Archive for June 2011

The Dogs of War…

June 10, 2011

 – – I think it was Shakespeare who in one of his history plays (possibly Julius Caesar) had a main character utter a line about “…cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war.“–Well, the dogs of war are with us, they are valuable supports for our troops, and are doing really cool things, all the while looking great while doing it!  They do furry proud!

Consider that a canine commando came with the Navy SEALs team that nailed Osama bin Laden, arriving strapped onto one of the assault team members.  While the composition of that team is understandably kept secret, most likely the canine  involved was a German shepherd or a Belgian Malinois, although Labrador retrievers are also becoming popular.

There are over 2,700 canines in the military dog program who may function as specialized search dogs or combat trackers, moving ahead of the humans to find explosives or people that are hidden.  Dogs have seen military service for more than 100 years, seeing combat in the Civil War and World War I.  It was only beginning in 1942 that canines were officially inducted into the U.S. army, and today they are a central part of U.S. efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan…

Furry Friendly: The Stanley Steemer Man

June 8, 2011

 – – Alright, he’s not the Green Lantern, but the Stanley Steemer technician is quietly awesome, a man who goes beyond dedication to outright fanaticism.  He is absolutely passionate about his job, in one spot throwing himself upon a trashed carpet by the curb and bewailing its fate.  “Why, WHY?!,” he moans with anguished soul.  I could have saved this one!- -I could have SAVED this one!,” he sobs as if in a Shakespearean tragedy. 

In another spot, the dedicated cleaner asks an associate if he’s ever cleaned up after an alpaca.  “It was awesome!,” he enthuses.  Evidently the carpet-cleaning needs of a home with multiple preschoolers, free-range chickens, and an alpaca are all in a day’s work for this unsung hero.

More recently, the Stanley Steemer man is regarding a carpet stain, and mentions that no mammal in the household will accept ownership of it.  “But now is not the time for blame,” he philosophizes, “now is the time for action!” 

He’s probably deranged, but I’m so glad that the Stanley Steemer man is on our side!

It Don’t Smell Like Roses!

June 6, 2011

 – – A Minnesota man recently deployed a fox product against pranksters who had been toilet papering his property; he hit them with fox urine!–Hey, we didn’t ask to be a biological weapon!

After discovering 15 to 20 people on his soybean field armed with, err, toilet paper, the property owner ordered the teenagers to leave, swore at them, and finally unleashed a Supersoaker squirt gun filled with fox urine upon the group!

…now fox urine has a rather distinctive and putrid smell, so much so that it is used to discourage rodents and other pests from trespassing.  It may therefore be judged equally unpleasant as an aftershave or body spray for young people.  The fox pee gunslinger now faces charges of fifth degree assault and disorderly conduct related to the incident.

Fox urine, by the way, is also a good repellent for rabbits, skunks, squirrels, possums, and woodchucks, and is also available as a less messy shake away powder which works longer, smells stronger, and won’t evaporate, freeze, or soak into the ground the way regular fox urine does…better living through chemistry, right?


Strange Corpse Identified

June 4, 2011

 – – Something weird and disgusting that washed ashore near New York’s famous Brooklyn Bridge on May 21st has at last been identified…

…”What?,” you’re probably saying, “Did Fat Tony forget to weigh down a body again?!”

Not at all!  The over six-foot long body that was pulled from the East River in New York City has been identified by experts from the Riverhead Foundation for Marine Research and Preservation as a bony-plated Atlantic sturgeon...

…informers and other rats, however, will continue to sleep with the fishes!

Bears – “That’s Amazing” Geico Commercial!

June 2, 2011

 – – Worldly philosophers have long pondered the question, “Do bears (defecate) in the woods?”

Well, this one shown by Geico does…respectably, using a privy, of course!  And this bear is also equipped with a newspaper tucked under his arm and reading glasses!  Realizing that others may be waiting to use the facility, he leaves when his business is done.- -What more can the observing biker say other than, “That’s amazing!”

While perhaps not as brilliant but twisted as the gecko, caveman, or question guy commercials, this “amazing” furry commercial bears a look!– -With Geico, you never know what’s bruin