Archive for the ‘anthropomorphic’ category

Transformation…

November 6, 2008

animal-transformations–Transformation or “TF” for short, is something near and dear to many of us furries, something devoutly to be wished. It’s often a synonym for metamorphosis and shapeshifting, and can be physical, mental, or some kind of weird “other” state. Physical transformation is the act of modifying one’s body to resemble one’s fursona. Very simple forms of physical transformation are currently available through plastic surgery, such as giving someone a forked tongue, horns or muzzles grown with coral implants, the ears stretched out, or even the throat modified to produce purring sounds.  These changes are expensive, artificial, and sometimes require anti-rejection drugs.

Most furs who desire physical transformation see current technological methods as insufficient, and look to future technologies involving genetic engineering, stem cell organ growth, and chimerazation.  Through genetic engineering, a combination of the individual’s DNA and that of the desired animal traits could be generated in the lab.  Core organs such as brain, heart, kidneys, etc. would never have to change, while external organs such as claws, skin, tails, etc. could be grown, with the new amalgamated DNA introduced to the subject as a new native DNA sequence.

Don’t plan on getting your new tail any time soon, though.  Even were the technology developed and approved for use on humans, the estimated cost of a transformation per individual could run as high as twenty million dollars…damn!

You Big, Hairy Ape!

September 11, 2008

–Of cryptids there is conjecture, but Gigantopithecus really existed!  An extinct species of ape, Gigantopithecus made the scene from roughly a million years ago to perhaps as recently as 300,000 years ago…and some would say that he’s still out there kicking. Gigantopithecus hung out in ancient China, India, and Vietnam, some say even making it to North America via a land bridge. He existed in the same time frame and location as several hominid species, and is thought to have stood up to 10 feet tall, weighing up to 1,200 pounds.

Gigantopithecus remains in the form of molars were found in 1935 in a Chinese apothecary shop, where fossilized teeth and bones (termed dragon bones) were often ground into powder and consumed in some branches of traditional Chinese folk medicine; good for what ails ‘ya! Several jawbones and over 1,000 teeth have been recovered.

MonsterQuest has profiled Gigantopithecus, reviewing accounts of those who have witnessed “really big apes,” one of which in a merry sport is reported to have thrown pinecones at a guy for 45 minutes; gotta love the big ape!  By the reckoning of some, Bigfoot may be a relative of Gigantopithecus that has endured into the present day…

Felis Rising…

August 30, 2008

Felix regarded his three cats late one evening as they bounded around his apartment, eventually coming together in a fur pile.  “They must be play-fighting,” thought Felix, “can’t be yiffing, ’cause I’ve had them all fixed.”  As the three cats rolled around together in a ball, it became harder and harder for Felix to distinguish just where one cat ended, and another began.  The feline ball seemed to stretch as it rolled this way and that across his apartment carpet,  eventually stopping in a dark corner of a room.  From the ball something extended vertically, a neck and discernible head that were distinctly feline…why, the three cats had combined into one! The large, singular cat formed from several continued to stretch and rear itself, eventually sitting at about half the height of the astonished human.  The augmented feline regarded the man with an unnerving, steady gaze.

“What are you?,” marveled Felix, “Why are you staring, and what do you want with me?”

The cat spoke with a voice audible only within Felix’s head.  “See these eyes of green?,” it said, “I can stare for a thousand years!”  The cat sprang at Felix, hitting him squarely in the chest and knocking him to the ground.

Pinned, Felix looked up at the cat, and beheld his baleful eyesWordlessly, the voice of the cat again filled his head.  “See these eyes so red?,” asked the cat, “Red like jungle burning bright!  Those who feel me near, pull the blinds and change their minds!”

Felix struggled and opened his mouth to scream.  “Just be still with me,” advised the cat, continuing to pin the man.  “You wouldn’t believe what I’ve been through!”  Glowing ectoplasmic tentacles emanated from the cat’s mouth, threading their way into the open mouth of the man, and filling it.  Felix’s eyes rolled back into his head and his body trembled as he began a fateful transformation.

The transfer complete, the cat withdrew his mouth from the man’s face and appeared to be at peace.  “It’s been so long,” remarked the cat, shrinking in size and dissociating into three separate housecats again, who wound their way around the body of the man, mewing and crying as they witnessed his rebirth.

The cat-person Felix sat upright, and instinctively began licking and grooming himself.  “I’ve been putting out the fire with gasoline!,” he remarked half-aloud as he regarded the full moon through an open window.  Looking at his cats with a new and fuller understanding, he carressed each one and then lept effortlessly to the window, looking back momentarily with new slitted-iris eyes.  “This will be the Year of the Cat,” he remarked to the feline trio as he flung himself through the window and into the welcoming embrace of the night in fulfillment of his destiny…

(With thanks to the great David Bowie, and the 1982 movie Cat People…see the videos on You Tube!)

Aquaman?

August 16, 2008

–Olympian swimmer Michael Phelps has so far won seven gold medals, tying the record of Mark Spitz and being referred to in some circles as Aquaman…

…well, can Michael Phelps summon whales or communicate telepathetically with fish like Aquaman could?–Can he throw balls of water that impact with powerful concussive force?–Does he have a pet octopus or did he lose his hand?–I think NOT!Hail  Atlantis! 😉

Deep Philosophical Furry Questions…

August 6, 2008

–There are great imponderable furry questions, such as who would win a race between Speedy Gonzales and the Road Runner?–The answer to that one is moot, since Speedy Gonzales would these days be judged politically incorrect, and possibly deported to Mexico as an illegal alien.  The question that we consider here is who would win a fight between Dracula and a Werewolf.

My speculation is that it would be a Battle Royale, worthy of respectful review and analysis for decades to come.  I believe, however, that The Werewolf would prevail.  For a visual portrayal of just such a battle, I recommend the under-rated movie Van Helsing with Hugh Jackman (“Wolverine”) in the title role and also portraying a werewolf…he captures the torment of being a werewolf, illustrating that most are not really bad individuals but souls unwillingly under a curse…and the climatic Dracula v. Werewolf battle scene I never tire of seeing, with glorious, no-holds barred, high-flying kinetic combat portrayed!–Two paws up, and they couldn’t be higher!–Makes me proud to be furry!

The Afflicted…

August 6, 2008

–The gypsy chihuahua Sylvia regarded the sweating man who sat before her in the small enclosed wagon that served as her home.  “So, Mr. Talbot,” inquired the chihuahua, “what can I do for you?”  The question was at best a formality as the gypsy already knew, just as she knew all things that were to come.

“Great gypsy,” said a very anxious Lawrence Talbot, “I know that you have awesome powers!”

“This is true,” responded the petite chihuahua, looking modestly at her paw but pleased at the compliment.  “Please continue…”

“Gypsy, I bear the mark of the werewolf!–I cannot endure another cycle!–Free me, I beg you, of this curse!”

“What you ask requires powerful magic,” cautioned the gypsy, “and is not without its price!”

“No price is too great, Gypsy!,” assured the anguished Lawrence Talbot.  “Hurry, I beg you, before the moon rises!”

“As you wish, then,” proclaimed the gypsy, working herself into a trance-like state and raising her saxophone.  Her mouth then gaped open and she uttered the following spell, each verse punctuated by bluesy licks on her saxophone:

“When moons shall rise,/ and bring you dread/ take you my curse/I yours instead!”

The mysterious gypsy recovered from her trance as Lawrence Talbot jolted and twitched as if in a seizure.  He then was still, opened his eyes, and exulted “I’m free, gypsy woman!–Your remarkable spell has freed me of this curse at last!–But suddenly I understand all mysteries, and can foresee the future!”

“And the down side, is?,” asked Sylvia with a dismissive wave of her paw.  “So go take your new powers and make a fortune in the stock market, or perhaps at the racetrack!”

His eyes opened, the former Wolfman enthusiastically shook the gypsy’s paw.  “You’ve given me a new life, Sylvia!,” he proclaimed.  “I can never thank you enough!”

“Which doesn’t mean that you should stop trying,” counseled the gypsy.  Nodding his head, the reborn man left the small wagon and vanished into the night.

As the moon rose, the gypsy began a startling transformation into a were-chihuahua, a snarling beast with menacing claws and savage teeth.  A slight smile crossed the face of the transformed gypsy.  “What is one man’s curse is another’s fondest dream!,” she observed before flinging herself into the night to begin the first of many successful hunts…

(…with thanks to Lon Chaney and John Dilworth!)

The Cajun Fox

May 28, 2008

Courage, the Cowardly Dog by John R. Dilworth has many enemies, some human, others animal, some otherworldly.  My personal fave is The Cajun Fox (pictured), who wears sunglasses and desires to cook Courage’s owner, Muriel, into a stew or gumbo.  He never succeeds, but looks very good in his efforts.

Hopefully we will continue to see more of this fox, along with other memorable furry enemies such as Le Quack the Duck, and of course the Cat.  Evil is so much more interesting than good, don’t ‘ya think?

The Lizard Man of South Carolina

March 3, 2008

lizard-man.jpg — There haven’t been many accounts of his activity since 1988, but South Carolina’s Lizard Man is now reportedly becoming more active. This is a seven-foot bipedal reptilian creature with scaly green skin, red eyes, and three elongated digits on all four limbs. He has been seen most often in swamp areas and back roads of South Carolina, and may have been seen as early as 1972 although the first “official” account is from 1988.

Lizard Man is strong, agile, and swift. In the 1988 account, a 17-year-old was changing a tire late at night near the Scrape Ore Swamp near Bishopville, S.C. and had just finished the task when a reptilian creature came running at considerable speed towards him. The kid managed to get back inside the car, but not before Lizard Man had grabbed the driver’s side mirror. The observer then took off in the car with Lizard Man in pursuit, the creature then jumping onto the roof of the car. The young man sped up and was able to shake the thing off, but damage was done to the side mirror and roof. Lizard Man was described as “strong and angry.” Other independent sightings were reported in 1988.

Recent reports of Lizard Man’s activities have included damage to cars and the slaughter of cats…

Monster Quest!

January 21, 2008

werewolf.jpg  —The History Channel hosts a number of shows that aren’t exactly historical, and Monster Quest is one of the best.  This hour-long show airs Wednesday night at 10:00 along the eastern U.S. coast, and features weekly excursions into the paranormal and the unexplained.  To be aired this Wednesday January 23rd is an episode called American Werewolf, covering appearances of a dog-man in Wisconsin and other states.

Also on the History Channel Monday at 9:00 in my area is a show called Life After People, covering the resurgence of other life forms following the extinction of homo sapiens…promos look intriguing!