The Chantix Turkey Goes Camping…
Watching a commercial of the Chantix turkey camping, I wonder if the vest that he’s wearing is goose down filled, and if so whether the wearing of it isn’t some kind of crime against birds in general. Don’t get me wrong, he does look good in it, kind of like an avian Eddie Bauer. One almost expects to see Elmer Fudd emerge from those woods in the background in his ludicrous hunting outfit, toting a long gun and announcing, “I’m hunting wabbit…but you’ll do!” Then in my crossover fantasy, previous Chantix spokesman Ray Liotta emerges from those same woods, engaging Elmer in a firefight since one corporate spokesman might reasonably be expected to defend another. Ray would easily win the fight, having played tough guys in Mafia-inspired films. Elmer is hardly known as being a marksman…
Other questions lurk, too…since the Chantix turkey represents the slow turkey approach to smoking cessation, might we someday expect to see his cousin, cold turkey? That bird might be imagined as being cold to the point of chattering, and to have really jittery nerves. As we view the Chantix turkey hiking in the woods, we’re sorry that he’s mute. Perhaps in the future he could be given a voice, even singing the Happy Wanderer song as he hikes. With just a little refinement, this turkey could really take off. He even cooks over a campfire, and I’d toast marshmallows with him..we’re all forest friends here!
Tags: Chantix turkey camping
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FOXSYLVANIA 
April 22, 2019 at 7:24 pm
“Cold Turkey?”
LOL! I just had a mental image of Batman going up against a frigid feathered fiend…with an Austrian accent.
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April 23, 2019 at 2:52 am
Ya! Mr. Freeze and his henchman, “Cold Turkey!”
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April 26, 2019 at 2:30 pm
Btw: have you seen that new commercial, where some campers are being made fun of by a husband-and-wife pair of gray squirrels for some reason? The squirrels are clearly just double-exposed actors wearing “fur-lon” costumes with cut-out holes for their faces!
Personally, I’d have preferred remote-controlled animatrons with post-edited voice dubbing. It would’ve been the lesser of two low-budget atrocities.
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May 6, 2019 at 6:25 pm
Someone please help me on this. I feel like I’m the only one that noticed the turkey pours chantix pills into a pot of water on the file… then takes a bit of one of the pills. Am I way off on this? He literally drops a handful of blue pills into the water.
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May 7, 2019 at 4:32 pm
That’s why he’s a SLOW turkey!
As in, dimmer than a firefly’s butt after sex.
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May 13, 2019 at 4:40 pm
I have noticed, and it bothers me no end! terrible
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May 10, 2019 at 10:20 am
You are quite right, and thanks for pointing this out! I don’t know why the turkey would overdose as the medication is not without side effects…
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May 15, 2019 at 10:02 pm
But what is he cooking exactly? Surely not the medication add that would send confusing signals to users….. do I take the medicine or cook it first?
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May 16, 2019 at 8:57 am
This may be one of those unsolved mysteries…strange, confusing, and troubling!
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