Archive for May 2011

“Mongo-D” for Short…

May 8, 2011

 – – I, for one, find it easy to obsess over Mongolian Death Worms;  they are reputedly large,  homicidal red worms that spew fiery acid, burrow in one of the world’s largest and coldest deserts,  can reportedly electrocute unlucky things like camels and goat-herders from a distance, and for a finale, explode when they get angry! –What’s not to like, Mongo-D has it all!

Certain aspects of the biology of the Mongolian Death Worm are not unfamiliar; big worms are not uncommon, with Australia hosting earthworms that can reach five foot lengths.  Spitting acid is also fairly common among arthropods, to say nothing of my former supervisors.  Intestinal worms can also bring down an animal, although they need to be inside it to perform that feat.  It’s when you combine all of these attributes that you get a really cool, otherworldly-type of cryptid!

The subject of investigations by Destination Truth and even National Geographic,  the Mongolian Death Worm has never been found, leaving us only with eyewitness testimonies about them and at least one really bad movie…

Advance Auto Parts Speed Training…

May 6, 2011

 – – Failure is not an option for those participating in Advance Auto Parts Speed Training, at least not if you value your backside!  Imagine sprinting briskly across the African plain while hoisting a muffler to your shoulder…no picnic that, but it gets worse when you’re wearing a meat suit of raw steaks around your waist, and being pursued by a pack of at least five lions very interested in a luncheon!  That ought to get the employees to beat feet!  The performance of the guy first depicted is apparently at least adequate; he lives to draw salary another day, and earns a “not bad” comment from his boss waiting to pick him up in a jeep.  We are not shown the fate of the girl who follows next, a garland of meat around her neck…hope she ran track and field!

In a related commercial, we are shown battery installations practiced while free-falling from a plane; it’s almost as brutal as the performance reviews I used to undergo.   One suspects that Advance has a really interesting retirement plan…


Language Applied to Animals…

May 4, 2011

– – I most resent the word “varmint” when applied to foxes and other animals; it’s degrading and disrespectful, and dates back to a time when animals were treated unkindly as little better than things; sadly, some still hold this viewpoint.  Language is a curious and powerful thing, and the label that we apply to a living creature shapes how it is permissible to treat them.  As a tool of classification, language then also becomes a device of control.

Researchers from the Oxford Center for Animal Ethics along with the University of Illinois and Penn State University suggests that using such words as “varmints,” “critters,” and “beasts” to describe animals degrades the relationship that can exist between them and humans by contributing to a mindset of animals being trivial, unfeeling, and inconsequential.   Instead, a language should be cultivated that shows mutually respectful relationships between humans and the animals which live among them.  I’m fully on board with all of this…

…where we separate the sheep from the goats (so to speak) is in the beliefs of some animal rights academics that pets should be renamed “companions,” and that rats are just “free-living;”  pigeons are simply “free-roaming.”   While I do consider my co-habiting animals as companions, this is my personal choice, and I happen to be an animal myself (this is not necessarily a bad thing)!  When political correctness kicks in, however, it’s often time to take a holiday before things get silly and I’m expected to garb my animal companions in clothing, which they would hate anyways.

What can perhaps be taken away from all of this is the thought that words are powerful, not because an animal understands the nuances of language or cares what you call them but because words can influence how your mind works, with language choice subsequently affecting human behavior towards animals as well as countless other things.  If you doubt this, consider that psycholinguistics has been at the core of every successful political campaign for the last number of decades, with labels determining perceptions and serving as a substitute for independent critical thought for many…

Cartoon Cryptids

May 2, 2011

 – – Gossamer is a hulking, hairy reddish monster somewhat reminiscent of Bigfoot who is part of the Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies universe.  He wears enormous tennis shoes,  and has a heart-shaped face in which may be seen oval eyes and a wide mouth.  Beyond these features and dirty clawed fingers, little else may be discerned about Gossamer, whose primary characteristic is the trademark hair; indeed, Gossamer may be made entirely of hair!   He is anything but gossamer, a name referring to a delicate type of spider silk.

First appearing in the 1946 film Hair-Raising Hare, Gossamer was the henchman of a mad scientist who bears a strong resemblance to Peter Lorre; if you don’t know who that is, you don’t watch enough old classic films !  Anyways,  Bugs Bunny is lured by a mechanical female rabbit to the lair of the mad scientist to be a meal for Gossamer, but makes merry sport of the monster instead (“I’m always interested in meeting interesting people!,” Bugs tells the creature while working on his nails).  Gossamer is revealed to be frightened of people, who it must be admitted can be pretty frightening. 

Originally nameless, Gossamer was referred to as Rudolph in a 1952 short, and didn’t land the name Gossamer until such was bestowed on him by none less than Marvin the Martian in the 1980 Duck Dodgers feature.  Gossamer has enjoyed small roles in a number of Warner Bros. productions since…