The Aspen Dentist At Large…

The Aspen Dentist is ubiquitous, appearing in his crisp white clinical dental jacket in such locales as a beauty salon, a carnival, a garage, a frozen food aisle, and a restaurant.  The man has emerged from a sarcophagus, for cripes sake!  In some of his commercials, he is even whisked through the setting on a motorized reclining dental chair!  I am forced to consider that he may be some kind of trans-dimensional being, appearing as he does on multiple planes of reality unrelated to dentistry.  The dreaded dental chair is some kind of conveyance, like the Silver Surfer’s surfboard.  Or perhaps he is an alien, trying to disarm our suspicions as he operates from a flawed and troubling model of what his kind believes constitutes normal human behavior.  You have been warned…call Fox Mulder while there’s still time!

Parallels may be made to Progressive Insurance’s “Flo,” who is also in the world while not of it.  Flo and the dentist are disturbing approximations of reality, tuned to another wavelength entirely different from that of we mundanes.  There’s something not quite right about them.  Perhaps there’s even a hint of madness conveyed, dancing beneath the surface.  One should not approach or stare too closely, or perhaps you may be pulled into one of their parallel universes, never again to emerge, at least with your sanity intact.  Maybe the dentist is here to harvest our tooth enamel…or perhaps in the afterlife, the Almighty will intone, “Tsk, tsk…you really should have taken better care of your teeth!”  Is the Highway to Hell like the road to gum disease?!  At Foxsylvania, we dare to ask such questions…

So open wide, and no matter how you brush or floss, you’re doing it wrong.  And how do you wish to pay for today’s services?- – With your soul?, ahahahaha!  


Explore posts in the same categories: absurdities, bizarre, commercials, television, twisted reality

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3 Comments on “The Aspen Dentist At Large…”

  1. carycomic Says:

    I just had a morbid thought. Who would get the worst of it if they ever met? The Aspen Dentist…or the Mountain Monster Hunters?

    X-D

    Like

    • vulpesffb Says:

      AIMS team members don’t frequent dentists, as a look at their mouths when they’re talking reveals. In one episode, “Trapper” even pulled one of his own teeth with pliers! If they met the Aspen dentist, they’d be terrified of him, more so than of any cryptid, and would run screaming back to their home state. Victory: the man in the white jacket, who might say regarding the boys, “I’m a dentist, not a magician!”

      Like


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