FOXSYLVANIA

– -Just when you thought you were safe, it’s my duty to inform you that fish are growing to monstruous size, and attacking humans!  Or so we are told by MonsterQuest on their episode, Gigantic Killer Fish 2.

Did you know that Florida’s goliath grouper population is exploding?–Run for your lives, RUN! — MonsterQuest takes us to Jupiter, Florida (not to be confused with Mars, Pennsylvania) where numerous attacks are reported.  Goliath groupers can reach eight feet in length, live to age 35, and weigh up to 800 pounds, same as Aunt Thelma.  One especially robust specimen was reported caught off the Gulf of Mexico in 1895 that weighed 1,500 lbs.  Rumors exist of scuba tanks and other diving paraphenalia being found in the stomachs of these fish.  MonsterQuest, however, could only come up with two 300 lb. specimens, and these hid discretely in an underwater cave, not being publicity hounds like Paris Hilton.

Now let’s talk Muskies in Minnesota, the record for which is five feet in length.  Muskies have razor-sharp teeth, and MonsterQuest played (repeatedly, for your viewing pleasure) a video of some poor angler getting his wrist laid open by a muskie.  There’s also a story told of an 11-year-old Minnesota boy who took 11 stitches due to an attack by a “monster muskie.”  MonsterQuest also deployed a sonar equipped Remotely Operated Vehicle (or ROV, for short) costing a cool $125,000, and managed to catch an image of a five-foot fish.  They almost lose the costly toy when generator power is lost.

So, you’ve got your apex predator fish, who hunt by ambushing their prey.  As someone on the show commented, “When a fish wants to do something, it has no conscience.”– What could be more true?–And whatever happened to fish with wholesome family values?!

My tank of tropicals is looking at me strangely, and somehow I just don’t feel safe…