Archive for July 2011

DQ’s “Rock ‘N’ Roll Falcon

July 8, 2011

 – – Falcons seem to be going through a surge in commercial popularity, and Dairy Queen has also come to realize that animal spokesmen sell.  They’ve then given us an all too brief glimpse of one of the most awesome birds yet to be seen on television,  the Rock ‘N’ Roll Falcon!  This is one bird who knows how to do wing gestures, and who also talks the talk; “It’s good to be back in Boston, YEEAAH!”  If used as a front man, this falcon could guarantee that a band’s album would go platinum!

Dairy Queen had earlier given us such things as kittens floating in bubbles as well…

The State Farm Falcon Commercial…

July 6, 2011

– – Insurance companies seem to be competing these days over who can produce the most off-the-wall commercials, and State Farm is in the running with an ad featuring a couple walking down a surreal street populated by a number of people, many of whom are carrying strange objects such as a gumball machine or a stuffed moose head.- -Well, it seems our man on the street has been saved sufficient money that he’s invested it in a falcon, which we see perched on his gloved arm.  Others beholding the falcon are envious, and make comments to the effect, “Aww, I could have got a falcon!”  The couple call their State Farm agent and thank him for buying them a falcon, but he denies having done that, maintaining that he simply saves people money, and that what they do with it is their concern.

Despite the fact that the peregrine falcon is magnificent, it should be pointed out that they are classified as raptors, the possession of which generally requires state and federal permits that can take years to acquire as well as specialized knowledge about their care and handling.  You can’t just go out and buy one at Walmart, no matter how much money you’ve saved! 

Scorpion on a Plane!

July 4, 2011

 – – It sounds like a sequel to the forgettable action flick Snakes on a Plane, but the scorpion on a plane was all too real, and it stung a Portland-area man flying from Seattle to Anchorage during a June 17th Alaska Airlines flight.

The male victim felt something crawling inside one of his sleeves while trying to sleep on the flight, and thought it was a small bug.  When it turned out to be a scorpion, the man at least had some fun out of the experience by gathering the arachnid up in a napkin, and showing it to his girlfriend!  Predictably, she freaked.   By this time, the man’s elbow was burning from the sting, and two doctors on board checked the guy out while the flight crew called for medics to meet the plane at the airport in Anchorage.  The girlfriend kept her feet on the seat for the rest of the flight, refusing to put them on the floor.

The arachnid is felt to have been a striped bark scorpion common to Texas where the flight originated.  An Alaska Airlines spokesperson said the airline has never had a poisonous creature like the scorpion on one of their flights before.

Politicians, lawyers, and my ex-supervisors apparently have never flown Alaska Airlines…

“Gladiator” Fights Lion; Not Worth Lion’s Time…

July 1, 2011

 – – With the World Animal Bothering Belt on the line, a self-proclaimed Egyptian “gladiator” stepped into a steel cage set in a wheat field in Mansoura, Egypt with a reportedly 660-lb. (?) lion in order to attract foreign visitors to Egypt and lift his country out of its post-revolution downturn. 

As the “gladiator” glared and bared his teeth, the lion, which had been fed an entire donkey before the event, is reported to have looked bored.   The event lasted 17 minutes, with spectators said to have been disappointed and to have regarded the feat as a publicity stunt.

One can only imagine what thoughts were running through the lion’s head about the human warrior, who carried a “shield” made of an old satellite dish (“You are so lame, pink skin!”).  The Egyptian Tourism Minister commendably blasted the spectacle as an inhumane act against animals…

For his next exhibition, perhaps the warrior will take on a narcoleptic camel, an agoraphobic scorpion, or even a rather large jellyfish in a bucket of water!–Hey, reality TV should be this good!