Animal research under proper controls and supervision is valuable and at times necessary, but there is never an excuse for animal deaths because of human negligence.

Summer Rerun Season…

May 28, 2010

– – When MonsterQuest has a re-run marathon fest, I can usually tell by the number of renewed hits that I get on my old posts on past episodes of The Quest. It’s the good episodes that get the hits…like myself, most people aren’t as interested in installments on wild dogs, rats, or bees.

So mundane and unexciting were some of these episodes, in fact, that we can bring you this picture of a MonsterQuest reject…in fact, he might have been more interesting than some of the episodes that aired!


Spaced-Out Spiders…

May 27, 2010

– -What happens when  poor, innocent spiders are given the active ingredient in marijuana, THC?–Well, they create a poorly-constructed minimalist web.  Since garden spiders typically build a new web every day, such impairment isn’t good.  In experiments, spiders have also been given such drugs as speed, LSD, and even caffeine.  On high doses of caffeine, for example, the regular design of the web disappears.  While on acid, the spider can’t complete his web at all…much like stoner humans who aren’t terribly productive, either…

…and nobody wants stoned spiders around their house, anyways!

Impact of the Gulf Spill…

May 25, 2010

– – That the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is catastrophic is readily apparent although it presently cannot be predicted how long it will continue or just how devastating it will prove to be.  Compounding the disaster is the fact that numerous species come to the fragile ecosystems of the Gulf to feed, nest, breed, and spawn with peak migration and breeding times coming from late April through mid-May; the timing of the disaster accordingly could not be worse.

The animals most threatened by this environmental nightmare include brown pelicans, sea turtles, dolphins, shore birds, shellfish and crabs, and North  Atlantic Bluefin Tuna.


Alternative Animal Trophies

May 23, 2010

– – Perhaps you have been in a bar, club, or private home that features animal trophies mounted on the wall, usually of the stuffed and decapitated variety.- -Yeah, nothing says “man cave” like the carcass of an animal,  shot from a safe distance with a high-powered weapon!   But as a furry, such spectacles make me want to lose my lunch or vent my indignation, especially when there is a better way…

…consider cardboard animal trophies by Cardboard Safari! You can choose either large or miniature versions of moose, rhino, deer, and the heads of other animals to adorn your walls, and all are made from recycled and non-toxic materials.–The environment and the animal kingdom will thank you!

Killer Slug Attack!

May 21, 2010

– – I hate it when slugs are  used as weapons; the gross-out factor alone is appreciable.- – Yet when slugs are outlawed, only outlaws will have slugs!

True Story! A man in Sweden has been found guilty of harassment  after he dumped a bag of killer slugs (Spanish slugs) into a neighbor’s garden.- -Did she tell the authorities, “He slugged me?”- –Was this assault with a deadly mollusk?  The man previously had thrown a firecracker into the woman’s garden, who had taken out a restraining order against him.  The slug in question earned the “killer” nickname due to its tendency to eat dead or weaker individuals of the species…

Remember, it’s not nice to slug your neighbors…and yes, it was a sluggish day in the news!

Squid vs. Whale Smackdown?

May 17, 2010

– – What could be cooler than a battle royal between a colossal squid and a sperm whale?–Well, maybe a three-way between the whale, giant squid, and a T-Rex, but that’s just for rich fantasies!   Sadly, even the image of the giant squid as the Kraken which attacks ships is not all that it’s cracked up to be…

Marine biologists reporting in the April issue of the Journal of the Marine Biological Association of the United Kingdom have painted a picture of a mostly sedentary creature that would wait to ambush passing fish rather than even bother to swim after them.–What a slacker squid!   As a cold-blooded creature, the colossal squid was not even great whale food; it simply wasn’t that nutritious!

I still look for colossal squid to enter the United States by coming through Arizona, evading the police, and taking  jobs that no native-born American would want…then they’ll be able to get health care!

Creative Animal Grooming…

May 10, 2010

– – I’ve always thought that dogs should look like canines, and cats felines.  I enjoy being vulpine.  Some weird and wild styles, however,  have been showcased at creative grooming shows, a subset of dog grooming and dog shows that largely feature poodles cut and styled to resemble almost anything, including giraffes and horses.  It takes about two hours for the “transformation” to be completed.

Some view this kind of thing as cute and fun, while others regard it as humiliating, degrading, and abusive to animals.  If I were the canine in question, I’d be profoundly embarrassed, and probably need years of therapy…

When It Comes…

April 28, 2010

– –When the Revolution Comes,

I’ll go on a different kind of fox hunt,

And roam through the woods with automatic weapons,

Their chatter echoing in the still morning air.

I’ll track down a human hunter,

And tell him I need his skin for my jacket.

I’ll drag him along the forest bed, terrified.

And when he thinks that his doom is certain,

I’ll let him go…

Because I only want to make a point,

And turnabout is fair play…   😉