It was the chili that drew it…the creature, the horrible thing out of the woods that reared up and tried to drag the woman from her campsite back to its unspeakable lair!
Add a new nightmare to your closet of anxieties. Submitted for your approval in a brief new Tums commercial are two women enjoying a bowl of chili at a campsite in a peaceful, fern-covered forest. Nice, huh? But wait, eerie, forboding music is played, the woman is shown to have peppers in her chili bowl, and soon the stomach pains begin. A huge pepper rears itself up behind the woman, the chili bowl is upturned, and soon the colossal pepper is dragging her helplessly backwards behind itself along the forest floor! It moves with a powerful and remarkable locomotion, undulating like a gigantic worm from hell. Is it taking her to feed its young? Forget Bigfoot…fear the Pepper!
But wait…all is not lost! The plucky woman extracts a bottle of Tums from her person, and brandishes it at the scarlet horror! Just the talisman needed at this crucial moment! The pepper again rears up, but this time it is in fear, knowing that it’s outmatched, faintly making a high-pitched shrieking sound. It retreats back into the depths of the woods, and once again the world is made safe from heartburn and the abominations that it spawns…
Tums has memorably shown us a number of culinary monsters run amok, including a parachuting meatball and a huge plucked headless chicken. Can the Attack of the Killer Tomatoes be far behind?! (*shudders*). 🙀 🌶🍅
Perhaps we will someday have inspired by this a feature-length Syfy Channel movie titled, Return of the Pepper, with an accompanying soundtrack by The Rolling Stones, containing their new hit song, Sympathy for the Pepper….
(exerp: “I shouted out, ‘Who killed the broccoli?’ When after all, after all, it was you and me!”)
FOXSYLVANIA 
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