The Elephant Auto Insurance Commercial…

Posted April 16, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal spokepersons, animals, anthropomorphic, furry, furry commercials, television

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I feel mildly uncomfortable with the Elephant Auto Insurance pachyderm, simply because he seems so…Republican!   Clad in a conservative dark suit with a blue tie, I almost expect him to bring Mitt Romney out of a back room, or begin advocating trickle-down economics and tax cuts for the wealthy.  Fortunately the elephant doesn’t do any of that although he does own a business, announcing himself as the founder of the company bearing his name.  

Although the elephant is another CGI marvel, there’s nothing overly clever or memorable about the scripting, dialogue, or action in this commercial, other than a reference to the proverbial elephant memory.  While there’s room for more than one animal spokesperson in the commercial business, the venerable Geico gecko, Maxwell the pig, or the hump-day camel don’t presently need to worry about this guy upstaging them…

Aliens and Dinosaurs?!

Posted April 12, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: aliens, controversial, fantasy, furry, speculation

Tags: ,

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Pseudoscience seldom gets stranger than when it postulates interactions between aliens and dinosaurs, so hang on, folks, ’cause we’re off to the races!  The viewpoints represented here are as drawn from the Ancient Aliens series, and I hasten to add that such viewpoints do not necessarily represent my own, I do, however, find them entertaining, as I do most science fiction and horror fantasies.

Oddball archaeology and paleontology findings are drawn upon to support the notion that not all dinosaurs suffered a mass extinction about 65 million years ago, with some surviving to be known by ancient humans including the Mayans. The fabled ruined city of Angkor Wat in Northern Cambodia, for example, shows in one relief carving (above) what appears to be a stegosaurus. The carving is not of fossilized skeletal remains, but rather of a fleshed-out, living specimen.  In Dinosaur Valley State Park in Texas, human footprints were found alongside dinosaur tracks in the same strata layer.  A collection of carved stones was also found in 1961 in Peru that supposedly depicts dinosaur-human encounters.  

Then in contrast to the notion of dinosaurs surviving into the age of man, the same episode presented the idea that perhaps extraterrestrials directed that infamous asteroid to the Yucatan Peninsula, making the dino demise not an extinction but an extermination event.  Aliens, it was wildly speculated, wanted giant reptiles out of the way so that they could then seed the Earth with smaller creatures generated by their otherworldly genetic manipulations which would in turn lead to humans. If you don’t buy the notion of an asteroid impact triggering global climatic changes too extreme for saurian life, you may wish to consider the alternate proposal advanced that the aliens deployed a nuclear weapon, as iridium has been found in sediment layer from 65 million years ago. 

We thank you for joining us on this flight of fantasy.  Please return your seat backs to their upright position, and thank you for flying Foxsylvania!

 

Maxwell at the DMV!

Posted April 4, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal spokepersons, anthropomorphic, furry commercials, television

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Geico’s Maxwell the Pig has appeared in a variety of settings, and walking among us it’s perhaps part of his lot to appear at the Department of Motor Vehicles, where most of us of driving age must suffer now and then.  Asked for proof of insurance, Maxwell produces his Geico digital insurance card, which the worker in attendance readily accepts.  

The indignity of being photographed then follows for Maxwell, and as for most of us his photo likeness is less than complimentary; you know how it is, with being rushed through a soulless institution and asked to hold your head at an unnatural angle.  Well, the little porker barely reaches the top of the desk, and when the picture is taken, Maxwell’s eyes are closed.  Maxwell points this out to the DMV clerk, and guess what…she doesn’t care, calling out “next” while Maxwell is left as just another victim of bureaucracy…we’ve all been there, right?

The Geico Snail…

Posted March 30, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, furry commercials, Invertebrates, strange, television

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Many of us have had bosses who aren’t too swift, but this guy is an extreme case, mainly because he’s a snail.  Winding ever so slowly through a cubicled workplace, he wears a tie and tiny spectacles, and even leaves a slime trail behind him…how appropriate for a boss! Well, the snail-boss named Mr. Tompkins is greeted by an employee named Todd, and then informs the hapless man that he is fired before crawling slowly away, whistling as he goes!  None of us would have blamed Todd had he then introduced Mr. Tompkins to the sole of his shoe, but justice is rare in the work world.  

The commercial spot begins with two women having coffee, one of which points out that fifteen minutes with Geico can save you 15% or more on car insurance.  “Everyone knows that,” replies the other woman.  Seeking to one up her companion, the first woman then questions whether her associate knows that bad news doesn’t always travel fast, and the snail-boss is offered as an example of the same. One might also learn that slimy invertebrates make poor bosses, something that I can affirm from personal experience…

Acura’s “Let the Race Begin” Horses…

Posted March 19, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: anthropomorphic, fantasy, furry commercials, sci fi, television

Tags:

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– – These are horses as one imagines they would be designed by Skynet in the dystopian world of the Terminator movies.  The spot begins with a crowd gathering for a horse race around a futuristic, surreal track. What’s really cool is that the four breathtaking horses competing are robotic, and as they enter the race they vie fiercely for position, complete with metallic sounds as they bang heads with one another in an almost gladiatorial event.  

From behind, however, enters a flesh-and-bone equine who assumes the leadership position, and then the horses morph into vehicles.  Acura, you see, is casting itself as the “dark horse” in the luxury-performance car market, a field in which it hopes to assume leadership.

I sadly know that I will never own a luxury-performance vehicle as my budget barely allows fox kibble.  I do know that I haven’t seen robotic animals this good since the group Swedish House Mafiia did their Greyhound video, and I hope that advertising delivers up more of these fantastic creatures…

UFO Bigfoot; Lake Pepin Monster; Cajun Werewolf…

Posted March 15, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: aliens, animals, anomalies, anthropomorphic, aquatic, cryptozoology, furry, speculation, strange happenings, television, unexplained, weird

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The season finale of Monsters & Mysteries in America (S2/Ep12) brought us three new segments with a wide range of strangeness. Just when you thought you’ve heard about every Bigfoot tale around, we’re asked to consider the twisted possibility that the celebrated cryptid is an alien, either the pilot of the UFO close by which it is seen, or an agent of those actually in control of it.- -“Who let the ‘Squatches out?!,” roared the commander of the Grays to his subordinates…

On July 30th, 1966 two picnicking couples got their vehicle stuck on Presque Isle in Pennsylvania. One male walked to town to seek a tow truck with the others remaining behind. Those remaining saw a “falling star” as night approached, the object assuming a mushroom-shape as it approached and landed behind a tree line. A park ranger then appeared, and that ranger and the remaining guy went to investigate the UFO. The two girls remaining with the car saw a 7′ humanoid approach, who attacked the car, hitting and denting it. Of course, there was nothing to be seen of the Bigfoot when the ranger and boyfriend returned. The next day, the Air Force, police, and other groups were crawling all over the site, investigating it. The incident supposedly became part of the Project Blue Book reports. In Fayette County, Pennsylvania a woman investigated noises in the vicinity of her porch, finding instead of the critters she expected a large, Bigfoot-type creature with red eyes. She fired a shotgun at it, at which point the creature disappeared in front of her eyes, apparently “beamed up” by its alien overlords.

Now if aquatic beasties are more to your preference, we were given the story of the Lake Pepin Monster in Minnesota, “Pepie” for short. A type of sea serpent, “Pepie” reportedly was photographed in 2004, with the photo showing a humped creature with a long neck.  The earliest known sightings go back to 1867, with Native American tribes attributing missing members to predation by the monster.  In 1983, a water skier fell off of her skis and while in the drink reported seeing a creature twenty to thirty feet long with scales; she has never returned to those waters since.  A boat equipped with “fish finder” type radar discerned a moving underwater object about 6′ wide by 35′ long; diver Cory Breault was sent in after it, to be passed by something large underwater which caught him in a vortex from which he barely surfaced, emerging freaked out by the experience.  “Pepie” is mundanely thought to be a giant sturgeon or eel, or more imaginatively a plesiosaur…wet and wild stuff!

The third and most brief segment presented the story of the Cajun Werewolf, a shape-shifting canine of the Louisiana swamps.  The creature is said to be a cursed person having the body of a man and the head of a dog or wolf-like beast.  Presented was the story of Chauvin Beldrin, who when about 13 years of age went hunting on All Saints Day in 1976, a day on which it was considered forbidden to take life.  While targeting a rabbit, a creature with the face of a dog came out of the grass, growled, and pursued the young teen, essentially driving him out of the swamp.  It was speculated that the wolfman may be sent forth by the swamp as a warning to those who are not respecting its ways, or trying to take inappropriately from it…

Melonheads; Devil Monkey; Blue Albino Woman…

Posted March 8, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: anomalies, furry, mysteries, new species, speculation, strange happenings, television, unexplained, unidentified, urban legends, weird

Tags: , ,

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– – Hoo boy!  Monsters & Mysteries in America fed us some great stuff in a recent episode (S2/Ep11), even if some of it was a bit hard to swallow.  Mellonheads (not to be confused with “My Melancholy Baby” or Coneheads) are strange, mutant creatures sometimes mistaken for children; we all know what little monsters they can be!  In what sounds like a great plot for a low-budget horror movie, a diabolical Dr. Crow in depression-era Kirtland, Ohio of the 1930’s performed sinister experiments in which he mutated orphaned children into monsters. After years of abuse, these deformed and tormented children rose up, fought back, and took revenge on the doctor, burning down his mansion.  It’s uncertain whether the doctor was killed, or simply escaped to set up practice elsewhere.

At any rate, there are dozens of sightings of Mellonheads over the years, especially in Michigan and Connecticut, with a few sightings even reported in Florida.  In Trumbill, Connecticut a Mellonhead sighting was reported along a road locally called “Dracula Drive.”  Then in 1986 in Naples, Florida kids playing war games left two of their number duct taped to a tree…with friends like that, who needs monsters, right?  Anyways, a Mellonhead was heard approaching and was reportedly seen by one of the taped duo, the other one’s head being held at the wrong angle for a sighting although both heard the mutant’s approach.  Their emotional extremity gave them sufficient strength and incentive to break the duct tape, and they fled the approaching Mellonhead successfully…

…then we have the Devil Monkey, who has been sighted in the Appalachian Montains in the 1970’s, specifically in such locations as West Point, Kentucky where Wayman and Marva Morgan were troubled by something five to seven feet tall that killed and mangled their poor Sheltie dog and made noises while ransacking their garbage cans.  Further announcing its presence by a bad odor, the Devil Monkey was spotted by Marva Morgan through a window, and was seen to have sharp fangs and claws.  In Saltville, Virginia the parents of Scott Boyd encountered a Devil Monkey while in their car, when the creature raked at their windows and left lengthy scratches in rows of three along the sides of the vehicle.  Speculations were made that perhaps the creature escaped from a government research facility (like myself), or was mutated by heavy metal pollution in the area.

Last but not least in Topeka, Kansas we were brought tales of the Blue Albino Woman, not to be confused with Smurfette or Dr. Manhattan.  This entity is rather a witch with long white hair and pale, blue-tinted skin.  A former resident of Topeka, the blue one was tormented and buried alive by sadistic local hoodlums, a practice which ticked her off royally and cast her into payback mode.  Now she frequents Rochester Cemetery and chases people out, a plague upon the living bent upon settling old scores…sounds like a plan to me!  Hundreds of sightings have been reported in the area, among them one by James George, who while a boy taken clothes shopping encountered big blue in a store among the manikins.  More recently in 2013, a Jessica Streeter went to said cemetery with her boyfriend, intent on a little amore but instead encountering the blue avenger, who reportedly scratched at them and tried to choke her. The couple managed to escape, and the young lady later used some Irish/gypsy magic to seal and protect her home from intrusion.  A local historian speculated that the Blue Albino Woman may just affect those who are looking for her…she vants to be alone!

The Rake; Sykesville Monster; Lechuza…

Posted March 1, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: anthropomorphic, cryptozoology, furry, strange happenings, unexplained, unidentified

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– – Once again, Monsters & Mysteries in America took us in a recent episode on a journey into occurrences involving paranormal entities. The first segment presented the Rake, not an agricultural implement but a shadow adversary which is described as being tall and sometimes faceless with long arms, large hands, and long, pointed fingers. Interestingly enough, the Rake can also extend tendrils from its back, and inspires fear and dread in its victims, stalking an individual for life; there appear to be some similarities with Slenderman. The reported incident took place in Erie, Pennsylvania where a female now employed as a tattoo artist was sent to a boarding school where she went out after hours with her boyfriend, a forbidden practice. Fear of being detected by the school’s proctor and his dog apparently served to attract the Rake, with the entity then repelled by the approach of the proctor and dog. The nocturnal stalker then supposedly visited the young lady at about 3:30 in the morning in her dorm room, the second encounter arousing her room-mate whose conscious state was sufficient to drive off the entity. The experience was reported to the school dean, who supposedly took the report seriously, bringing in a medicine woman to cleanse the premises. This was most unusual for a Catholic institution!

Then in Sykesville, Maryland a hairy monster about seven feet tall was supposedly encountered in an outbuilding by a woman living near the town. She called the police, with an investigating officer basically being bowled over by the creature as it exploded through the door and beat a hasty retreat. Although the monster disappeared, the police received many calls thereafter about it, and 14″ footprints were found that were distinctive for having only four toes. Things apparently then settled down a bit until May of 1981 when a factory worker while fishing saw a neanderthal-like being and reported the incident. A massive manhunt and investigation followed that apparently included what were described as being federal agents and vehicles, the whole “men in black” thing. While evidence was reportedly found, the man making the initial report was denied access to it, and firmly told to go home. A curfew was imposed at that time, and townspeople were scared. Opinions were ventured that the creature was “Something (that) got washed out of the mountains by hurricane Agnes in 1972.” Interestingly enough, the local official record on the incident is blank…

Finally, the third segment presented the Lechuza, a feathered, female, frightening, shape-shifting witch. Backstory legends tell of an old medicine woman in the American southwest who strayed from healing to black magic; this didn’t please the local villagers, who slaughtered the said woman, who in turn is now in payback mode, and manifests herself as kind of a witch-owl. Owls, you see, are regarded to be gods of the damned and heralds of doom in some folk cultures. Anyways, in 1964 in the vicinity of Roswell, New Mexico (yes, that Roswell), Juan and Maria Ramos had a baby, with infants seeming to draw the Lechuza. The witch manifested herself as a ball of fire and apparently gravely sickened the child’s father, but was driven off or killed with a cross-inscribed bullet as was prescribed by a white witch; blood and feathers were found following the episode. A second incident was covered from 2010 where teenagers David and Mike Garcia hunted around in an abandoned structure in Austin, Texas, where they encountered dropping temperatures and heard noises that transitioned to voices as well as screeches and clawing sounds. Something black-feathered slapped itself against window glass as if trying to get at them, a thing with remarkable and terrible eyes…

Flying Humanoid, Jersey Devil, Batsquatch…

Posted February 27, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anthropomorphic, avian, creature features, cryptozoology, furry, mysteries, speculation, strange happenings, unexplained, unidentified

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– – “Things that fly” might have been considered the unifying theme of a recent Monsters & Mysteries in America episode, one in which the segments again considered content previously aired on such shows as MonsterQuest, with Batsquatch essentially a rehash of a segment already done by Monsters & Mysteries itself.

Now Flying Humanoids have been reported dozens of times, both from across the United States and elsewhere. The occurrences reported on here, however, transpired in the Ozark Mountains of Missouri in Turkey Creek. Two bothers reported that in July of 1998, they had been looking for “a bit of adventure” when an unknown flying fiend was powerful enough to lift their vehicle slightly off the ground and shake it. The humanoid is reported to be tall and hairless, having red eyes and a great wingspan. Brothers Ed and Danny Overton reported that a humanoid flew at their car, causing it to go into a tree. Dan Overton returned to the Turkey Creek area in 2010, where he observed a freshly-dug cave, and heard the growl and sound of something large coming through the woods. Drag mark scrapes were seen, and tree limbs were broken and dropped around them. The humanoid was reportedly seen and pursued, but took off and subsequently disappeared.

The Jersey Devil is a classic cryptid native to the Pine Barrens of southern New Jersey with a back story going to 1735 when a Mother Leeds gave birth to an unwanted 13th child and cursed it, wishing for it to be a devil. Be careful what you wish for, as they say, for Mother Leeds reportedly birthed something with the head of a horse, red eyes, and the wings of a bat that grew to be about the size of a small elephant. Considerable hysteria over the creature was reported in 1909, and in more recent times times Paul Pedersen Jr. encountered the devil as a child in 1963 while babysitting his sister at home. Hearing something hopping up the cellar steps, young Pedersen and his sister ran to the front yard to await the return of their father, who found the basement trashed, and removed a coal chute through which it was figured something had gained access to the house. Even more recently in 2008 a woman and her boyfriend while in a car heard screeches and the flapping of wings. Something then hit the top of their car, which was dented as a result.

The last segment of the episode was a recap of the Batsquatch sightings in the Rio Grande Valley area in 1976, with attacks having been reported in Raymondsville and also Hidalgo County near Houston. Please reference the earlier Sheepsquatch, Batsquatch, and Sasquatch post for additional information if desired…

“Aliens Cloned My Husband;” Alien Matrix; Betty and Barney Hill Abduction…

Posted February 25, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: aliens, controversial, mysteries, sci fi, speculation, strange happenings, unexplained

Tags: , , ,

abductionThis is primarily a furry blog, but we’ll take a good alien tale as well if we can find one!  Alien stories dominated a recent hour of Monsters & Mysteries in America, presenting a vintage classic alien abduction story as well as newer, further-out variations.  Please note:  these accounts are not presented here as documented facts.

The Betty and Barney Hill story is kind of the gold standard of alien abduction tales.  It occurred way back in September of 1961 in New Hampshire, and was the first reported alien abduction that actually got publicity.  The Hills were both rather stable and ordinary people, with Betty being a social worker and Barney a postman; they were not interested in science fiction, UFO’s, or aliens beforehand.  Returning from a trip to Montreal and Niagra Falls, the couple were on Highway 3 when they observed a falling star that appeared to fall upward, and then come closer.  The Hills then lost consciousness of what transpired, gaining awareness miles away two hours later.  Although they could not account for what occurred during that lost time, some odd things had apparently happened to them that could not be accounted for.  Betty’s dress and its lining were torn, and coated in some pink substance.  Barney’s shoes were unaccountably scraped on the uppers, both of their watches had stopped, and there were circles on the trunk lid of their vehicle.  The couple kept their strange experience a secret for years, although Barney began experiencing symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress syndrome as well as insomnia, conditions which adversely affected his ability to perform on the job and which eventually led them to seek professional help.

Dr. Simon, a PTSD expert, employed hypnosis in separate sessions in February of 1964 with Barney and Betty which served to unlock and reveal their long-repressed memories of the abduction night and the missing two hours of time.  Those sessions revealed that on the night of the UFO sighting, Barney Hill had left his car which they stopped upon the UFO’s approach to observe it further, carrying with him binoculars and a handgun.  He could see beings inside the windows of the starcraft, their leader dressed in a black uniform.  Panicking, Barney then retreated to his car, and the couple attempted to flee in it but were stopped or disabled by the UFO, the couple paralyzed and rendered unconscious.  Barney had the sensation of floating, being drawn through the air into the craft, except for his shoes which were dragged, causing the scraping to their uppers.  

Inside the alien craft, Barney and Betty under hypnosis reported seeing creatures that we now think of as alien “grays” who had large, dark eyes and noses unlike the human.  Thorough physical examinations followed of the couples’ extremities and joints, with a long needle inserted into Betty’s navel, a procedure which brought her excruciating pain until the alien leader cast his hand over her eyes, an action which took away the pain.  Barney was likewise examined, and in addition apparently underwent semen extraction.  The couple later awoke in their car, 35 miles away from from where they had been.  A dog traveling with the couple had pushed himself as far under the front seat as possible.  The couple did not mention the event to outsiders for four years until the time of the hypnosis at which time those lost memories were recovered.

On cloning, a second reported encounter was presented from September of 1988 which occurred in New Mexico.  There a Gloria Hawber, a medical secretary, saw a glowing object originally thought to be a hot air balloon from which smaller lights emanated.  Alien beings about 3 to 3-1/2 feet high later materialized through her bedroom walls, and implanted a device in her head through her eyes.  Gloria’s husband, Fred, was not there at the time and was initially supportive of his wife but later manifested a different personality, becoming distant, cold, and abusive.   A few hours later, this changed individual began convulsing, and days later simply disappeared.  It was the contention of Gloria that her husband had been abducted and cloned, and that his changed self that she encountered was essentially a duplicate.  This belief was reinforced by later alien abductions suffered by Gloria, during one of which her actual husband appeared to her on a spacecraft.  The story was one exemplifying those of a growing number of abducted people who contend that aliens are making clones of individuals, and essentially replacing them with the duplicates.

Then in Wiggins, Mississippi the case of Richard and Mary Rogers was presented in which Richard at night following sleep was placed into a kind of military-style alien abduction in which he was cast into a virtual reality testing environment in order to groom him as a “super soldier”  for deployment in alien wars.  Supposedly interested in the human emotional make-up that they lack, human subjects were placed by aliens into a threatening and contentious environment in which weapons would appear in simulated fights against dangerous adversaries.  The alien intent was supposedly to see how humans would react in these situations. Interestingly enough, Richard would awake with real physical wounds and bruises from these experiences…

Fantastic?–Absolutely!   I love this stuff, but don’t bet the rent on the credibility of alien abduction stories…