Archive for the ‘anthropomorphic’ category

Geico’s Tasmanian Devil “Energy Drink”Commercial…

September 30, 2014

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I’ve always had a soft spot for the Tazmanian Devil character in the Warner Bros. cartoon family.  Like a whirlwind on speed, he rips through the environment as a blur of motion, an animated tornado.  Only the formidable Bugs Bunny can outwit and subsequently control this hyperkinetic force of nature.  Giving such a creature an energy drink would be like putting out a fire with gasoline, but we can only imagine the devastation that such an act would create.  

Thanks to another Geico commercial, we no longer have to imagine such mayhem.  A couple are shown reposing in bed, with one musing about how Geico insurance can save a customer 15% on their insurance.  As the partner is aware of this, the follow-up stumper question posed is whether the partner knows that some cartoon characters should never be given an energy drink…

…cut to a production studio, where against a white screen the Tazmanian Devil is chugging an energy drink! – – Uh oh, his eyes drift out of proportion to one another, and soon Taz’s body dissolves into the whirling blur of motion we know so well, crashing through the walls of an adjoining production studio where fine china collector’s plates of the fifty state birds are being touted!  Predictably, Taz decimates the plates and their display stands, leaving the studio a shambled ruins.  

I do so love seeing a master of mayhem like Taz at work, and fine china and crystal make such delightful sounds when decimated, don’t they?  Long may the Tazmanian Devil rage, and reign!

“Gotham’s” Catwoman…

September 23, 2014

I’m always glad to see portrayed the character of Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman.  In the new series Gotham airing on the Fox network, we are introduced to a young version of the character, depicted as a street urchin and thief with impressive gymnastic skills and of course, cat-like moves.  Played by 15-year-old San Diego native and dancer Camren Bicondova, the young Selina Kyle is a witness to the murder of young Bruce Wayne’s parents and kind of shadows the action during Gotham’s first episode, equally at home on a rooftop, observing undetected at the funeral of Bruce Wayne’s parents, or perched on the wall of stately Wayne Manor. Although she is not yet costumed and speaks not a word during the series premier (cat got her tongue?), we are promised that the teenage Catwoman will have plenty of dialogue during the second episode.  Her appearance is even similar to that of a young Michelle Pfeiffer, my personal favorite in the catsuit. 

Gotham itself is an impressive prequel to the Batman franchise.  Suitably dark, the series introduces us to the pre-teen Bruce Wayne, a surprisingly vital and agile Jim (later Commissioner) Gordon, and classic Batman villains in their early formative stages.  Featured in early episodes will be the Penguin, and we’re also introduced briefly to the Riddler and even Poison Ivy!  The writing appears credible and true to the franchise, and the actors likewise while playing it seriously create believable and three-dimensional characters.

Gotham gets it right, and is likely to be a hit!  Just bring Catwoman more to the foreground, please!

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The Laughing Cow, “Reinvent Snacking”

September 6, 2014

 

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If I beheld a human-sized, red-colored, talking anthropomorphic cow on my living room sofa, I’d probably be paying more attention to her than I was to my snack or whatever was airing on the tube.  Such is not the case with the humans in the Laughing Cow “Reinvent Snacking” commercial, who go about feeding their faces, apparently oblivious to the cow.

Is this perhaps a spectral cow, visible to you and I only?  I find that thought disturbing, as I do to some extent the cow herself. – -Why is she red?- – Does she share genes with Clifford, the Big Red Dog?- – And why is she wearing earrings made of her own cheeses?  Smart product placement, maybe, but rather tacky!

Bemoaning the fact that snacking has become “predictable and unsatisfying” (much like my life), the red cow then joins a woman on her porch and later at a table, where she cheerily touts the virtues of Laughing Cow cheeses while continuing to be ignored by her human hosts.  Yes, it would appear that in matters of snacking and cross-species entertaining, humans are basically…pigs!

Wooden Personalities?

August 1, 2014

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I’ve always found it fairly easy to ascribe to the notion of sentient plant life.  I swear that the weeds are implementing a master plan to take over my lawn and garden, and mock me when I seek to eradicate them.  “If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can imagine!,” cry their tiny voices in my ears, echoing old Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars.  If you would look for examples of intelligent plant life in movies or on the small screen, consider the carnivorous alien Audrey II plant from Little Shop of Horrors, the Triffids, the Jolly Green Giant, and a host of others.  We just haven’t had a good sentient plant around recently.

Fortunately, we have the character of Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy coming to our rescue!  Yeah, I know he’s essentially a sentient tree, but he does appear with a raccoon, so he merits mention here.  Furthermore, Groot is voiced by none less than Vin Diesel, so you know that this is a plant to be reckoned with!  While Groot is integral to the action of Guardians, he isn’t much of a talker, saying only one three-word line in the entire movie (“I am Groot!“).  Still, Vin Diesel voiced that line in several languages for movie outtakes, and even wore stilts coming in to the recording studio so as to better assume more of the character’s stature…and you thought that method acting was dead!

I’ve always liked the actor as an action hero, although some might say that his performance here is a bit…wooden, ahahahaha!

Revenge of the Grassman!

July 28, 2014

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In the two-hour season finale of Mountain Monsters, our heroes (?) battle a pack of Grassmen and nearly run afoul of trigger-happy moonshiners in Perry County, Ohio. Buck gets taken out of action by his quarry, and Wild Bill manages to set his pants on fire! Yes, it’s heart-stopping action and low comedy in S2/Ep14 of this “guilty pleasure” type show…one you may watch, but hate yourself for afterwards!

Anyways, the Ohio Grassman is the biggest of the Bigfoot-clones, standing 8′ to 10′ tall, and weighing in at about 1,000 lbs. He has shaggy reddish-brown hair, and appears to be expanding his habitat, bugging the heck out of area farmers by messing with their stuff and in some cases, causing them to live in fear.

First interviewed by the team was “Legman,” a mechanic who heard loud noises close to his house and captured an audio recording, which in team leader Trapper’s opinion sounded like a dying raccoon’s screams. The first night’s hunt took place near “Moonshine Hollow,” where a Grassman heel print and scat were found. The AIMS team did not call it scat, having colorful terms for many things that are not repeatable in polite company. The team then entered a ruined “shine house” used by area moonshiners to concoct their brew. A suspected abandoned Grassman nest was found in the house, but the moonshiners did not take the intrusion kindly, firing off a warning shot and driving the AIMS team out.

Meanwhile, Willy and “Wild Bill” sought to gather materials for trap construction from the salvage yard of “Wild Bill’s” Uncle LeRoy, who was not at home, his nephew speculating that said uncle may have had to go see his parole officer! The absence did not stop Willy and Wild Bill from claiming a junk van, and fabricating it as a trap by modifications such as putting plate steel over the van windows.

Trapper and the rest of the team interviewed “Bernie and Linda,” who had taken and shared a video of something with considerable height going past their window. Also interviewed was “Patrick,” a land owner who saw a huge, hairy being, and produced a video of the same near their cabin. On the final night’s hunt, the team received a call from a nearby farmer, who claimed that the Grassman was in his hay barn. The team hurried there, and while in the upper barn loft saw a hole in the floor. Willy poked around in that hole with his shotgun barrel, and had the weapon ripped from his hands by something in the lower barn. The team then bumbled around the unfamiliar farm complex, separating at times to better survey things. During this time, team member “Buck” got bowled over and battered by a door violently propelled inward, presumably by the Grassman. You might say that Buck got smoked by the Grassman, who seemed to be on a roll at that point. Buck was evacuated with shoulder injuries and apparent superficial bleeding. Returning to their van trap, the remaining team members found that it had been ripped apart, with all bait removed. – – You go, Grassman! Things had apparently gotten personal for most of the team members at this point, who decided to persevere despite getting their collective backsides kicked.

Falling back and seeking to gain more information, the team the next day interviewed “Erik,” a hunter, who had heard and recorded a sound that the team felt was that of the Yahoo from West Virginia. Most of the team then took the risk of going to see the moonshiners again, who met them with guns but agreed to send the team to a clandestine meeting with one of their number who, talking out of a truck, claimed that there were a pack of Grassmen, and that one was their leader. The moonshiners had apparently placated the Grassmen for some time with fermented corn left out for them, but such tributes were no longer working as the Grassmen were beginning to tear up stills and otherwise intrude on moonshiner territory. The moonshiners agreed to let the AIMS team continue their pursuit of the Grassman so as to be rid of him, but also issued thinly-veiled threats to the team if they overstepped their boundaries; these guys play for keeps, and have itchy trigger fingers.

Back at their camp at night, the team was under siege by Grassmen, and sought to chase them from the area in one of their ATV’s when the vehicle was nearly tipped over by a large rock thrown at it! They beat a hasty but awkward exit from the disabled vehicle, finding themselves encircled by multiple Grassmen, who threw multiple rocks and limbs at them, one of which hit team leader “Trapper” in the head and knocked him to the ground! Warning shots were fired which drove the attacking creatures off.

The next day, Willy and “Wild Bill” set up a “mine field” of leg hold traps buried in the ground, with the field baited by fermented corn left unannounced by the moonshiners. They also had been left a crude note of advice guiding them to a “North Point” where something existed that the Grassmen supposedly didn’t want seen. Going to a barn in that location, something pulled at Trapper’s leg, causing him to loose his balance and fall. Numerous footprints were seen outside in the snow, and Grassman “nests” were seen in the barn. Impacts were heard against the barn walls, and a “mash stash” was found in the barn where the Grassmen had stored it. The AIMS team confiscated the fermented corn, thinking that this would drive the Grassmen in search of it into their leg traps. Driving back to their camps, something thrown again impacted with the ATV, forcing the team into a defensive posture with Willy and Wild Bill going back on foot to the camp to fetch the other vehicle and finding the camp trashed. The team returned in the other ATV to go to the trap area when something yet again impacted with the ATV, that object turning out to be one of the leg hold traps that had been ripped from the ground!

Now this was pretty slick, indicating that the Grassmen had both figured out where and what the concealed traps were, and demonstrating their considerable strength in tearing them from the ground. Repeatedly under attack and thwarted at every turn and with their camp trashed, the AIMS team abandoned their pursuit at that point, but resolved to be back in the future. This looked like an end-of-season “cliffhanger” to me, intended to draw viewers back for yet another season and a potential grudge match with the Grassmen…

Dish Kangaroo Hopper “Mommy Mind” Commercial

July 10, 2014

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Other than the occasional “Aussie” hair products commercial, you don’t see a lot of kangaroos in advertising, and it’s hard not to like this little guy, who appreciates a good nap yet is there when you need him. The ‘roo is of the size and general appearance of a stuffed animal, and is sensibly belted into his seat. Riding shotgun in the family car with Momma at the wheel and two boys beginning to fuss in the back seat, the Dish kangaroo awakens from a sound sleep, proclaiming that naps are awesome!  He quickly takes the measure of the feuding kids in the back seat, telling the driving Mom, “Chill out, Momma Bear…I got this!” as he hands the warring brats a tablet with their favorite shows on it. – – Why, it’s a miracle! The brats shut up, and blessed silence again reigns, their little minds engaged by the shows that have been downloaded to the tablet by the Dish Hopper feature. It’s so much better than throwing the kids from the moving vehicle, and with far less legal complications!

“How did you do that?,” asks the grateful and incredulous Mom. The kangaroo then explains how with the Hopper he put all of the kids’ fave recorded shows on the tablet, “So you wouldn’t lose your Mommy mind in the car.”

“Mommy likes Dish!,” responds the long-suffering Mother, who has been driven half out of her nut by her kids.  I’m sure that lots of parents can identify with that on a car trip of any duration.

“OK!,” responds the kangaroo, with a tone and expression indicating that he is slightly weirded out by Mommy’s reaction…and wouldn’t “The Kangaroo in the Car” or “Road ‘Roo” be a great title for a kid’s book?!

The Gecko Meets Rocky and Bullwinkle…

June 16, 2014


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Rocky and Bullwinkle have had a cult following since the 1960’s, falling into lean times until a big-screen movie treatment brought a modest revival of sorts.  Geico has occasionally honored classic ‘toon heroes in their commercials, including the great Wile E. Coyote.  While neither Rocky nor Bullwinkle can aspire to the lofty title of genius rightfully bestowed on the Coyote, it’s still good to see them occasionally getting out and about in public. This was the case in a recent Geico commercial where we first see the omnipresent Gecko in the Rocky Mountains, reflecting on the enduring qualities of both the Rockies and his insurance company employer.

Enter the irrepressible Bullwinkle Moose, long a fountain of misinformation.  Now the Moose and Squirrel have been the embodiment of randomness long before it became mainstream, and when the Gecko speculates about whom the Rockies were named after, Bullwinkle J. Moose appears out of nowhere, and unasked ventures that they were named after his friend and constant companion, Rocky the Flying Squirrel. Rocky himself then flies in, balancing endearingly on the Moose’s palm.  Rocky tries to correct Bullwinkle, who then shifts to an explanation that the Rockies were named after “First President George Rockington.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” correctly observes the Gecko at this point, referring to Bullwinkle as, “Mr. Winkle.”  Apparently recognizing that logic is wasted on Bullwinkle, Rocky executes multiple dramatic flying loops around his friend, and flies off.  The whole commercial doesn’t make a lot of sense, but such was the general nature of the sixties show about the best-known residents of Frostbite Falls

The Tums Meatball Commercial…

June 11, 2014

 

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I, for one, find the thought of a combative meatball oddly disturbing, especially when it’s of near-human size. Now the Tums people have in commercials brought us some rather bizarre sights before, including a chicken wing that whips its consumer across the face, an attacking taco, and worse still, a giant headless chicken carcass ready to use its martial arts skills at a barbecue.  Still, we are reassured by Tums that such things may yet be resolved, so that the chicken corpse may amicably play volleyball with us in the end; one can under some circumstances play with their food.

In this vein, we are shown the scene of an apparently pleasant Italian dinner into which a bellicose meatball drops sauce on a diner, then parachutes down, and immediately picks an argument with him. “Ya want heartburn?  I got yer heartburn right here!,” challenges the meatball.  Surrealistically, this meatball has bare human arms and legs. I will not venture a guess about the meatball’s sex, as I prefer not to go there. Suffice it to say, however, that had Hitler deployed meatball paratroopers in sufficient numbers, the course of World War II might have run quite differently, or at least been more entertaining…plus the troops would have eaten well.

While they’re annoying, it turns out to be fairly easy to hold a giant meatball at bay, being that they’re rotund, and will just swing their short little arms at you if you hold them at arm’s length.  Then with Tums, the spicy meatball becomes quite personable, joining you at your table for an after-dinner coffee.  Probably they also know some funny stories…and it adds a new dimension to calling someone a meathead

 

The Russian Yeti…

June 7, 2014

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The Discovery Channel recently presented a two hour investigation on the mysterious deaths of nine Russian students who perished horribly while hiking in the Ural Mountains in January of 1959…the Dyatlov Pass Incident. The deaths were horrendous, involving injuries so severe that Russian investigators later ruled that they could only have been inflicted by something more powerful than a human; there were skull fractures, ribs broken, and damages to internal organs.  Injuries were compared to those which might be suffered in automobile accidents. Bodily mutilations  were also seen; one victim had their eyes gouged out, and their tongue and lips missing. The show inferred that the students were viciously slaughtered by a Yeti, investigating the history and other reported sightings of the creature in that area, and speculating on the last days of the ill-fated hiking party.  It made for compelling if disturbing viewing…

Now reports of the Yeti are numerous in the Northern Ural Mountains of Siberia, with over 5,000 eyewitness testimonies on record.  Yeti/Bigfoot creatures go by many different names dependent on the area, with those in the area of the incident often calling the cryptid the Menk or more simply, the Russian Yeti.  The creature is described as being about 8-1/2 feet high, to have little in the way of a neck, to be hairy, and walk in a bipedal fashion with somewhat of a hunched posture.  They are also reported to make whistling-type sounds that carry and reverberate.  Yeti attacks while rare are alleged to have occurred in 1925, 1945, and 1953, possibly when the Yeti feel cornered or threatened.

Anyways, none of the students returned from what was supposed to have been a two-week hiking trip. Perceiving themselves to being followed several days into the journey, tensions and concerns heightened until on their final night alive, something so frightened the hikers that they abandoned their tent, fleeing only partly dressed into the frigid night to a point almost a mile away where they split into smaller groups, all the individuals in which met with violent ends; some may have been trying to climb a tree to escape, others were found lying face down as if fleeing a pursuit from behind, and still others were found in a group intertwined together as if in hiding.  Their frozen bodies were discovered some time later, and in their abandoned and ruined camp a short note was found bearing the haunting message, “Now we know the snowman exists.”  

Film was also recovered from the doomed expedition, one image of which showed a blurry image of a large, hulking creature (see picture) that was perhaps taken on the run.  The last photo showed distorted bright lights in the sky, which it was speculated may have been some kind of secret Soviet munitions test; this was a remote location in Siberia, after all.  Thinking that this may have scared the Yeti into an attack, the investigative duo and their camera team fired off flares seeking to provoke any Yeti in the area; only one armed hunter had accompanied the group for protection.  An eerie sound was heard from the forest, with the solitary armed man suggesting that they needed to leave at that point, and wisely they did.  The team left with no hard evidence of the Yeti, but a general belief that something unknown was out there, and may well have decimated the Russian hikers in 1959.

The Soviets had closed their investigation of the incident after only several weeks, officially maintaining that overwhelming natural forces such as an avalanche had killed the hikers or caused them to freeze to death.  A surviving member of the Russian investigative team was interviewed, however, saying that a military boot cover was found at the site of the abandoned camp, suggesting that the Soviet military had been there prior to their arrival and orchestrated a cover-up.  UFO theorists also offer the explanation that perhaps the hikers were offed by aliens, with the lights in the skies that fateful evening coming from extraterrestrial craft.  High levels of radioactivity were reported to have been detected in the area, with the skin of the victims reported by one who attended their funerals to have been deeply tanned, perhaps radiation burned.  

Whatever we may choose to believe, the Dyatlov Pass Incident continues to horrify and fascinate over half a century since the event, with many unanswered questions posed that may never find resolution…

 

Sheepsquatch of Boone County…

May 10, 2014

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The latest episode of Mountain Monsters (S2/Ep06) proved that it continues to be a wild and wooly show with the pursuit of a Sheepsquatch in Boone County, West Virginia.  The Sheepsquatch has been profiled on a number of other paranormal shows, and is kind of a hybrid creature with goat, sheep, and possum characteristics.  It reportedly has wool-like fur, ram-type horns, claws, weighs in excess of 600 lbs., and stands about seven feet in height.  First spotted by coal miners in the 1800’s, the Sheepsquatch seems to be enjoying a rash of recent sightings and notoriety.

The AIMS team first interviewed “Mason,” a deer hunter who saw something about seven feet tall with a musky smell and dirty white color that made growling or screeching noises, and was apparently trying to get at deer feeders that he had set in the area.  In that vicinity, the investigators also found claw marks high on a tree.

During the first night’s investigation which followed, team researcher Jeff saw thermal images ahead of something on a tree which seemed to be beating its head against another tree.  Finding that tree’s location, team leader “Trapper” saw urine on the tree, and unwisely got so close to the urine source that in a moment of horror or low comedy, the caustic urine dripped into his face, blinding him temporarily and causing painful discomfort.  Knowing when they had been beat, the team retreated with their disabled leader at that point, Round One clearly going to Sheepsquatch!

The next day, “expert tracker” Wild Bill managed to get lost finding the trap construction site, arriving three hours late despite being provided with directions and a map…this was a funny episode!  A razor-wire trap 10′ tall was constructed while other team members interviewed “Rocky,” a deer hunter whose trail cameras had captured a partial image of something wooly with horns.  Rocky also had a container of supposed Sheepsquatch scat (feces), from which it was determined that the producer was omnivorous. Last interviewed was “David,” a craftsman who heard a roar like a jungle cat, and took a video showing something large coming up behind a pile of logs, which were splintered. 

On the final night’s hunt, the team split into two groups and tried to flush the creature up a deer trail area it frequented to their trap.  Fresh tracks and hot spots were found on the ground, together with claw marks on a tree.  A roar was heard, and eyes it was felt were seen about 60 yards ahead.  They tried to pursue the beast on foot, but it easily outdistanced them.  Taking to two ATV’s to even the odds, they pursued at high speeds on the rough and darkened terrain.  One ATV impacted with something that broke the windshield and stopped the vehicle’s progression.  The interpretation given was that Sheepsquatch had decided to turn and fight, with a circular hole in the ruined windshield felt to have been made by one of the beast’s horns.  The other ATV stopped to check on their comrades and continued the pursuit on foot, but Sheepsquatch or whatever was long gone…

…so you might say that the AIMS team was mauled by mutton, ahahahaha!