Archive for the ‘animals’ category

Hannah and Her Horse…

April 19, 2015

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As a diehard Mr. Ed fan, I’m glad to see talking horses on the small screen again! Fashion model Hannah Davis is shown on a pristine beach, together with a magnificent white horse.  Making her pitch for DirecTV services, the horse soon chimes in with his agreement, revealing that he not only talks, but sings a bit as well. Hannah and her Horse replaces the Rob Lowe spokesman after compaints were made that his spots were misleading. 

A horse is a horse, of course, of course…but it’s hard to beat anthropomorphic talking ones who can also improvise a tune!

The Geico Chicken…”It’s What You Do…”

April 15, 2015

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Dang, this chicken leads a more adventurous life than I do!  A  free-range chicken is shown riding the rails, traveling shotgun with a trucker, enjoying a campfire gathering, and sitting at a diner counter while observing egg platters being served…that’s gotta be awkward! – – Ahh, the lure of the open road, to be footloose and fancy free!  All the while, said chicken manages to send pictures of her exploits to a worn-looking farm couple, her former owners…

…it’s what she does…after all, she’s a free-range chicken, doing what she’s called to do!  The sweeping melody of “Ride Away” by Roy Orbison accompanies the Geico commercial, and I’d love to log a few miles with this bird! 

Mantis Man; Spottsville Monster; Tornado Phantoms…

March 23, 2015

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In the S3/Ep07 installment of Monsters and Mysteries in America, the first segment concerned a huge, hostile Bigfoot-type beast reported in Spottsville in the northwest part of Kentucky. Reports of the creature date back to 1892, but the segment largely concerned the Nunnelly family who in 1975 moved to a farm house in the back woods, where they sensed something strange. Chickens went missing, and two brothers in the family found a dog carcass, later finding eight dogs killed and mutilated in the same manner. Family members heard rustling sounds in their yard, and reported seeing a seven to nine foot tall hairy creature with piercing eyes covered with hair and emitting the odor of rotten eggs…

…well, the family reported coming under siege from the creature, who would rattle their door knobs and screech on their porch. They repeatedly called the police, who would investigate and discover nothing, finally refusing to come further. Deciding to take matters into their own hands, family members and friends staged a stake-out on their roof one night. They heard sounds, released their dogs, and fired with shotguns into the area with no result. They finally left the house, fearing for their lives. One unrelated Kentucky native put out a recorder in the general area, and recorded an eleven second scream which wildlife experts said matched no known species…

…on a more benign note, the second segment concerned “butterfly people,” luminous beings of light with wings who were reported seen largely by children during a devastating tornado in Joplin, Missouri which occurred on May 22nd, 2011. The entities reportedly shielded people from debris during the tornado. Curiously, forty to fifty children reported seeing the same thing, which only one adult witnessed, describing the beings as angels or guardians.

Last was the account of the Mantis Man, a huge, hideous, insectile-type creature reported in Hacketstown, New Jersey. The monster was described by two unrelated fishermen as standing about seven feet high, having mandibles, and large intense black eyes. One observer described the creature as fading as it moved up the river bank where it was spotted, leading to speculation that perhaps the beast was using camouflage and blending into its surroundings. The second observer reported hearing a humming and feeling tingling sensations, and seeing the mantis-man spread its wings when observed by him in a threatening gesture. The fisherman felt like the big bug was somehow sucking information from him. It also eventually vanished as if into a fog. Speculation followed that the giant, scaly creature was psychic, and may have even been an insectile type of alien…better summon multiple exterminators for this one!

Carolina Reptile Man; Succubus; Napa Rebobs…

March 13, 2015

 

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The Carolina Reptile Man is a cold-blooded reptilian beast recently profiled on Monsters and Mysteries in America that supposedly preys upon unsuspecting campers along the South Carolina coast.  Legends of the creature go back hundreds of years to Native American accounts of “men with tails” in the Smoky Mountains, with more recent sightings dating to 2008 and twenty years before that…

…in 1988, an African American youth was reportedly attacked in his car by the reptilian, which perched on his roof and clawed at his windows.  Later, a crop duster about to take off had the creature appear in his flight path.  In August of 1990, a 19-year-old man was camping, and had his sleep interrupted by a yellow-eyed reptilian.  He repeatedly cracked his bull whip at it, but the spry creature snatched the whip from him, and bit the end off!  Beating a hasty retreat to put distance between himself and the Reptile Man, the subject was later picked up by a Native American, who told the camper that he was lucky he had only run into one of them (dramatic pause with music)!

Now we turn to the girl of your nightmares; the Succubus!  Reported in incidents from South Boston, Virginia, the succubus is a demonic female entity, a literally hot date with fiery eyes and heat to her skin who tries to collect male souls, stealing first breath and then life. Legends of the succubus extend back to stories of Lillith in the biblical Old Testament.  It’s in the nature of the succubus to first appear in dreams, then gradually gain physicality; to banish them, you need to drive them off by faith. 

A former prison counselor was profiled who had extensive dealings with sexual offenders, becoming tainted by them and getting into a darker lifestyle.  A succubus descended upon him one night, paralyzing him in bed until he drove it off by force of will.  A former heavy metal rock musician in 1990’s Springfield, Missouri who led a life of sex, drugs, and rock & roll reported visitations from a succubus who assaulted him.  Alluring at first, the succubus became a powerful, grotesque hag.  Able to finally drive the demon off, the rocker was thereafter compelled to live a more upright life.

Finally on Partrick Road in Napa Valley, California tales of Rebobs, flying monkeys, have lured thrill seekers for sixty years, with multiple sightings having occurred in the 1960’s and 1970’s.  In one incident, campers on Partrick Road heard screaming like a female voice.  Falling asleep, a male in the group later awoke to find large scratch marks across his torso.  Leaving, they later returned in their car, at which time something jumped in front of their vehicle and climbed a tree.  The creature was said to be larger than a man, to be dark and furry with wings, and to emit a terrifying screech.  Called “Rebobs,” these monkeys gone terribly wrong were said to be the creations of a mad scientist who made mutant simian creatures that eventually got loose, and made the area their home. 

A 1997 case cited involved a couple who went in search of the rebobs, going up Partrick Road and struck with a chilling cold.  They eventually found a gothic-looking, abandoned house where they heard and saw a red-eyed creature.  It fixed them with a penetrating stare, and gave them a feeling of lasting fear…

Florida Zombie; Dybbuk; Shenango Dog Boy…

February 9, 2015

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According to a trio of terrors presented in S2/Ep03 (2015) of Monsters and Mysteries in America, zombies have been seen in Florida!  On May 26th, 2012 in the Miami area, a Randy Eugene was seen walking incoherently on the highway, attacking a homeless man thereafter and beginning to eat his face.  Police arrived, and dispatched the man with several shots.  Post-mortem blood work failed to reveal any substance that could account for the bizarre behavior.  Then in Delray Beach on February 4, 2014 a teenage girl was attacked by a naked man, her older brother attempting to intervene but faring poorly against the assailant despite inflicting wounds to him with a box cutter. The father of the siblings joined the fray, and finally the zombie backed off.  Police sometime later cornered and shot the zombie, with again no explanation found for his behavior in post-mortem examinations…

The Dybbuk is a powerful demon in Jewish mythology summoned into the world to seek revenge.  A museum director in Kirksville, Missouri acquired a possessed wine cabinet supposedly originating with Polish Jewish women in World War II and spellcast to fight Nazi evil.  The accursed box made its way to Kirksville owing to a former resident there called Laughlin who espoused eugenics, ideas which resonated with Hitler.  Anyways, the museum director brought the box home, at which point strange things started to happen.  Touching the box brought unusual sensations, and black emanations were seen to come from it.  The health of the museum director deteriorated, and the box also seemed to play havoc with light bulbs and other powered devices.  After consulting with a rabbi, the box was buried in a ritual way.  Thereafter, a sinkhole developed near the burial site!

Lastly, the Shenango Dog Boy is indigenous to northwest Pennsylvania, has stories tracing back to German settlers, and may possibly be the product of European folk magic.   Standing three to four feet tall and completely covered in hair, the Dog Boy supposedly lived in an abandoned farm house.  He was reportedly seen by two sisters in 1955, who together with their mother barely escaped from him…heel, boy, heel!

Sabine Thing and Lightning Psychic…

February 2, 2015

 

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The Sabine River borders Texas and Louisiana, and in S2/Ep02 of Monsters and Mysteries in America, we were introduced to the Sabine Thing, an unknown, 8′ tall monster weighing in at about 500 pounds that frequents the waters and has demonic eyes. Hundreds of sightings of the beast extend back to the days of early Native Americans, with the creature often reported to scream and throw things at witnesses. Covered were two recent sightings by fisherman Jeff Stewart in 1986 and again in 1996. In the earlier sighting, catfish guts served to attract the creature which was seen to stand on its hind legs and to leave huge tracks. In the 1996 incident, a submerged fish trap was pulled from the water and plundered, with the theft attributed to the beast.

In December of 1981, hunter Mike Wooley was aloft in a deer stand when he saw the creature approach and felt menaced by him. The arrival of a second creature caused the hunter to flee, escaping in his vehicle while under pursuit by the beasts.

Also covered were attempts by Bruce Densford and his team to set up video and audio recorders to survey for the creature. Raspy screams were heard and recorded in the field which showed no known identity with animals calls.

The second segment of the show on “Lightning Psychics” was more in the category of mystery than monster, detailing how some survivors of lightning strikes apparently develop psychic abilities. Covered was a case where a man hiking in Colorado was struck by lightning, later reporting the ability to see spirits, and communicate with them. He later became a psychic investigator to families traumatized by crime, helping to solve a murder case. The additional case of Sonia Benzer was reported, who in 1952 was struck by lightning on a beach with the result that her intuition was intensified. Approximately 20,000 people are struck by lightning annually, and in some survivors their neural anatomy and chemistry are reportedly affected to an extent causing the acquisition of such paranormal abilities…the science underlying such is sketchy, however.

Tennessee Wildman and Subterranean Reptoids!

January 26, 2015

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In S3/Ep1 of Monsters and Mysteries in America, we are introduced to a “manimal” residing in the eastern border of Tennessee that is a territorial, bipedal creature about seven to nine feet tall with large eyes and black to reddish-orange hair.  Not quite as large as Sasquatch, the beast makes up for its smaller size with attitude, and has been known to throw rocks and shake trees.  Sightings go back to at least 1878, when a doctor reportedly held an exhibition of a captured specimen. 

More recently in December of 1981 following a rash of reports of missing animals, two brothers in Rockwood noted their dog becoming agitated, investigating outside of their cabin to discover a creature holding a dog at the edge of the woods.  They shot twice at the beast, which screamed and they retreated.  In Johnson City, Tennessee in September of 1997, two cousins heard a scream and saw the Wildman in the woods, barely making it back to their car before the creature appeared and then fled.

If you prefer reptilians, Los Angeles supposedly has a sinister and scaly reptilian, reports of which date back to the 1930’s when a mining engineer went in search of them.   In Anaheim, California in November of 2008, a woman walking her dog saw a reptilian creature with fangs and red eyes below a drain gate which seemed to use telepathy.  The woman sought sanctuary in a truck and called her boyfriend as multiple creatures converged on her; he arrived with a bat and chased three off.  In Apple Valley, California a woman made multiple sandwiches for her young daughter to give to an “imaginary friend” who resided in the daughter’s closet.  Investigating, the woman caught a glimpse of something which retreated into a deep hole.

By some accounts prehistoric leftovers, the reptoids by a more sinister accounting are extraterrestrials searching for breeding partners!  A woman reports being pulled off her bed by one and sprayed with some unknown substance.  Military men were later reported to have abducted and examined the woman.  Apparently, not just Mars needs women, and we seem to be off to a wild and wooly start to the Monsters and Mysteries season…

Camels: “It’s What You Do…”

December 31, 2014

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The original Geico commercial with Caleb the Camel at the office is now kind of a classic.  Success, unfortunately, tends to breed imitation, and so it comes as no surprise in this new commercial to see humans at the zoo tormenting camels on display with “Guess what day it is” banter.  As anyone who has heard the many imitators can vouch, it gets old pretty quickly…

We are then privy to a conversation held between two camels at the zoo who are being badgered by camel wanna-bees, complete with dialogue from the original commercial.  Understandably, they are weary of it.  “It’s not even Wednesday!,” complains one camel to his companion.  “Let it go, Phil,”  advises the other.  The voice of the announcer then cuts in; “When you’re a camel, this is what you put up with all the time…it’s what you do…”

Camels…more sinned against than sinning.  Joe Camel, purveyor of tobacco products in an earlier time, never knew these burdens…and a happy and prosperous New Year to all of our readers!

 

 

 

“I Heard Something in the Attic” d-Con Commercial

December 25, 2014

 

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In another commercial for d-Con pest control, a couple goes to investigate a noise heard in their attic. Once there, they encounter two large and socially-inappropriate mice. Now these are not your cute and endearing Christmas mice, but rather human-sized anthropomorphic ones who not only take up residence in your attic, but also rifle through personal possessions and even put on your stored clothing that they find there! Clearly, a line of some sort has been crossed here…

One of the mice appears to be looking through a photo album while another is wearing some kind of frilly feminine outfit, possibly a bridal gown. We’ll hope that said mouse is female, as I prefer not to even consider the thought of cross-gender dressing rodents, much less what pleasure they may take in such acts. No creature does this better than Bugs Bunny, anyways, and he always uses the ploy to confound his adversaries. Small wonder, then, that the couple order the offending vermin out…humanoid mice need to have a better sense of decorum. As the commercial concludes, enough is enough…

d-Con’s “Mouse in the Pantry” Commercial

December 19, 2014

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In a short, arguably disgusting, but twisted commercial for d-Con pest control products, a father with two young children finds some sizable, oblong, dark-colored objects littering the kitchen floor.  “What are those?,” questions a child innocently.  Following the trail of unspeakable things to the kitchen pantry, the father jerks open the pantry door to reveal…a mouse!  A large, anthropomorphic, fursuited mouse is seated comfortably on the pantry floor while munching on some snack for humans right out of the box!  The father screams in surprise at the unwelcome furry visitor, who yells back startled at the human intruder. – – It’s a Kodak moment!  

“Get out!,” demands the father of the surprised anthro rodent.  Those were his droppings strewn on  the floor, you see.   You certainly wouldn’t want to find such a creature stirring in your house on Xmas Eve…perhaps if he were fitted with Depends, he would be less objectionable.  Darn vermin seem to get bigger every year!