Archive for March 2016

Geico’s “Alligator Arms”

March 30, 2016

img_2205
I love Chinese food, and so apparently do some alligators.  Following lunch at a Chinese place with some human companions, it’s check time.  “Whoa whoa whoa, I got this!,” declares the ‘gator as he makes a token effort to reach the check.  Limited by his short arms, the reptile never gets there; “I can’t reach it,” he submits.  “When you have short arms, you avoid picking up the check,” declares the announcer.  “It’s what you do.”  If you want to save up to 15% on car insurance, you switch to Geico…it’s what you do.

Conveniently, a male companion, Dennis, gathers up the check, and is thanked by the reptile.  Not one to waste food, the ‘gator then gobbles down the remainder of the meal in one practiced gulp.  “Oh, that is good crispy duck!,” he announces with gluttonous satisfaction.  Waste not, want not, I suppose…

The Legend of Tarzan…

March 22, 2016

 

wp-1458332095181.jpeg

Every so often, the buff guy in the loincloth is reinvented for a new generation.  In the upcoming “The Legend of Tarzan” flick, the Lord of the Jungle is actually returning to his old digs in the Congo as a trade emissary of Parliament, following a time of luxury and privilege as a London aristocrat.  He’s unaware that he’s a pawn in a Belgian captain’s deadly plot. ..

The preview clips I’ve seen look promising, with the CGI apes looking as good and realistic as those in the “Planet of the Apes” franchise minus the clothing and English language capabilities. Time is devoted to the Tarzan “origins” story, and the African landscapes and animals are magnificent. And yes, we do hear the legendary Tarzan yell, and see the Jungle Lord swinging on vines and making awesome leaps.

Not to lose out on the jungle thing, Disney is apparently coming out with a new version of the Jungle Book, so everything old is new again…

Bigfoot of Lee County: Raven Mocker, Parts I and II

March 16, 2016

img_2176
Once again, we are off to the Bigfoot races on the S4/Ep08 installment of Mountain Monsters, the Raven Mocker. First seen by Cherokees in the early 1700’s, this Bigfoot variant is described as standing 7′ tall, weighing 500 lbs., and having black fur with all-white eyes. Where it gets freaky is that this Bigfoot is a kind of shape-shifter that can enter the soul of a raven, seeing from the aerial perspective of that bird, like the warg or “skin shifter” on Game of Thrones. Furthermore, they could change into any animal. Before a kill, the Raven Mocker is said to call out like a raven. They are said to consume the hearts of men. — Creepy, huh?

Well, our “hard-core hunters and trackers” first interviewed “Mike,” an outdoorsman who reported seeing a wrenched-off deer’ s head hanging in a tree. In the same vicinity, he reported seeing 16″ footprints, plus smaller ones apparently those of a human female! This raised the unanswered questions of whether the Bigfoot shape- shifted to a human female (a really bad date), or traveled with a human female who had a thing for big, hairy guys.

During their first night’s hunt, the team saw a tree structure, heard humming and then an “evil laugh,” perceived something running, and saw a number of humanoid-shaped stick constructions hanging.  The next day, they found raven prints, and when team member “Buck” made a raven call, tree knocks were heard in apparent response.  A bow hunter named “Scott” was interviewed who reported seeing a dead buck with a broken neck.  He produced a photo showing a blurry dark object against a dark background.  During the daylight hours, “Willy” with the assistance of “Wild Bill” had constructed a “steel cage raven wing trap” which was baited with deer meat.

During their final night’s hunt, the team followed their familiar tactic of dividing into two groups with the hopes of driving their quarry from different directions towards their trap.  One group found broken tree limbs and apparent wear to logs.  Things became freaky and the usual confusion ensued when team member “Huckleberry” claimed to feel the touch of hands on his back, and heard “Buck’s” voice imitated; the Mocker mocking, I presume.  A nasty foot trap was encountered in the ground, together with a deer head lodged in a tree, and a constructed structure on the side of that tree.  Team member “Jeff” claimed that he saw a face in front of him, with a ball of fire coming out of its mouth.  This was supposedly captured on a thermal camera image, which was again less than revealing…

Contending that they had found something that was “not human” and “supernatural,” the Raven Mocker saga was continued in another episode airing two weeks after the first.  Seeking guidance from recovering team leader “Trapper,” the team was admonished to go back to their “Native American roots,” and seek answers from where there was physical evidence of the Raven Mocker.  Returning to the woods in Lee County, Virginia at night, the team encountered again the “burning man” style tree structures, as well as footprints in the mud that were smaller and appeared to be those of a woman.  They heard mocking-type laughter, and then team member “Huckleberry” was brought down by a grapevine-type snare trap.

The following day, the team met with local researcher “Jeff,” who told them tales of the “Woman in the Woods,” an old barefooted woman who wears a cloak, and is supposedly followed by death.  They were advised to confront her in a Native American way.  As a lure, the team decided to take from the woman some of her possessions, and they rounded up some of the tree structure figures.  After gaining possession of these, a handprint was found on “Willy’s” arm, meaning that he, like “Jeff” and “Huckleberry” who had earlier been touched, had presumably been marked for death by the “Woman in the Woods.”

Well, the team then constructed several Native American styled huts, protecting them with sage and accessories like dream catchers, snake skins, and turtle shells. They put on “warrior faces and battle uniforms,” which meant quasi-Native American garb and rather badly applied “war paint.”  The men marked for death assumed places in separate huts and performed protective ceremonies, after which time a Bigfoot roar was heard together with tree knocks.  “Jeff” the team researcher seemed to be targeted, with his dream catcher jerked and the roof of his hut brought down upon him.  In a daze he was led off by someone in a cloak, and found by the pursuing team members at the base of a tree, bloodied and freaking out.  Following a bit of a hysterical reaction, “Jeff” related that the “Old Woman of the Woods” had shown him how and when he was going to die, and then told him that he was free.  This presumably got the rest of the marked men off the hook, and his associates seemed to feel that “Jeff” had taken one for the team. – – Are you not entertained?

Perhaps more merriment and mystery will follow in the next episode, when we are promised the Phantom of the Woods…

Bigfoot of Wirt County; The Ash Man

March 8, 2016

  

The Bigfoot Edition of Mountain Monsters continued on Ep07 of S4 with the Ash Man, a 600 lb. Bigfoot who stands about 7′ tall, is 3′ wide at the shoulders, and has blackish gray fur.  The creature was first described in the 1700’s by the Shawnee Indians, with the label Ash Man attached as the Native Americans described him as seen through the smoke and ashes of their cooking fires.  Team member Huckleberry had an encounter with the creature 46 years ago in 1969, and felt himself shaken and scarred by the encounter and its aftermath.

The team went to Wirt County, West Virginia, conducting the investigation and hunt on Huckleberry’s lands and farm.  During their first night’s investigation, the team found a nesting area and multiple piles of stacked rocks, a Bigfoot sign.  Huckleberry felt shaken by such discoveries, and couldn’t continue further at that time.  The following day, Huckleberry and Jeff were out in the woods when a small log was thrown at them, and they found a footprint and handprint, presumably those of the creature.  Rob, a hiker, was interviewed, reporting an encounter with a 7′ tall creature with black hair.  The eyewitness produced a picture showing something large and blackish seen through trees.

Meanwhile, trap maker Willy and “Wild Bill” had constructed a rather large “wooden fortress” trap.  That night, bacon was cooked as bait, with “Wild Bill” serving as cook for the affair, complete with a ludicrous chef’s hat that he managed to catch on fire during the proceedings yet wore the remnants of during the following hunt.  The team split into two groups at that time to flush the Ash Man out, and Huckleberry’s group found itself the recipients of large branches and rocks thrown from above in their general direction.  While dashing through the woods in pursuit, “Wild Bill” managed to get himself knocked to the ground by a blow from a tree limb.  “Do I still have all my teeth?,” he asked.  “Yep, they’re both still there,” quipped a team mate.   Via radio they called for reinforcements from Willy’s group, and the usual yelling, waving of guns, bad camera angles, and wild ATV ride followed as the creature was flushed in the direction of the trap.

Arriving back at the trap, the team found that the Bigfoot had apparently been caged only temporarily, with a large hole torn through the 14″ logs of its construction.  “We shook him up,” proclaimed Huckleberry.  One might say, however, that their plans to catch the Ash Man had gone up in smoke…

The Great Fire Ape…

March 1, 2016

  

The Bigfoot Edition of Mountain Monsters on The Discovery Channel continued with the AIMS team minus recovering leader Trapper heading to Pendleton County, West Virginia is search of the Fire Ape, an 8-1/2 foot tall, 700 pound Bigfoot variant with reddish fur first spotted over 200 years ago by Native Americans.  This creature is drawn and enraged by fire, with mythology maintaining that humans originally stole fire from the beast.

The team first interviewed Jerry, a landowner and eyewitness who set off fireworks.  Following that, his dog took off after something, and the man spotted a reddish thing that was apparently the cause of the dog’s attention.  On their first night’s investigation, the team observed a mashed down “ambush spot” in the weeds, and heard something on the river bank which they pursued, resulting only in Buck falling into the creek.  

The reported events of the following day commenced with observations of Wild Bill’s self-training activities, which included running madly around cones.  “I don’t know if he’s training, or going insane,” commented another team member.  A catapult snare trap was then constructed by Willie and Wild Bill while the rest of the team returned in the daylight to the creek, seeing wild daisies move and hearing grunts.  They interviewed Mark, an outdoorsman who reported having lit a fire by his cabin, thereafter hearing a commotion and supposedly seeing the creature entranced by the flames in his fire ring.  He later found an 18″ footprint of which he had a picture.  Reuniting, the team then tested their trap using Archie, a burlap Bigfoot they had made.

On their final night’s hunt, the team then lit torches to draw the Fire Ape, and set up a fireworks station to further lure him.  They found crossed trees, a usual Bigfoot sign, and were knocking on trees to draw a response.  It was then that the episode’s producer appeared, all in a dither, to report that the sound man, Pablo, had vanished! Investigating, the team found the sound guy’s mic cover and sound boom, but where in the world was Pablo?  They decided to light up their fireworks to distract the Fire Ape, thereby allowing the presumed apprehended Pablo to escape.  Team members thought that they heard Pablo yelling in the distance, after which time they also felt they had heard the Bigfoot yell.  

Eventually Pablo came stumbling out of the woods, muddied and shook up.  His contention was that he had been blindsided and knocked down by the Bigfoot while following the group in the rear and wearing headphones that apparently muffled the sound of the creature’s approach.  Needless to say, the Fire Ape escaped without even a photographic image being recorded.  Pablo, apparently, was none the worse for the wear, but wished that he was back in South America…