Archive for the ‘anthropomorphic’ category

Aquaman?

August 16, 2008

–Olympian swimmer Michael Phelps has so far won seven gold medals, tying the record of Mark Spitz and being referred to in some circles as Aquaman…

…well, can Michael Phelps summon whales or communicate telepathetically with fish like Aquaman could?–Can he throw balls of water that impact with powerful concussive force?–Does he have a pet octopus or did he lose his hand?–I think NOT!Hail  Atlantis! 😉

Deep Philosophical Furry Questions…

August 6, 2008

–There are great imponderable furry questions, such as who would win a race between Speedy Gonzales and the Road Runner?–The answer to that one is moot, since Speedy Gonzales would these days be judged politically incorrect, and possibly deported to Mexico as an illegal alien.  The question that we consider here is who would win a fight between Dracula and a Werewolf.

My speculation is that it would be a Battle Royale, worthy of respectful review and analysis for decades to come.  I believe, however, that The Werewolf would prevail.  For a visual portrayal of just such a battle, I recommend the under-rated movie Van Helsing with Hugh Jackman (“Wolverine”) in the title role and also portraying a werewolf…he captures the torment of being a werewolf, illustrating that most are not really bad individuals but souls unwillingly under a curse…and the climatic Dracula v. Werewolf battle scene I never tire of seeing, with glorious, no-holds barred, high-flying kinetic combat portrayed!–Two paws up, and they couldn’t be higher!–Makes me proud to be furry!

The Afflicted…

August 6, 2008

–The gypsy chihuahua Sylvia regarded the sweating man who sat before her in the small enclosed wagon that served as her home.  “So, Mr. Talbot,” inquired the chihuahua, “what can I do for you?”  The question was at best a formality as the gypsy already knew, just as she knew all things that were to come.

“Great gypsy,” said a very anxious Lawrence Talbot, “I know that you have awesome powers!”

“This is true,” responded the petite chihuahua, looking modestly at her paw but pleased at the compliment.  “Please continue…”

“Gypsy, I bear the mark of the werewolf!–I cannot endure another cycle!–Free me, I beg you, of this curse!”

“What you ask requires powerful magic,” cautioned the gypsy, “and is not without its price!”

“No price is too great, Gypsy!,” assured the anguished Lawrence Talbot.  “Hurry, I beg you, before the moon rises!”

“As you wish, then,” proclaimed the gypsy, working herself into a trance-like state and raising her saxophone.  Her mouth then gaped open and she uttered the following spell, each verse punctuated by bluesy licks on her saxophone:

“When moons shall rise,/ and bring you dread/ take you my curse/I yours instead!”

The mysterious gypsy recovered from her trance as Lawrence Talbot jolted and twitched as if in a seizure.  He then was still, opened his eyes, and exulted “I’m free, gypsy woman!–Your remarkable spell has freed me of this curse at last!–But suddenly I understand all mysteries, and can foresee the future!”

“And the down side, is?,” asked Sylvia with a dismissive wave of her paw.  “So go take your new powers and make a fortune in the stock market, or perhaps at the racetrack!”

His eyes opened, the former Wolfman enthusiastically shook the gypsy’s paw.  “You’ve given me a new life, Sylvia!,” he proclaimed.  “I can never thank you enough!”

“Which doesn’t mean that you should stop trying,” counseled the gypsy.  Nodding his head, the reborn man left the small wagon and vanished into the night.

As the moon rose, the gypsy began a startling transformation into a were-chihuahua, a snarling beast with menacing claws and savage teeth.  A slight smile crossed the face of the transformed gypsy.  “What is one man’s curse is another’s fondest dream!,” she observed before flinging herself into the night to begin the first of many successful hunts…

(…with thanks to Lon Chaney and John Dilworth!)

The Cajun Fox

May 28, 2008

Courage, the Cowardly Dog by John R. Dilworth has many enemies, some human, others animal, some otherworldly.  My personal fave is The Cajun Fox (pictured), who wears sunglasses and desires to cook Courage’s owner, Muriel, into a stew or gumbo.  He never succeeds, but looks very good in his efforts.

Hopefully we will continue to see more of this fox, along with other memorable furry enemies such as Le Quack the Duck, and of course the Cat.  Evil is so much more interesting than good, don’t ‘ya think?

The Lizard Man of South Carolina

March 3, 2008

lizard-man.jpg — There haven’t been many accounts of his activity since 1988, but South Carolina’s Lizard Man is now reportedly becoming more active. This is a seven-foot bipedal reptilian creature with scaly green skin, red eyes, and three elongated digits on all four limbs. He has been seen most often in swamp areas and back roads of South Carolina, and may have been seen as early as 1972 although the first “official” account is from 1988.

Lizard Man is strong, agile, and swift. In the 1988 account, a 17-year-old was changing a tire late at night near the Scrape Ore Swamp near Bishopville, S.C. and had just finished the task when a reptilian creature came running at considerable speed towards him. The kid managed to get back inside the car, but not before Lizard Man had grabbed the driver’s side mirror. The observer then took off in the car with Lizard Man in pursuit, the creature then jumping onto the roof of the car. The young man sped up and was able to shake the thing off, but damage was done to the side mirror and roof. Lizard Man was described as “strong and angry.” Other independent sightings were reported in 1988.

Recent reports of Lizard Man’s activities have included damage to cars and the slaughter of cats…

Monster Quest!

January 21, 2008

werewolf.jpg  —The History Channel hosts a number of shows that aren’t exactly historical, and Monster Quest is one of the best.  This hour-long show airs Wednesday night at 10:00 along the eastern U.S. coast, and features weekly excursions into the paranormal and the unexplained.  To be aired this Wednesday January 23rd is an episode called American Werewolf, covering appearances of a dog-man in Wisconsin and other states.

Also on the History Channel Monday at 9:00 in my area is a show called Life After People, covering the resurgence of other life forms following the extinction of homo sapiens…promos look intriguing!