Archive for the ‘furry’ category

AIMS versus the Rogue Team…

April 20, 2016

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The S4/Ep13 installment of Mountain Monsters had little of monsters in it, but rather more of a backwoods feud atmosphere as the clash between the AIMS and the “Rogue Team” further spun out.  Having returned to the “Little Red Shed” of the Cherokee Devil encounter in Ashe County, North Carolina our protagonists (?) discovered that six envelopes had been placed within there that bore the real names of each of the AIMS team members.  More disturbingly, within each of the envelopes was found pictures of the individual named, together with confidential information on details of their private lives, such as their real life addresses, credit histories, military records, etc. Each folder also contained a cryptic card with a letter and number on it.

As this was a bit on the creepy side, the AIMS team members returned to West Virginia to see convalescing team leader Trapper, and it was determined that the letters on the cards spelled “shot by,” a reference to the supposed shooting of the Stonish Giant by the Rogue Team in a previous episode.  Other picture clues within the envelopes were thought to reference an older Wildman episode, so the team then headed to eastern Kentucky where that encounter had taken place.  At the “Tool Shed” location where that encounter had taken place, the team found more cards pinned to a dart board.  Car lights were then discerned surrounding the shed, and storming out of the shed with weapons drawn the team found that the vehicles were empty, but belonged to themselves and had been stolen and driven to that location by the “Rogue Team!”  Thinking that a distraction, the AIMS  team hurried to where Buck’s truck had been parked.  The photo trap camera battery in the truck bed constructed by team member Willy and housed in a box that resembled an old crate had captured partial photo images, presumably of the rascally Rogues.  A phone left in the truck then rang, and when answered played an audio loop with a recorded conversation captured of AIMS team members from the supposed shooting of the Stonish Giant Bigfoot by the Rogue Team, who were thought to have absconded with the creature’s body at that time.

Returning again to their West Virginia base and Trapper, the team discerned that the newest cards picked up in Kentucky spelled CQUAD, which was thought to be the name of the Rogue Team.  It was admitted that this group was pretty slick and had high tech skills which they were using to shadow and mock the AIMS team in kind of a cat-and-mouse game.  The intent and purpose of this was essentially to exploit the tracking skills of the AIMS team by following them stealthily at a distance and then essentially claiming their prize.  When the letters collected thus far were arranged yet a different way, they spelled “Squatch body.”  Using the numbers in order on each of the cards that spelled such, it was deduced that they represented a phone number.  Calling that number on the cell phone left in Buck’s truck resulted in a guttural, electronically-altered voice answering,  “Hello Trapper, we’ve been waiting for you.  Are you ready to make a deal?”

The plot thickens, and I’m sure we’ll be hearing more developments in upcoming episodes… 

Return of the Rogue Team: The Ohio Grassman

April 13, 2016

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In the S4/Ep12 installment of Mountain Monsters, the AIMS team returned to Perry County, Ohio to again pursue the Ohio Grassman, a thousand-pound, ten-foot-tall Bigfoot with long shaggy reddish-brown hair also known for speed and agility.  In their previous encounter, Buck had been knocked out and the Grassman  had broken out of the constructed trap…pretty typical stuff for the series, all in all.

As the team motored to their Ohio destination, they perceived themselves to be followed by another vehicle, which caused acting leader Buck to put the pedal to the metal and eventually elude the infamous “Rogue” team thought to be pursuing them.  Having succeeded in this, they later met with “Radish,” who was appropriately enough a farmer. He reported having seen his cows spooked and spying Bigfoot by the chicken coop.  The plot thickened when “Radish” referred to having spoken with Buck in the recent past, something that he denied.  Apparently the Rogue team had impersonated Buck in a phone conversation.

On their first night’s hunt, the team found an arch of twisted branches that was considered to be a Bigfoot sign. They also found lower broken limbs, considering them a sign of human passage.  Not wanting to encounter whoever else was stomping around in the woods at night with guns, the guys headed back to the truck that they had come in on only to find the surrounding area set on fire.  Attached to the hitch on the truck was a cryptic note saying, “We know you know.” Trap-maker Willy was asked to rig security cameras for the truck while the remaining team members hit the road again to seek the wisdom and guidance of recuperating team leader Trapper.

Now Trapper appears to live in a really nice house that would be the envy of most; reality TV must pay pretty well, plus these guys don’t spend a dime on dentistry, barbers, or clothing. Trap’s house was complete with a “safe room” that would be the envy of any conspiracy theorist, complete with files on everything that they chase and pictures pasted on the walls. Trapper reported having found a bug planted on his truck that revealed his location, and suggested that one had been implanted on Buck’s vehicle as well; the devices would allow the Rogue team to track and follow them wherever they went. Additionally, Trapper presented a pasted-together note that he had received which posed the question, “Are you ready to chase the devil again?” This was thought to be a reference to the Cherokee Devil encountered in a previous episode, and if as in confirmation, a photo of the red shed central to that episode was also enclosed with the note.

With Trapper’ s encouragement, the team minus Trapper then went to the site of their previous investigation in Ashe County, North Carolina where they found bent-over trees, perceived to be a Bigfoot sign. A tree came crashing down behind the team, and lights were seen through the woods. Buck thought that he had seen the Cherokee girl central to that prior episode, and the segment ended as Buck was about to enter the red shed again. The Grassman chase was left hanging in the wind in favor of the Rogue Team storyline…

The Slack.com Animal “Team” Does Wonderful Things…

April 11, 2016


They’re quite diverse, yet they work as an office team…the CGI animals presented in a commercial for the messenger app “Slack,” that is.  Headed by a lion boss called “Geoff” who observes a prawn employee (Alan) struggling with an umbrella, the idea of a flying umbrella is born, developed, and implemented by the surreal office team which includes a beaver, goat, rabbit, owl, and sloth.  They all act in accordance with their respective species, with the sloth, for example, moving in slow motion.  The commercial spot is surreal yet captivating, and it works as does the product.

Remarkably, a “bloopers reel” is also available for the commercial, showing such deleted scenes as the prawn falling from his chair, the goat beating her keyboard to pieces with their hooves, and the prawn doing a beatbox routine following his presentation.   This is strange but wonderful stuff…

Geico’s “Alligator Arms”

March 30, 2016

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I love Chinese food, and so apparently do some alligators.  Following lunch at a Chinese place with some human companions, it’s check time.  “Whoa whoa whoa, I got this!,” declares the ‘gator as he makes a token effort to reach the check.  Limited by his short arms, the reptile never gets there; “I can’t reach it,” he submits.  “When you have short arms, you avoid picking up the check,” declares the announcer.  “It’s what you do.”  If you want to save up to 15% on car insurance, you switch to Geico…it’s what you do.

Conveniently, a male companion, Dennis, gathers up the check, and is thanked by the reptile.  Not one to waste food, the ‘gator then gobbles down the remainder of the meal in one practiced gulp.  “Oh, that is good crispy duck!,” he announces with gluttonous satisfaction.  Waste not, want not, I suppose…

“Scariest Moments” on Mountain Monsters

February 24, 2016

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I, for one, am generally not keen on “Greatest Hits” episodes of any series as they are usually thinly veiled efforts to repackage old material and stretch out a season.  The “Scariest Moments” installment of Mountain Monsters (S4/Ep05) was no different, being essentially a brief synopsis of six different and unrelated previous episodes.  I’m not going to comment on the episodes as I have previously posted on many of them.  For the sake of reference, however, the episodes covered were on the Hellhound, the Cherokee Death Cat, the Cave Creature, the Bear Beast, the Shadow Creature, and Hogzilla.

The summaries provided by these episodes may be helpful to viewers trying to get a brief feeling for the creature involved, or a general sense of what the show itself is about.  It can be striking how similar the episodes really are, both in terms of the methods involved, the flow of the action, and the outcomes.  In only one of the six episodes profiled was the creature being pursued actually captured, that one, Hogzilla, turning out to be a rather large but perfectly ordinary pig.  

The scariest incident I can remember in the time period covered involved team leader Trapper using self-dentistry to extract an aching tooth using pliers!  The series will return to new episodes this upcoming weekend with one called, the Great Fire Ape.  It will probably be at best a mediocre ape, but one that makes a monkey of them all…

…and by the way, the theme song for this show is called Mountain Man Town  by the Last American Cowboys…  

Bigfoot of Blair County: Lightning Man

February 13, 2016

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In a two-part saga, the AIMS team of the Mountain Monsters series went to Blair County, Pennsylvania in search of a Bigfoot variant called the Lightning Man.  This Bigfoot stands about 8′ tall, weighs about 500 lbs., has black fur, and travels in the company of seven other Bigfoot called, the Thunder Brothers, which would be a great name for a wrestling team or perhaps a band!

With team leader Trapper still on the mend, the remaining group members first met with “Robert,” a farmer who described hearing thunder sounds coming from the ground on an otherwise clear night.  Investigating with a flashlight he perceived something to pass by outside, although the flashlight ceased to function in the presence of whatever it was.  During their first night’s investigation, the team heard noise, saw movement, and came upon a number of tracks that indicated to them the presence of multiple creatures.  

The following day as Willy and Wild Bill constructed a steel octagon trap, the remainder of the team followed a creek where the footprints had been found, and thought that they had flushed a Bigfoot from a tree, coming upon a hollow tree which produced thunder-like sounds when beaten on with rocks.  They named this a thunder tree, and thought this or something similar was used by the Thunder Brothers to produce their characteristic sounds.  A second eyewitness, an electrician called “John” described hearing noises by an old barn, and produced a picture of a Native American lightning symbol found within that barn.  When the electrician had rigged the barn with motion sensor lights, the lights failed to operate when the suspected Bigfoot passed by, but worked in the presence of other moving wildlife.

During an unprecedented second night’s hunt, the team explored the electrician’s barn, and found a buried wooden eagle figure. The lights then went out, and there was felt to be movement in the barn. The team heard thundering sounds, and thinking that the Thunder Brothers were at it again, exited the barn to charge after them. Acting team leader Buck, however, thought this a diversionary tactic, and by himself doubled back to the barn where he unearthed what appeared to be a primitive stone ax head. An arm supposedly then reached through the barn boards trying to get at Buck, who beat a hasty retreat and was rejoined by the rest of the team. They resolved to share their exploits with Trapper, and research the significance of the discovered stone object. The upcoming episode of Mountain Monsters will presumably wrap things up, probably with more unanswered questions…

“Zootopia” is coming!

February 10, 2016

 

 

 

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Imagine a world in which “humans never happened,” and you have the central premise of Disney’s upcoming 3D computer animated feature, Zootopia.  Now the mammals which dominate are anthropomorphic, which to the uninitiated means they are human-like intelligent bipedal creatures who use language, wear clothing, and employ technology in a civilized society.  This is a familiar realm to a card-carrying furry like myself; my world, and welcome to it!

Now two of the central characters include Judy Hopps, a rookie police officer rabbit and a red fox called Nick Wilde (played by Jason Bateman), described as being a small-time con artist (while I prefer to consider him as sly). Together the two form an unlikely alliance to solve the case of a missing otter.

The result is a buddy comedy/adventure with a large cast of animal characters that include a gazelle pop star and a noble lion mayor. Opening in early March, you’ve never seen anything like Zootopia be-fur…

Wrath of the Turkey…

January 12, 2016

 In another Farmers Insurance commercial, we are shown the revenge of the “proud bird with the golden tail,” the long-suffering and oft disrespected turkey.  A “Meaty’s Butcher Shop” truck manned by a single hapless guy is making its way down the road when a turkey appears in its path, causing the driver to veer off the road and into a tree. The middle-aged gent then regards his passenger seat, where he be holds…a turkey!  The driver screams at the turkey, who gobbles loudly at him…

…payback, they say, is hell.  We then cut to an exterior shot of the disabled truck, with a mob of turkeys descending on it.  There is strength in numbers, and the delivery truck rocks from side to side as the turkeys administer their own brand of justice to one of their oppressors.  It’s reminiscent of a scene in the first Jurassic Park  movie where a throng of diminutive dinosaurs overwhelm and dispense with an especially obnoxious character in his vehicle.

We then cut to a scene with the unflappable J.K. Simmons escorting a client through their extensive Hall of Claims, where we gaze with them upon a much-mangled apron, last worn by the ill-fated delivery driver.  Farmers Insurance has seen just about everything, we are reminded, so they can insure against anything, including “Turkey Jerks…” 

Farmers Insurance: Stag Pool Party!

January 3, 2016

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Everyone knows that there are times when guys just need to be around the company of other guys so that they don’t have to worry about pleasing the does all of the time.  Then instead of talking about “relationships” and “feelings,” we can just hang out, overeat, watch “guy” movies, and I dunno, maybe play some table tennis…

…and so it is that a recent Farmers Insurance commercial takes us to a genuine stag pool party, namely one attended by stags.  They’re having a wild time of it, too, with loud music and commotion heard while the pool lights are off.  When the floodlights come on, however, all of the stags are frozen in place, the old “deer in the headlights” thing. The lights off/lights on sequence repeats several times, but each time the lights come on, there are subtle changes in the scenario, primary among which is that there are more and more stags actually in the pool!

The Farmers Insurance spokesman (J.K. Simmons) explains in their Hall of Claims that since they’ve seen about everything, they can insure just about anything…including, apparently, an out-of-bounds party for some not-so-timid woodlands creatures.  Party on, boys!

Roadkill Raps in Bosch Commercial!

December 24, 2015

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It’s Michael Jackson’s Thriller meets the British show Mongrels in a dark and bizarre commercial spot for Bosch’s Icon wiper blades sponsored by the Humane Society called, “Don’t Be A Roadkill Car.”  

A quintet of road-slaughtered animals brings home the message that better wiper blades by facilitating your vision might have prevented their gruesome demise.  Meet Frank the Squirrel, who peels his flattened and protesting self off the road surface to demonstrate a still impressive set of vocal chords.  He is joined by Buck the Deer, Francesca Fox, Streetz the Skunk, and a tire-marked rabbit.  I found Francesca especially compelling in how she could extend up her severed head in her own paws.  They’ve all clearly seen much better days, but are doing their best undead service for Bosch blades and animal preservation.  It’s a gutsy commercial, literally and figuratively…

The commercial/public service announcement pushes the envelope, and is likely to shock if not revolt some viewers; their performance and their singing will, however, likely stick in your head!  As a year-round fan of Halloween and horror, these singing furry zombies with a message furnished me with a perfect antidote for the Xmas merchandising we’ve been relentlessly exposed to since October…I’d buy their album!