Archive for the ‘feathered friends’ category

It’s A Warner Bros. World…

April 26, 2012

— My better half brought home a little statue of an angel the other day; you know the type I’m talking about.   They’re white resin imitating marble, widely sold at places like K-Mart, and this one stands about ten or twelve inches tall.  The angel in it has unfurled wings clearly visible, curly hair, and bare feet.  In its hand the angel holds a bird regarding it, the bird (probably a dove) in turn looking at the angel.  I laughed hysterically for several minutes after seeing the statue, which admittedly is not a normal reaction.  It did, however, reflect the way that my mind works!

I knew what was going to happen next, you see…the angel would open its mouth, and stuff the bird into it,  just as Sylvester the cat would Tweety in a Warner Brothers cartoon.  Perhaps a stray feather would escape from the corners of the Angel’s mouth.  A slight satisfied smile would cross over the Angel’s mouth, and then the bird would somehow force open the angelic mouth and emerge, verbally abusing the angel.  The bird would further retaliate by wrecking mayhem upon the angel,  in effect sending it to the nether regions.  In my mind’s eye, I could see all of this happening perfectly!

Having been raised on Warner Bros. cartoons, I knew that this was simply the way that things happened and played out.  Now, many years later,  those same cartoons continue to shape and warp my perceptions of reality,  strongly shaping the way that I respond to it…Sufferin’ Succotash!

Pepto Bismol’s “Turducken”

December 15, 2011

 – – A turducken by definition is a boned turkey stuffed with a boned duck that is itself stuffed with a small boned chicken which sometimes also contains a breadcrumb or sausage meat stuffing!   It is perhaps a commentary on western society that with starvation still rampant in the third world and even parts of the west, a way has been  found to combine and consume the flesh of three (perhaps four) animals simultaneously, but we’ll leave such musings to the philosophers…perhaps such could be considered at the next Republican debate, which might prove amusing…

Governor Perry:  “If one of them things comes near me, I’ll shoot it and eat it myself!”

…but for our purposes, we are left to consider what a mythical creature such as a turducken might actually look like, and Pepto Bismol has come to our rescue here in both gastric and  imaginative terms!  The Smoke & Mirrors design, animation and VFX studio created a vision of the turducken that combined the green-hued head, beak, and webbed feet of the mallard duck with the comb and wattle of a chicken and the wings and tail feather configuration of a turkey.  The body incorporates a gradation of the feathering of all three animals. 

We may see the fruits of these creative efforts in the latest Pepto Bismol commercial, where we are shown a flock(?) of the mighty turducken as they move in a great tide over the plains!  The creature might be a natural for an animated kiddie series…

Fox Guarding the Chicken House?

December 2, 2011

 – – People are forever saying don’t let the fox guard the chicken house, presuming that if such occurs we are going to eat our charges.  Not all foxes like to eat chicken, however, I myself greatly preferring pizza, cheese steaks, Chinese food, or even a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich!  The notion that mayhem will ensue when a fox guards a hen house is just another of those vicious stereotypes, and you know that we all are subject to them in some way, shape, or form…tell me about it!

What then usually happens when a fox guards a hen house? – -Well, we often wind up playing board games, usually simple ones as chickens are relatively mundane creatures not celebrated for their intellect.  I also find that I occasionally have to let the chickens win at the games lest they become unduly frustrated, and then I’ll have to listen to their knock-knock jokes, or something equally abhorrent!

…now you know, and perhaps one of you will be kind enough to send in a relief for me the next time that I’m called upon to guard a chicken house…it’s really no picnic!

Geico’s Animal Eighties Artists…

August 28, 2011

 – – Eighties music played by a dog and a bird?- -Sure, why not!  Mr. Butters the dog seems to know his way around the keyboard, but the cockatoo seems a little pitchy on the vocals.  It’s just a Geico commercial, and it’s unlikely that this version of  “Take On Me” will win on American Idol

Real Roadrunners…

August 14, 2011

 – – I love the Warner Bros. Roadrunner cartoons as much as anyone, although I venerate the coyote and like the roadrunner, and if involved would probably negotiate, and try to find Wile E. something else to eat that he might be happy with, maybe order him up a pizza and share a slice with him, canine-to-canine.   In reality, however, roadrunners are not tall, skinny birds that can travel in a blur of motion, make “meep-meep” sounds, and defeat Acme-supplied coyote geniuses. 

They are, however, tough and resourceful birds who are more likely to be doing the murdering than running from would-be murderers.  They are almost exclusively carnivorous, and will eat rattlesnakes, sinking their beaks into the snake and repeatedly smashing it into the ground until the snake is both dead and tenderized in a technique aptly named, the Centrifugal Slam; the snake is then swallowed whole, bit by bit!   Roadrunners will also eat tarantula hawks (an insect), horned lizards, and other birds…all in all, a bird who would rather fight than flee!

Just a reminder that cartoons are rarely accurate sources for aspiring ornithologists or zoologists, and an animal’s lethality should not be judged by its appearance!

DQ’s “Rock ‘N’ Roll Falcon

July 8, 2011

 – – Falcons seem to be going through a surge in commercial popularity, and Dairy Queen has also come to realize that animal spokesmen sell.  They’ve then given us an all too brief glimpse of one of the most awesome birds yet to be seen on television,  the Rock ‘N’ Roll Falcon!  This is one bird who knows how to do wing gestures, and who also talks the talk; “It’s good to be back in Boston, YEEAAH!”  If used as a front man, this falcon could guarantee that a band’s album would go platinum!

Dairy Queen had earlier given us such things as kittens floating in bubbles as well…

The State Farm Falcon Commercial…

July 6, 2011

– – Insurance companies seem to be competing these days over who can produce the most off-the-wall commercials, and State Farm is in the running with an ad featuring a couple walking down a surreal street populated by a number of people, many of whom are carrying strange objects such as a gumball machine or a stuffed moose head.- -Well, it seems our man on the street has been saved sufficient money that he’s invested it in a falcon, which we see perched on his gloved arm.  Others beholding the falcon are envious, and make comments to the effect, “Aww, I could have got a falcon!”  The couple call their State Farm agent and thank him for buying them a falcon, but he denies having done that, maintaining that he simply saves people money, and that what they do with it is their concern.

Despite the fact that the peregrine falcon is magnificent, it should be pointed out that they are classified as raptors, the possession of which generally requires state and federal permits that can take years to acquire as well as specialized knowledge about their care and handling.  You can’t just go out and buy one at Walmart, no matter how much money you’ve saved! 

Birds Rain from the Skies!

January 3, 2011

– – Yes, I live to write headlines like that!- -And in the Arkansas town of Beebe, more than 1,000 blackbirds fell from the sky in a one-mile area Friday night about 30 minutes before the arrival of the new year.

A wildlife officer on the scene reported that the birds “showed physical trauma,” and said the flock might have been hit by lightning or high-altitude hail.   Another theory was that fireworks launched skyward by new year’s revelers might have stressed the birds.

And with 1,000 dead birds on the ground in Beebe,  they then obviously wanted to get the flock out of there…

(…What?– -You didn’t think I’d pass up a gift like that, did ‘ya?)   😉

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(Addendum: The number of dead birds has been upped to possibly as high as 5,000!  Preliminary autopsies have determined that the birds died of traumatic injuries inflicted not on the ground but in the air, which lends support to theories of death by impact.)