“Alien Encounters” on “Monsters and Mysteries Unsolved”

Posted July 1, 2016 by vulpesffb
Categories: aliens, speculation, strange happenings, television, Uncategorized, unexplained, unidentified

Tags: ,

 

img_0116

The good news is that at last there’s a new paranormal show airing new episodes, but the jury is still out on “Monsters and Mysteries Unsolved,” which debuted on the Destination America channel with a first episode titled, “Alien Encounters.”

Now don’t get me wrong…I really want to like this show, but I’m not sold yet.  There are some things that I liked, such as the inclusion of actual astronomers, astrophysicists, and other credentialed people on the show.  The episode simply didn’t have a great flow or direction to it, bouncing around episodically and unevenly from one UFO sighting to another without much unity to it in a manner I found unsatisfying.  Some of the material was old, familiar stuff; considerable time was spent on Roswell, for example, without adding anything new to what we’ve already heard many times before.

Reference was made to the “Phoenix Lights” sightings in 1997 when a large, delta-shaped object was witnessed flying in a mile-wide formation by hundreds of people in Arizona, with more individual lights later seen.  Aspersion was cast upon the official explanation of the lights as being “military flares.” Also covered was a December 1980 incident at Rendlesham Forest in England where strange lights were seen on successive nights and investigated by the military. Another 1975 incident from Pensacola, Florida involved a former U.S. Marine pilot on a training flight who observed a round, red object with defined edges that moved unlike anything he had seen before or since.

To me the most interesting segments of this show involved the efforts of special effects photographer and movie maker Doug Trumbull, who is taking powerful investigative equipment in a specially modified vehicle to locations deemed favorable to UFO sightings. Perhaps through his efforts and others like himself, more credible investigations may be performed.

In my area, Monsters and Mysteries Unsolved airs Thursday at nine p.m. on the Destination America channel, which is kind of paranormal central for shows of this type. Spread the word, and hopefully upcoming episodes will be more satisfying…  

Mooscles Jr. Applegate Commercial…

Posted June 28, 2016 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, animal spokepersons, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, television

Tags: ,

image

 

Cows seem to be going through an advertising renaissance lately.  There are the CGI cows of the Lactaid commercials, or if you prefer, the disturbing man-cows in minimal bovine fursuits who frequent the meat department of supermarkets in the Applegate “the cleaner weiner” ads.

Now I hope that they pay these guys well…I really do! The bodybuilder cow shuffles out and asks a female shopper if she’s “looking for quality meat.” Surprised, she looks up, beholds the manly cow, and gasps, “Ahh…I think I found it!”

Yeah, you did,” responds the cow with a grin, alternately flicking his pecs in confirmation. At this point, you begin to feel that you are watching some kind of exceedingly strange, naughty movie. It’s stuff like this that can give furries a bad name…

Wow…my family prefers our beef all-natural,” adds the woman shyly. “Yeah, mine too,” agrees the cow. “Right, son?,” he adds. At this point, the camera angle changes to show another equally beefy cow barely fitting into the seat of a shopping cart. “All natural,” he chimes in.

“They grow up so quickly!,” comments the first cow about his offspring, “Mooscles Jr.” All that remains is for the announcer at the end of the commercial to add, “Moo!” The advertising world has truly grown stranger than we can imagine…

Traumatizing, But Hilarious…

Posted June 25, 2016 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, anthropomorphic, famous furries, strange happenings, television

Tags: ,

Barney, a human-sized purple dinosaur who looks like an iguana with dentures and is the syrupy-sweet regular on a kiddie show, became the temporary captor of a 15-year-old Alabama girl who tried on the character’s head to scare her friends at church.  It seems that the church’s pastor had acquired the dino’s suit a few years back but lost the body component, leaving the head lying around;  religion is full of mysteries.

Well, when the teen tried the oversized Barney head on, it slipped down past her shoulders, giving her hilarious short little T-Rex arms. Unfortunately, neither the girl nor her friends could remove the Barney head when the fun was over.  Seeking to spare the girl further embarrassment, she was driven to a fire department where forty-five minutes and a lot of Vaseline later, the head was finally removed.  The event, of course, was properly commemorated and immortalized on social media.

Barney’s no raptor and this was hardly a Jurassic World sequel, but we now have another reason to dislike the big purple dinosaur, who still loves everyone…


Lactaid’s “Karate Cow” Commercial

Posted June 8, 2016 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, animal spokepersons, anthropomorphic, furry commercials, television

Tags: ,

She’s back, and she’s udderly wonderful…the Lactaid’s “mess with you” lactose cow for the lactose-intolerant, that is!  

Our scene begins with a couple eating ice cream in a dimly-lit living room.  From out of nowhere, we hear a martial arts cry. — Why, it’s the Lactose Cow ready to mess with the lactose-intolerant!  She strikes a pose, and then there is a flurry of flailing and karate-chopping hooves as she advances dramatically to the ice cream eaters on the couch.  “Right…in…your…STOMACH!,” the cow announces as the guy visibly recoils.  But alas, the cow is unable to resist a bit of showmanship.  “Watch this!,” she declares as she launches into a vaulting maneuver, at the exact second that the Lactaid Cow opens the French doors, sending the charged up bovine tumbling outside.  Once again, she was unable to mess with the lactose intolerant; pity!  

Now I think that this energetic cow might be the ideal running mate for Hillary Clinton.  She’d bring excitement and charisma to Hillary’s campaign, and could settle Donald Trump’s hash.  We’d have a furry a heartbeat away from the presidency…works for me! 

The Lactaid Cow in, “Annoying Milk”

Posted June 1, 2016 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, animal spokepersons, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry commercials, television

Tags:


Anthropomorphic cows  so seldom appear in commercials that I’m glad to see one make an appearance, especially when they are a bit crazed.  In a recent Lactaid commercial, we are treated to an all too brief appearance from the Lactaid Cow’s deviant sister, Lactose Cow.

Now the Lactaid Cow is a beautiful blue and white creature, and as sweet as pie; she’s lovely, and I have nothing against her.    Her “annoying milk” alter ego, as pictured above, is black and white and quite hyper, full of energy and questions that she fires off in rapid fashion at her human company.  These are questions such as, “Why do people have eyebrows?  And why do they put milk on their cereal?  Are you reading about why people put milk on their cereal right now? And why does your stomach go, ‘rumbly, rumbly, rumbly?’”  Unfortunately at that moment, this marvelous creature is lassoed and hauled off by the Lactaid Cow, who takes her place and won’t give the lactose-intolerant anything but serenity and dietary support; she won’t “mess with you.”  

Well and good, but where others see annoyance, I see opportunity.  This so-called annoying milk cow would fit in with Warner Bros. creations, and could make a wonderfully demented childrens’ show host, kind of like Pee-Wee Herman in cowhide.  She just needs the proper vehicle to propel her to stardom, and they don’t need to change a thing about her!  Heck, give her a sitcom, called something like “My Neighbor the Cow” or “The Cow that Came To Dinner”( wait, scratch that second one)!  Anyways, I’d pull up a chair to watch this bovine comedian.  I hope we haven’t seen the last of her, ’cause this cow’s no milk dud…the Lactaid Cow may have your back, but her twisted sister’s got my funnybone…

Progressive’s Flo Meets the Kool-Aid Man…

Posted May 29, 2016 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, anomalies, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, television

Tags: , ,

I, for one, have always found the Kool-Aid Man vaguely disturbing. I mean, if you’re not even safe in your own home or at a gathering from having your walls battered down by an enormous pitcher of red fruit drink who accompanies his wanton mayhem with a cry of “Oh, yeah,” where are you safe?  He even stands there inexplicably grinning afterward, as if massive property damage was somehow amusing.  Let others worry about Hillary Clinton’s e-mails, I’m far more concerned about home invasions by product icons…

I suppose, however, that an enormous anthropomorphic pitcher of fruit drink fits right in with the surreal universe inhabited by Progressive Insurance’s Flo.  The Kool-Aid Man is portrayed, after all, as a next-door neighbor type who just happens to enter through walls rather than doorways.  Ever the perky Pollyanna, Flo tries to put a positive spin on things by pointing out to her neighbor how fortunate she is to have tied her homeowners and other insurance together through Progressive so as to maximize savings.  Flo walks among us, but is not really one of us. While also disturbing, she at least does not walk through walls.  In his favor, perhaps, is the fact that the Kool-Aid Man has a far more limited vocabulary, and never blathers about insurance, which is never my favorite topic of conversation.  Now product icons seldom fight among themselves; they presumably belong to the same union.  In a fight, however, Flo might possibly hold the Kool-Aid guy at bay with her “set your own price” gun.  With her omnipresent white garb, I suspect that Flo is actually some kind of annoying deity.

Still, unanswered questions remain.  Why does the Kool-Aid Man sport only four fingers on each hand?  Is he some kind of yet unidentifiable life form, or might there be an alien connection?  Did the Reptilians breed the Kool-Aid Man just to torment us, or is he some kind of trans-dimensional being?  Might Flo actually be the alien overlord, and the Kool-Aid guy her unspeakable experiment?  There are many possibilities here, none of them good.  I leave it to far greater minds than mine to ponder such things.  I am, after all, but a secret government experiment on a woodland creature gone terribly awry.

Perhaps the Mountain Monsters guys could be put on the trail of this one.  They might find him easier to catch than Bigfoot…

 

Camping with Flo’s Family…

Posted May 6, 2016 by vulpesffb
Categories: Off-topic, television, Uncategorized

Tags: ,

img_0097
I’d probably feel strangely at home with the commercial family of Flo from Progressive Insurance; there’s not a normal person among them.  Take sister Janice, for example; she’s so bored camping that (in her own words) she’s dead!  Who among us has not shared that sentiment at a family gathering, at least some of the time?  Then there’s Mom, as cheerfully upbeat as always.  She thinks camping with the family (“Fampling”) is the greatest thing since S’mores! Grandpa is swatting bugs and trying to enjoy peace and quiet; that doesn’t mean talking, and disappointing him more!  Flo’s brother and sister are tormenting one another (“I hate it wherever you are!”) while Dad appears too liberal with lighting fluid at the grill.  

Flo as usual is surreal in her spotless and wrinkle-free white uniform that she wears everywhere, complete with name tag, ever a fish out of water as she babbles about insurance…and by the way, it takes an hour to do Flo’s retro hairstyle for these commercials, and another hour to apply her make-up.  Beauty is hard work, apparently…

“Penny Dreadful” Returns…

Posted May 1, 2016 by vulpesffb
Categories: anthropomorphic, furry, furry horror, furry literature, television

Tags: , ,

 

wp-1462117634219.jpeg

 

After a long hiatus, John Logan’s Penny Dreadful is returning for a third season on Showtime May 1st.  The superbly well-written and handsomely mounted dark horror show features a killer cast (heh, in more ways than one!), and is set in a gloriously gritty, richly atmospheric 19th century English setting.  In the series, classic Victorian literary characters (Victor Frankenstein and his creations, for example) meet Gothic horror conventions, and it’s all bloody good fun!

Mention of the series occurs here because there is a compelling werewolf character, Ethan Chandler as played by Josh Hartnett.  Now poor Ethan is an American expatriate in London who is being pursued both by Scotland Yard and American bounty hunters, but when his back is up against the wall or a colleague is in danger pulls off a werewolf transformation, and lays the baddies out right proper.  Ethan in the new season has finally been captured and is being dragged back to the American southwest, but likely will again use his powers to devastating effect. Tortured and conflicted, we learned in the past season that Ethan is actually the disguised Lawrence Talbot, none other than the Wolfman

The powerhouse ensemble cast includes Timothy Dalton as Sir Malcolm, and Eva Green as powerful medium and witch Vanessa Ives…and this season, Dr. Henry Jekyll will be coming around to help Victor Frankenstein (Harry Treadaway) with his drug addiction problem.  This is horror with a pedigree and a college education…

AIMS versus the Rogue Team…

Posted April 20, 2016 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal elements, cryptozoology, furry, television, unexplained

Tags: ,

img_2255

 

The S4/Ep13 installment of Mountain Monsters had little of monsters in it, but rather more of a backwoods feud atmosphere as the clash between the AIMS and the “Rogue Team” further spun out.  Having returned to the “Little Red Shed” of the Cherokee Devil encounter in Ashe County, North Carolina our protagonists (?) discovered that six envelopes had been placed within there that bore the real names of each of the AIMS team members.  More disturbingly, within each of the envelopes was found pictures of the individual named, together with confidential information on details of their private lives, such as their real life addresses, credit histories, military records, etc. Each folder also contained a cryptic card with a letter and number on it.

As this was a bit on the creepy side, the AIMS team members returned to West Virginia to see convalescing team leader Trapper, and it was determined that the letters on the cards spelled “shot by,” a reference to the supposed shooting of the Stonish Giant by the Rogue Team in a previous episode.  Other picture clues within the envelopes were thought to reference an older Wildman episode, so the team then headed to eastern Kentucky where that encounter had taken place.  At the “Tool Shed” location where that encounter had taken place, the team found more cards pinned to a dart board.  Car lights were then discerned surrounding the shed, and storming out of the shed with weapons drawn the team found that the vehicles were empty, but belonged to themselves and had been stolen and driven to that location by the “Rogue Team!”  Thinking that a distraction, the AIMS  team hurried to where Buck’s truck had been parked.  The photo trap camera battery in the truck bed constructed by team member Willy and housed in a box that resembled an old crate had captured partial photo images, presumably of the rascally Rogues.  A phone left in the truck then rang, and when answered played an audio loop with a recorded conversation captured of AIMS team members from the supposed shooting of the Stonish Giant Bigfoot by the Rogue Team, who were thought to have absconded with the creature’s body at that time.

Returning again to their West Virginia base and Trapper, the team discerned that the newest cards picked up in Kentucky spelled CQUAD, which was thought to be the name of the Rogue Team.  It was admitted that this group was pretty slick and had high tech skills which they were using to shadow and mock the AIMS team in kind of a cat-and-mouse game.  The intent and purpose of this was essentially to exploit the tracking skills of the AIMS team by following them stealthily at a distance and then essentially claiming their prize.  When the letters collected thus far were arranged yet a different way, they spelled “Squatch body.”  Using the numbers in order on each of the cards that spelled such, it was deduced that they represented a phone number.  Calling that number on the cell phone left in Buck’s truck resulted in a guttural, electronically-altered voice answering,  “Hello Trapper, we’ve been waiting for you.  Are you ready to make a deal?”

The plot thickens, and I’m sure we’ll be hearing more developments in upcoming episodes… 

Return of the Rogue Team: The Ohio Grassman

Posted April 13, 2016 by vulpesffb
Categories: anomalies, anthropomorphic, controversial, cryptozoology, furry, television, unexplained

Tags: ,

1460590090255.jpg

 

In the S4/Ep12 installment of Mountain Monsters, the AIMS team returned to Perry County, Ohio to again pursue the Ohio Grassman, a thousand-pound, ten-foot-tall Bigfoot with long shaggy reddish-brown hair also known for speed and agility.  In their previous encounter, Buck had been knocked out and the Grassman  had broken out of the constructed trap…pretty typical stuff for the series, all in all.

As the team motored to their Ohio destination, they perceived themselves to be followed by another vehicle, which caused acting leader Buck to put the pedal to the metal and eventually elude the infamous “Rogue” team thought to be pursuing them.  Having succeeded in this, they later met with “Radish,” who was appropriately enough a farmer. He reported having seen his cows spooked and spying Bigfoot by the chicken coop.  The plot thickened when “Radish” referred to having spoken with Buck in the recent past, something that he denied.  Apparently the Rogue team had impersonated Buck in a phone conversation.

On their first night’s hunt, the team found an arch of twisted branches that was considered to be a Bigfoot sign. They also found lower broken limbs, considering them a sign of human passage.  Not wanting to encounter whoever else was stomping around in the woods at night with guns, the guys headed back to the truck that they had come in on only to find the surrounding area set on fire.  Attached to the hitch on the truck was a cryptic note saying, “We know you know.” Trap-maker Willy was asked to rig security cameras for the truck while the remaining team members hit the road again to seek the wisdom and guidance of recuperating team leader Trapper.

Now Trapper appears to live in a really nice house that would be the envy of most; reality TV must pay pretty well, plus these guys don’t spend a dime on dentistry, barbers, or clothing. Trap’s house was complete with a “safe room” that would be the envy of any conspiracy theorist, complete with files on everything that they chase and pictures pasted on the walls. Trapper reported having found a bug planted on his truck that revealed his location, and suggested that one had been implanted on Buck’s vehicle as well; the devices would allow the Rogue team to track and follow them wherever they went. Additionally, Trapper presented a pasted-together note that he had received which posed the question, “Are you ready to chase the devil again?” This was thought to be a reference to the Cherokee Devil encountered in a previous episode, and if as in confirmation, a photo of the red shed central to that episode was also enclosed with the note.

With Trapper’ s encouragement, the team minus Trapper then went to the site of their previous investigation in Ashe County, North Carolina where they found bent-over trees, perceived to be a Bigfoot sign. A tree came crashing down behind the team, and lights were seen through the woods. Buck thought that he had seen the Cherokee girl central to that prior episode, and the segment ended as Buck was about to enter the red shed again. The Grassman chase was left hanging in the wind in favor of the Rogue Team storyline…