Author Archive

Rampage:  Megafauna Rampant…

April 11, 2018

I’m glad that my cousin, Ralph, finally made it to the big screen!  He always had dreams of going to Hollywood, and deserved it after all those years of parking cars, pumping gas, and hanging out at furry and video game conventions.  It was annoying to him that people would pull at his costume only to discover that it wasn’t one. – – Ahh, his mother would have been so proud of him!  On the other hand, I wasn’t granted Ralph’s athleticism, being only a bookish writer…fortune, thou art a cruel mistress!

I suppose it was inevitable that they’d make a movie loosely based on the vintage video game, Rampage, and starring Dwayne Johnson.  After all, Doom turned out so well!  In the long-ago, I can remember playing the video game, and never doing terribly well…such is the the story of my life!  Anyways, in his latest action film outing, the Rock plays primatologist Davis Okoye who is attempting to intervene on behalf of his albino silverback gorilla, George, the object of a rogue genetic experiment gone awry. – –Tell me about it!  George, Ralph, and other mutant animals grown to enormous size are, well, rampaging through North America, and causing big trouble and general mayhem.  It’s up to Dwayne Johnson and others to find an antidote…

This sci fi/fantasy offering sounds like good brainless fun, and is opening April 13th at a theater near you!  A CGI-heavy movie, it also features Jeffrey Dean Morgan of The Walking Dead, minus his Negan bat, Lucille.  I expect that Ralphie will give a memorable performance, and even if he doesn’t, I’m still proud of the big lug… 😉

“Punished, As A Boy” on “The Terror”

April 10, 2018

To dispense with what the episode title refers to, it appears that when you’re “punished as a boy” on a 19th century British ship, you’re flogged on your bottom rather than on your back, complete with all of your shipmates watching for both pain and humiliation.  We do get to see this, unfortunately, complete with blood spattering, agonized grunts from the punished, and the man’s behind resembling raw hamburger following his ordeal.- – Hey, horror isn’t pretty!  

This is grim stuff, but things are getting pretty grim indeed, with the Tuunbaq creature shredding members of the expedition brutally and pretty much at will, leaving some as only bloody smears on the ice, removing part of another’s skull to expose his brain (“It looks like pudding!,” remarks the ship’s surgeon), and tearing two others in half to crudely reassemble their bodies together.  The Tuunbaq has also demonstrated that it can move onto the English ships pretty much at will, and escape unscathed.  We’re kind of at the stage now that we were in The Thing where the men realize that the alien is inside the camp, and they’re relatively ineffective at countering it.  Composure and discipline are beginning to fall apart, just as some of the men’s gums are starting to turn black from lead poisoning brought by their spoiling and badly- packaged tinned food.

I’m not going to go on about the many complexities and layers of character and plot going on in the story, which can be appreciated on a variety of levels; we limit ourselves to just a few paragraphs here.  But central to the story and ever growing in importance is the enigmatic and appropriately-named Lady Silence, the Inuit woman whose father was accidently shot by the English in an earlier episode.  She was seen engaging in some kind of interaction with the Tuunbaq, perhaps a ritual.  Is she controlling the creature, or what is the nature of her relationship with it?  Hmmm…we’ll just have to wait and see!

 


“The Crossing;” Quirky But Compelling Television!

April 4, 2018

Immigrants are washing up on our beaches again!  They’re not “boat people,” because they have no boat.  They’re not Cubans or Mexicans, and are not here to steal your jobs, bring crime, or drain the safety net in some Trumpian nightmare. These people are as American as most readers of this blog. They just happen to be from the future, and are seeking sanctuary…

The Crossing is a new, 11-episode series whose debut episode has recently run on the ABC network.  Only the pilot episode was made available to reviewers, and not all reviews were favorable.  Accordingly, I initially approached this series skeptically and with low expectations.  I was really won over by what I saw, however, and think that I could become a fan of the series, which blends elements of dystopian science fiction, the paranormal, and even current-day, real-life social issues.  At times, it’s almost reminiscent of X-Files material while promising more episode continuity.


If you find some aspects of the current American and world state disquieting (and I do), you can console yourself with the thought that about 180 years in the future, things are gonna be much worse!  At that time, a genetically-enhanced group called APEX with heightened senses and abilities has taken things over, and essentially waged a genocidal war against the rest of us.  The details of this conflict are only available to viewers in dribs and drabs, but suffice it to say that things became bad enough in the future that a group of several hundred people took a risky time travel venture back to our present reality.  All of the bugs were not worked out, however, with the time travelers not knowing exactly when or where they’d wind up, and in kind of a bad Star Trek transporter incident most of them wind up drowning in the ocean outside of the small Oregon fishing town of Port Canaan.  A small group of about 47 souls survived, however, to wash up on the beaches, presenting first local authorities and soon thereafter the Department of Homeland Security with some interesting questions and problems…and we all know that local and federal operatives tend to get into turf wars and clash.

Sheriff Jude Ellis (Steve Zahn) is a central character, as are Reece (Natalie Martinez) and her eight-year-old daughter, Leah (Bailey Skodje).  Mother and daughter are separated upon arrival by some distance, and Reece in seeking her daughter demonstrates freaky powers, including abilities reminiscent of The Bionic Woman. – – Is Reece of the APEX group, or otherwise some kind of genetic mutation?  Does her daughter Leah likewise have freaky powers, and if so, what are they?

We’ll just have to wait and see, but it’s revealed that an earlier group of time travelers have previously arrived, and some are of the APEX group with desires to change the present in order to shape the future.  Resettled into a kind of internment camp, the time travelers also pose an interesting reflection upon current immigration policies and social attitudes.

This quirky show with legs in several genres has promise, and may appeal well to a niche audience or at least generate a cult following.  It’s worth a look, and in my area airs Monday night at ten on the ABC network…

“The Ladder” Episode of “The Terror”

April 3, 2018


Well, I certainly didn’t see that coming!  Season 1, Episode 3 of The Terror was almost a snooze fest until three quarters of the way through the hour when the Royal Navy’s tent station to catch the creature attacking them is set upon from above by the crafty Tuunbaq, who snatches one of the men and scatters them all, including Captain Franklin (pictured), who was basically paying the men a morale visit, and enticed to stay so as to share in the glory of the kill…

bad career decision!  Curse the creature for not playing by the rules, and walking up to the lures to be shot!  Defenseless, isolated, and disoriented, Captain Franklin staggers about the polar wastes before being seized by the creature, separated from his leg, and then jammed through a hole in the ice.  It was not the kind of retirement plan he had in mind from the Royal Navy.  Only a leg left to bury, too…

Good horror doesn’t play by the rules, either.  It builds up a sense of tension and dread, and then springs something on you that you weren’t quite expecting, often while you were anticipating quite another outcome. While ironically the men set out to slay the monster had been told to show it no mercy, it was they who were shown none. Horror’s vehicle here is to overwhelm and then subsume prideful men.

Alas, Captain Franklin, we barely knew you, but you seemed to be a likable if vain man.  And in the Of Ice and Men scenario, the ice seems to be winning…



The Terror – – Go for Broke; Gore

March 26, 2018

 

Watching The Walking Dead Sunday night,  I was unexpectedly treated to an unannounced and unadvertised preview of The Terror.  Quite a change of scenario, but I’ll take two hours of horror over one any night!

“An adventure for Queen and Country!”

Probably, not everyone will be able to get into The Terror because of its period drama aspects.  The pilot episode (Go for Broke) was mostly set-up and mood-setter, and some will be turned off by the rather trudging pace initially prevalent.  I love this kind of thing, however, and enjoy its attention to detail and atmosphere.  It’s all there; the dim  lighting, the creaking of the great wooden ship, and the magnificent desolation of the arctic.  Life was far more elemental in the mid-nineteenth century in a way that we early 21st century folks can only dimly imagine.

Executive producer Ridley Scott brings a touch of Alien space horror to this tale, however.  All of the elements are there; combine a bunch of superstitious sailors in close quarters in unknown and dangerous situations, and you’re bound to get a body count.  Even the first episode, Go for Broke, brought us death, disease, delusion, and even a “space walk” in the form of deep sea diving.  

The creepiness factor slowly started to ramp up in the second episode, Gore.  Locked in ice, the two ships send out expedition teams to seek the best passage through the ice, one of which meets with severe mishap when the tense group spooked by a night storm shoots an Inuit man in the company of his daughter.  A member of this team shortly later is seized and carried off by a creature that they think is a bear, but most likely is a Tuunbaq.  Taken back to the ship, the Inuit male succumbs to his injuries, his daughter advising the commanding officers (who profess that they want to help despite having shot her father) that they must leave or will vanish…

The sci fi/horror themes of malfunction, isolation, and paranoia that factored into such classics as The Thing are beginning to kick in here, and I’m on board for this arctic nautical nightmare!

 

“X-Files” Season 11 Finale…

March 23, 2018


After leaving explicit instructions that I was not to be interrupted, I sat down to watch the Season 11 finale of the X-Files.  I seldom exclaim “Wow!” at anything that I see on television, but this episode was truly cathartic.  It was one wild ride that took me in unexpected directions, leaving me feeling dazzled, wrung-out, and yes, satisfied if saddened. — Thank you, series creator Chris Carter!

The episode had everything, from Fox Mulder in his Mustang to Mulder impossibly prevailing over three armed men to the freaky powers of Mulder’s “son” repeatedly deployed.  I haven’t seen this much blood on the screen since The Walking Dead, with Mulder himself dispatching several people and son William causing other despicable baddies to literally explode…unexpected gore (a “Wow!” moment), but I don’t begrudge them that, as long as I don’t have to clean it up. We got to see several deaths including those of several core characters, and one startling resurrection that testifies to the regenerative powers of alien DNA.  Death is not necessarily final in the X-Files world, where the impossible happens.  We also saw the deep love and bond between Mulder and Scully, all without a single kiss being exchanged.  More than kisses were exchanged, however, as Mulder is told he’ll really be a father by his partner…

Although Gillian Anderson has said she will not be returning to reprise her Dana Scully character, there are plenty of hooks here upon which a series reboot could be mounted. We true X-Philes will only accept a season finale, and never a series finale.  If Fox Television is sold to Disney as is apparently in the works, we might even learn of a connection between alien-infused William and Disney’s character Stitch…”The impossible is happening, Mulder…”



“The Terror” is Coming!

March 19, 2018

I love creepy stuff, and there’s so little of it that’s done really well!  For this reason, I’m really looking forward to The Terror, an upcoming horror series on the AMC network. Based on a novel by Dan Simmons and the ill-fated real life Franklin Expedition, The Terror looks like wonderful stuff indeed.  

Incorporating elements of the movies The Thing with Alien and the rich period atmospherics and fine acting of the Penny Dreadful tv series, The Terror has it all.  It kind of combines a real-life historical event, the Franklin Expedition, with a horror/fantasy overlay. This kind of thing has been done in a lot of sci fi/alternative history fiction, and has lately been seen in films like Abraham Lincoln:  Vampire Hunter.

Now the ill-fated Franklin Expedition was real stuff which was kicked off in 1845 when the HMS Erebus and HMS Terror left England in search of a segment of the Northwest Passage, a kind of 19th century wormhole which it was felt would convey trade to the Orient.  The vessels, advanced for their day, became hopelessly ice-locked in the Canadian Arctic, forcing their crews to abandon ship and walk in search of a settlement.  They faced slow and miserable deaths from exposure, starvation, and lead poisoning caused by their badly-canned food.  All 129 souls on board the ships died from their ordeal.

In the television horror drama, the Royal Navy expedition instead of finding the Northwest Passage discovers a cunning, monstrous gothic-style predator who stalks the crew in a game of survival which could impact the region and its indigenous people forever.  For a tale of frozen wastes, sailing ships, and Arctic monsters I’m booking passage on The Terror for sure!


Geico’s “Manatees in Novelty Tees”

February 26, 2018

This Geico commercial must rank pretty high on the silliness scale.  As a family visits a aquarium and pauses before the manatee (“sea cow”) exhibit, they are rewarded by a view of a quartet of the creatures, each wearing a different colored tee shirt, complete with slogan.  There are many surprising things in this world, you see…what’s not surprising is how much money the father, Matt, saved when he switched his insurance to Geico.  

“What does ‘come at me bro,’ mean?,” questions the son.  Dad replies that it’s something you say to a friend.  It’s good to know that manatees, sluggish though they may be, have a sense of fashion.  I do hope that their tee-shirts have color-safe dyes…

 


Aspen Dental “Sarcophagus” Ad…

February 8, 2018

What’s creepier than a dentist appearing out of a huge golden sarcophagus in an ancient Egyptian artifacts museum?

Not a heck of a lot, really.  In a recent Aspen Dental commercial, it seems that a man and his wife are walking through an Egyptian museum puzzling over insurance coverage for dentistry when they approach an enormous gilded mummy case.  The lid slides open with fog rolling out, revealing an Aspen dentist, clad in his white clinical jacket.  The dude even has a dental chair in his body box, and explains how Aspen will work directly with insurance providers to make things easier.  The visiting male is somehow transported on to the dental chair…someone fetch the Egyptian Book of the Dead, quickly!

“If easy is wrong, I don’t want to be right!,” comments the dentist as both he and his unwitting patient descend into the sarcophagus.  The lid slides closed, leaving the hapless woman crying out to her husband.  We mentally process this surreal scene…is this what happens to you if you’ve led an evil life?  Ra moves in mysterious ways…

…perhaps Anubis was into dentistry, or maybe this is just one vision of hell, I dunno.  Perhaps this is how King Tut bought the farm, or maybe he died so young from gum disease.  Such things are beyond the comprehension of a simple woodlands creature like myself.  But speaking of hell, I go to the dentist next month…

Spider-Goats!

January 31, 2018


(PhysOrg.com) — Researchers from the University of Wyoming have developed a way to incorporate spiders’ silk-spinning genes into goats, allowing the researchers to harvest the silk protein from the goats’ milk for a variety of applications. For instance, due to its strength and elasticity, spider silk fiber could have several medical uses, such as for making artificial ligaments and tendons, for eye sutures, and for jaw repair. The silk could also have applications in bulletproof vests and improved car airbags.

Read more at: https://phys.org/news/2010-05-scientists-goats-spider-silk.html#jCp

I, for one, am both entertained and concerned with the prospect of Spider-Goats.  I mean, imagine entering one of your rooms and finding one of the buggers hanging on your wall or ceiling!  I doubt that the usual spritz of Raid spray would be enough to deter one of them.  It might, however, lead to the development of a new generation of pest controllers, Goat-Busters. — I’m claiming royalty rights on that film franchise now!  The theme song’s already playing in my head…you got goats, got yer freakin’ goats?

And we have other thorny issues to sort out, too, like cross-over problems.  Would Spider-Goat be a superhero or super villain?  Would a special issue of Spider-Man be called for featuring a knock-down, drag-out fight?  And who plays Spider-Goat in that film treatment?  Even if computer-generated, voice work is required…I’m available!

Now because the spider silk is found in the goats’ milk, could you acquire spider powers yourself if you drank it, assuming of course that you could get it down?-  – Would that be a baaad idea?  Would you then be a Spider-Goat-Person? The line is forming to the left, folks, but remember that with great power comes great responsibility…

…remember the Spider-Pig episode of The Simpsons?  We’ve all got plenty to think about now, and I think that 2018 is off to a roaring (or perhaps a bleating) start.  As Dr. Seuss might have expressed it, From there to here / From here to there / Hybrid animals are everywhere!  

At least I’ll better fit in now, someday, maybe…