Nature’s Own “Goldilocks” Commercial…


When you come right down to it, Goldilocks was at best an unwanted guest or moocher, and at worst a parasite or even home invader.  I mean, going uninvited into the house of inoffensive bears, and eating their food, even sleeping in their beds?!  Humans carry diseases and stuff…who could blame the three bears if they were to invoke the Castle Doctrine, and clean Goldie’s clock but good?

In a spin on the Goldilocks and the Three Bears tale, our Nature’s Own commercial shows us a pristine forest through which strolls to fairy-tale themed music an angelic-looking, golden-haired girl. She approaches and then enters a charming cabin in which there’s a rustic table holding three sandwiches.  Goldie samples them in turn, pronouncing each one “just right!”  But wait…Momma Bear enters the house, sees Goldilocks, and is not pleased!  We are then shown Papa and Baby Bear, who are fixing sandwiches for Goldie, and are shocked at being discovered by Momma.  

“You know, if you keep feeding her, she’s NEVER going to leave!,” intones Momma with displeasure.  You see, Papa and Baby Bear have apparently been keeping and feeding Goldilocks as kind of a pet, like a stray cat, perhaps. Soon they’ll be saddled with her care and feeding permanently, until she turns 18 or perhaps 21. Goldilocks appears satisfied with this arrangement, and there’s none of the “too hot/too cold” fussiness by this Goldie over her food; just keep the grub on good bread coming, bears…

So enjoy some Nature’s Own bread, but don’t feed it to stray humans.  Once you feed them, they’re yours, and you’ll never get rid of ’em!  Let us learn from the Bear’s mistake, or we’ll suffer a long-term liability and burden.  It’s hard enough feeding our own, right, and if you kick the young humans out, they’ll learn to fend for themselves. Feeding a human is fostering dependency, and that’s really not kindness to them…or so, conservatives would have us think…  🐺

Explore posts in the same categories: absurdities, advertising, alternative realities, anomalies, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, fantasy, furry, furry commercials, imaginary animals, legends and folklore


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5 Comments on “Nature’s Own “Goldilocks” Commercial…”

  1. carycomic Says:

    I prefer the old WB cartoon “Bugs Bunny & The Three Bears.” Particularly, the genie-like trail of steam that seductively pulls Bug to the three bowls of carrot stew waiting for him.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. All of your content is just amazing 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • vulpesffb Says:

      Thank you…you are most kind! Mark Twain once said that he could live for a whole month on one good compliment. Welcome, and please visit often.

      Liked by 1 person

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