Archive for the ‘anthropomorphic’ category

Cabela’s “Big Game Hunter” Buck

December 13, 2011

 – – I don’t like hunting, even in its video game incarnations since the goal is killing the most helpless, majestic animal that you possibly can.  The commercials for the PS3 version of the product, however, are a hoot, featuring as they do a sentient and articulate buck who sits on the couch while playing the game and winging comments at his human host as he does so.  In one commercial version (not depicted) the buck even mocks an outrageous sweater that the host is wearing!

While it’s arguably creepy that a deer would be depicted killing other animals including his own kind, perhaps he’s just imitating his human models…and I’ll take as much of a deer trash-talking humans as I can get!

Female Lycanthropes…

December 9, 2011

 – -Males tend to dominate the werewolf world, but accounts of female werewolves do exist and are noteworthy!  One such tale takes place in the Fichtel Mountains of Germany, where in the 18th century a local shepherd hired a hunter to kill a strange, huge wolf which had been devouring lambs in his flock…

…well, the marksman supposedly located and fired upon the creature, and although at least one hit the predator head on, the bullets had no apparent effect!  The plot thickened when the shepherd the next day observed an old woman long suspected of practicing witchcraft hobbling down the street as if wounded!  The shepherd deduced that the witchy woman was a female werewolf who would transmogrify herself into a large wolf at night to attack his sheep.  The shepherd reported the woman to local authorities who arrested her and chained her to the floor of a prison cell, Miranda rights being unknown in the 18th century.  The resourceful werewolf had vanished, however, when authorities went to question her the next day!

Two nights later, the shepherd was again out in the woods with the hunter looking for the shapeshifting witch when she obligingly sprung at them!  Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on whose side you’re on, the hunter had in his possession a silver knife with which he slashed at the poor lycanthrope,  causing her great pain and to writhe on the ground in agony where she morphed into the human form of the old witch, proof positive that she had been a female werewolf!

Since such things seldom end well for those of the furry persuasion, the wolfy witchy was buried 20 feet deep (“that oughta hold her!”) in a grave topped with what is now called the Wolfstone cross, erected in the hopes of sanctifying the location and containing the evil…

…but to this day, locals claim that eerie phenomena such as spectral lights are seen near that accursed site…ahahahahaha!

Red Bull’s Zebra Commercial…

November 30, 2011

 – – Red Bull commercials generally impart the concept that by drinking Red Bull, the consumer acquires superhuman strength and abilities that allow him or her to perform an extraordinary feat.  One such commercial puts a furry twist on this theme by introducing a female zebra who is depicted having an unfortunate encounter with an alligator after she first applies lipstick and then downs a can of Red Bull.

Things do not look good for our fashionable zebra when she goes for a splash in a nearby river and is assaulted by an opportunistic alligator who goes into his death roll with her, a usual finishing move.  We assume the worst when the combatants disappear below the water surface, but fortified by Red Bull our heroine emerges a moment later, sporting…a new alligator purse!

Red Bull, you see, gives you wings…and females are considerably tougher than they look as well!

Mentos UP2U Gum Commercial Tiger

November 2, 2011

 – – Since childhood, you’ve probably heard the rhyme, “eenie meenie minie moe, /catch a tiger by the toe,/ if he hollers, let him go,/ etc.- -Well, in this commercial we see that rhyme visualized when a mild-mannered office worker is using the eenie meenie method to determine which of the Mentos gum flavors to pick. 

 

Suddenly, a tiger pops up on cue with his toe caught in a trap!  The realistic tiger growls menacingly at the office nerd before asking engagingly, “Do I really need to holler?”  Both calm yet afraid, the guy shakes his head no, and likewise verbalizes in the negative…and what else could he say?!  In the background, another worker may be seen getting the h*** out.–Well done, Mentos!- –Don’t play “Hold That Tiger!”

Not the Usual Suspects…

October 29, 2011

 – – “Grimm…what a lovely name!,  once remarked Morticia Addams.  In this new NBC series, a Grimm is a hunter of mythological creatures which only the hunters and their kind can perceive under the guise of normality as such beings walk among us.  Echoing such past shows as The X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Angel, Grimm has been described as “one part police procedural drama and one part supernatural slug fest,”  drawing story lines and characters from the sizable corpus of Grimm’s fairy tales, many of which are dark delights.

In the season premier, we meet a reformed Big Bad Wolf, who is not big, no longer bad, does Pilates, and attends church.  There are others of his werewolf kind, but they don’t hang out much; bad things happen, ‘ya see, when they get into packs.   Some werewolves continue to exist who still do bad things like kill and abduct, but even the one perp the story concerns is a mixed bag who wears nice sweaters, lives in a beautiful mountain house, makes pies, works for the government postal service(–what else?), and keeps a young girl captive in his basement. –But hey, as Clint Eastwood’s character emoted in Tightrope, “There’s a darkness inside us all.”


This isn’t The X-Files, but I enjoyed the opener, and hope for some Grimm times ahead.   Of furry interest is the reformed werewolf, who apparently in going to be a continuing character in the series, as is the toothy female pictured…

Puss in Boots: The Movie

October 3, 2011

 – – Played by Latin hunk Antonio Banderas and likely to buckle every swash in sight, Puss in Boots:  The Movie is coming from DreamWorks Animation on November 4th.

A spin-off movie for the CGI character from the Shrek movies,  Puss is a prequel which will follow the exploits of the courageous cat before he even met Shrek, and detail the roots and evolution of the character into a Zorro-like figure.  And yes, Puss in Boots will have have a love interest, called (what else?)…Kitty Softpaws! 

As the character with cat-itude most memorably says in one scene, “Stay furry, my friends!

Franklin, the Fair-Housing Fox…

September 25, 2011

 – – I, for one, can sleep better at night knowing that Franklin, the Fair-Housing Fox is on the job!  Just as McGruff the Crime Dog represents the fight against crime and Homeland Security has Rex, the Ready Kids Mountain Lion, Franklin is meant to help make fair housing everyone’s responsibility, and he looks great while doing it!  It’s good to know that we vulpines haven’t been excluded from the guild of anthropomorphic animal awareness cartoons representing federal agenciesCreated in 2007 to celebrate the 39th anniversary of the Fair Housing Act, Franklin even has an e-mail address and of course, a Facebook page!

Your tax dollars are never harder at work than when they’re funding the creation of an animal mascot, and Franklin Fox has got to be far ahead of some other actual creations such as Energy Ant or Thermy the Thermometer…other creations might include Edward, the Illegal Immigration Eagle, and Arnold, the Anti-Terrorist Armadillo!       

Geico’s Animal Eighties Artists…

August 28, 2011

 – – Eighties music played by a dog and a bird?- -Sure, why not!  Mr. Butters the dog seems to know his way around the keyboard, but the cockatoo seems a little pitchy on the vocals.  It’s just a Geico commercial, and it’s unlikely that this version of  “Take On Me” will win on American Idol

Allstate’s “Raccoon Mayhem” Rocks!

August 19, 2011

 – – The Allstate “Mayhem” guy (Dean Winters) in this commercial is representing a raccoon, and every expense has been spared in his raccoon impersonation;  he’s clearly human, he’s wearing a suit, and the only nod to his status as a raccoon are dark circles around his eyes!  You could make yourself look more like a raccoon with a little construction paper…

The acting, however, is another matter; the Mayhem man says, “I’m a raccoon, and this time in your attic has been the best week of my raccoon life!”  He then proceeds to jubilantly demonstrate the things that raccoons can do in an attic, like playing havoc with the electrical wiring, throwing around the insulation, scratching the rafters,  and chewing a hole in the roof, through which we are shown Winters as ‘coon protruding.  “I’m the smartest raccoon I know!,” brags Winters in character, adding that he’s already had “like four babies.”  When Winters walks away from the house at the end of the commercial, he looks like Heath Ledger’s Joker in The Dark Knight walking away from the hospital before it blows…this should further solidify the raccoon rep as bad boys of the furry community!

The dark humor of Raccoon Mayhem is little less than brilliant!

The Cat Rules!

August 8, 2011

 – – I freely confess that I’ve always been a big fan of Dr. Seuss and his creations, having the stuff read to me and then reading it as a child, and later reading it aloud to younger family members as they were growing up.  Dr. Seuss was light years ahead of his time, coming up with marvelously surreal creatures and plots in painfully strait-laced times.  I credit Dr. Seuss and his works with strongly influencing my generally twisted take on life.

My fave Seuss character not surprisingly is the Cat in the Hat.  The Cat is kind of the kingpin of the Seuss empire, it’s heart and soul, a spirit of gleeful anarchy in a Republican world…yes, the Cat is all that!  The Cat could create joyful mayhem, but not to worry, he always made it right at the end!  And who didn’t envy the Cat’s vehicle, the Thinga-ma-jigger, a device which could sprout disturbing arm appendages, wings, pontoons, rocket boosters, and even change size!  Alright, the styling was bizarre, but I wanted this kind of chariot more than I wanted a Jetson flying car!  Thing One and Thing Two could be called on to execute the heavy-duty devastation, and then there was that marvelous anthropomorphic fish in a bowl, the lone voice of reason and caution in this mad world!  There wasn’t a fish of this caliber until Klaus Heissler the goldfish in American Dad.  Like Klaus, the Seuss fish seems alright breathing air so long as at least one small part of his body is in water.

 

Like the Cat, many Seuss characters were anthropomorphic furries that kind of led clueless humans around by the nose…and I’m glad that the Cat has a PBS series on called, The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That!  The Cat is voiced by Martin Short, and continues to be utterly awesome…and yes, I’ve been known to steal a look at the show!