Archive for December 2007

The Other Side

December 8, 2007

last_buffalo.jpg     The Other Side    (a story of mine)  

The hunter may have been driving too fast that first day of buck season, or maybe he was drunk.  At any rate, he lost control of his pickup on a curve, and left the road.  Branches whipped and slapped against his windshield as the hunter struggled to regain control of his vehicle.  Then a tree trunk blotted out his field of vision, and everything came to a dead stop…including the hunter.

He floated weightlessly down a long, dark tunnel…it was rather pleasant, actually, almost relaxing.  He found himself drifting towards a bright white light at the end of that tunnel.  Eventually the hunter was drawn into that light, and he found himself standing in the dazzling brightness, shielding his eyes against the glare.  Gradually as his eyes adjusted, the hunter perceived something in that brilliance…to his wonder, it was several extinct and endangered animals, and even more remarkably…they were seated around a table, playing cards!

“Hello, Jerk!,” greeted a bison with a toss of his enormous head.  He held cards in his hoof. 

 “Welcome to the Other Side,”  said an extinct passenger pigeon to the hunter.

“The Other Side?,” answered the buffalo, sarcastically.  “What is this, Main Street that we’ve crossed over it?”

“Well, we’ve expired,” said a Dodo, an extinct species of flightless bird.

Expired?,” tormented the buffalo.  “You mean like a magazine subscription?  Does that mean we can’t be renewed? — You may want to ask a Hindu about that!,” he snorted.

“What my friend means,” explained a Great Auk, another extinct bird, “is that we’re deceased.  But you’ve slaughtered creatures for pleasure, without true need.”

“So I’m screwed,” said the hunter, becoming concerned.

“You got that right,” agreed the bison.  “So we’ve sentenced you to a therapeutic experience.”

“Unhappy landings!,” added the Dodo with a wave of his flightless wing.

Immediately the hunter felt himself sucked up and drawn backwards through the tunnel away from the light, traveling at great speed.  He was rudely propelled back into the flesh…but it was the flesh of a deer, not a human!

His new animal senses perceiving something dreadfully wrong, the hunter turned deer began to bound away…but a steel-jacketed rifle slug pounded through his lungs, driving him to the ground.  As his life ebbed swiftly away with his blood, the hunter was again driven from the flesh…but this time his spirit was bound for the Outer Darkness rather than the light, where there would be wailing and gnashing of teeth…

In the dazzling light of the Other Side, the buffalo pondered the fate of the hunter and considered his own winning hoof of cards.  He had been one of the few really good Buddhist poker players in life, and now he was going to take his associates to the cleaners but good…

Hunting Season

December 6, 2007

crosshairs.jpg  –I live in Pennsylvania in a hunting culture area.  I’m not much for hunting; never have been, never will be.  I’m furry, but I accept that hunting exists, has for a long time, and will probably continue to do so.  I just don’t want my nose rubbed in it.  Think of something you find repugnant, and imagine that plastered in your family newspaper.

Consider the following front page quote from my local newspaper that appeared recently to coincide with the opening of buck hunting season:  “Great care should be taken to remove entrails without rupturing them, and hunters should drain excess blood remaining in the cavity.  Do not wash out the deer in a creek.  Wipe down the cavity with a dry cloth.”  – –Anyone hungry for a nice snack?

Can you see why I don’t want to read something like this on page one?  I also don’t want to turn the pages and see pictures of hunters, some as young as twelve, grinning and holding up the lifeless heads of deer that they’ve shot. 

About 10% of the population hunts; it’s legal.  Just please don’t rub the noses of the 90% of us who don’t hunt in this blood sport.

I Just Wanna Be Your Teddy Bear…

December 5, 2007

teddy.jpg  –Jeez!–A British teacher in Sudan spent 15 days in the slammer and could have gotten 6 months and 40 lashes for allowing her students to name their class teddy bear, “Mohammad.”  Some extremists even called for her execution!  She was charged with insulting the Prophet; a charge of inciting religious hatred would have brought the more severe punishment.

The 54-year-old teacher is now safely home, thank heavens!   Strange that a lovable stuffed animal could have inspired such a reaction…