Archive for the ‘anthropomorphic’ category

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Lactaid “Balloons” Commercial…

December 10, 2016

She’s baaack, and becoming a bit crude…the Lactaid “Annoying Milk” cow, that is!  Sitting in a respectable-looking kitchen with a woman, the Lactose Cow makes inquiry about how that lady’s cafe au lait is, and then sits there with inflated balloons (first red, then yellow) making flatulent noises.  After the first balloon is deflated, the Cow appears contrite, asks seriously how the woman’s coffee is, then produces another balloon, continues her show, and laughs maniacally! I guess we’ve got to expect this kind of thing, what with the Trump presidency looming and all…

…but not to worry!  The very proper and demure Lactaid Cow appears, propels her ill-mannered sister roughly to the side, and launches into a subdued conversation with the woman about how that milk was really messing with her.  You see, Lactaid is real milk that won’t mess with you.  For entertainment value, however, I continue to prefer the Annoying Milk cow, who wears red lipstick and appears slightly demented but very capable of doing a manic stand-up comedy routine… no use crying over a little spilled milk, right?


Categories: absurdities, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, television
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Comments: 12 Comments

Geico’s “C’mon, Try It!” Raccoons…

November 20, 2016

Raccoons have kind of come into their own lately, and they’re a rather alluring and likable lot.  Rocket Raccoon in “Guardians of the Galaxy” was pretty awesome, and now Geico is treating us to a trio of articulate anthropomorphic ones who are dumpster diving at night.  

“Whoa!  This is awful…try it!,” says one, encountering a repugnant morsel.

“Oh no…that looks gross! – – What is it?,” responds a second.

“You gotta try it.  It’s terrible!,” counters the first.

“I don’t wanna try it if it’s terrible,” reasons the second.

“It’s like mango, chutney, and burnt hair,” describes the first raccoon.

“No thank you,” refuses the second.  “I have a very sensitive palate.”

“Just try it!,” insists the first.

“Guys, I think we should hurry up,” interjects the third raccoon.  A dog is heard barking…

“When you taste something bad, you want someone else to try it.  It’s what you do.”  Likewise when you want to save 15% or more on car insurance, going to Geico is what you do…

“I can’t get this taste out of my mouth!,” complains the first raccoon.

“Shh…dog!,” warns his compatriot.  

(And when we last see the raccoon trio, they are ambling away across the pavement, repeating “Dog…dog…dog!)

They’ll never be food critics, but you gotta love these guys!

Categories: anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, television
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“Werewolves in America…”

November 5, 2016

 

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A recent episode of Werewolves in America airing on the Destination America network covered several classic werewolf tales, most of which we’ve heard and seen packaged elsewhere.  The Beast of Bray Road in Wisconsin has been seen more than 100 times, with a flurry of sightings in 1989 of upright wolf creatures.  In fall of 1989, for example, a local bar manager when driving home saw an animal on the road holding road kill.  It locked eyes with her, and she barely got her car restarted in time to escape the creature.  Animals have been reported found suspiciously dead and dismembered by the creature.  A sanitation worker reporting a sighting in 2006 described the creature as standing about 7′ tall, and looking like a wolf on top of a bear’s body.  

Slidell, Louisiana features the Cajun Werewolf, perceived as a person who’s been cursed.  Such creatures may be set forth by the swamp as a warning.  In Chauvin, Louisiana a 13-year-old boy went hunting on All Saint’s Day despite admonitions not to, encountering what he described as a dog shaped in human form which chased him. Werewolves have also been reported in Montegut, Louisiana where they are also seen as cursed souls.

The town of Holly near Detroit, Michigan reports “the Man-Dog of Holly,” also known as the Michigan Dogman. Described as a spirit-based creature rather than one of flesh and blood, over 500 sightings of the Dogman have been reported, including one reported in 2005 by a repo man seeking out a vehicle late one night.

Whether sighted in the old or new world, werewolves and their legends continue to fascinate and intrigue us…

 

 

Categories: anomalies, anthropomorphic, cryptozoology, furry, speculation, television, Uncategorized, unexplained
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Kraft’s “Assume Nothing” Lobster Commercial

September 11, 2016

 

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In a brief surreal commercial for Kraft Foods, we are introduced to Bill, who assumed that an event was a costume party, attending it in a full lobster suit. – – Don’t you hate it when that happens?!  Hapless Bill even inadvertently clouts a woman with a claw when he turns; wouldn’t that make for an interesting lawsuit?  Like Bill, I can relate to social embarrassments, being a fox out of the woodlands myself; the faux pas is my life.

Bill also assumed that his mayo was the best, when Kraft olive oil mayo delivers the taste with half the calories of the competition.  “Assume Nothing!,” we are counseled by the advertiser.  While these are words to live by, this is not to advocate unconditional buying into conspiracy theories despite the fact that it’s an election year…

Categories: absurdities, animal presence, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, Invertebrates, strange, television
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“Sasquatch Planet” on Monsters & Mysteries Unsolved

July 26, 2016

 

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The subject of Bigfoot is well-worn terrain on most paranormal shows, and the third episode of the Monsters and Mysteries Unsolved series sought to take us there yet again by examining Sasquatch evidence and encounters, and wound up taking a rather skeptical overall tone.  Steven Kulls, a former private investigator, had his own personal encounter with a supposed Bigfoot in 2011.  Returning to the location of his sighting in the Adirondack Mountains of New York with thermal cameras, a “bionic ear,” and a digital video recording system, Kulls and his team established a security perimeter but failed to discover anything.  They were quick to point out that their failure to discover Bigfoot didn’t mean that he wasn’t out there…

In Pocatello, Idaho a group of high school students saw what they thought to be a Bigfoot at a distance, taking video footage of the same as well as a photo of a footprint.  Their footage was examined by biological anthropologist Dr. Kathy Gonder, who thought that the creature filmed was massive and reflected fluid body movement, although she rather thought that the thing filmed was a bear.  One of the students in the group claimed familiarity with bears, however, and disputed that the sighting was that of a black bear.

Another sighting briefly covered was that of a Canadian woman who in 2007 heard a screaming creature off a deer trail, hearing it running and breaking branches.  She fled to her vehicle following this uncomfortably close encounter.  A mammalogist and anatomist pointed to such aggressive behaviors as being typical of the great apes.

Dr. Joe Nickell, an author and investigator, felt that Sasquatch and Bigfoot are basically major myths that show analogues in other cultures, and have basically migrated between cultures.  Mammalogist and anatomist Dr. Sarmiento echoed this, feeling that belief in Bigfoot fills a void, a need to believe.  In summation, most of the experts presented felt that available evidence for Bigfoot’s existence falls far short of the standard of proof required.  Needed are bones, a carcass, or clear and convincing camera trap evidence…

Categories: anomalies, anthropomorphic, cryptozoology, furry, speculation, unexplained, unidentified
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Mooscles Jr. Applegate Commercial…

June 28, 2016

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Cows seem to be going through an advertising renaissance lately.  There are the CGI cows of the Lactaid commercials, or if you prefer, the disturbing man-cows in minimal bovine fursuits who frequent the meat department of supermarkets in the Applegate “the cleaner weiner” ads.

Now I hope that they pay these guys well…I really do! The bodybuilder cow shuffles out and asks a female shopper if she’s “looking for quality meat.” Surprised, she looks up, beholds the manly cow, and gasps, “Ahh…I think I found it!”

“Yeah, you did,” responds the cow with a grin, alternately flicking his pecs in confirmation. At this point, you begin to feel that you are watching some kind of exceedingly strange, naughty movie. It’s stuff like this that can give furries a bad name…

“Wow…my family prefers our beef all-natural,” adds the woman shyly. “Yeah, mine too,” agrees the cow. “Right, son?,” he adds. At this point, the camera angle changes to show another equally beefy cow barely fitting into the seat of a shopping cart. “All natural,” he chimes in.

“They grow up so quickly!,” comments the first cow about his offspring, “Mooscles Jr.” All that remains is for the announcer at the end of the commercial to add, “Moo!” The advertising world has truly grown stranger than we can imagine…

Categories: absurdities, animal spokepersons, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, television
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Traumatizing, But Hilarious…

June 25, 2016

Barney, a human-sized purple dinosaur who looks like an iguana with dentures and is the syrupy-sweet regular on a kiddie show, became the temporary captor of a 15-year-old Alabama girl who tried on the character’s head to scare her friends at church.  It seems that the church’s pastor had acquired the dino’s suit a few years back but lost the body component, leaving the head lying around;  religion is full of mysteries.

Well, when the teen tried the oversized Barney head on, it slipped down past her shoulders, giving her hilarious short little T-Rex arms. Unfortunately, neither the girl nor her friends could remove the Barney head when the fun was over.  Seeking to spare the girl further embarrassment, she was driven to a fire department where forty-five minutes and a lot of Vaseline later, the head was finally removed.  The event, of course, was properly commemorated and immortalized on social media.

Barney’s no raptor and this was hardly a Jurassic World sequel, but we now have another reason to dislike the big purple dinosaur, who still loves everyone…


Categories: absurdities, anthropomorphic, famous furries, strange happenings, television
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Lactaid’s “Karate Cow” Commercial

June 8, 2016

She’s back, and she’s udderly wonderful…the Lactaid’s “mess with you” lactose cow for the lactose-intolerant, that is!  

Our scene begins with a couple eating ice cream in a dimly-lit living room.  From out of nowhere, we hear a martial arts cry. — Why, it’s the Lactose Cow ready to mess with the lactose-intolerant!  She strikes a pose, and then there is a flurry of flailing and karate-chopping hooves as she advances dramatically to the ice cream eaters on the couch.  “Right…in…your…STOMACH!,” the cow announces as the guy visibly recoils.  But alas, the cow is unable to resist a bit of showmanship.  “Watch this!,” she declares as she launches into a vaulting maneuver, at the exact second that the Lactaid Cow opens the French doors, sending the charged up bovine tumbling outside.  Once again, she was unable to mess with the lactose intolerant; pity!  

Now I think that this energetic cow might be the ideal running mate for Hillary Clinton.  She’d bring excitement and charisma to Hillary’s campaign, and could settle Donald Trump’s hash.  We’d have a furry a heartbeat away from the presidency…works for me! 

Categories: absurdities, animal spokepersons, anthropomorphic, furry commercials, television
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The Lactaid Cow in, “Annoying Milk”

June 1, 2016


Anthropomorphic cows  so seldom appear in commercials that I’m glad to see one make an appearance, especially when they are a bit crazed.  In a recent Lactaid commercial, we are treated to an all too brief appearance from the Lactaid Cow’s deviant sister, Lactose Cow.

Now the Lactaid Cow is a beautiful blue and white creature, and as sweet as pie; she’s lovely, and I have nothing against her.    Her “annoying milk” alter ego, as pictured above, is black and white and quite hyper, full of energy and questions that she fires off in rapid fashion at her human company.  These are questions such as, “Why do people have eyebrows?  And why do they put milk on their cereal?  Are you reading about why people put milk on their cereal right now? And why does your stomach go, ‘rumbly, rumbly, rumbly?’”  Unfortunately at that moment, this marvelous creature is lassoed and hauled off by the Lactaid Cow, who takes her place and won’t give the lactose-intolerant anything but serenity and dietary support; she won’t “mess with you.”  

Well and good, but where others see annoyance, I see opportunity.  This so-called annoying milk cow would fit in with Warner Bros. creations, and could make a wonderfully demented childrens’ show host, kind of like Pee-Wee Herman in cowhide.  She just needs the proper vehicle to propel her to stardom, and they don’t need to change a thing about her!  Heck, give her a sitcom, called something like “My Neighbor the Cow” or “The Cow that Came To Dinner”( wait, scratch that second one)!  Anyways, I’d pull up a chair to watch this bovine comedian.  I hope we haven’t seen the last of her, ’cause this cow’s no milk dud…the Lactaid Cow may have your back, but her twisted sister’s got my funnybone…

Categories: absurdities, animal spokepersons, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry commercials, television
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Progressive’s Flo Meets the Kool-Aid Man…

May 29, 2016

I, for one, have always found the Kool-Aid Man vaguely disturbing. I mean, if you’re not even safe in your own home or at a gathering from having your walls battered down by an enormous pitcher of red fruit drink who accompanies his wanton mayhem with a cry of “Oh, yeah,” where are you safe?  He even stands there inexplicably grinning afterward, as if massive property damage was somehow amusing.  Let others worry about Hillary Clinton’s e-mails, I’m far more concerned about home invasions by product icons…

I suppose, however, that an enormous anthropomorphic pitcher of fruit drink fits right in with the surreal universe inhabited by Progressive Insurance’s Flo.  The Kool-Aid Man is portrayed, after all, as a next-door neighbor type who just happens to enter through walls rather than doorways.  Ever the perky Pollyanna, Flo tries to put a positive spin on things by pointing out to her neighbor how fortunate she is to have tied her homeowners and other insurance together through Progressive so as to maximize savings.  Flo walks among us, but is not really one of us. While also disturbing, she at least does not walk through walls.  In his favor, perhaps, is the fact that the Kool-Aid Man has a far more limited vocabulary, and never blathers about insurance, which is never my favorite topic of conversation.  Now product icons seldom fight among themselves; they presumably belong to the same union.  In a fight, however, Flo might possibly hold the Kool-Aid guy at bay with her “set your own price” gun.  With her omnipresent white garb, I suspect that Flo is actually some kind of annoying deity.

Still, unanswered questions remain.  Why does the Kool-Aid Man sport only four fingers on each hand?  Is he some kind of yet unidentifiable life form, or might there be an alien connection?  Did the Reptilians breed the Kool-Aid Man just to torment us, or is he some kind of trans-dimensional being?  Might Flo actually be the alien overlord, and the Kool-Aid guy her unspeakable experiment?  There are many possibilities here, none of them good.  I leave it to far greater minds than mine to ponder such things.  I am, after all, but a secret government experiment on a woodland creature gone terribly awry.

Perhaps the Mountain Monsters guys could be put on the trail of this one.  They might find him easier to catch than Bigfoot…

 

Categories: absurdities, anomalies, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, television
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